SURVIVE & REVIVE

ind & private canon divergent abigail hobbs adored by root

[claricestarling]

I still dream about Abigail. I dream about teaching her how to fish.

[shrikeheld-blog]

im gonna try and be here again after this weekend (im really busy w pride fest and stuff) i’ve been gone longer than i meant to and im sorry for that :c it kinda turned into one of those endless loops where the longer i waited the harder it was to get back into writing here 

[ellenfanshaw]

abigail hobbs + red for abigailxhobbs

[edthatch-blog]

[shrikeheld-blog]

LIST FOUR SONGS THAT REMIND YOU OF YOUR MUSE

Blinding by Florence + The Machine

Seems that I have been held in some dreaming state

A tourist in the waking world, never quite awake

No kiss, no gentle word could wake me from this slumber

Until I realize that it was you who held me under 

Grown Ocean by Fleet Foxes

In that dream moving slow through the morning

You would come to me then without answers

Lick my wounds and remove my demands for now

Eucalyptus and orange trees are blooming

In that dream there's no darkness alluded

Castle-Time by Chris Garneau

I was looking for exit signs.

I was looking for lucky nines, 

And we're talking in boring rhymes.

Face it, we're living in war times.

Werewolf by Fiona Apple

I could liken you to a werewolf

The way you left me for dead

But I admit that I provided a full moon

And I could liken you to a shark

The way you bit off my head

But then again I was waving around a bleeding open wound

tagged by: @empathicdesign (thank you !!)

tagging: YOU !!!

[shrikeheld-blog]

empathicdesign replied to your post:

//Never! <3 And the way I see it, if someone IS impatient, they're in the wrong hobby. Always write for yourself! Though I know it's easier said than done. Also, if you ever need to vent or scream about our kids (ah, muses xD), you can IM me if you'd like! I feel like I harass you on the dash a lot lol.

screaming about muses is practically all i do jksklasjks but i’ll certainly take you up on that!

[shrikeheld-blog]

empathicdesign replied to your post: i feel like most of what i’ve tried writing today...

//You’ve never written shit. <3 But I feel this on a spiritual level, gruhhh. All writers go through lows and highs, and we can’t be expected to be well-oiled machines/churn stuff out 24/7, so definitely take time for yourself! :)

thank you for this ! i was on such a roll the past few days too so the crash hurts a little more than usual lol. hard to not feel like im letting people down even though logically i know that this is such a common thing among writers.

[shrikeheld-blog]

i feel like most of what i’ve tried writing today is absolute shit and i just keep writing the same thing over and over again, so i’m sorry in advance if i don’t write anything else on here until tomorrow :c

[shrikeheld-blog]

swansvng :

   “ nah , ” her reply is simple , tossing the magazine down at the other . Jo had ‘ found ’ a bunch of old magazines , knowing that the Abigal would enjoy fiddling with them . she was always incredibly talented .

    leaning over , Jo’s curls tickle Abby’s neck , watching the collage come to life . “ I think we’ll be fine . it said we’re pretty well matched . && , that looks super cool , dude . ”

“What a relief.” She’s almost certain Jo would defy the stars if the answer was not to her liking anyway. She twists off the cap of an Elmer’s glue stick and smiles at the nostalgia brought along with the POPPING sound it made. “You can keep it if you want. I’m not sure how I feel about this one.” She hadn’t gone in with a planned theme and was convinced it showed. 

[butterflycaps]

[shrikeheld-blog]

empathicdesign :

Time and time again? Had someone informed her of Eldon Stammet’s abduction? Will had specifically requested that Abigail be left in the dark on that matter, because he hadn’t believed the added strain was necessary. She was alright. That was all that was truly important.

“I’ve saved you because it was the right thing to do,” Will said. The words sounded cold and impersonal somehow, and rang falsely in his ears. It wasn’t as if he could even begin to explain why, because he, himself didn’t understand it. He didn’t understand the almost burdensome responsibility he felt toward her, nor the ache he felt at the idea of leaving her behind. He had been abandoned by his mother at a young age – perhaps that was part of it.

Hesitant, Will added, “Do you not feel worthy of being saved? Sometimes in life, you don’t need a reason to do something – you just do it, and then feel content that you’ve made the right choice. I know for certain that that’s the case with you.”

Keeping secrets is easier said than done in a setting such as theirs. She would have much preferred to hear about such events from him instead of crudely whispered into her ear. While she was still in the process of shedding the sedatives no less. She can’t bring herself to resent any of his decisions, for without them would she even be here? 

Her gaze drops to study her knees instead of Will’s expression. It’s not often she resorts to lack of eye contact as a shield. It’s not an act she even fully understands in others. She weighs her response before parting her lips. “I’m not sure that I am.” There’s an unspeakable truth weighing heavy on her chest. An unspeakable secret that feels all too much like a ticking time bomb. It’ll be sure to come out one day. She hates it. She hates lying to HIM.

“I just hope... you don’t-” She’s stumbling over her words. “I don’t want to do anything to risk you regretting that decision.” And she knows she’s become another responsibility. Whether that is simply inner anxiety or an accurate observation isn’t important. It feels all too real for her to brush away. She’s holding yet another person back.

[shrikeheld-blog]

swansvng :

    she’d recently come out of the bath , relaxing on her bed ( she’s nude beneath her cozy robe , of course ) with a magazine in her hands . “ … what’s my sign again ? Aries ? it says that I won’t get along well with a Virgo . are you a Virgo ? ”

“Sagittarius if I’m not mistaken.” She’s on the floor leaning against the frame of Jo’s bed, busying herself with a collage. She finishes freeing a woman walking her dogs from a bustling cityscape perfume ad, and looks up. “I hope we’re not secretly enemies too.” She'd hate to lose a new friend so fast.

