Jun 7, 2022
Do I have the capability to achieve my ridiculous dreams? Before, I thought I could achieve my goals, but rn? I am not so sure anymore.
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from Russia
seen from Netherlands
seen from Brazil
seen from Malaysia
seen from India
seen from Malaysia
seen from China
seen from China
seen from Malaysia
seen from India
seen from France
seen from United Kingdom
seen from China
seen from Kazakhstan
seen from Netherlands
seen from Italy
seen from China
seen from Australia
Do I have the capability to achieve my ridiculous dreams? Before, I thought I could achieve my goals, but rn? I am not so sure anymore.
Confusion.
I honestly did not know where did I go wrong.
I’ve been a good girl (sort of) my entire life. Never gotten too drunk (just tipsy), never gone to parties, never tried to sneak out and kiss boys, never went beyond the line. I have control on myself and been working my ass off to maintain the grades that I have today. I have been a consistent honor student since kinder and for fuck’s sake, I did not pass on every college scholarships that I applied. UP, SM, CNU, CTU.... and many more to come hahahaha. It feels like I do not have anything special to be considered as a brilliant person. I want to scream, shout, reapply, email these scholarship programs upon why did not accept me but.. I do not have the guts. I accept the reality that I’m just one of the unfortunate people who can never.. excel.
It hurts, it hurts too much that I became numb. That I cannot cry anymore. That I just say “oh, another rejection, okay” and just.. sleep.
These thoughts are killing me. These thoughts are chaotic.