This right here is a shitty lame ass character i made, his name is Isogi meaning for his recklessness and being hasty. I made him a long while ago and i still keep up with him i draw him almost every other day along side his family of friends he has. I've come to love him and the others dearly. I love them all so much why? Because they are a part of who I am. And for my weird point of view that character is who i wished i was. Hes perfect in my eyes. He's the type of person i want to be. But he is me he came from me so isn't that me already? Well no he is me but internally. He is a very expressive character he gets angry easily, he gets drunk a lot, probably smokes some times, he's obsessed with the concept of wealth, and he's just purely stupid. But i still wished I was like him why? Because he just doesn't give a fuck of the things he does. If He's set on something he does it, he's not afraid of saying anything. He'll fight someone to stand up for his own beliefs. He's a very selfish guy while im quite and selfless. And im getting tired of being me, im a good person and people are always telling me how great i am for following directions, for being a good listener, for always helping out others even when it doesn't concern me. And im just so tired of that i dont give a fuck anymore. Thats why i prefer being a selfish idiotic bastard to at least think for myself and do whatever the fuck i want. Im always making stupid decisions i know i shouldn't have done but i still do them or take suggestions i dont want from others or even helping out people when i know my help is not needed. Shit even sometimes i want to do something but i over think it and i question it so much that apparently that's a thing people dont like about me. I mean fuck maybe thats what drove someone important to me away and with my own shitty logic of living. And i need these things to be the person that i am i need to question things and have answers to that, i need to solve a problem that cant be easily solved and some one needs help because they are helpless so i help them. But for what? If i cant do shit why do i even bother? I can bearly make a difference in my own life why should i get into others personal life decisions? I am very selfless and it bothers me so much i get in situations i never wanted to get in because of that. Its such a pain in the ass. And all this description of is not working for me its been 21 years and now this year is one of the worst years ive ever had. Im so sad and anxious of the future. And people tell me i have to be weary of it and ive started to face some challenges i just dont know how to handle them. I tried to help people and now it's coming to the point that i dont know how to help them and i feel useless so useless in this world especially when youre only one skill thats good enough to make a living out of is to draw and make art. And i just dont know what to do anymore thats why i want to be more like that character. He seems to understand me and him and his friends seem to always cheer me up i go into their wolrd the world a wonderful person created and i decided to implant myself in that world with my characters because i want to be free of things and thats where Isogi lives he can do whatever he wants whenever he wants without out no consequences. Well thats what it seems like but he's happy he's so happy. And he is part of me deep down im really angry, and i just want to blow up and punch someone but im weak and i cant. So maybe if he's so happy maybe i should try to be more like him to be the person thats deep inside me. Maybe to finally change and not internally but to show that change in the outside as well. And then maybe then i can finally do it I'll be finally be able to get to the highest point and shout to this shitty world a big FUCK YOU.
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