100 things that Robin (Dick Grayson) is no longer allowed to do:
Not allowed to watch TV while on patrol.
Not even if it’s a slow night.
My proper title in the field is “Robin” not “The Fun One,” “The Guy With a Sense of Humor,” “Smart and Handsome,” “Fashionista,” “Sexy Pants,” “Robin’ Your Heart,” or anything but “Robin.”
Not allowed to threaten anyone with “Romany magic.”
Not allowed to challenge anyone’s disbelief in said magic by asking for personal items.
Not allowed to get any body altering-surgeries, except if absolutely necessary for preservation of life.
6a) “Necessary for preservation of life” applies only when judged to be so by an adult authority figure.
Captain Marvel does not qualify as an adult authority figure.
Not allowed to play “assassin” with a suction-cup dart pistol and any member of the GPCD or JLA.
Not allowed to add classmates I dislike to the Bat-Computer villain database.
9a) Not even if they’re bullies.
Not allowed to print “Batman-approved” stickers and sell them to supplement my allowance.
10a) Not allowed to print “Bat-approved” stickers and sell them to supplement my allowance.
10b) Not allowed to print “Robin-approved” stickers and sell them to supplement my allowance.
10c) Not even if I do approve the product.
10d) Not allowed to print stickers.
Not allowed to monetize my crime-fighting persona in any way, shape, or form.
Not allowed out of my bedroom when President Luthor visited Gotham.
God may not contradict any of my orders.
13a) No deity may contradict any of my orders.
13b) No mythical creature may contradict any of my orders.
May no longer perform my “Bobbin’ Robin Dance” while in uniform.
14a) May no longer perform my “Bobbin’ Robin Dance.”
May not call any member of the GCPD or JLA unflattering names, even if I’m right.
15a) Exceptions may be made for Green Lantern Hal Jordan.
Must not taunt extra-terrestrials any more.
Must attempt not to antagonize extra-terrestrial ambassadors.
Must never ask Batman if he’s been smoking crack.
18a) Due to the very real possibility of an unknowingly drugged Batman, however, I may run blood tests at my discretion.
18b) “At my discretion” does not mean whenever I’m ticked off at Batman.
18c) I am not permitted to run a blood test without the knowledge, approval, and cooperation of Alfred or an adult member of the JLA.
18d) Green Lantern Hal Jordan’s knowledge, approval, and cooperation is not sufficient in order to run a blood test.
Not allowed to train stray dogs to follow Batman and Robin.
I do not have “Samson-like powers” and for as long as I live under Bruce Wayne’s roof I am required to keep my hair cut to a reasonable length.
20a) Alfred Pennyworth is the sole judge of what constitutes “a reasonable length.”
Must not tell any member of the GCPD or JLA that I am smarter than they are, especially if it’s true.
21a) Exceptions may be made for Green Lantern Hal Jordan.
Must never confuse rational extraterrestrials with extraterrestrial plants, animals, or rock formations.
Never tell Martian Manhunter that “We’re gonna conquer Mars!”
Don’t tell alien abduction jokes in front of extraterrestrial members of the JLA, even if they’re really funny.
Never take the batteries out of Alfred’s alarm clock (Even if I want to sleep in on the weekend).
The Green Lanterns, Green Arrow, and Martian Manhunter are not “After me frosted lucky charms.”
Not allowed to wake my teammates by repeatedly banging on the head with a bag of trash. If I do I deserve whatever I get.
Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.
28a) Not allowed to delegate any of my responsibilities to sock puppets.
Not allowed to chew gum on patrol.
29a) Not allowed to chew gum in bed.
29b) Not allowed to chew gum.
Can’t have flashbacks to wars I was not in.
It’s “Dr. Thompkins,” not “Dr. Feelgood.”
Not allowed to ask for the day off on the basis that the world is going to end.
32a) Not even if the world is going to end.
I do not have super-powers.
33a) I do not need to inform criminals that I do not have super-powers.
Motivational posters are not allowed in the Bat-cave.
Face paint is not a mask.
I am not authorized to officiate a wedding.
I am not authorized to fire members of the GCPD or JLA.
I am not authorized to fire Batman.
Not allowed to trade Bat equipment for “magic beans.”
Not allowed to sell magic beans while on patrol.
40a) Not allowed to sell magic beans.
May not make posters depicting the failings of any adult authority figure in my life.
41a) Exceptions may be made for Green Lantern Hal Jordan.
Batman’s decisions do not need to be ratified by a ¾ majority.
Evil clowns are not a joke and I will not tell Batman or Alfred that there is one under my bed unless there is actually an evil clown under my bed.
There is no “Anti-Mime campaign” and I do not need to paint my face in solidarity.
I may not wear a tinfoil hat while on patrol unless informed otherwise.
I am not authorized to prescribe medication.
I may not trade Batman, Alfred, or any member of the JLA or GCPD to any foreign entity.
