It’s strange how easily we forget we’re human. That we were never meant to perform endlessly, never built to stretch ourselves thin in the name of being “good enough.” I didn’t notice it at first, the way my days filled to the brim, the way my body stiffened in protest. Rest became something I had to earn, prove I deserved. And by the time I realized I was unwell, I’d long been applauded for the very pace that was breaking me.
My body began to rebel in ways I couldn’t ignore. Back pain that anchored me to my bed, illnesses that showed up like clockwork, anxiety pressing in like a weighted fog. I was exhausted, but still convincing myself I hadn’t done “enough” to justify a break. The idea of slowing down felt indulgent, even weak. But what if the real strength is in the slowing?
There’s something radical about choosing rest. Especially in a world that rewards your productivity more than your presence. It felt like swimming against the current... canceling plans, letting dishes sit in the sink, leaving texts unanswered until I had the capacity to respond with intention rather than obligation. I had to unlearn the lie that rest is laziness, and instead learn that rest is how we reclaim our wholeness.
Emotionally, the hardest part was the guilt. That gnawing feeling that if I paused, I would be perceived as less capable, less motivated, less worthy. But that guilt didn’t come from truth. It came from a culture that equates value with output, a world that expects you to be everything to everyone while asking nothing of yourself.
So I started small. Saying no without apology. Letting silence stretch a little longer. Making space to breathe without rushing to fill it. I began tending to the kind of rest that doesn’t just restore your energy, but your sense of self. The kind that makes you feel like you again, not the version of you that gets things done, but the version that remembers what matters.
And what I’ve come to understand is this: choosing rest isn’t giving up, it’s rising up. It is resistance in its softest, fiercest form. In a world that worships urgency, choosing stillness is a rebellion. It’s a refusal to be emptied for approval, a complete act of self-devotion. It’s saying: I will not sacrifice my body for productivity. I will not trade my peace for performance. I will not abandon myself to be more digestible to a world that thrives on burnout. Rest is not a luxury. It is your right. And reclaiming it unapologetically and intentionally, is how you begin to remember who you are.
In choosing stillness, you’re not falling behind, you’re finally catching up to who you were always meant to be.
Reflective Question:
What would change if you stopped trying to prove your worth and started honoring your need for rest?
I've been trying to answers the few requests I've got but I'm not good at this honestly :s I'm more of a spontaneous person: I get an idea that excites me, and I do it. I'll still try to reply to those few asks/requests some day but I'm not gonna take any more of them 🥲
The pointers you see all over tumblr, instead of just reading them, liking and reblogging, take them for what they are! They are POINTING you to your true being. For you to realise you have never left home and have always been “THAT”.
Get off tumblr, stop consuming post after post. Rely ONLY on yourself. No one can help you because there are no others.
How do you think all these bloggers “did it”? And what are their blogs for?
Are they making posts just to have a laugh? Is it all just some inside joke? Do they answer your asks just for jokes? No, no and no.
Don’t fool yourself thinking you’re a person with a long process ahead of you and that you will be realised soon, or are waiting for an “aha” moment. Nonsense.
There is no one to go through any journey, process or take any steps. There is no moment or goal to reach.
Stop overthinking and overcomplicating something very simple. Step out of your own way.
And NO there is no ego you need to get rid of because it doesn’t even exist.
Who is thinking?
Who is seeking?
Who is forgetting?
Who is this false “I”?
There is no one to do anything.
There is no person to take any steps to enlightenment.
There is no one to get enlightened.
You’ll notice there was never anyone doing anything.“ ” is all that there is.
You already ARE “THAT” now. Always have been.
It is very simple. See it for yourself.
“There is no search, no answers, no enlightenment, you just think there is.” - infiniteko
“Don’t spend time trying to figure out how to be freed but be freed instead” - edward art
This will be my longest post (sorry in advance for this meaningless essay), but my final post. All I ask, is for you to sincerely read this open-mindedly and truly listen to what I’m saying and see what I am pointing to.
