gumam gumam @sikaktus - Tumblr Blog

Posts

My friend posted a story about how she wish Aurelie Moeremans healed after all those things that happened to her while linking some e-books on google drive.

It turns out Aurelie wrote a memoir about her past, her traumatic past relationship, and yea, im curious. I dont really know about Aurelie before this but an Indonesian? Write her memoir about her traumas and not monetize it? That’s cool. So i downloaded it from the link she shared on her bio and started read it right then.

She wrote in the prolog that if we find her story triggering, we should stop and take time to breathe. It feels like every precautions people write whenever they write about their past so i dont really mind it at first. Until she said that its included a SA story and im scared.

And she’s right!!!! i skipped most of the book after only like 3-5 chapters and zoomed to the ending already.

I know i love the chills of reading crime novels. But knowing this is real life story is suffocating you know, i find myself hard to breathe but relieved in the end.

The ending is not easy anyway. Breaking someone chants on you, their spells, especially when you’re broken and they seemed like they’re there to help you heal? To be the answer of your why’s?

It feels like addiction i guess. You’re unwell, you got something that helped you find your smile again, you think this is fresh air to breathe, but they cut you from inside. They throw rocks at you while saying that that was love, you have to prove your worth if you want more fresh air like the first time.

That’s how the torture begin. And reading that memoir, reading how the villain, rarely accept that they’re wrong, and blaming the victim that they want it, they asked it for themselves. I feel like, I know someone that’s just like this, and now i understood. It just the wire in the brain that wired differently so i guess we couldn’t do anything about it. Just avoid them and hope those kind of people never found you.

The memoir surely would gain many responses in many ways, backlash maybe, but i guess many girls would thank Aurelie and having the courage to cut off their torturer from their life.

May those kind of people will never find you ✨

The best thing i got this year is, time for myself ✨

Our favorite cafe.

I went to this place first when I started this journey about finding myself again. I used to see this place on the corner of the street on my way to N school and on my way home from. school.

I always curious about that place, they just looked like something tucked in the corner, and the have no flashing neon sign or huge banner etc.

And one day i read about them on thread, some says about it as a unique coffee recommended to try if we bored by the franchise one.

And i try it one day. That the first time i came to know their specialized cold brew infused with fruits.

And after that i go back there with kagil.

And then eating cake there only with N.

And then it’s become N and Kagil favorite cafe too.

“Im thinking about their cold brew and imo they have the best fruit flavored coffee so far,” - kagil

“I want to go to the cake place where i eat cake with bunda,”

And now they have sushi stall too.

And N gobbled the salmon maki so fast i just laughing looking at her. “This is so yummy i love salmon!” Says her, who always pick the salmon out of her sushi rolls 🤣

I understand how place could be so meaningful for the customer. That’s how Sagaleh to us.

And its turns out they have no big sign because they’re just open the place and when i went there its still their soft opening time. Nowadays you could see cars parking on the side of the road and the cafe usually busy with mothers hanging out while waiting their kids at school.

Sikaktus

21 Dec 2025

I love his WFH day!!!!

No, we love kagil WFH day!!!!

I got to spend my morning with him, trying new places, or just home chatting about everything or playing Plants VS Zombies together.

And N love it so much having her dad pick her up from school. She would be giggling from ear to ear.

Yesterday we try new cafe near the lab because i have to take some blood test. I order espresso in the rock, he order americano. Basically just the same thing, just the different consistency right?

Us, try his coffee : Iyanih! Enak! 😋

Aku nyobain kopiku : 😫

Kagil: 🤨 emang segitunya?

Lalu dia nyobain punyaku, dan ekspresinya 😐😐😩

Asem betuuull!!!

Akhirnya kita minum kopinya kagil berdua, kopiku dibawa pulang. Wkwkwkwkwkwk

Kami ternyata belumlah jadi peminum esspresso 🙏🏻

Sikaktus

16 Desember 2025

“You don’t have to wear your pain like a badge,”

- someone, somewhre.

Maybe i read it at threads. They said that we dont have romanticizing our pain if it pained us, and it makes me thinking quite long.

Because learning from a mistake, a painful lesson, doesn’t mean we have to carry it burden forever. That’s why we called it moving on.

Sometimes i still thinking about vengeance lol, but it doesn’t matter anymore.

So, i want to celebrate that im changing my profile picture now ✨

Welcome, me, sikaktus.

