in which i sporadically analyze random things

they/them

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did this blog die? I love your thoughts!

hi! i actually, believe it or not, am still working on stuff. if you guys have any recommendations for things i have thoughts about id love that. maybe expect more? indefinitely soon hopefully. thanks!

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Leafys struggle with relationships. [BFB-BFDI SPOILERS]

Leafy is my favorite character of like, everything. I’ve always related to her and she definitely is just the most interesting, multi-faceted character that goes under minded. She struggles to make friendships because of her overbearing and hard to trust nature. I see a lot of people demonize her for how she treats people, but she’s not intentionally trying to do this. Leafy’s main issue is communication, trust, and empathy.

Something most common is her is her need for control. Leafy controls her diagrams and lists, helping her have regulation and patterns. She likes when people act a certain way she does, and becomes upset when people don’t. While she never really controls anyone actively, people just avoid her because of this. Bubble is one of her first friends, who seems to really want to appeal to her. But Leafy has a hard time trusting her because she doesn’t fit her friend system, which causes drama between the two.

To specify, Leafy isn’t manipulative. Never does she intentionally do anything to control other people, rather just shuns or ignores others she doesn’t like. This isn’t intentional, as she seems to want to have everyone as friends but lacks the ability to understand them when they don’t act a specific way she’s familiar with. Bubble and her friendship was bad because Bubble lacked the understanding of what Leafy’s going through vs Leafy’s nature of miscommunication. Leafy is untrustworthy of objects because of how they treat one another. Her own self importance makes her believe that she has worth, when in actuality she’s just different from others.

It appeared that she constantly tried to please others but when they rejected her or were how she viewed rude. This is how her system functioned to protect her. It’s understandable for her to come off as rude or controlling, but in my eyes she was just worried. Her isolation and build up of frustration caused her to have no one for years. So when she came back, she over compensated twice as much to get people to like her yet still had the same systems that hurt her.

When she was voted off for accidentally killing balloony, it seemed to help her to be in a nice setting not surrounded by the game. From there her character has rocky moments from her past, but genuinely seems to be trying to break her mold.

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Liam and Bryce. [SPOILERS EP 10-11]

I loved the new ONE episodes! Some of my favorite so far, especially the music and the side characters. It introduces dissociation and pain in so many new ways in very untapped form of media. Object shows are absolute perfect outlets for stories that need to be used more, and ONE is a wonderful example. Liam and Bryce, in the new episodes are defiantly troubling to a lot because of the brashness that is their characters in such vulnerable situations.

Starting with Bryce, we can assume that at one point he had a lot of hope. He was a graduate at some form of college and was ready to follow his passions but at another point was completely lost in alcoholism and a dead end job. And even when we see him phase back to normal like it was a dream, he doesn’t seem to allow him to process what happened to him and the trauma he endured but rather sweeps it off as some sort of nightmare. Even when it’s been so long he assures Liam that he’s doing the best he has, but it’s hard to believe that based on how he’s taking out his frustrations on a clueless Liam. However when he first sees Liam, is when is mind breaks into that anger. He upset that Liam is there and even exists because it reassures the idea that everything he went through was real and he can’t hide from it. This is what appears to be his large issue.

Whatever his fall from grace was has left him isolated in his own issues so much that he can’t even admit he was a hostage, so much so he actively spends his days doing activities to ignore them and not have to face the awful truth of what happened. This is possibly what he meant by doing better. Now that he’s off the show, he can go back to normal. How he was used to his everyday life being even if it’s as shitty as before, it’s better then what he was going through on the show. Even if he made bonds or saw out objects, he was still okay with turning that away if it meant the gain of his own sanity.

This characterization is honestly wonderful. The way it easily folds to say someone who experiences trauma, it’s crafted to turn away and shun that broken part of self. It’s hard to admit and face the horrible things that happened to yourself, which is clearly a battle he’s fighting by shutting the door. But when he hears that Amelia is still trapped in the plane, is when he gives in. It’s his guilt that he built up creeping back to him that while, he won’t confront, he’ll allow to slip through and detest him. It’s no longer a battle but a large ocean being held back by a glass door that’s about to break. Each crack is symbolic for every time he slips up, allows his suspicion to take over. That is until the dam cracks and we see Texty back.