Think of these seeming experiences/occurrences:
Waking, sleeping, dreaming, imagining.
I know I have mentioned this many times but let’s once again talk about what they have in common:
They all have the same substance which is no substance, no tangibility, they are empty. Yet they all have the same “source” being “THAT”. Without giving label and meaning to “dreaming” or any of those other seeming phenomenon, all there is is this Awareness / Knowingness.
See it (what I have been pointing to since starting this page) directly, don’t take my words for “truth” without Knowing directly yourself…
Without labels and concepts, what am I left with?
What is aware of being aware?
See without labelling. Without labelling what is happening?
If I remove all use of language, what is?
“IT” is the only thing that always IS considering those occurrences above are nothing but discontinuous appearances, “THAT” is the only “continuity”.
“There must be something continuous to register discontinuity” - nisargadatta
“THAT” is experiencing itself “THAT”. It is the only constant in anything that you claim to have experienced. Yet there is actually no experience or happening, as at their “source” there is only “THAT” / Silence / Nothingness.
You just give xyz experience meaning and label. But it is all just an empty appearance. And what is an “experience”? Isn’t “everything” an experience… your dream from last night, you reading this now and when imagining something? They’re all One and the Same - equally illusionary / dreamlike / empty. “THAT” is the only thing you are always “left with”, that always IS. You’re the only one who labels things as “different” or “separate” 🤷♀️ They never were.
P.S. “Continuous” and “constant” not in the sense there is something continually existing or occurring over a period of time because “ “ just is, without beginning or end, there is nothing to continue from anything, its just a word for the sake of this post 😅
All depends on YOU, but YOU depend on nothing:
1) Because you are One with All that there seems to be, it is all YOU / nothingness (nameless and formless) appearing as “something” (with a seeming name and form).
2) Because there is nothing actually there to depend on.
3) Because YOU exist unconditionally and eternally, you just ARE, a “presence” with no beginning or end. Just wow, Your ineffable being truly cannot be grasped nor explained in words.
When you turn clay into a pot, you can call it a pot but it is still always clay. The clay can be without a pot, but the pot cannot be without clay.
You can call a wave a wave, but it is always the ocean. The ocean can be without waves, but the wave cannot be without the ocean.
So, we know there is no separation or duality. There never was one.
Everything is instant, you are limitless:
Lift your arm up for me now. Did it involve strenuous effort? Did it take a long time to do so? Or do you just Know you can just lift your hand and decide to do so?
It is the same for all seeming experiences. Just an instant Knowing. And you Know that as “THAT”, you are limitless and formless (hence this play you have divulged yourself in so much you thought it to be tangibly real).
Since you KNOW yourself to be limitless and infinite (so much so that any word to describe YOU would be limiting YOU) and there being no separation or duality since it is all “THAT/YOU”, all equally empty and seeming, then…. that’s it. You are ALWAYS experiencing yourself Now, no effort and no delay.
You are infinite, who tells you what is or isn’t possible? Everything is natural and effortless because it is all “ “, all YOU and “ “ is all that there is. Every (seeming) “experience” is always “ “ Now !!
There is nothing to make “appear” because there is nothing that is “disappearing” or “appearing”; there is nothing to “change” or “transform” because there was never anything actually there to “change” or “transform”. “Everything” just IS Now because it is always just all YOU / “THAT”.
This is NOT a method for “desires”. If you take it as such then …. Good luck. This is literally what you ARE, everything is YOU. How do you KNOW you exist? These are just empty words pointing to your true being, simply see where they are pointing !!
And by Now —> “Now is not a moment in time, sandwiched between two vast spaces of the past and future. This present Now is the only Now there is - the eternal Now. It has not come from anywhere and is not going anywhere.” - Rupert Spira
“ “ is all that there is.
That is the “conclusion” you will always arrive at. But of course there is actually no conclusion and no human to reach anything.
