S#*t Poems

Nothing But S#*t... Read them if you want...

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Tis No Life But My Life poem

Based upon a real Gangster:

My life is like a riddle, please remember the meaning of Christ and try not to tiddle. Tis my Life (rapper laugh) haha. I aint no rich toff however don't treat me like a moth In-brace the situation and don't brush me off i'm here to tell you a story and if you find it boring...Oh well go and tell your mother BOOM! (rapper laugh) hah  Doing shit poems is as easy as cake so lets do some gardening and use that rake! lets cut the grass! no one has done a poem before about getting on your hands and knees, cleaning those weeds! I aint ganna be the first to set a new trend so im ganna be honest let me take you round the bend!  Wanna send a message to all ma boys, i'm a homey and one of the guys! I class myself as a follower like a sheep and listen to music that relates to ma boys! I grew up with ma homeys on an estate life was really hard but now its great! Tis no life but my life so step away! Take a step back and inhale my words I'm a gangster with lots of birds! Tis no life but my life with my baggy baggy trouser and my Adidas trainers! I don't walk normally as i decided to bounce, i look real reem when im in the TOWN! OSHH Tis no Life but MY LIFE! Yea I box and what!!!!

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Mr Authority

I have a degree and now i earn over 200K a year and I use this information to undermine other people because i’m Mr Authority. I don’t listen to your small voice because i am a lawyer and I use this to undermine your knowledge and make you listen to me. Do you understand who I am? I’m Mr Authority.  I question everyone’s job because that’s my job. Frowning is what I do best, so don’t tell me what to do I’m Mr Authority I don’t listen to children like you.  I sit in my chair and hell ya its got my name on it I don’t get paid 200k for nothing. I have lots of different cars which takes up lots of space. I pay for these so there is nothing you can do. I’m Mr Authority you can’t sue me. Don’t question this with your ideology its all about the money 200k. I make my problems your problem

Forgotten my passwords = your problem

Lost my dog = your problem

Cooking My dinner = your problem 

Do the math and back it up with cash. I work really hard to undermine your situation, listen to me and I shall end your life haha I've just Bankrupt your wife. 

i’m Mr Authority who earns 200K a year!!! 

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Train sleeper wanker

We all know your a lier when your trying to sleep just to avoid the train 🚂 conductor. You won't pull the eyes over super train conductor. Fines will fly and you will be caught because your just a Train sleeper wanker. How poor are you? Or how far are you traveling that you need to do dirty and avoid the train conductor. If you have done this then explain yourself! Because sleeping on the train is no crime just don't use it to bind your time. Pay that fine and do your time ⌚. Your not asleep because everyone has just seen you a wake and as soon as the conductor comes around your in the deepy deepy phase 3 sleep. Your just a Train Sleeper Wanker!

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The Football boys

Yea yea we are the football boys yea yea we kick the ball very hard

so hard. 

We like to score goals and punch the air because we are the football boys so sound that horn. 

I am a football boy and I cry when my team scores, because i’m a real football boy. Kick that ball yea yea. Kick that ball yea yea.

We like to take our tops off when our team wins!     

My name is DAVE and my last name is ROONEY because i’m such a true football boy! I have a son who is a true football boy. He has tattoos and his only three, I also changed is name after Thierry Henry!    

N N N NO  NO NO NO N N NO with a deep voices and lot of fucking drinks!, N N NO NO NO NO NO N N No. BEER! LETS ALL HUGE EACH OTHER REALLY TIGHTLY AND JUMP!! J J J JUMP!! J J J JUMP!! J U M P!

NOOO!!! I get really really angry when my team loses so a punch the air and maybe other people, so I don’t care. But that’s OK because my team lost!

We are the football boys and we are really cool! If my team don’t win then I will just put my son in the bin! 

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The willy man

The willy man with boobs poem

Take a picture of the willy man with boobs and shake it all about don't be fooled as the willy man with boobs can change at any time so this is the reason why we created this rhyme

flash flash thats the sound of the kazoo, ooo ooo oo the willy man with boobs his here at the zoo so sound that kazoo

monkey monkey don't be scared this human is friendly with his hand shakes lets have a whistle wander through the zoo to find the willy man with boobs having a poo

that's the natural thing to do for the willy man with boobs.

Shazham Shazham flabber flabber ding ding now the willy man with boobs can cast its songs on you! Wizard shizzle in willy man with boobs mouth. golden times when we are leaving the EU. Lets all come together to sing with the willy man with boobs!

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The white piece of paper that I loved

Paper your such fun, haha Paper your so white I can see my shadow. Paper I like to draw on you and turn you into my pal! Paper i like to screw you up and throw you against my wall i wont leave you paper I love you. Paper you can be my buddy Paper ooo Paper your dirty and needed cleaning with my water ................. ...................... ....................................... ..................................... oh no paper ...................... ................. ....................... ................................... ...................................... ..................................................

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