I’d also like to bring light to the things he says to Backpack during the argument. How most of what he is saying is deflection of the actual subject that Liam is trying to point out or honesty in that he doesn’t want apart of it. The deflection is a trauma respond to defend himself from any actual truth of the matter. How he points out the door thing, or that Liam didn’t seem to bring up Amelia. Which were all Liam’s own trauma response, but we’ll talk about that in a minute. Bryce seems terrified of confronting what truly happened to him several months ago, so he takes frustration and builds a wall to never think about it and try to pretend it’s normal when it’s not.

Backpack on the other hand, seems quite aware. For almost all of the show he’s seen suffering silently, praying that he’ll escape with an optimistic yet painful outlook. He’s clearly suffering but he doesn’t allow any of that get in the way. Even when he’s homeless, is considered dead, and has to travel a week just to get to his last hope. Some may criticize Liam for waiting outside Bryce’s house for so long or trying to get him to open up. However I think this is clearly just his reaction to desperation. He’s lost so much mentally that his last chance to even prove to anyone he’s alive or okay is through this one thing. It’s incredibly important to him that he even begins crying or just screaming at a door with nothing to offer. Its painful for him to have never had any proof of the trauma he went through when everyone who also knew was just gone from him. He wanted to save them, but lacked being able to by himself.

Liam seemed desensitized at first due to his dissociation but now in a seemingly real world, everything hits him like a brick. Nothing makes sense, and all he’s left with his sticky notes he can barely understand besides a single address. During his argument he wants so badly to relate and share that experience with Bryce, he asks if they were even friends or if it even mattered at all to him what would happen. It was incredibly important to Liam to have closure and save the rest while not even confronting his own trauma at all.

During the cut scene we sort of see him fall back into his habit of silence followed by prolonged dissociation where he thinks heavily on the plane or possibly his trauma but he doesn’t address it but rather just wants to have reassurance and help. Even if it’s for others he seems to cling onto it as if it’s personal to him. As if he lets go all will fall apart and he’ll be back at square one. Which truly, he would. He doesn’t have anything. A job, money, a place to be, and most likely doesn’t have anyone he can go to. His isolation seems to be a constant theme and struggle of his character that it’s very apparent in his own physical life.

Both Liam and Bryce share themes of trauma but their own bickering is because the polar opposites of what they want. One wants closer to the issue while the other wants farther and it seems to be a push and pull situation where they may get closer but farther at the same time. Liam wants to understand and reassure his existence is real, and that he’s going to save his friends but Bryce wants nothing to do with it.

Both are very well written not only in that it’s a very realistic way they’d both react to trauma, it pushes the narrative closer and helps make sense why the two are chosen to be protagonists. ONE is written as a piece of art to be looked at and taken something away from it. No matter what you take away from it is your own slice of story, as all art is made for interpretation. Which is a key element in the art of ONE. Just because I write hefty reviews and analysis’s means I’m correct in every way or it doesn’t conflict with others opinion. In fact it’s the exact reason hundreds of people enjoy ONE for what they can enjoy about it. Personally my favorite aspect of ONE is the music, not the characters! But I still like to look at it as the long piece of work that it is.

I hope you enjoy ONE just as much as I do and can take your own slice of interpretation from it, because it’s full of ways to be dissected!

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Mae analysis follow up. (NITW SPOILERS)

Some things that I forgot to mention and would like to emphasize are three points i’ll split up so it’s easier on the eye is; Bea and Mae’s relationship and Mae’s homelife,

Starting with one of the heaviest of subjects is the twos friendship. Bea appears to begrudgingly allow Mae on her ventures but they end up bonding in clearer areas with one another along the time with one another. I think it’s really important how they interact and enjoy one another, while Mae still constantly making mistakes. As I said last time, she has a hard time knowing when to not speak and it’s very apparent less with Gregg and more with Bea. I believe it’s this way because of the familiarity with their relationships. Gregg knows Mae and her personal flaws, and are close enough to feel comfortable to at least not screw up around one another. Bea and Mae on the other hand have little to no communication or build up with one another as the prior. This is what really drives the dynamic between the two, and It’s really important to enforce that while of course they care for one another, it’s under extreme circumstance. Mae implies in the scene after the party they are just friends out of being stuck with one another, while Bea seems to think this is funny she doesn’t correct her. In fact, despite the quite sad fact it’s true, Bea sort of confirms it with the other with a silent agreement.