This is just a subtle noticing / remembrance (no aha moment or magical revelation) of that which always IS. That which you always have been, always are. but fooled yourself into thinking otherwise… only to realise that nothing had ever happened.
“You” have read and consumed enough, you have suffered enough, you have overthought and over-complicated enough, you have tried enough, you have victimised yourself enough. See “THAT” which always is, Now. Go beyond concepts and labels. No one can or will “do it” for you, for there are no others. There is no one to decide but You… You are all that there is. You choose, you decide.
What would you say to someone who's new to nd\av and doesn't wanna read too much to overconsume and just literally get it to the point ?
The pointers I'd share are:-
This person you believe yourself to be, is an illusion. The mind, and the body are unreal and illusory.
Experience is only ever through Awareness, and that awareness is what you are.
There is no listener of sound, just the sound. There is no one seeing, only the sight. There is no one feeling, only the felt. And this sound, sight, and what's felt is all awareness. It's all YOU. So senses are another illusion, just like your body.
There is no past and future. Only the NOW. Because Awareness always is. It never was, and never will be.
It's always THAT(awareness) experiencing THAT(Awareness). THAT(awareness) is the experience.
Everything you see around you, is just you in different forms. Call it whatever you want, consciousness, awareness, THAT, " ".
What you are, cannot be put into words. It's inexplicable.
This is something you will only believe in and understand on surface level for as long as you keep seeking, the moment when it all becomes clear and evident is when you go within and question the nature of your reality and ponder on these pointers.
This realisation is experience based, so experience it directly, by going within. KNOW yourself.
There is nothing to do. Just be. And observe everything around you, notice THAT. Notice the presence behind it all, the awareness behind this play going on, realise it's all YOU.
I think that's all I'd like to share because these are the key pointers that helped me when I was starting a month ago.
If you wanna read some more in detail:-
The character doesn't exist.
There is no thinker of the thoughts.
Everything is an illusion.
That's just the basics but trust me, that's all you need. JUST BE and GO WITHIN. Ask yourself questions, observe and notice. Do not get too indulged with the illusion, instead be aware and present as you notice yourself just being aware of it all. Rest in that awareness.
I really hope this helps, but you still feel like it's not enough you can go through @infiniteko and @mysticsreblogs @penguinpeace (for the best reblogs of the posts).
Remember to not overconsume, and that words and labels are very limiting. Take it all as pointers, pointers which point to your true nature, to " ".
What clicked for me: this all seems real because I Am real. I am the one making it seem real. Because I Am real. Without me, yes, none of it would exist. But I forget that I Am the real one, not the ego or the world. Everything feels real because I am real and being aware of it. Anything I am conscious of will seem real, because I am giving reality to it. It alone cannot be real. The ego seems real, yes, but I Am the reality behind it. And I extend this power to the world but forget that it comes from me, not from itself. Nothing can be real alone.
you’re literally the only blogger i trust when it comes to non-duality, and your advice has been the one i’ve been most easily able to apply/understand. I hope this doesn’t come off as a vent, but it probably will just because this question is so complicated and problem riddled, and tbh idek if you’re actually going to respond, but yea. it’s like star wars you’re my obi wan kenobi! my last hope lol
basically i’ve put my life on hold and procrastinated everything i’ve needed to do. (TW: death?? health problems/sa?) I went through a really bad year, last year. the human character i identify with (non-dualistic terms, bc ik this character isn’t me?) was sa’d in the beginning of the year. really traumatic. i dropped out of school, i couldn’t go out of the house because i feared for my life. i became super paranoid. i reported it and filed charges, but the justice system is fucked so.
anyways, after because the amount of stress i was experiencing, i became very ill. my biological father wished death on me, and i believed it at the time, because my sibling wished for me to get raped, and then it happened. i can see now, how my belief may or may not have been the cause of what happened. i then got cancer. the doctors couldn’t figure it out for months, and even ridiculed me- saying how i relied on google.
