Presenting: “Detailed Descriptions of how Every Member of Sibuna Would Kick Rufus Zeno's Ass.”
This girl has had just about enough of this guy coming back to life. Rufus makes the mistake of coming too close to someone with a lot of pent up anger. She's exhausted, but punching this jackass right in his goddamn face gives her a second wind. Once he's bent over from the punch, she goes for the knee kick to the stomach like her Gran taught her to do with strangers. Once he's down, it's kicks to the stomach and under-the-breath swearing until it's over. A single impressed, "holy shit..." from Jerome.
What Fabian lacks in strength he makes up for in safety training. He'd like to remind everyone that he said – before he even met the guy – that Rufus was evil as shit. He's also like to remind everyone that he is the only person who has ever successfully tackled the maniac. Anyways, he's armed with pepper spray and a pocket knife so it's a quick fight. When it's all over everyone goes out and buys pepper spray.
Two Words: Crowbar Revenge. While the concussed may suffer from temporary memory loss, they never forget a bitch. Rufus always comes into a fight with Sibuna assuming he's dealing with weak, nerdy teenagers, but now Eddie's leading the gang and he's wielding a crowbar, a hero complex, and repressed emotional trauma. What I'm trying to say is that Rufus would be dead. Eddie - 2, Rufus - 0.
10/10 skill, 10/10 battle cry, 15/10 high kick. Amber Millington summons the strength, boldness, and 'that bitch' energy of Amber Rosenberg and by god it takes her far. She's seen all of Sailor Moon 3 times and she's absorbed it all. Rufus takes one step toward her with 'pervert on the street' energy and Amber – emboldened by the trauma of Rufus holding a deadly sand fly to her ear – grabs his wrist and twists it. Then she crosses his arm behind his back and says, "Who's scared of the queen now, bitch?" She kicks him in the back. When he’s knelt over, she utilizes her flexibility and core skills from pilates, does a high kick, and slams her leg down so hard over his back that he drops to the floor. KO. Later, she joins the kickboxing team.
Y’all remember that vine of the kid who’s like “I have the power of gOd and aNiMe on my side aAhH!” because that’s relevant to this discussion. Let’s not forget that 1. Rufus specifically tried to steal Alfie’s life so he could live forever 2. He watched Alfie fall on the floor and start to die and his response was to laugh and run away. My point is that Alfie has ridiculously loud vocal cords, two very fast kicking legs, blood coursing with overconfidence, and a personal vendetta. This is a long way of saying that Alfie screams a vine reference at Rufus and then scissor kicks him in the nose.
Do you know what half a year of captivity under her own parents taught Joy? In addition to a cold sense of humor, it taught her that 1. no one will fight your battles for you and 2. you have to take every shot you get. And that’s how Joy Mercer ends up jumping from the second level of the library and elbow dropping Rufus to the ground like a WWE wrestler. She had to go to the hospital but she left a legend. Rufus died on impact.
Straight up biting, I’m not playing around. Jerome’s been grinding his fucking teeth since the day he met Rufus and now it’s payback time. If you’ve never seen the bathroom fight scene from She’s the Man I recommend you watch it because that’s what this is. It’s a bitch slapping, foot dragging, floor wrestling, head locking, hair ripping good time.
Out of respect, we save the best for last. With all the others, I assume that they encounter Rufus by surprise. Not Patricia. Patricia’s been waiting for the day she sees that son of a bitch again. Step One, she lures him to a warehouse: his comfort zone, he’s thrown off. Step Two, a baseball bat to the jugular when he walks in. Step Three, while he’s choking she hits him with a “surprise bitch” and a roundhouse kick to the back of the neck. Step Four, once he’s on the ground, it’s one kick to the groin for every word he’s ever dared to say to her. Step Five, the knock out punch: one heavy combat boot-stomp to the stomach. Finally, she throws a pitcher of water in his face to pay respects to her legacy. Also she steals his wallet and buys herself a fine English breakfast. It’s called *class* look it up.
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