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@shitilearnedfailingatlove
If I had a last meal, this would be it. This is the most insanely tasty sandwich. #bestofnewyork #eater #foodporn #chickensandwhich #ohmygod #yummy #nycfood #nyc #gtfoh #newyork (at Bobwhite Counter)
Sometimes in life we meet people, and it’s awesome, but for whatever reason beyond our control it doesn’t happen.
I met this guy, in my mind, it was super easy and fun. I actually haven’t laughed that hard in forever.
Sadly he was fresh out of a relationship, and although he said, “I’m over it. I’ve been over it.” He knew that he needed to sort of mess around a bit, that we had gotten a little too intense. I’m sure it mostly had to do with me, because he knew I was falling rather quickly (I couldn’t help it) and he just wanted it to be casual for now.
I hate that people never seem to understand that, just because I’m open with how I feel doesn’t mean I can’t do a casual relationship. I’m not fragile. Being open and honest, and being fragile are different. Not to mention, it’s brave as hell to just be honest in the beginning. My road is the road less travelled, and for good reason, because it’s painful. I’ve put myself out there more than anyone I know, and it’s taught me to be resilient. I’ve never once regretted being an asshole for romance, I’ve only wished people would join me in the moment.
Anyway, I really wanted to be friends with this guy, but I couldn’t do it. My past haunted me. All of the men I’d become friends with in hopes of something more, but there never was anything more. However, with enough time, I’ll just heal and let go of any hope of anything. Maybe we’ll hang out again someday? I hope! Because he’s super awesome and I’m super awesome!
But, if I never see him again, he was just hands down the most fun guy, smart, inspiring… I know it sounds silly, but before he recoiled and then I freaked out, before all of that…it felt like it was just gonna be fun, and it was really fun for what it was.
If nothing else I learned what I want, and I haven’t been able to date now sadly. Because I don’t want to settle. But when I do again, they’ll be awesome as hell.
Over it and this is why.
1.) I don’t want to act like I don’t like someone. I’m not good at it. When I like someone, I do. Trying to play “the game” makes me do retarded things that I later regret and wonder why I did those things?
2.) People don’t actually bother to get to know people.
3.) men are better to their friends then to women they're sleeping with.
4.) they all have some magical ex that really fucked them over. That’s not every other girls problem.
5.) That dating makes me crazy, when I’m not. When I’m honestly really cool and loving, but that people act crappy suddenly because they don’t care but want to back burner you, and everyone is just supposed to be cool and not care and be drama free robots without hearts. It’s totally insane to me.
I’m done. I can’t do this crap anymore. I’m going to do other things more worthwhile. Fuck dating, sex and love and the whole thing.
This is the kind of stuff I do when I work the overnight shifts.
Sometimes our deal breakers and the reasons we don’t get to know people are absurd. I recently went on a date with a perfectly nice guy, great dancer, good looking and he was a gentleman.
You want to know why I didn’t want to go out again? Because every two minutes he called me “Baby”. That was it. Maybe I was just tired that week? Who knows? I date too much. I honestly don’t care right now.
I do know that I need to reset my battery and remember that men are just doing the best they can, too. In a way, we’re all sort of lovely and total assholes.
Like, looking back, i could have just told the guy, “hey, please stop calling me baby.” But instead I just said we didn’t have any chemistry. It’s that odd thing where people just don’t actually tell you the problem, they just avoid you or New York fade you. Because that’s so much better!
I dated a guy, who’s now my friend. I really liked him, and for the longest time I always just thought that he wasn’t into me. It turns out he did very much like me, but got nervous when we went out to a party with my friends. I hadn’t really brought a boy around friends in a while and he detected a noticeable anxiety, plus there was a guy there that I had a crush on and he saw me get flustered around him. While all of that is true, I did really like him. Like if he had just addressed all of the things he was feeling, I could have talked about it with him. But instead he got distant, which made me feel terrible. Then randomly over dinner I find out and it’s all so simple.