i finally went to a specialist who was immediately concerned, and then confirmed my suspicions. i was sort of friends with a blogger on here who got into the void and manifested their dream life. they went into the void for me and affirmed that i no longer had cancer, and that i could tap/wake up in the void. the next day, the huge lump/tumor on my neck was gone. all of my ailments- trouble breathing, patchy and rough skin ceased. i literally told my mother what happened which made her start believing in the power of “manifestation”.
because of the paranoia, and then cancer- i didn’t go to school my last 2 years of school. i switched to online, but never felt the need to complete my classes because i knew i would get into the void. i’ve gotten into the void, both by waking up/tapping into it but i haven’t been able to change my awareness, or “manifest” bc i was just mumbo jumbing words or poetry. i didn’t apply to university, because i thought i’d enter the void before then and revise my school grades + make it so i got into the university of my choice.
now, i have a week left before i have to finish my classes- which i have 7 of them, and so many assignments. i have to move out in the middle of august because i lied to my parents and said i got into university, because i thought i would’ve already changed things with the void by now. my life was fucked, then i fucked my life. after discovering non-duality i gained hope that i would be able to turn things around by now, yet i haven’t. i don’t know what i’m doing wrong, because i was able to show myself the truth of reality (as lester levinson said).
i am really stressing because now everything is falling down on itself. i try to forget my problems, and don’t give them life by letting go, yet it’s so hard when teachers are bombarding me with messages how i have to finish the classes, or how i have to move out soon. i know this is probably ego driven, but i feel as if i can’t see a way through because of how attached i am to this. my health has also been abnormal, which makes me fear that the cancer has returned. what should i do?? im kinda freaking out.
anyways, i am so sorry if this came across trauma dumping/venting. i am just at a point where i do not even know where to begin to conceptualize this into understanding. this took a lot of courage to type, as im a bit afraid still- that people who hurt me from last year will see this (even though i know they won’t, but still). i totally understand if you wish not to post this or answer it, as it is very long and limiting. thank you though! i hope you have a wonderful week:)
this was quite difficult to answer as i've never been through so much turmoil all at once. i hope this answer helps and you'll continue taking care of yourself! (i'm sorry i linked way too much lol just don't read it all at once!)
firstly i want you to rest.
you've been through a lot and you've also been putting off a lot to get into the void. stopping life for manifestation is common it seems, its not healthy either. so much pressure is coming from time. you put all your expectations on a method, and i'm gonna guess that you also put so much onto your mind to get you into the void.
practically: your biological father sounds abusive and so does your sibling, i would be more careful around him. idk if your not around him anymore, it sounds like it? but you need to plan accordingly for your lie. are you gonna tell your parents or ?
theres a massive chance you'll just go crazy trying to figure out all these moving parts, so i suggest do what you can and leave the rest. do the minimum to keep you safe, then figure out the rest as it comes. do whatever you need to do, just remember to not take on too much at once.
ask for breaks on work at school for medical reasons, maybe think about jobs, etc. you see how much more could come into the picture? but this is all the body-mind can do. its easy to treat it as god, but its not god.
"but i feel as if i can’t see a way through"
You fail to do the works of God, because you take the body to be God. - Ada B. [4dbarbie]
take a look at these meditations:
butter meditation
peace meditation
surrender meditation
un-identification exercise
crying meditation
i'd like you pick one of these exercises:
feel all the shit. feel bad. just do it. let all the bad feelings out. put on sad music and fucking cry. cry it all out.
