Shit My Students Say

Just a daycare teacher surrounded by 2.5-5 yr olds who hears the funniest shit

[shitmystudentsay]

T *to kid sitting next to him*: you’re my friend sometimes.

Kid sitting next to him: do you wanna get ice cream.

[shitmystudentsay]

A: *leaning on the bench beside me* Amanda, I want you to come to my house. No other teachers just you.

Me: aw, thank you for inviting me. Why can’t the other teachers come?

A: *walks away blushing*

A: *circling back around me* you’re so cute, Amanda

[shitmystudentsay]

E: I want to be a monster!

A: you can’t be a monster!

Me: why can’t E be a monster?

A: because he’s too perfect.

[shitmystudentsay]

*student pats my tummy *

Student: you eat too much food!

[shitmystudentsay]

*three year old student and I playing with dolls*

K: I need to find my mommy! She’s lost!

Me: oh no! Where did she go?

K: jail

[shitmystudentsay]

*speaking to my student on her last day of school*

Me: M, what am I going to do if I don’t see you everyday?!

M: play with your other friends.

Me: but that’s not the same as playing with you!

M: mm-hm

M: *walks away*

[shitmystudentsay]

*the kiddos playing in the kitchen area*

L: it’s not fair, you have two knives and I only have one!

O: yeah, but we can split this cake.

[shitmystudentsay]

*sitting in our outside play space with a sleepy eyed three year old who just got up from her nap*

me: do you want to try monkey bars? Practice your tricks?

N: *sigh* fine

*does one trick on monkey bar and sits back down next to me*

N: I did it. I did the monkey bar trick. No more. I’m done. You hear me? I’m Tired.

Me: what about the slide?

N: *SIGH*

[shitmystudentsay]

N: *Handing me the toy phone* talk to the witch!

Me: *talks to witch about how N is also a Witch and interrogating her for info on what sort of spells N casts*

N: *eyes wide* Give me that!

N: *speaking into the phone* I will make you disappear!

N: *Slams phone down on receiver*

[shitmystudentsay]

One of the students was discussing the upcoming classroom changes and entering one of the schools two pre-K classes in September:

T: first I’ll be a sunshine or rainbow, then I’ll be a mom!

Me: *trying not to laugh* so you’ll leave pre-k and skip right to being a mom?

T: yep! And when I’m a mom I can go to moms work and work there.

Me: what’s moms job?

T:....something with computers and an office.

[shitmystudentsay]

M: *pouring a river of glue into some cardboard*

M: *to the tune of “we all live in a yellow submarine”* we are a yellow subparine, a yellow subparine.

M: *shoves a small puzzle piece into her glue soup*

M: we are a yellow subparine! A yellow subparine!

[shitmystudentsay]

M: *crawls slowly past me*

M: *sticks her butt out*

M: *glancing back at me* BOOTY

M:*crawls away*

[shitmystudentsay]

*at lunch we are discussing spicy food*

Z: do you know what you can’t eat because it’ll be too hot for you?

Me: what?

Z: bombs

[shitmystudentsay]

*the kids are playing pretend. Their favorite game is pet and owner*

O: pretend I have to go away and die and you’re sad.

R: oh yeah!

O: I have to go and die

R: oh no!

O: *falling to his knees before R and caressing his face*

O: I have to die. I have to.

O: *tosses himself dramatically across their block building*

R: don’t die here.

[shitmystudentsay]

We’re writing letters to the family to mail at the post office to their homes. They decorate the backs first.

Me: ok come on over so I can write your words! What do you want to say to your family?

I: I am a rainbow kitty named Rainbow sprinkle. Meow!

Her twin: beep boop bop!

[shitmystudentsay]

M: *flings herself onto the table*

M: why do I always have to be dead??

[shitmystudentsay]

Shit my students say

H: *holding out a bead bracelet she made to M*

H: I made this for you!

M: for who?!

H: for you!

M: for him? *points to another kid*

H: For YOU

M: for who? *slowly backing away*

H: for you!

M: *visibly fleeing* for who??