At the end of the day though, it doesn’t really matter. We are with, or not with people for a reason. (Usually)
But I guess I feel bad that I didn’t give someone a chance for something so small. I guess we’re all guilty of that. Not actually getting to know people, jumping to conclusions and assuming we know who people are to save time and energy. It’s not actually fair to people at all. I don’t really have a solution. But we also need to trust our gut. Well, everyone else needs to trust their gut. My gut is a douche bag.
Everyone loves food, but we always use food when describing something crazy. "That dude is bananas!" "That girl was nuts!" But also, we love those things added to make things better and more interesting. Like, what's a banana split without bananas? It's a sundae. And what's a sundae without nuts? A sundae without nuts....but that's so boring!! No one wants that! (Unless you're allergic or a pussy, which is actually the same thing.) I say the nuts make it better. I do. Life would be so boring if we weren't all a little nuts or bananas in someway. We all are. I've never met one person that wasn't and that makes me happy. Just saying.
Hi! My name is Harpy McHarperson and I'm a dweller.
We’ve all had that person that we’re just not dealing with. They say that men dwell on what was, and women dwell on what could’ve been. I agree. The guys I usually get stuck on are the guys that I actually saw a future with, but for whatever reason (self sabotage) things didn’t work out.
Here’s the problem, I tend to have impulse control problems. They aren’t creepy. I won’t like show up at anyone’s house. I’m lazy as shit. I haven’t been on a bicycle in like 18 years. I would most likely die. Therefore, I won't be riding it by his house and waiting for him to come home. But I will look at my phone and write a weird ass message. I’ll look at that message and delete it. Then I’ll write another one, and I’ll think, “Missy, this isn’t gonna do anything.” But then I think, “You know what? Who gives a shit! Ten years from now it won’t matter. At least you said how you felt in the form of your own naked breasts.” And then I press send and promptly delete the entire message. Because if it’s deleted on my phone, I never really sent it.
Logically, I know this is all crazy and stupid. There will never be a man post relationship who’s going to be like, “Man, I really regret not getting to know missy more because of these tit pics and lengthy honest text messages. She really does seem like a sweet girl with wholesome family values. I’m gonna call her and ask her out again. I was an idiot to let that one slip through my fingers.”
Basically, he’s so beyond done. He was done months ago. I need to move on.
The best way to move on is to just go out, which isn’t hard here. It’s the greatest city ever to move on from a broken heart. Because no one actually has any value here. I’m kidding. That’s the part of New York that actually makes me sad. We should care more about the people we meet. But I guess we meet so many people it would be hard to care for all of them. But maybe there is something about having your moment with people, then just saying goodbye. Like, perhaps not everyone is in our life for some magical reason. They’re just there and then they’re not. And it’s cool.
Right now, I just actually want to have fun and get over that dude. I want to just actually get to know a guy, and like him like a buddy. I want to know why I like him, instead of just going off of a bullshit gut feeling. So I'm taking my time.
My Things: dislikes and likes
So I’ve been told that I have a lot of things, so therefore I’m just making a cheat sheet of all of my “things”. We all of them. If you have some, I’d love to hear them!!
The bad/ dislikes/ the rather nots 1.) I hate having my ears touched. I hate it. It wigs me out more then anything else in the world.
2.) Tickling: I’m really ticklish. Therefore, tickling is actually a form of torture and I will probably stop breathing and die.
3.) I don’t love having my face touched.
4.) Biting my lips while kissing. My lips are sensitive. It hurts.
5.) Hickeys: they’re just tacky. I don’t want to look like I’ve been punched in the neck.
6.) Dry Humping. I don’t actually believe anyone past the age of 18 likes dry humping.
7.) I know this is going to sound hilarious coming from me…I don’t want a guy to fart in front of me too soon. I once went out with a guy who farted on the first date. It was the last date.
8.) Don’t last only two minutes. No woman can get off that quickly every time. (Sometimes, when really excited.) however, if you do, offer to help us out.