let yourself rest, with no problems. if a thought or feeling comes in just let it, because its not a problem remember? :) just put on some calming music or visualise a calming place. and let yourself have some time with nothing. no conditions. no perfection. no obligations. no 'have to' 'should' 'must'. let that go for this time
feel as if you've died. feel as if you've been completely forgiven, feel as if there was a powerful white light that washed you away of all the crap. really feel as if the divine came down, hugged you and said 'i love you and forgive you'. its all over. finally its all done. you can rest. (i suggest kickstarting this with imagery or music, its hard to generate feeling such grace on you own. i saw a jesus holding a baby lamb picture that made me burst out in tears and realised that all i wanted was just to be, no obligations. i imagined waking up in a heaven, in a gaint flowerfield. do what you want)
one time i did the 1st and 3rd exercises (i made it up on the spot) and it was worth it. the next few days felt much better. its like an exercise in rebirth. let yourself be reborn.
some days you'll just do one or all 3. pick what ever feels right in what ever order. but i suggest that 'feel as if you've died' or 'no problems' comes last! the whole point is to let the painful emotion pass through and settle in a neutral or grateful place.
"after discovering non-duality i gained hope that i would be able to turn things around by now"
here's the problem, you went into a philosophy intending to manifest. yes,, (1) you can do that (2) its okay, AS LONG AS YOU DONT MISS THE POINT. the point being that there is no person! the character is a character, not you. manifestation is just another concept, you can use it as long as you understand that its not real. thats why i shared the BOOKS, you need to READ.
"i try to forget my problems, and don’t give them life by letting go"
don't force yourself to forget (don't say you're not forcing it, otherwise you never would of wrote "TRY"). just let them be. deal with it when it comes up. the mind'll want to make a bazillion plans and stress. if you can make plans without spiriling, then do it. if you can't, don't. there will probably be some things you need to plan and thats okay. but everything else, leave it.
you haven't actually let it go, you're here in my inbox. you do not need to force letting it go. you naturally let it go by realising who you are in relation to it all. if you think you're the body-mind then its impossible to let go, because its your life and it involves you and if you let it go to shit, you might die!! - says the mind. but if you're Self, then this is not you. all those stories mean nothing compared to Infinity, Absolute Perfection and Love!
the Self is who you truly are. Self is still underneath it all, it is all. its imagining itself being a human. the character is the wave, YOU are the ocean. ultimately this is about realising all the identities, images and roles that "you've" taken on and used as reference are not you. how can a story be you? how can the past be you? are you the past? are you currently living in the past? you can be if you keep bringing it into the now.
when you stop using the past as a reference point, how much more posibilities come up now?
this is because the mind only knows what it knows. it cannot know anything more than what it knows right now. it can't access infinite intelligence. that's why it'll try to project into the future, and make plans. but it doesn't truly know. all it does is give suggestions based off the past. it is a combination of identity based off feelings, thoughts and memories that is collected and turned into a habit.
the past, memories, feelings, thoughts, identifies, roles etc all pass through you. they all come up like waves and then leave on THEIR OWN. if you hold onto these (which the character wants to do, it thinks thats all it is) it'll be painful when they are threatened in some way. a simple remark of "oh you look xxx" can be so painful for some characters because they based their whole life on a singular identity that WILL go.
Most of you can't change because you are so desperate TO change... but there is nothing to want to change. Things just are. Don't work with changing self, just realize who self actually is. [4dbarbie]
this is not a forcing thing, its just a rememberance. its done out of love, passion, a desire to just be free! with no ties to whatever identity! its takes courage, not convincing or denial.
Disbelieving you are Vanessa and denial are not the same thing. Denial is when you deny reality to something you're already giving reality to. Disbelieving was meant as an experiment, you never thought yourselves to be anything but this body, what will happen if you did? What are changes in your psyche, do you feel more confident, do you feel like you could take on the world? Don't you love Vanessa now that you know that she always was a choice? Even if she wasn't the greatest, what's so wrong with her? She is just somebody, she just lives a life. Things are only so serious when you're identified with her, you get scared, you get hurt, you feel stuck. But when you know that she can't hinder you? That she was never you? Don't you just want to laugh and hug her? [4dbarbie]
are you sure you're reading books and posts? a lot of this is already answered. your case is just more to deal with, but the point is still the same: you are not the body and mind, see what would happen if you questioned them.
just KEEP IT SIMPLE!
i'd like to leave you with this.
