[smoqueen-deactivated20251108]

sorry for the nervous breakdown everyone im actuallt fine because i have to be

[sierrasoundspiderwalk]

i don’t want to complain about the love of my life here because she’s more than I could ever want but sometimes it’s very hard to talk with her emotionally. the times in which we do talk are often really good and we communicate well but it’s the “before we talk” segment that’s so hard. she just shuts down and doesn’t say anything, going through the motions and saying everything is fine, but i am far too perceptive to ignore that things aren’t fine at all

but there aren’t any winning moves for me. trying to push for conversation before she’s ready will do nothing but stall things further. trying to be comforting and affectionate is always met with reluctance which hurts like hell but i get. she won’t let me do things for her, she shrinks away from my affection, she won’t even fucking tell me the very basic core of what’s wrong and I usually just have to keep guessing until I stumble upon it which isn’t hard but like I shouldn’t have to do that

so the only thing i can do in these situations is just sit and wait for the conditions to be perfect for her and it fucking sucks. i know people can only talk whenever they’re ready but how can i be expected to function when this is hanging over my head? im not even trying to fix it I just want to know what’s going on but its always “I don’t have the words” or “I can’t do this right now” like why is it always dependent on everyone else’s time. why am I always expected to sit with bullshit instead of throwing me a single bone

[sierrasoundspiderwalk]

you know one of my biggest problems is that im a huge pervert but refuse to let that through in most capacities and i really wanna let go but the #shame makes it feel fucking impossible

[sierrasoundspiderwalk]

i think the reason i attract younger women in particular (other than most of them having mommy issues) is because i do not have my shit together and anyone around my age can usually tell but the naïvety is what gets anyone younger

[moofahdrome]

the most burnt out girl in the world would like to remind you that she's actually really lazy compared to the people around her and she could probably use some extra work to keep her honest

[sierrasoundspiderwalk]

some post on my dash someone talking about how come women ten years older hit on them all the time and wishing so wishing i didn’t have this problem in the opposite direction

[sierrasoundspiderwalk]

girl on another site showed up in my DMs to shoot her shot so my night has improved marginally with that boost to my ego

[sierrasoundspiderwalk]

when you can tell they’re all getting tired of it and you still can’t stop 😀👍👍

[sierrasoundspiderwalk]

progress report 2: i did my makeup for not going out reasons and touched up my eyebrows lol pit of depression whom

[sierrasoundspiderwalk]

progress report: I picked up a guitar for the first time in three weeks