Likes:
1.) Treats me like a lady: I know that this one is going to sound utterly insane coming from me, but when a man treats a woman really gentlemanly, I can’t help but turn into the lady I was meant to be. And it’s quite a thing to behold.
2.) kisses with passion, but not violently. There’s nothing like a great pair of lips and a man that knows how to use them.
3.) A man that can dance. Or is willing to try.
4.) a guy that’s open, and happy to be silly or serious.
5.) any guy that’s creative, but likes to collaborate.
6.) he can dirty talk
7.) he’s impulsive, but not unpredictable.
8.) loyal
9.) is cool with natural things.
10.) thinks it’s cool that I think about things too much.
Super Bonus: he forgives and is cool with human things.
Nothing like feeling like a flake. I was like no this one is different. They were like, oh they're all different.
Goal List
1.) Go to the gym. I don't need to do anything special there. I don't need to do CrossFit or yoga or find god while my legs are tossed over my head. I just need to go to the gym, and not everyday, just more. (I do need to also do the Trapeze groupon.) 2.) Write stuff and not judge whether it's good, because it probably will just be whatever it is. I just need to write what I like and be fine with it. I need to not care that the only things I enjoy are relationships, watching strangers and the smell of my own farts. 3.) Stop going out with guys just for the story, although that will make my writing rather difficult. however, It's stupid now, I'm 33. I was doing it when I was 27, because I had just gotten out of a long term relationship and trying to find myself. I'd also had only slept with like three dudes. I've collected enough stories and dicks to last a while. Not to mention, I get that I'm pretty now. I can finally start to be choosy. I'm not the grenade anymore. 4.) find out what makes me happy, do more of that. Get paid to do that. 5.) travel more. 6.) save money. I know those don't really work well together. but...whatever. 7.) Drink MUCH MUCH less 8.) H.A.L.T much much more. 9.) dance more. 10.) hang out with friends that I love much more. 11.) make something beautiful 12.) make people happy. Bonus: Learn to not bother with people who don't make any effort.
See that mattress? Not the top one, but the bottom. That was brand new. I was sent this picture by my old landlord. My ex roommate/ best-friend that basically was half the reason for me leaving, this is how she left the apartment. It wasn't that bad before I left. When I left and moved back to Colorado, I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. My boyfriend was living there to save money so he could make his next film, and because I was scared to be there alone. I was hopelessly in love with him, and he didn't love me anymore. I didn't know this. I was living with a girl that used to be someone that I loved with all of my heart, and in someways I'll always care for. But when I see these pictures, I remember how it was a fight to get the rent every single month, how I had to clean up piss and shit from a dog that wasn't mine. How I was going through some of the saddest things anyone should go through as a woman, and I was with a man who used me and let me pay for everything. I was just under so much stress and sadness I would shake at night from nerves. It taught me that I need to take more time to get to know people. While I'm glad I went home to see my mom and clear my head. I still wish I never met that sociopath of a man. I feel bad for any woman he's ever with. I wish I never moved in with her, but I'm glad I got out of there more than anything. Even though I lost almost everything I ever had. But I've built a new life and it's better. I'm learning to trust again. I messed up with the last guy, but it was probably too soon anyway to date. My heart is wounded. My heart was broken by two people I loved very much, so I guess I can cut myself some slack for not trusting or recoiling or acting weird. It's not easy to totally reset. But I know people are good. I need to keep being a good person, because I was kind of a jerk to him. Not because I meant to be, but because I felt hurt. In a way, down the road I hope our paths cross and we'll be friends, but at this point...it's out of my hands. Right now I just need to remember that people take time to get to know and love.