[shrikeheld-blog]

Hello! I just wanted to let you know that your Abigail is lovely. I enjoyed (and felt pain) reading your responses to asks and RP threads. How human and layered you write her honestly makes me sad about her all over again, and wishing she got justice.

what a lovely message to wake up to ! that's really sweet of you to say anon, and i’m glad someone other than me gets a kick out of this blog <3

[shrikeheld-blog]

If you had the opportunity to ask your dad why he did what he did, would you? Is that why you hang around people like Will Graham? Since he could potentially answer that?

Again, Abigail finds herself confronted with the same fear. Looking too closely into that mirror. She swallows an excuse, knowing the questions would only keep coming. Perhaps it would prove worthy to rehearse a script of all these frequently asked questions.

“I…” Starting out strongly with a stammer. She takes a moment to compose herself, mulling over the various ways she could answer and taking into mind the social CONSEQUENCES of each. She knows one day she will have to learn to face such things head-on. But that thought is buried much too deep, and today is not that day. “I might like to. The victims’ families deserve answers too.” A vague answer she knows she’ll remember for next time… yet it’s not the truth. She doesn’t know how to answer this and she doesn’t want to give herself the time to think. “These people I surround myself with… it’s because I can trust them, the things they’ve seen. They can help me. They understand.” 

[shrikeheld-blog]

What do you think made your dad shift into a murderer? Do you blame yourself?

Oh, she does not want to answer this. She does not want to have this conversation again. Strangers forcing their way into every aspect of her life had quickly evolved into the BANE of her existence. Almost making Freddie’s book sound like a solution. Get the full story out once and live in peace at last… how tempting. Abigail could not deny her interest in psychology sparked due to the shithole her life had turned into. Yet, she has absolutely no desire to psychoanalyze her father, that’s off limits, that’s for the professionals. For the outsiders. Or maybe its a fear, a fear of looking too closely into the mirror. 

“It would be hard not to blame myself, wouldn’t it?” Her tone is laced with a bitterness that rarely came out ever since she had begun to isolate, seeking comfort and companionship almost exclusively within Dr. Lecter and Will Graham. Of course, there is another key component pointing to her guilt. Strangers with faces she will soon forget won’t hear it from her. “That is the story going around, isn’t it. Lonely man has a daughter leaving home soon… looks like I’m the cause of this after all.” Case closed. 

[shrikeheld-blog]

empathicdesign :

For a moment, Will was stricken by the sound of Abigail’s laughter. When disarmed, she had a soft, unjaded girlishness about her that touched his heart. He wanted to protect that spark – to keep her guarded and safe, even though he knew it was wrong of him to interfere. Welcoming in his demons was akin to inviting a hornet’s nest.

Rolling his lips inward, Will slowly shook his head. “I’m not so sure I did,” he admitted. “Granted, everyone says that all things heal with time, but I’m under the belief that they don’t. You never heal, you just grow numb to the pain.” With a shaky laugh, he apologized, “I’m sorry… There’s a reason I’m not a grief counselor. I’ve grown rather cynical in my old age, but I just want you to know that everyone’s different. I can already tell that you’re strong and capable, so you’ll be alright.” Hesitant, he finally sank down into the chair alongside her. “I know a part of you must resent me, and you have every right to, but…if you’ll allow me the privilege, I’d very much like to help you get back on track.”

She’s not disheartened. If anything she regains hope. Perhaps it’s just the KINDNESS in his words. With the return of her soft smile, she nods slowly and mulls over his words in her head like a mantra. It provides a strength, similar to the way the hot chocolate had, although it was now resting momentarily forgotten in her soft grip against her legs. “Greif counselor or not, I think that has been one of the more helpful things I’ve heard.” She wants to thank him more clearly, but those words have always felt CLUNKY leaving her lips. Almost as if the more direct she is in that sense, the less genuine she came off. 

Abigail’s soft features harden in thought. Her tone, although confused, could not be described as ungrateful. “I’m not sure I can resent you. I’m just... not sure why time and time again you’ve swooped in to save me somehow.” 

[shrikeheld-blog]

empathicdesign :

“There are, actually – the best and biggest is Foreman’s Bird Branch Observatory, located three miles northeast of Chestertown. It’s about an hour and a half from here, so it’s not insurmountable,” Will assured her. “Hopefully there’s indoor parking, because I’d hate to see that disaster.” His (feeble) attempt at humor caused his eyes to crinkle around the edges.

Unbidden, a barking laugh caught in Will’s throat, which he immediately quelled. It somehow seemed inappropriate for him to laugh, even if Abigail had possibly meant her remark in jest.

“If it makes you feel any better, I was young when my father died, too. I had to bury him before I even graduated from the Academy. We were…very close. He was my best friend, actually.”

The girl doesn’t make an attempt to keep the inevitable giggle ( although... perhaps it would be more accurately described as a snort ) at bay. Whether she had found the joke itself or the simple fact that this was Will’s peak choice of comedy, as humorous is unclear even to her. MAYBE it was simply hearing him laugh.

But her expression softens, as does her gaze. She’s unsure how to press on. Of course, now she’s curious and full of at least million questions. That statement, although it didn’t make her feel BETTER, managed to boost her kinship with Will. Truthfully, she’d like nothing more than to listen to childhood stories of his own. “How long did it take for you to heal?” Healing seems like such an outrageous state of mind, she’s already convinced herself how unlikely it is to happen.