The Altar Boy
Anyone who follows my posts would think that Carl was a typical member of the Marlboro Youth Club (MYC), in his signature puffer uniform and the cigarette as he waits to meet one of his 'trainees'.
You'd be right.
Carl was brought up in a devout Catholic family, attending a Catholic church school, and his teenage ambition was to enter the priesthood. He was an altar boy from a young age, serving at the Mass each Sunday morning.
The elderly priest was always kind and encouraging, Fr. Paul was a gentle man who helped Carl to understand the deeper theologies of the faith.
Carl's problems started when he reached a late puberty, and he discovered that he had a sexual attraction to men. It was something that confused him, keeping it to himself for a long time as he prayed about it and felt guilt and remorse after masturbating. The only place he could turn was to his elderly priest and eventually told him about it. It took enormous courage, but Carl could no longer cope with the struggle and conflict on his own.
Fr. Paul listened as Carl sobbed after explaining it to the priest.
After a few moments of silence, "We are all given our crosses to bear, Carl", he eventually replied as he looked at Carl compassionately.
"It will always be difficult, but just resist temptation and focus on our Lord. The Devil tempts into grievous sin, but our Lord will give you strength and keep you on the path. I'll pray for you."
After their discussion, Carl felt as if a large weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Fr. Paul gave him a warm hug as Carl left for home.
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It was a few months later when Fr. Paul was taken ill. The congregation were distraught, but the diocese provided a visiting priest to serve the Mass on the following Sundays. A young priest, Fr. Joseph, was a curate from a parish about 40 miles away. Very different from the elderly priest - he was charismatic in an overt way. He joked and laughed a lot, and was instantly taken to heart by the people. One curious habit was that Fr. Joseph smoked cigarettes, and lit up outside the church as the congregation were leaving. Unusual these days, but the altar boys found it intriguing.
Fr. Paul was given retirement, and before he moved out of the vicarage to the nursing home, Carl visited for the last time.
"Will I see you again, Father?", Carl asked him with a deep sense of distress at the thought that he may not be able to see his mentor when he leaves.
"I hope so, Carl. I won't be able to go out, as my ailments won't allow it. I do hope you'll be able to visit. But... " Father Paul paused.
"I'm sure you'll find guidance in whatever new priest will take over from me. Put your trust in him, and he will help you with your temptations." "Now you should go, as I'm very tired. God bless you."
"Thank you, Father", Carl replied, as he stood up to leave, filled with emotions as he felt himself well up with tears in his eyes.
The following week, Fr. Joseph was appointed as the priest in charge of the parish, and moved into the vicarage the day after Fr. Paul moved out. At his sermon on the following Sunday, he emphasised the importance of the sacrament of Confession, and urged each parishioner to make it something they do regularly. After a particularly difficult struggle with masturbation, Carl decided he needed to confess, so went to the confessional the next time they were scheduled.
This was the first time he'd confessed to anyone other than Fr. Paul, so it was difficult for Carl. As he sat in the confessional with the grill between him and Fr. Joseph, he began. Through the grill, he could just make out Fr. Joseph's eyes peering back at him as he confessed his masturbation and sexual temptations.
After the prayer of absolution, Carl stood up to leave the confessional, but halted as the voice came to him... "Carl. Come and see me at the vicarage at six thirty.", his words firm.
Confused, but remembering Fr. Paul's words "Put your trust in him". "Yes, Father", Carl replied, then hurriedly scurried off.
Carl turned up obediently at the vicarage at the time he'd been given. Fr. Joseph opened the door with a warm smile and invited him into his lounge. "Sit down, Carl", he said, warmly.
"Tell me about yourself. What do you want to do in life? What are your concerns and problems? As your priest, I'm here to help you and gain your trust."
As Carl began to offload to Fr. Joseph, the priest's piecing eyes remained focused on Carl. He let Carl continue as he listened and registered all the information.
As Carl continued, Fr. Joseph reached forward to the pack of Marlboro Reds beside the ash tray on the coffee table in front of him, and lit one. Carl was surprised to see the priest smoking in the vicarage, but contunued.
As Carl began to tell him about his homosexual attractions and the temptations he was struggling with, the priest interrupted.
"Here, Carl. Take one of these", as he held the cigarette pack towards Carl. "It'll help you to relax."
"But, I'm too young to smoke, Father", Carl hesitantly replied.
The smile curled on the side of his lips as the priest replied in a hushed voice as he leaned forward.
"Who will know?"... and a broad grin crossed his mouth as he pushed the Marlboro pack towards Carl.
Carl took one from the pack, and Fr. Joseph instructed him on how to inhale.
"Now sit back, relax, and continue to tell me about your ... struggle".
Carl felt the rush of the nicotine as he let out a cough. It took a few drags on the Red before the coughing subsided as the smoke settled into the lungs.
"You see, Carl. Not all pleasures are bad. If you enjoy them, they can't be bad... can they?"
Carl was now buzzing from the nicotine, and the priest's fixed gaze on him felt different. It felt like a sort of bond forming between them. The eyes seemed to look different.. .to feel different as he drew the smoke from the cigarette into his lungs. Carl had never felt like this before.
"Continue to tell me about the temptations, Carl... Trust me. I want to help you.".
Carl continued to describe his fantasies, as the cigarette reached the filter. Fr. Joseph picked up the Marlboro pack and held it out as Carl stubbed the butt into the ash tray. Carl looked at the logo on the pack, and the temptation was irresistible.
"Take another", the priest instructed, his eyes opening wide with mischief.
As Carl continued to open himself to Fr. Joseph, he was interrupted...
"You see, Carl. This is how God made you. Not to resist it, but to enjoy it. To give into it. You were made for pleasure." Carl's trousers began to shift between his legs in response.
Carl called his parents to say he wouldn't be home for tea, as Fr. Joseph's penetrating gaze instructed it without even saying a word.
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For the following 2 hours, Carl became very familiar with the ashtray, lighter and pack of Marlboro Reds on Fr. Joseph's bedside cabinet in the smoke-filled bedroom. He'd return regularly for guidance and instruction from his priest. The guilt and conflict soon dissipated, as the addiction and hunger for pleasure deepened. The only temptation he was guided to resist was the temptation to pray. Fr. Joseph told him it would only cause him problems. The void that the praying left was replaced by a new form prayer and devotion in Fr. Joseph's bedroom, as the regular sessions focused Carl on the Marlboro pack at the side of the bed while they both smoked and indulged.
Within 3 month, Carl was ready for his initiation into the MYC, with Fr. Joseph appointed as his Handler. The other altar boys would soon be following.
"Put your trust in him, and he will help you with your temptations"
