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@shina26
You never know,
When it's the last time you see a place, talk to a person, do something special with someone, feel someone's presence, laugh with someone wholeheartedly, gift yourself something precious...
So be in the moment, rather than collecting every thorn you ever received in life
There is a feeling of anxiety that rushes deep within me, a fear of being left out at the end. The fear of being left like a person whose only task is to be responsible and never given time for myself. I don't want to lose myself like that, be treated like I'm someone who is just there to do the dishes. I never wanted that life for myself, it's the only thing that scares me the most...
He asks me each time, " Why? Why are you like this? Please dont be like this, sad"
Little does he know, if it was easy I would have been perfectly fine with not being by his side for an entire week or even WEEKS!
I don't know myself anymore, where I can explain my heart in front of him. No matter what I try I'm unable to bring the words that could actually speak my heart to him. I CAN'T EVEN STOP HIM FROM LEAVING, nor can I ask him not to go, and this exactly is slowly pulling me deep in my own misery.
Even the words I'm writing now can never explain the feeling I am having of not being able to find him near me for the next couple of days. So I will just sit here, practice my distance, insist on not missing him, and do my very best of not falling weak.
Let the love pause for all these times when he is away
And I sometimes,
just want to vanish
amidst those woods my eyes found peace in
in those hills where I climbed upon horses
in those scenic views of sunset in a different city
in every possible way that doesn't tell me what not to do
in those places where I've been, where I can live as per my wishes
think, act, dress, eat, sleep, work as per my own will
a place where none could reach, where I do just what makes me feel...the HAPPIEST
© Shina
That urge to drown all into myself with no time to spare even to look at how I'm looking today is getting wilder with each breath I take
Amidst all things dark, weary, scary and worthless, having HIM by my side is the best gift I can ever own in life. The way he will be there to be my savior each time I'm lost, to walk with me even in the rain, to be my resting space when life seems pretty down, to be the one who never fails to be that person who is ready to hold my hand no matter how the situation is. HE out of all is my umbrella in my rains, the shade in my summers, the cosy blanket in my winters, the soft wind of my parched autumns and everything one wishes to have in that one person you lost your heart to...
October smells like the night jasmines blooming in the dark, and withering with the sun burning in the morning. The flowers lay parched on the cemented floors and slowly disappear into nothing.
Like the soft breeze playing with your hair,
Like the sky painted with a million colours at sunset
Like the wind playing with the autumn parched leaves hanging onto the branches even if they died
Like the starlit night view that cuddles you to sleep
Like soft touches left on your skin by that person you know who gives you butterflies
Like a soft melody that pulls you to dreamland
That's the sound of music he feeds my ears and heart with
© Shina Kashyap
Did I tell you, how you have helped me find myself in a chaos created all by myself, and took me to a home where you and me found each other's broken pieces...
To be (dis)continued...
https://www.launchora.com/story/to-be-discontinued
Sometimes the weather of my heart feels too rough to withstand. It turns grey and the more the greys starts to grow I hope it will rain, but the inability to shed tears infront of others and even in the brightness of the day refrains me from doing so. It's supposed to be clear after it rains right? But it feels like sometimes tears deny to flow and that's when you feel the heaviness in your heart. It takes the form of something you cannot pin point but at some point of time it starts to grow, and before it grows and consumes you whole let it flow. I choose it to flow in my words if not in tears.
Remembrance is weird. You remember the things you wish to forget, to avoid the pain that comes our way. I wish to forget that cold winter January evening. The sadness and cries that the air of that evening brings along with itself. I wish I could go back, to the days before that specific day happened and never come back again any day.
I wonder if my path is right,
The world throws their judgements, telling me how my decisions won't take me anywhere
They make me believe how I'm doing a mistake by not following something the other's did
However, what should I answer when I know that's not something I seek for
-musings...
The urge to sweep off with the wind, away from the horrendous muses that keeps you awake late at night, the annoyance that doesn't let you stay calm even if you try your hardest, the frustrations which doesn't seem to leave you even if you know how it just adds to your stress, life is this way, complicated, messy with sealed in frustrations you can't seem to mend
The lights switched off,
The music sinking into my system
The wind slowly rustling in, swaying the open pages of my journal,
Time was passing by, and I was static being in the puddle of solitude which seems the cosiest now...
"And I hate to admit, each time I look at your old scar it reminds me of how I wasn't your first"
"Don't worry, because I will make this my last, YOU will be the end for me"
"How...?"
"Because after you came in, you have the keys as you locked it and walked right into through that only door"
There is a thing about cutting people out. It doesn't happen within a single night, nor in a single moment of change. It starts with departing from them bit by bit. Some because of time, some because of situations and some because you cannot let yourself be into it anymore. That's how things happen, life changes and in just a blink of an eye the night changes with new additions and subtractions.