//

vent blog.

[shouldknow]

*blows the dust off this blog* anyways can't wait until I die lol

[shouldknow]

if i try, something will happen. i know what i’m capable of when i feel abandoned. i can go to a really dark place, and it’s a place where i can hurt myself, and i never want to be in that place again ever.

[shouldknow]

you’ve got to stop burning everything to the ground whenever one thing goes wrong. you want to be the best, and you have to let that go. embrace the suck. / i don’t want to embrace the suck. i want things to not suck.

[shouldknow]

i destroy things in my dreams. i scream and argue until everyone hates me, them i wake up in tears from how real it feels. sunday mornings are like this.

[shouldknow]

sometimes you’ve got to succeed in spite of your parents instead of because of them

[shouldknow]

sometimes you get sad when we're together because you're not sure if you'll miss me when I'm gone

[shouldknow]

nothing to show for the life that i’ve lived and no one who’s better off for having known me

[friend-suggestions]

what happened to us? why did we fall apart like we did? i tried to keep us together because i loved you, but…did you not love me enough to even stay in contact?

[shouldknow]

i mean, the last thing i need is for someone to pity me, but thanks

[shouldknow]

i think i’ve felt inconsequential since middle school began

[shouldknow]

and then you make new friends and then “we’ll skype in a week” and you say that we’re gonna be fine

[shouldknow]

We used to be friends and now I'm just this mess that you have to take care of. We used to--it used to be different.

[shouldknow]

i’m not MAD at ANYONE i’m just disgusted with myself and in that stupid pathetic “you’re mad at me you hate me you’re going to abandon me” bs

[shouldknow]

you can’t keep doing this, you can’t keep doing shitty things and then feel bad about yourself like that makes it okay. you need to be better. you are all the things that are wrong with you. it’s not the shitty things that happened to you in your career or when you were a kid, it’s you, alright? it’s you.

[shouldknow]

see i hate this i hate it no one ever ends the friendship when i’m having a mental breakdown or sm they wait until i’m fine until i think we’re fine and i hate that so much bc then it’s just me that they left, it’s me that they didn’t talk to for weeks

[shouldknow]

it’s not irrational, though

[shouldknow]

ugh ! anyways