Funny Quotes

I hear people say some weird shit. I keep track of my favorites.

[shit-i-overheard]

"I feel like a kamikaze Barbie."

- Lucy S.

[shit-i-overheard]

What’s a little brain trauma among friends?"

- Liam S.

[shit-i-overheard]

Jack Y.: "Kyler, how do you eat pussy?"

Kyler K.: "I don't know. Why are you asking the asexual how to eat pussy?

[shit-i-overheard]

"I need to stress eat jello."

- Jana K.

[shit-i-overheard]

"Unfortunately Monday is more than a day, it's also a state of mind."

- Kyler K.

[shit-i-overheard]

"Well, I've got to take a dump, but I'll be thinking about the Pope car in Cars 2."

- Jack Y.

[shit-i-overheard]

Corey A.: "You've got a pyro guy right?"

Dave W.: "I've got a guy I met at the gas station."

[shit-i-overheard]

"Because I'm willing to deal with the consequences of my actions. I don't want to deal with the consequences of your actions."

- Kyler K.

[shit-i-overheard]

"Well, I can either do a stress puzzle or I can drink."

- Jana K.

[shit-i-overheard]

"On the topic of masturbation at work. I need to use the bathroom."

- Liam S.

[shit-i-overheard]

"I’m larger than my pregnant fiancee."

- Dustin B.

[shit-i-overheard]

"The dinner wasn't bad, but the dessert was way better."

- Jon W.

[shit-i-overheard]

Child: "This is a lot of stairs."

Parent: "Tell that to grandma"

[shit-i-overheard]

"Nevermind, it was dumb."

- Mallory K.

[shit-i-overheard]

"She went early in rock, paper, scissors. And I still lost."

- Kyler K.

[shit-i-overheard]

"If I bit into a mozzarella stick and it was just bread, I think I'd kill myself."

- Tanner A.

[shit-i-overheard]

Student: “Wait, is America communist?”

Teacher: “You might want to study for the final next week”