faith's archives

this feed is a compilation of all my what ifs, maybes, and misery.

[sigssenghwaal]

James look so pretty.

Too bad, he can't be mine.

Hanggang daydreams nalang ba us beh?

#sigsaenghwal

[sigssenghwaal]

Honestly idk what to do and feel anymore.

[sigssenghwaal]

Do I have the capability to achieve my ridiculous dreams? Before, I thought I could achieve my goals, but rn? I am not so sure anymore.

[sigssenghwaal]

Confusion.

I honestly did not know where did I go wrong.

I’ve been a good girl (sort of) my entire life. Never gotten too drunk (just tipsy), never gone to parties, never tried to sneak out and kiss boys, never went beyond the line. I have control on myself and been working my ass off to maintain the grades that I have today. I have been a consistent honor student since kinder and for fuck’s sake, I did not pass on every college scholarships that I applied. UP, SM, CNU, CTU.... and many more to come hahahaha. It feels like I do not have anything special to be considered as a brilliant person. I want to scream, shout, reapply, email these scholarship programs upon why did not accept me but.. I do not have the guts. I accept the reality that I’m just one of the unfortunate people who can never.. excel. 

It hurts, it hurts too much that I became numb. That I cannot cry anymore. That I just say “oh, another rejection, okay” and just.. sleep.

These thoughts are killing me. These thoughts are chaotic.