Mae continuously messes up situations with Bea, but always apologizes without really know what she did wrong. I think because of Bea’s extreme enclosed self, it’s hard for her to communicate with Mae who’s the exact opposite. But they still share the same humor and love for one another, they struggle to communicate and it leads to repetitive issues. While it’s definitely Mae’s wrong for ruining Bea’s social situations, plus being a general asshole when the two talk— but perhaps it could have changed if Bea explained her feelings more. I adore these two, they allow one of the most crucial features in the game and that’s frustration. Time and time again, we as the player watch as the narrative forcefully makes us upset by the game because that’s how realistic and personal it gets. Like Mae’s breakdown at the party, or the car scene.

Another important thing to point out is, while both her parents are supportive as we see, it appears it’s hinted at what it was like in the past. Children are like sponges and I think with what issues they exhibited, Mae absorbed them like a sponge. Mae’s mother, is asked if she’s having mood swings again. While small, sudden outbursts or unexplained emotions mark children a lot growing up. Especially teenagers because they believe that when behavior is shown it can easily be mirrored as they are aging into adults and need a person to grasp onto. As well as it being said her father used to be an alcoholic and a danger to his wife and child. It’s never explored again, but did this effect Mae as well? It’s small details like this that can make as presume that Mae didn’t have communication growing up. While she wasn’t abused or neglected, she picked up harmful traits her parents exhibited which could be a possibility of her mental illness from a young age. That for so long in her life she’s been struggling with these issues, and her family at a point in time didn’t help like they do now.

I don’t have much room to talk about Mae’s theorized BPD or Psychosis but if you’re interested I’d recommend “Exploring mental illness in NITW” By PushingUpRoses on youtube. It definitely inspired me to make a follow up because I appreciated the attributed themes I didn’t yet realize.

Mae has always been my favorite characters for the reason of being a morally ambiguous character to help further to ideals and themes of the plot. With out it i’m not sure the game would be as interesting, as it’s through the lenses of her eyes. Perhaps the calm scenery is her love of being home, perhaps the fact you go right to left instead of going left to right is the possible metaphorical terms of how she is going back into her past, or maybe how the game is made up of line-less shapes is her way of viewing the world. However it may be, NITW is a wonderful game!

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Moldy Analysis. (ONE Spoilers)

Moldy has always been one of my favorite characters from ONE and I really appreciate the grayness of her character. We first learn about her through the lies she tells and we as a narrative slowly learn what actually happened, plus the shitty things she’s done. Speaking of her lies, we’ll start with those.

She tells us that she experienced a cave injury from mold that the people that owned the cave didn’t tell her about, this is later disproven when her friends actively warned her yet she ignored it. Another thing is her very discreteness to paint her friends as bad people when actuality she is the one manipulating them. This is her own facade of what she believes yet is also her manipulation to make people see her as a good person.

Moldy also suffers from anger issues, seemingly violent and compulsive to anyone around her. She immediately gets defensive, she doesn’t like it when others push to get to know her. She also seems to have a hard time admitting when she’s upset with someone that it bubbles up into that anger.

See how she lets others call her Moldy or are passive aggressive about her strength, she just lets it happen til she snaps at them. This repeats often in her life, where she allows things to happen without caring but then is affected nonetheless til it becomes to large to handle.

She allows horrible things to happen to her, yet she never asks for help. This is the same as her not being able to admit her pain, she can’t ask for the same help but instead allows awful things to happen to her out of either lack of care or not wanting to give up on her facade. Perhaps a mix of both.

Rather, she slowly lets the mold envelope her body, in incredible amounts of pain this may be causing her yet she doesn’t do anything. She constantly enforces the idea that she can handle herself. She doesn’t need help or pity, or other people, she only needs herself. This causes her to be alienated and her goals become all she needs. Striving to win the competition, that way she could pay her own medical expenses.

Now her argument with her friend in her apartment was a turning point for her character. Up until that point everyone believed her manipulation but it turned out she was lying. She does constantly, especially to her friends. He asks for the money back yet she can’t give because she spent it. Another sign of her compulsion is her spending all the money they’d given, and now she is stuck in the show where her condition only gets worse. She allows all of this to happen to her, and she obviously needs help.

I’m excited to see where her character goes! I think she definitely could be a good person if she tried, and though we’re unsure what happened or if anything did happen for her to become this way, we’ll have to find out.

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Mae’s issues. (NITW SPOILERS)

I should preface that I am a huge Mae fan, she is my favorite character. So there may be inherent bias however there are concrete things in the story that don’t have bias that I’d like to point out in the complexion of her own character. To start let’s say that Mae has many issues that kind of go under worked on. It’s obvious that she’s reckless, adventurous, and a little oblivious. However core issues seen in her is her lack of mindfulness, apathy, and general privilege.

