I don’t wanna have sex with you and another woman, okay? I’d just… I would want to have sex with the woman, alright. I’m that gay.
A reminder that Dana Fairbanks is perfect and hilarious.
Today's Document
Cosimo Galluzzi
cherry valley forever
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
YOU ARE THE REASON
tumblr dot com
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

izzy's playlists!
almost home
AnasAbdin
taylor price
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ellievsbear
styofa doing anything
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

Product Placement
Mike Driver
Show & Tell

祝日 / Permanent Vacation

Discoholic 🪩

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@si-2095
I don’t wanna have sex with you and another woman, okay? I’d just… I would want to have sex with the woman, alright. I’m that gay.
A reminder that Dana Fairbanks is perfect and hilarious.
Wave after wave.
Harry Potter and How the Scene Should Have Gone
Umbridge: Mr. Potter, do you expect to be attacked in my class?
Harry: Yes.
Umbridge: What?
Harry: Well, I mean, I'm running four for four.
Umbridge: Mr. Potter-
Harry: Quirrel tried to choke me out.
Umbridge: Mr. Potter-
Harry: And Lockhart tried to wipe my memory.
Umbridge: Mr. Potter-
Harry: Of course, Professor Lupin didn't mean it. He just forgot his potion, but still, totally went werewolf on me.
Umbridge: MR. POTTER-
Harry: And then Moody turned out to be an escaped Death Eater in disguise.
Umbridge: POTTER!
Harry: So, yeah, I figure it's 100% you'll attack me in June, 50/50 you'll try to kill me, with a 25% chance of an Unforgivable curse.
Harry: (Turns to Hermione)
Harry: Did I get the math right?
Hermione: Yes.
Lol
Me dejarías recorrer tu cuerpo con mi lengua?
Insuficiente
Sabe quando você acha que está tudo indo bem? Que você está melhorando? Mas surge algo pequeno que faz tudo que você construiu desabar.
Eu me sinto uma grande coisa inútil nesse vasto universo, o que eu estou fazendo de bom pra pessoas? O que eu estou fazendo de bom pra mim?
Eu não sinto vontade de fazer nada, apenas fico em minha cama, com um turbilhão de pensamentos, cada vez mofando mais…
I don’t want to be alive anymore. I’m tired
“I can’t give you all the attention and love you deserve”
- that hurt
Dear family,
.
I’m sorry I can’t be the person you long for me to be.
Spilling
Why can’t you see it?
That I am falling apart;
All over the place.
One of my biggest wish is to die
I wanted you to have this.
Happy Birthday, Luna Lovegood! (b. February 13, 1981)
Deseaba tanto no estar sola que cuando los fantasmas llegaron, me sentí agradecida
Your dog sounds amazing, you need to tell us about that door licking story Dumb dogs are the best!
We trained the dog so that when he wants out, he goes to the front door and waits.
Somehow in his little golden retriever brain, he interpreted this to mean “go to the front door, and lick it.”
If he’s at the door, but isn’t licking it, he doesn’t need out, he’s just chilling.
So, this was our routine - when he wants out, he goes to the front door, and licks it. And then we moved house, and he got very, very confused.
He knew he had to go to the front door when he wants out, but this was a new house with obviously a door that was completely new to him.
Despite our condo having only one door that leads outside, and him going out this very same door literally at least five times a day, every day, for about a year…he still has no idea where the front door is in this house. Absolutely no idea at all.
Now whenever he needs out, he will go to any random door and start licking it. And I mean any door - the bathroom door, my bedroom door, my closet, the goddamn door of a kitchen cabinet, even.
I don’t know if he’s really smart or really dumb. Because clearly, he understands conceptually what a door is. I don’t know if he thinks my closet or the kitchen cabinets lead to outside, or if he’s just hoping to find doggy Narnia, or if he’s just hopelessly given up on ever being able to find the door by himself and is just doing the best he can, but every goddamn time he wants out, he’s right there licking the glass door to the shower or something.
He doesn’t alert us he needs out any other way. So if you haven’t seen him in a while, you have to search room by room until you find him with his tongue pressed up against the linen closet because he thinks outside might be that way.
He’s the biggest, dumbest dog I have ever met in my life and I could not love him any more. He’s perfect.
Here he is, patiently licking the door of my wardrobe.
I love this