I’ve been dating for a long time. Well, not long. Really, I’ve been dating for only ten years. Not even for that long. I only really started dating when I was about 22. Then at about 24 I found my way into a serious relationship. We broke up with I was 27. I never dated in College. I only liked one boy in high school, but we didn’t date. Therefore, My dating has pretty much been crammed between the ages of 27 to 33. With that said, I still date like I’m in middle school or high school. Everything is very dramatic to me. I’m still not wary like most girls are at my age. I still fall in love very easily. Everything is so exciting! I still want to be consumed by them, but no one dates like this at my age. I don’t mean “My age” like I’m this horribly old person. I don’t believe that thirty is old. I just mean that people at my age are scared and jaded.
I’m not. I really think people are worth getting to know. I think people are really wonderful. While I keep missing the connection, like I like someone and they don’t feel it, or they like me and I don’t. I just know…I know like you know. I’ve met some really cool people. They’ll make some ladies super happy for sure. Just like one day, when I go to a party or show up at a bar, or whatever, I’ll just meet him. It’ll be super easy. He’ll make an effort and it won’t just be me trying the whole time. He wont hate that I’m nice to him. He’ll be super nice to me, but not like too nice. He’ll still bust my balls. (and he’ll dance. I’m still holding out for that. dammit) But he’ll also get to know me, and he’ll think about me a little. Just because I’m older, doesn’t mean I ever need to start to get jaded, or stop hoping that men will be better people.
Snow globe
Okay, so my only Philip Seymour Hoffman story is when I basically spent a summer stalking the cast of The Seagull. Everyone was in that cast! Meryl Streep, Christopher Walken, Philip Seymour Hoffman, John Goodman, Marcia Gay Harden, Kevin Kline and Natalie Portman.
I saw it three times and would wait after the show every single time just to see one of them.
As I was leaving the park, I ran into Philip and nervously said, “I like everything you’ve ever been in!” And I started to walk away, and he was like, “hey, thanks, you have a really great energy.” And I was like, “so do you!” Because what else do you say? And then just to awkward it up more…I asked him if I could have a hug. And he was really sweet and said, “of course!” Then I gave him an awkward hug.
Drugs are real fucking assholes. From someone who has dealt with phone calls from someone they love saying, “They’re coming to get me!” “Really. I’m sober this time.” You would go through moments when you thought they were actually dead, and relief when you would hear from them. It's hard to remember that you once looked up to them, and now all you can think is, "get your shit together, dude." But you want to be positive, and you see why it’s hard for people to stay sober. But, there’s a point when people need to be stronger than the drugs. I don’t know? I’ve never had an addiction that was so strong. I also know there are lots of programs and people that will support people getting sober. I guess in a way when someone dies, I think about how they’re out of pain. Because drug addiction is like cancer. It’s hard for everyone in your life. It becomes an exhausting burden. Eventually you become numb to the person when they never do clean up. I hope Philip is out of pain. I hope his family finds some sort of peace.
He was a really talented man. He was really nice and lovely when I met him. I'm sorry that something is so strong that you kind of say, fuck you to your family and what you've built. Nothing really seems worth losing things that valuable, to me. So he was talented, but really selfish.
The Love Flu (the sickness and the remedy)
*This is one of the very first and really last poems I ever wrote, I was smitten with someone, who didn’t feel the same, I believe the words he used at the time were, “how about let’s be short term lovers, long term friends?” I accepted because I thought if he just got to know me, he would fall in love. Looking back, it’s an idiotic thought, we’ve absolutely all done that, but it was foolish. However, the plus side was that I ended up meeting all of these amazing people while trying to be close to him. Is that crazy? Probably. Am I the first person to do that? No. Sometimes I think my crush on him was the universes way of pushing me out of my comfort zone. Everyone has different motivators. My main motivator is love, just loving people, the feeling of joy and happiness that it brings me. As painful as some of my stories may seem, I’ve never for one minute regretted trying, and sometimes you do find love, and it’s magic and they inspire you. It might not last forever, but while it does, they might take the feelings you once had for someone else, and turn it into magic. You’ll look back on that and remember that “love happens” and it doesn’t end because one person didn’t feel that thing. Someone else will get you sick with the love flu, and hopefully that same person will have the remedy. But maybe it’s not about finding a cure? But someone to be sick in love with you too. :)
Love Flu By Missy Moser
I feel so unwell these days I think I’m coming down with something? My face feels fiery My tummy feels funny My hands are all clammy I just don’t feel correctly And I don’t know what to do? I think I’m coming down with feelings for you?
