Parks and Rec Quotes Meme (change any pronouns where its required!)
“I tried to make ramen in the coffee pot and broke everything.”
“See, there’s more things to do on the internet than look at naked guys.”
“I’m not afraid of cops, I have no reason to be. I never break any laws, ever… Because I’m deathly afraid of cops.”
“She originally put me in charge of the hot dogs at this fundraising barbecue, and I dropped them all. All of them. Like, a thousand.”
“You look like I could use some company.”
“He’s in love with you and he has a GUN?!”
“Is she gonna powder her… vagina?”
“Do you think a depressed person could make this? NO.”
“Oh, Lord. Is he eating soup? On a bench? Alone?”
“She’s the worst person I’ve ever met. I want to travel the world with her.”
“You’re a smart, successful young man, with an adorable little belly. Stand up for yourself!”
[Gasps] “A game is the foot!”
“He’s a mutt. Half amazing, half terrific.”
“He’s like a brilliant, sexy little hummingbird.”
“Hey, honey, good morning! How did you sleep? I adopted thirty-two cats and dogs. Do you want pancakes?”
“You have to stop your stupid swagger and tell her in a normal voice that you care about her.”
“If I keep my body moving, and my mind occupied at all times, I will avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair.”
[Aggressively] “You have plenty of jeans!”
“Please hurry, I’ve been wearing a bandana as underwear for three days now.”
“I’m simply gonna explain to the crowd that love is everywhere and they simply have to surrender to the flow of the universe, yaknow?”
“Hi, is there maybe a medication that you need a lot of and have taken none of - or maybe too much of today?”
“You don’t let anything happen to him, understand me? He is precious cargo!”
“Oh my god, these dogs are so cuuute. I wanna throw up and kill myself.”
“I need to go lie down for 45 minutes. No, an hour. A full hour!”
[singing] “___’s sitting on my lap, shouldn’t tell her that I need to take a crap, oh no.”
“Okay, I’m gonna need the sarcasm to take a looong walk right now.”
“These kids are tearing my house apart and I need you to calm them with the power of song!”
“I’m sorry that I thwarted you at every turn.”
“I have an idea. Its not illegal, technically, but it is a dick move.”
“If I come down there, can I at least break something?”
“Oh, thank god you’re here. I got so bored I started thinking about existence.”
“I’ll wear that red thing when you deserve to see me in that red thing.”
“Do not blame me for the sins of my mother!”
“Oh, Hitler, you sexy bastard.”
“I love your team, sir. I love them like they’re my own children.”
“The zodiac killer didn’t confess, why do I have to?”
“Your shoes are red now!”
“You better give me back that megaphone, that belongs to my aunt.”
“I’m feeding your eagle. He’s starving!”
“Well, I really like cats. And dogs sure are great.”
“No, I don’t like this game. I don’t know what the rules are!”
“Holy mother of Malia! And Sasha! I love them both equally.”
“There is no quiet anymore. There is only Doc McStuffins.”
