Sh!t My Boyfriend Says

A place to collect all those wonderful phrases that spill forth from my significant other's mouth.

[shitmyboyfrienddeclares]

"All I need is a bathroom, a caramel apple, and wigs"

[shitmyboyfrienddeclares]

"My sad Friday night: a pizza for five for one."

[shitmyboyfrienddeclares]

"Four score and seven watches ago."

[shitmyboyfrienddeclares]

"Every sentence afterwards that she spoke concerning my pudding packs ended in a question mark."

[shitmyboyfrienddeclares]

"Da. We made out. But not really. Cuz I'm a straight cup. But he touched my penis. Da."

[shitmyboyfrienddeclares]

"I will run. I am German."

[shitmyboyfrienddeclares]

"I'm a Martha Stewart gay. I have my shit together."

[shitmyboyfrienddeclares]

"Gay nerds are sword fighting near me. Come soon."

[shitmyboyfrienddeclares]

"That'd be a great trivia night name: Latina Effort."

[shitmyboyfrienddeclares]

Life motto: Eat a tight pussy.

[shitmyboyfrienddeclares]

By the end if this movie I'm going to be Anne Hathaway in the corner.

[shitmyboyfrienddeclares]

I don't have a spirit animal. I have spirit food. It's spaghetti.

[shitmyboyfrienddeclares]

If I ever have a clothing company it's going to be QRML, "Caramel".

[shitmyboyfrienddeclares]

I'm a man. Men don't fucking take their dresses off.

[shitmyboyfrienddeclares]

It tastes like a grimer and a muk snowballing a jigglypuff

[shitmyboyfrienddeclares]

If I don't get a compliment every five minutes I turn into a raging bitch.

[shitmyboyfrienddeclares]

Sometimes I picture Naomi Campbell sleeping in a meat locker with lots of hanging meat that she can gnaw on