My heart’s beating faster My mind is a disaster I think I have a tumor? I feel really quite peculiar This just isn’t fair! There must be something wicked in the air That’s making me start to… I can’t say the word (cough, cough, cough) Care
How did this happen to me? I must go see the Doctor To see what is the matter? My affection for you is making my heart go pitter patter!!
I told the Doctor what was going on; I said My face feels fiery My tummy feels funny My hands are all clammy And that’s not all!! My heart’s beating faster My mind’s a disaster I think I have a tumor? I feel extraordinarily peculiar!
"Please Doctor, Please, is there anything you can do?!" “I’m sorry Madame, but, there’s nothing I can do; You’ve been diagnosed with The Love Flu. But, the good news is, Maybe, He gave it to you?” ——————————————————- The Remedy Written by a dear friend.
I heard from an old lady witch-doctor once about a treatment for such a malady. She told me:
"If you fear you may have come in contact with this flu, you must let someone special examine every part of you.”
There was more — I’m not sure if I remember it — oh, yes, I think it went something like:
"If you think the flu has gotten on your skin, put your arms around him to keep it from spreading within.
"But if you think the flu has gone to your bone, you must let him be with you some place alone.
"If you fear the flu has spread to your head, you must lie down *immediately* with him on a bed.
"And if you fear the flu has spread to your chest, don’t lose a moment — quickly get undressed!
"If you fear the flu has gotten in your lung, mingle a mixture of your lips with his tongue.
"If you fear the flu has reached your liver, let him tickle your stomach till you sweat and shiver.”
— Is this a bit too much? I swear, I’m only repeating what I heard! —
"Furthermore, if the flu should reach your nerves, you must adopt the regimen of Nymphos and Pervs.
— I had to do some research to understand that last one. I’ll fill you in later —
"Lastly, if the flu should get into your pants, apply treatment there too — leave nothing to chance!
"This is a wisdom," she told me, "sent from Heaven above: For the only cure for the Love Flu is Making More Love!”
Great Women: Lynn Bixenspan
When I think about women who inspire me, I think of my friend Lynn. She's amazingly funny and smart. We met a few years ago, kind of through OkCupid. She dated one of my guy friends and then we lady bonded. Sometimes Lynn and I will stay up late and have virtual slumber parties and talk about boys and boobs. She's one of those people that's really easy to talk too, and you find yourself saying, "I don't really tell people this, but..." She's wonderfully open, and knows how she feels and isn't afraid or ashamed, which is really liberating. It makes you feel braver in a way to be around someone who's so open. She also just makes me want to be a better, funnier person. I sent Lynn a bunch of questions and she was sweet enough to answer them: When did you first get into comedy? I don't remember being super-into comedy as a kid. I was really into music and reading and writing. But my dad was really into it and would recap SNL for me the next day when I was too young to stay up for it, and I couldn't wait to be old enough to watch it myself. And I was also really into MAD magazine and old National Lampoon books, like their parody of a Sunday newspaper. I first started performing comedy, and performing at all after a long hiatus, when I took UCB improv classes around 2003. I had read about it in the paper when I was super-depressed and living at home on Long Island and thought it sounded really fun. My parents actually got really mad at me because I was unemployed and they thought I was wasting my money. Now they're like my #1 fans, though. It snowballed from there. You're one of my favorite writers, (you're welcome) Do you think about the people first and then putting them in awkwardly sexy situations, or do the awkwardly sexy situations come first? Aww, thank you so much! I assume you're talking about fan fic. Fan fic is actually the only time I write without self-censoring and don't really edit. It's one of the few times I can recapture how awesome it felt to write as a kid just for the love of it without worrying about how good it is or it being for a Project. I just kinda have one basic idea and then stream-of-consciousness write things that make me linge. Or craugh? (cringe-laugh.) For things like my solo show or storytelling, the situations are just my life and then I