Once a young woman came to Hafiz and said, “What is the sign of someone knowing God?” And Hafiz became very quiet and stood in silence for nearly a minute. Lovingly looking deep into the young woman's eyes, he then softly spoke: “My dear, they have dropped the knife. The person who knows God has dropped the cruel knife so often used upon their tender self and others.” [source]
some extra resources
eft - health fear
eft - afraid to feel
we cannot practice letting go
heart of an emotion
i want to wake up with everything
hafiz - love's victory (PLEASE WATCH IT)
trust yourself
"You think you're doing it all for nothing, that's why you don't do it. But is freedom from pain really nothing? At least you are, for once in your life, sighing from relief from all this never-ending sense of doing."
health anon
apply
"All the process requires is letting go of thinking you are Vanessa."
behaviour
letting thoughts and emotions pass
challenge yourself
stories
everything brings you back to your Self
you've been through a lot and i'm glad you still are full of love! otherwise you never would've tried in the first place to change anything. use that love, take any anger and turn it into love for freedom! for Self! i know you can do it!!
also: the feeling of bad health coming back is a sign to me. you've put so much on hold: your healing from the sa, the healing from your family, the lying, LIFE in general. you can't keep doing that. turn inwards. the fear won't consume you.
The RAIN acronym is an ancient Buddhist mindfulness tool to cope with hardship. When life throws you a curve ball -- a weighty life decision, a problem at work or even a moment of anxiety that you can't put your finger on -- how do you react?
RECOGNIZE
ALLOW
INVESTIGATE
NON-IDENTIFY
R stands for recognizing what is happening in this moment. Someone just walked too close to you on the sidewalk or didn’t give you what you feel is your “right of way,” and boom, you’re angry. The “R” is simply to notice what is happening, to be present enough to know that something is happening. This is not a small thing. Many people are immediately reactive—and worse, they blame the other person for causing their reaction. The point is to be awake, to pay attention.
A stands for accepting. This does not mean that you wanted what just happened to happen. It simply means that you acknowledge that it did. You name it: for example, “anger is here.” The idea is that although you are not going to indulge the emotion or thought with further thinking or righteousness or another emotion, neither do you resist or avert or distract yourself from what’s happening. You simply acknowledge and name what is happening. You are willing to be open to whatever it is.
I stands for investigating the sensations in the body. This step is primarily a physical noticing. What does anger feel like? The heart beats faster, there can be a flush of energy and heat and a tightening of certain muscles. These physical events are what we label as “anger.” This energetic emotional component has to be willingly and thoroughly felt until the body returns to open relaxation. You breathe and wait and breathe and feel the body, at first tight and then slowly changing, relaxing and opening, letting go. If this is not thoroughly done, then we haven’t really felt the emotion that was triggered by the initial thought, and that energy gets stuck in the body and adds to the conditioned structure that was triggered in the first place. This openness to the physical event is what integrates the energy, dissipates it, and—if it is practiced over and over— eventually dissolves that particular egoic structure, which has no concrete core. The realization that the egoic system will eventually dissolve if we don’t add more thought or energy to it is a wonderful one when first experienced, and a real taste of the potential freedom to come if we continue with practice.
N stands for not identifying. There’s no need to identify a “me’” in what just happened. It was just a passing mental and emotional event, like watching a scene in a movie or the clouds as they move through the sky. We don’t have to build and rebuild a “me” on the passing content of the body-mind. Instead, we can stand as the observer. This not-identifying is tricky, but when the first change of identity shifts from the content of mind to the observer, we can see that the content is not who we are. This is the first real shift of freedom. Eventually identification as “the observer” drops away as well, but to simply make the shift is a good place to start.