47a) Extraterrestrials qualify as a foreign entity.
I may not file for excused absences with my school on the grounds that “I was kicking serious bad-guy butt.” Even though it’s true.
The bottom half of my Robin uniform is not optional.
49a) The top half of my Robin uniform is not optional.
49b) No part of my Robin uniform is optional. I picked it out, I have to wear it.
Not allowed to quote Dr. Seuss to Martian Manhunter as “The greatest earth poet ever to live.”
Not allowed to ask extraterrestrial members of the JLA about the “Giant Space Ants.”
I am not to take orders from the “Giant Space Ants.”
I am not allowed to steal any component of Batman’s uniform with the express purpose of mocking him.
54a) I am not allowed to steal any component of any JLA member’s uniform with the express purpose of mocking him or her.
54b) Exceptions may be made for Green Lantern Hal Jordan.
I am not allowed to take any Bat equipment to school for show-and-tell.
The bats in the Bat-cave are wild animals, not pets, and I must not try to train any of them to perch on my finger.
The bats in the Bat-cave belong in the Bat cave, not in the living room, not in any of the bedrooms, and absolutely not in the pantry or kitchen.
I cannot arrest children for being rude.
58a) I cannot arrest adults for being rude.
58b) Being rude is not a punishable offence.
I am neither the king, queen, princess, prince, duke, duchess, baron, baroness, lord, or lady of cheese and may not exact levies, tolls, or taxes on anyone who wishes to eat cheese.
If I ever put a potato in the Bat-mobile’s exhaust pipes again I will lose all front-seat privileges for the rest of my life.
May not refer to Alfred as “Mom.”
May not form any press gangs.
May not switch the coffee out for decaf. Ever.
May not challenge members of the GCPD or JLA to “the field of honor.“ Especially not the metahumans.
I may not attempt “Something I saw in my cartoons last Saturday.”
I may not inform reporters that Bruce Wayne is actually Superman.
66a) I may not inform reporters that Alfred is actually Batman.
Crucifixes, garlic, and silver do not ward off Batman and I should not test that theory.
“To kick bad-guy butt while wearing a ridiculous outfit” is a bad long-term goal to give my school counselor. Even though it’s true.
Must not take out the Bat-mobile with the express purpose of “squishing” things.
I must not confess to crimes that took place before I was born.
I do not get “That time of month” and I am not given time off for “Aunt Flo’s visit.”
Not allowed to taunt Commissioner Gordon with cigarettes when he’s trying to quit smoking.
Not allowed to use “It’s okay, my guardian’s rich” as an excuse for anything.
If the idea of something makes me laugh for an extended period of time it is safe to assume that I am not permitted to do it.
Must not mock Batman in front of the press.
I am not allowed to preface the disclosure of any previously sustained injury with “Hey, watch this!”
The chandeliers in the manor are off limits. No exceptions.
"Give it a few weeks” is not an appropriate response to the news of a JLA member’s death.
78a) Not even if I turn out to be correct afterwards.
I am not permitted to send written applications for the position of “Sidekick” to any other superhero.
Being grounded does not qualify me as a hostage and I shall not call the police.
His name is Penny-one in the field, not “Bat-butler.”
I am not to use a broadsword in an attempt to disprove “The pen is mightier than the sword.”
Alfred is not old enough to have fought in the War for American Independence and I should stop implying that he did.
Any song with a verse past number four must never be sung ever again.
84a) Every line of “99 bottles of beer on the wall” counts as one verse.
Putting candy into a prescription bottle and then downing them all at one go in full sight of an adult authority figure is not funny and I will be given an emetic every time I do so.
Potentially dangerous substances belong in the Bat-cave, not in my bedroom.
I am to sleep in my bed, not on the canopy, under the mattress, on the floor, or anywhere else in the bedroom.
If I become hungry on patrol I may ask for a protein bar from Batman: I may not go “Trick-or-treating,” begging, or ask for payment from any citizen in the form of food.
It is not okay to hide in the morgue in order to scare the medical examiner.
Video games are not training exercises.
I do not need “a more suitable host body.”
I am not to label things in the Bat-cave any more.
The phrase “Holy ____, Batman” is only permitted once per night.
“I’m drunk” is a bad response to any question posed to me by the press. I am not drunk, and saying otherwise is a good way to get the CPS to show up.
The JLA comm link is not a forum on which for me to voice my opinions.
Putting out advertisements for a ‘replacement Batman’ is not an acceptable way to vent frustrations.
I am not permitted to form a “Robin fan-club” and request funding from Bruce Wayne for the same.
I am not permitted to steal JLA equipment in order to pass it off as my science fair project for school. If I left my project until the last minute it is then my duty to make a crappy baking-soda-and-vinegar volcano and take the ‘C’.
When Batman engages a suspect, fetching popcorn is not the appropriate response.
I am not to call the US Immigration and Customs Enforcement on extraterrestrial members of the JLA.
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