figure out the best way to tell them truthfully in all their glory. How have Twitter and Facebook changed your comedy? Facebook....from a meeting people and keeping in touch/booking shows standpoint, definitely, but not so much the content. It especially helps with comedy connecting since I can be much better at social media than at real life. I go to shows and mics and desperately want to just look at my phone and ignore people but I force myself to be On for like 15 minutes just to interact with humans. Then I go home and crash from it. Twitter, definitely! Much more so in terms of what I actually write. Before that I was very anti-writing jokes, at least for myself. I'd written some for shows on Fuse and was like, hm, I can do it for money but I can't see myself WANTING to do it. Then I realized there were ways to adapt my sense of humor to the medium (Twitter/jokes, not that they're the exact same thing). It also freed me up to just write and experiment, same as Fan Fic. And the more I saw people respond, the more invested I became, which led to me doing stand-up. A lot of my material is adapted from tweets as a starting point. Have you made friends in real life from tweeting? Definitely! I met Katie Cunningham, who I do We Don't Know Each Other with (wedontknoweachother.tumblr.com). And I've met people I interviewed for my whydyouunfollowme.tumblr.com. That pretty much ties into your awkwardness question, that whole blog is about asking an awkward question. And I've met a lot of comics in person and there's an automatic, oh, I follow you! mutual recognition. I think I've ended up pals with most people I've met off Twitter. Who was your first crush? First Kiss? First crush....a LOT. I was a young trollop. In kindergarten, Matt, Miguel. Miguel gave me his baseball cards on the bus and wore a red leather jacket like Michael Jackson so he was a cool boyfriend. Matt was smarter though and could read the newspaper with me. First kiss was at 14, which was a tragedy at the time cause I was so old. I lied to my friends and pretended I already had. His name was Chris (first in a long line of them) and my friend set us up. He was a cool skater boy with his head shaved except for one floppy purple piece. I wanted to be cool so I skated down his skate ramp...and fell flat on my back. He grabbed my hand, helped me up, and asked me to be his girlfriend. (SO ROMANTIC!) My friend insisted we seal it by kissing, so we did. I was grossed out, cause OMG he FRENCHED me, and I did NOT expect that. And I kept my eyes open. Don't ever do that, people have pores. It turned out my friend was timing us and insisted we go longer. It was pretty shitty. My second kiss was way better. Granny panties or thong? Bikini-cut Spanked or having your hair pulled? Duh, I spank YOU Big spoon or little? Little but really, top spoon Who was your first best friend? How did you meet? Lesley! Our moms were pushing us in our strollers when we were, I think, 8 and 11 months old, respectively. I said hi to her (she didn't say hi back cause she couldn't talk yet. She can now.) Our moms were all "Aww" and got to talking and realized they'd had a class together in college. They started a playgroup and she and I have been friends ever since. We actually went to see Fleetwood Mac last year. THE MEET-CUTEST! Who inspires you? All my friends and the amazing people around me. Cheesy, but true. SORRY. Best vacation? Hmm, maybe Walt Disney World. I first went as an adult and had the best time ever. I went with my best guy friend who I was repressed-ly in love with and decided to make my life as difficult as possible by also inviting my roommate to block the romance. HIJINKS ENSUED! But still a great time. Oh, Paris wasn't so bad either. Favorite New York moment? I'm from New York, Long Island. So I started coming here as a teenager when it was SO COOL to mention you had been to St. Mark's last weekend, NBD. I guess I don't really think in terms of New York moments vs. Life Moments. But I'll say one New Year's Eve, my friends and I were waiting for the subway and doing a stomp-stomp clap rhythm for some reason. The entire platform joined in....and the people on the platform across from us started doing their own rhythmic magic STOMP routine! We basically had a dance-off. Then the train came and we all started clapping and cheering. LOVE. Spontaneous music is the best thing ever. What's the greatest piece of wisdom anyone ever gave you? That's hard! A lot. One time my friend Allison told me when I was freaking out about a paper