Her black and white vision is troubling as she doesn’t think clearly on what is correct or true about other people. She lacks filter, she doesn’t have consequences and this is a huge part of her character. Her lack of consequences is due to her childish like nature and her privilege she has unlike characters like Bea, Angus, and Gregg. She is of course aware of some things, similar to how she is aware about the fact that her friends just deal with her because she is all they can get.

She’s learned not to ask for help, and this is mostly through some form of miscommunication through childhood. We see her parents to be extremely supportive. They talk to her and ask her caring questions, but It could be the possibility that she through her extreme tunnel vision was never clearly taught what to do. This is common in every parent to make, even small mistakes, but specifically with Mae was she grew up surrounded by reckless people and wanted to stay in that childhood. Where she could smash things and have fun, and not deal with the consequences from her parents. This is especially normal throughout people you see growing up.

However one of her largest flaws is her ineptness to ask for help. We see her rot away often despite the support she has, however this recklessness could quite be the same answer to explain this conundrum in her character. When characters grow so used to something, it becomes that coping mechanism. It could be very well that she genuinely believes help just isn’t something she needs. Just because it’s an option doesn’t mean a character is comfortable to take it. Mae likes short, easy things. She doesn’t like the long route, and because people around her have enabled her to have it she doesn’t see the point in reaching out. That even means helping others, which is why she’s so apathetic.

Mae is another thing, incredibly blunt. Not only does her black and white thinking interrupt any form of interaction with other people, she has odd dialect and views everything as something not as serious as it is til it effects her personally. She thinks Bea is “badass” for her moms death, or dealing with the shitty situation she’s in. This is a harmful mindset that she applies to herself. She’s extremely self destructive and stuck in her own head about her own fantasies.

This is most likely a cause of her dissociative disorder she seems to have. Dissociation is a feeling more then just feeling outside your body, it’s like being stuck in it as well. Even when your thousand of miles away you’re still stuck in your own bias. Mae realizes things often, but chooses to stay ignorant to them til it hurts. Like her knowing half the time her friends only stick with her because they are all they can get. They know her for her childish and dangerous attitude and know that it’s something that she needs to move on from.

Mae holds extreme privilege from everyone else in her life. Bea is poor and has to work emotionally and physically constantly for her father and the business, Gregg works a bad job with constant fear that he’ll lose Angus, while Angus is still dealing with his own emotional turmoil of his trauma but also his want for something more then where he is. All of them have that theme, wanting more then what they have but having to cling onto what they have no matter what happens. Which funny enough happens to be each other. They rely on what they are given, and they are given Mae who is to ignorant to be a genuine person around them. Half the time she’s a clueless asshole, but apart of her is charming in that it helps reflect a newer perspective to others. Which is half the reason the three stick around her.

Not only does Mae lack social cues with other people, but mindfulness of her own actions. She’s constantly self destructive and hating herself that little does she realize the pain she causes herself. It’s a painful process of self harm that affects other people in ways she’s not aware.

Now there’s the elephant in the room, which is her dissociative break in high school where she attacks a student almost to death. She doesn’t have consequences for this, rather is shifted into shitty solutions that heightens and again, enforces her mental anguish. She does not have the resources to help herself and doesn’t even know how to obtain them because of lack of understanding of how being a person works. This is definitely an important thing to remember about her is that she’s only broken the shield of ignorance when everything gets the worst that it gets.

Finally, when her consequences catch up to her and she meets the weird cat god and the cultists, does she have her realization. While in a realistic situation, having the realization after all of this isn’t recommended. Having to make sacrifices to realize something about yourself is an extremely destructive thing to do, but it fits Mae’s narrative and that’s why it works. It shows the theme of her own self destruction build up and finally bite her back down. As a story plot, it works that she only comes to the epiphany here. Then, does she apologize and work towards a better self. She feels bad for her actions and the way she’s been affecting Bea and Gregg especially. Bea seems the most affected as she has her always tagging along, and Bea has her own situation that with Mae’s blunt force doesn’t help.

I think what people forget about Mae is that she’s not a comedy joke and nor is she a good person. She’s done awful or just mean things to people because of her own mental issues, but that’s what is so important about her character. Is that she’s such a complicated and working person, that from there one does she realize her need for help and how she could help her friends.