Does It Really Matter?
I’ve been in New York City for over two years now. Classic story of a girl who finished her studies in the Big Apple and decided to stay. I always felt creative so it was an evidence for me. The pace, the people, the opportunities… I could see it already: “Misel Gilbert, young designer reshaping the fashion industry around moral and philosophical values breaking social and gender barriers.” Forbes 30 under 30, CFDA awards, everything! I’m a dreamer and I dream big what can I say? The irony is I didn’t study fashion and I’m not sure I’m barely getting started right now. One day I found this cool job, made good money and suddenly it was like I turned on the autopilot mode and didn’t really think about why I was doing what I was doing in the first place. It was all set up: this job will get me experience and connexions that will allow me to transition towards bigger opportunities until I know enough to launch my own label with CJ.
But I never really took the time to understand why I wanted to work in fashion in the first place. And as I’m typing right now, I’m still not quite sure. Yes I love clothes, I love styling and I am creative. I was being an artist before I even knew what an artist was. I probably wrote over 10 books and drew just as many collections, I played all the instruments and learned all the dances. It’s just how it is.
But it doesn’t feel enough for me. I keep on thinking and then it’s just this spiral of questions, an internal scream I can’t shut: “Why am I in New York City?”, “Why do I have social media?”, “Who am I?”, “Why do I exist?” “Does what I do even matter?” It’s like I finally wake up from my preprogrammed life in a capitalist society that dictates my every move and thoughts. But how do I know that there’s not something better for me elsewhere?
Let me explain.
I had the chance to travel a lot. I lived in London for a little bit, then Argentina, China and ended up here in New York. I’m grateful I could witness what life is on the other side of the world and China is the experience that touched me the most. What I realized when I was there is that too often we forget what is not in our visual field. We forget that there are billions of people that have never heard of Rihanna, Beyonce, Lindsey Lohan or Brad Pitt. Same people who don’t care about 99% of the things we care about. They just happened to be born and grow up in a radically different dynamic, shaped by a radically different society that obeys different rules, traditions and expectations. Just like here in the US, there are rich and poors and a million different careers, a million different ways to be happy as well. But none of us aspire to make a life there because we are ignorant, we are ethnocentric. And when you start realizing it, you just feel you’re missing out.
I say “Does It Really Matter?” because sometimes I forget what the real goal is. Is it to be successful or is it to be happy? In a world where there’s a rating for everything, how do we know what to look for. This morning I woke up and felt like all I needed was to have my own little restaurant in Italy. I would cook only fresh products from local farmers and I would have a goat or two, and probably a dog too. I would make my own olive oil and have dinner with my neighbors. Some days I think about having my own farm in Colombia and selling my products on the market. Both ideas make me as equally happy as being a successful designer here in NYC. Some times I have to stop to understand if what I’m doing matters, meaning if what I’m doing truly makes me happy. Because at the end of the day, that’s the only purpose we have in life. We’re just all trying to smile every now and then and have a few people to talk to.