in high school, "why freak out? you always get it done." And it hit me that, oh yeah, in the end I always do, and it's never actually important a week later. I don't wanna stress about things that aren't actually going to impact my life. My Nana is the best and a couple of things she's said stick with me. One is passed down from her dad, my Great-Grandfather. When she was trying to go to bed one night and couldn't, he told her to take her worries and put them in a drawer and shut it, because she couldn't do anything right now anyway. She said it's helped her sleep through really tough times. Also a while back after a breakup she told me that I've been trying to help people and losing part of myself in the process since I was 13 and she remembers. She told me about things I'd done that I had no i idea she was even aware of. I'm still working on that. I need to call my Nana. Who really knows Lynn? This sounds weird, but I want to be understood by everyone. Even if they don't like me, it's overly important that people understand my intentions and who I am. To a fault, for sure. But as far as who REALLY knows me....my Mom, in a lot of ways. Ainsley knows my heart. My high school BFF Kim. And a lot more close friends I don't want to list and exclude anyone, because they are the best ever and each of them has a slice o' my heart. Also, the longer I'm in therapy, the more I realize that I haven't known all these rumblings underneath the surface myself. That's pretty scary sometimes, but kinda liberating. Cause I try really annoyingly hard to Know Myself, and if I really don't, how can I expect anyone else to get me, or know themselves? DEEPDEEPEDEEPPSAYSOMETHINGDUMBABOUTBUTTSTOFEELLESSPRETENTIOUS You like to study people, what about people makes you smile and what makes you want to punch a baby (in a funny way)? People make me smile (at least internally, I love my flat affect) all the time. When they are awkward-cute, when they try to show they care, when they're nice. It's all very Kindergarten-sounding but true. People make me mad when they act like shitheads and aren't willing to Stuart Smalley-style take a look at themselves and make an effort to change or make amends, especially when the people who care about them ask them to. Not having my efforts in a relationship reciprocated. It doesn't have to be counting favors, but knowing it's unequal. People who stagnate and refuse to learn and grow. I won't punch a baby, cause that hurts me even comedy-wise, but I do actually imagine grabbing the back of people's heads and slamming their faces into the wall til they're covered in blood. Lately it's graduated to pushing them down the stairs, so I think my buried rage is subsiding. Oh, and people spitting food out of their mouths by accident cracks me up. What do you think love is? A huge spectrum of ways to care about people. There was a study that described it as "micro-moments of connection," and I really like the idea of love being something ongoing you find in so many different places. I've never loved any two people the exact same way and I think that's actually great. I also don't believe in the in love/out of love binary. And I never really say "I love you" to people, I'm working on it. Especially boyfriends. Even though, of course I love them, why do I need to say it?! It just seems cheesy and overly fraught with dramatic meaning ("omg, did you tell him you love him yet?"). Whatever, like I said, I'm working on it, OK? GOD. What's the meaning of life? To be happy and help make others happy. It sounds so simple! For me personally, to also try to get as much as I can out of my brain and onto paper/the stage/etc.To connect with people. It's the future, where are you? In NY or California with my Partner (marriage is optional) and our 3.4 kids. I'm making a living from my writing/performing and I don't have to do copywriting anymore. I know, boo-hoo, I freelance write. I'm an asshole. Also, I have 5 successful Indie Albums. Also also, I'm a therapist and a bounty hunter/PI. And really good at jiu-jitsu.
It's weird when we look back on our lives at some of the odd stuff we've done. Take this video, this is a video from a start up that I briefly worked at before everyone went crazy. It was by far one of the best summers of my life, but it lead to my life falling apart. Although, sometimes, things need to break to be rebuilt in a better way. But I look at this video and think about how many great friends I have now because of that whole thing, and what I've gained is so much more.