Once a young woman came to Hafiz and said, “What is the sign of someone knowing God?” And Hafiz became very quiet and stood in silence for nearly a minute. Lovingly looking deep into the young woman's eyes, he then softly spoke: “My dear, they have dropped the knife. The person who knows God has dropped the cruel knife so often used upon their tender self and others.”[source]
please give yourself the grace of forgetting, of being sad, of failing, of fearing. you are allowed to. all is Self. you are okay now and here.
allow yourself to look at the insecurities, shame, guilt and fears.
give yourself the chance to respond, not react.
let vanessa be. vanessa is just a person like anyone else. thinks they are born and will die. every vanessa, no matter how well off they are, is scared shitless. but you treat your vanessa so badly.
you hate it. you want it gone. you see the body and mind as a cage without a key. it hurts. you curse it and nothing changes. you try to convince it and nothing changes. you curse it more.
It is not a matter of enduring, it is a matter of you being so crude to Vanessa, and expecting so much of her when she has no power. Do you feel the same way about the homeless man on the street corner? Do you constantly chastise him in your head, blame him for his circumstances? Even if you are the kind of person to judge based on appearances, you do for a moment and move on with your life. That's because you never thought he was you so how could you feel pain on his behalf? You may do the opposite and feel bad for his situation for a bit, but you still leave the matter alone as he's none of your business and you have your own things to worry about. - post source
vanessa is doing the best it can. it sings, dances, loves! it bleeds, it shudders, it hurts. all is the wide expression of Self.
and yet you hide from the pain, from the hurt, from the thoughts, the feelings. this is not the fullness of Self.
forgive yourself. let go of the shame and guilt. stop shaming vanessa for exsiting just like any other person in the street. stop carrying all responsibilities of the world. it's already taken care of.
you breathe with no help, you shit with no help, you eat with no help, you sleep with no help. and even if you do need help, the inability to do so, happens without your help. your amazon package comes through, your sibling grows 2 cm, the sun rises and falls, the seasons pass by. all by itself. what's orchestrating it all? Self. what other reason have we given ourself the world, other than out of love?
Leave poor Vanessa alone and stop assigning her the responsibility and accountability of everything that the dream shows. The entire dream is all an expression of the Infinite Being, not hers (the ego) which she is just one more creation of. And it doesn't have to be your (the Self's/I AM's) dream anymore when you stop identifying with it. - post source
its already out of vanessa's hands. vanessa can't do anything. let that be a celebration: all is taken care of. unconditonally.
"why is it all taken care of?"
"why not!"
"but why should *i* get the world?"
"why not?"
"but-"
its already all here for you. its already as it is. what is vanessa gonna do to change the infinte? why would the infinite need changing anyway?
Treat it with compassion, stop bullying it, it's not its fault you're not where you should be. You think he's in the way so you get mad, you get frustrated it's not following instructions or refuses to step aside. But the ego is not the problem, nor in the way. Your attitude toward it is the problem. Let it be, it doesn't know any better! - post source
give yourself the permission to exist as you are. give yourself permission to be as you are, right now. start asking 'did i give permission for this?' you'll find how much stuff is not even your choice. as ada said its just tolerance and endurance of the forced vanessa.
now you realise you don't have to be a forced vanessa. so you go completely the other direction and try to (forcefully) change the vanessa. you're still holding up standards, ideas & roles to yourself. the things that made you hate vanessa in the first place. just maybe, for this moment hold nothing. drop the knife.
“Stop trying to heal yourself, fix yourself, even awaken yourself. Let go of letting go. Stop trying to fast-forward the movie of your life. It gets so exhausting, doesn’t it, always trying to get there, chasing futures that never seem to arrive, living on second-hand promises. Instead, bow deeply to yourself as you actually are. Be here. Honour this present scene in the movie. Your pain, your sorrow, your doubts, your deepest longings, your fearful thoughts, are not mistakes, and they aren’t asking to be healed. They are asking to be held. Here, now, lightly, in the loving arms of present awareness…” — Jeff Foster
