One of the healthiest things I ever did for my life was hold myself accountable for the roles that I played in heartbreak. You know - fool me once, shame on you, but fool me twice then that shit’s on me. It was so easy to sit around with my girls, and be coddled, and listen to all of the things I wanted to hear - “He’s a piece of shit. You deserve better. It’s not your fault.” And maybe all of those things were true the first time around…but what about the second time? And the third time? And the fourth time?
How could I deserve better if I kept going back to the same shit? How could it not be my fault when he’d already shown me who he was, but I chose to keep believing his words over his actions? How could I not have been the one doing anything wrong when I kept ending up at the same fucking dead end, heartbroken, with a face drenched in recycled fucking tears? Come on. Seriously. Blaming the same man for doing the same shit, over and over again, wasn’t getting me anywhere. My choices had me sitting in the exact pile of shit that I deserved to sit in. And the only way to get out of it, was to start holding myself accountable for MY OWN damaging behavior.