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Alec: When I first met you, I did not like you.

Clary: I'm aware of that.

Alec: But then you and I spent some time together.

Clary: Uh huh?

Alec: It didn't get better.

Clary: [watching the news] Some idiot tried to fight a duck at the park today.

Jace [covered in bites and feathers]: Maybe the duck was being a dick.

#s: tumblr

Izzy: In your opinion, what’s the height of stupidity?

Maia [looking Jace straight in the eye]: 5'11".

Simon: Are you ever scared of anything?

Jace: Yeah, dying alone. That’s why I brought you here.

#s: ?

Jace: How come Simon still doesn't understand that I like him?

Maia: All you do is stare at him like a creep, and when you’re actually talking to each other, you’re mean to him.

Jace: I'm not mean. That's me flirting.

Maia: Oh boy.

#s: tumblr

Jace: Alec, I just realized I had a bad childhood.

Alec: Yeah, I know.

#s: bob's burgers

Clary: Izzy's going to introduce me to her mom as her girlfriend. I know everything about Maryse, therefore I know exactly the type of person I need to be in order for her to think I'm good enough for Izzy.

Simon: Clary, you'll be fine. Just be yourself.

Clary: Be myself? Simon, I have one day to win over Izzy's mom. How long did it take before you guys started liking me?

Magnus: Couple weeks.

Maia: Six months.

Alec: Jury's still out.

Clary: See, Simon? "Be myself?" What kind of garbage advice is that?

Alec: I lost Clary!

Jace: How did you lose Clary?!

Alec: Give me a break. She's like two inches tall.

#s: tumblr

Clary: So, are you excited to play your first solo gig tonight?

Simon: Clary. You just found out you're a Shadowhunter, and you have to hunt demons. A little perspective.

Raphael: He took his name off the list.

Simon [to Raphael]: I'm breaking up with you.

Luke: This is just one small corner of the world. There's a lot more out there to see, and I'd like you to see it.

Maia [scoffs]: I don't much like the corners that I've already seen.

Clary: You wouldn't think it's weird that I'm trying to contact my dead mother?

Simon: Honestly, after everything we've experienced, it'd be weird if you weren't.

#s: tvd

Simon: It's weird how british people say 'lift' instead of 'elevator.'

Izzy: And how my mom says "you're a disappointment" instead of "I love you."

Simon: What would you do if you won the lottery?

Jace: I'd probably buy a big piece of land in Maine, build a house, work in town. Somewhere I could bike to or kayak to. And I'd either bike to my job at the kayak shop or kayak to my job at the bike shop.

Clary: And then on the weekends, would you hackysack back to reality and spend time with your wife and kids?

Jace: Whoa, saucy. I thought you liked Maine.

Clary: I think we should get a townhouse in Soho.

Magnus: Soho's mostly lofts, but okay.

Clary: And then, every morning, I'd walk out onto my terrace, and I would breathe in the inspiration of the city. You know, and just gather ideas for my painting.

Alec [rolling his eyes]: Oh, God.

Clary: And then my handsome husband--

Jace: Which, ideally, would be me.

Clary: --would bring me a flavored coffee.

Jace: Stop. I'm a barista in your fantasy?

Clary: Well, in your fantasy, we're Stephen King characters.

#s: the office

Izzy: Just act mature.

Jace: Okay.

*later*

Clary: So, what do you do for fun?

Jace: Taxes.

Alec: The eagles won last night.

Izzy: You watched the game?

Jace: *walks in covered in blood and scratches*

Alec: What game?

Magnus: Cat told me Madzie said a bad word in class.

Alec: Where the fuck did she learn that?

#s: twitter

Alec: I wasn't sure what kind of chocolates you liked so I got them all

Magnus: Alexander... There are like 300 boxes here...

Alec: I panicked, okay!! Valentines can be very stressful!!

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shadowhunters incorrect quotes