Oktober 2025

Art ❤️

Artjakarta back then. Straight after picking my love from the airport.

I get it now why people love this.

ITS SO GOOOD INDEED.

Luckily i don’t finish it in one go like i always do, so i get to drink the leftover again the next day. In my girl math, the price feel justified bcs its for two days so its okay.

Even if i drink it in one go it’s still okay bcs i love myself.

Luckily the nearest store is still far from my house so i couldn’t just randomly stopping by. Unfortunately Animo is more reachable since i passed the store on my way home everyday. My mind keeps remind me how tasty their matcha espresso is. So it’s been a battle between me myself and I everytime.

Love coffee ❤️

But love kagil more ❤️

Don’t make me choose ok bcs i hate migraine ❤️

Sikaktus, Oktober 2025

Kata Annisast, kalo mau hemat jangan naikin standar kuliner, wkwk, susah baliknya.

Bener sih, selain aku udah tau kalo Arabica % enak, ternyata aku lebih suka ini, level naik kuliner yang super hard wkwkwk.

Kopi sama kagil 🫵🏻 kopi paling mahal seduniaku.

Sikaktus

Tangsel, Oktober 2025

I’ve been hating myself for quiet some time. Still hating myself when i look at the mirror. Still hate it, wanting to puke, and feel nauseous whenever I took a selfie.

It’s been a month i try to look at myself and examine who is she? How she actually looks like?

And surprisingly i feel okay. It’s scary at first, and i want to cry after the firsts attempt. But surprisingly im okay. Myfacw doesn’t looked like a dragon or lizard or frog. It’s humane, it’s me, i got a super resting bitch face but that’s it. Im a normal person, i got a nice smile too if i do it right.

So, it kinda feels liberating putting those selfies out there. Like im screaming, so this is what i looks like!

Sikaktus

26 September 2025

Ode to my dad

Tadi siang dengerin Owl City lagi sambil jahit, sambil nostalgia masa masa nugas depan PC dulu itu. Wkwkwkk iya PC. Karena di rumah ada set PC yang nganggur, daripada beli laptop, abiku memilih untuk bawain set PC itu ke Solo.

PC dan sepeda.

Sepeda trauma dipake karena pernah dijejerin mas mas FH pas lagi nuntun sepeda di tanjakan ke gerbang FISIP. PC dipake sampai akhirnya kita semua harus bawa laptop buat pelajaran statistik.

PC nya juga bukan yang gimana gimana. Kayaknya cuman pentium 2 karena nggak bisa buat main The Sims, speakernya rusak, colokan USB nya hanya 1. Tapi dia bisa buat buka Word dan Excel meskipun sering not responding. Oiya, sama belum bisa pakai wifi. Bisanya pakai kabel LAN. Such a hassle, but thats my dad. His willingness to do extra miles with everything we have at that time, is superb. Aku belajar banyak soal itu.

Dulu aku sering dengerin lagu lagu Owl City pakai headset yang dicolok ke PC itu. Tentu lagu lagunya hasil ngopi dari flashdisk teman. Maklum belum ada spotify kan. Youtube juga lebih banyak lihat buletannya muter daripada videonya.

Abi juga suka Owl City. Abi juga suka Coldplay. Tapi abi nggak bilang bilang kita. Abi nyetel lagu kalau perjalanan panjang dan anak anak sudah tidur. Tapi kadang anak anak belajar menikmati lagu lagu yang abi sukai itu ketika mereka sudah terbangun dari tidur, caranya adalah tetap diam ketika bangun tidur. Kalau ketahuan sudah bangun, nanti lagunya dimatikan abi. Keseruan itu berakhir ketika adikku tanpa sadar menyanyikan lagu Coldplay yang abi setel di mobil. Setelah itu, album Coldplay dipensiunkan di atas lemari sampai berdebu.

Mendengarkan Owl City, mendengarkan Coldplay, aku mengenang laki laki tangguh yang bisa menangis ini. Yang pernah kulihat menangis sesenggukan karena ditelpon ibunya supaya pulang, tapi saat itu kami tidak punya uang untuk mudik ke Solo. Abi mengirim surat ke Solo, yang ketika suratnya sampai, yangti menelpon abi, mendoakan abi. Abi menangis di tangga.

Di rumah yang berbeda, adikku bercerita kalau abi menangis di tangga ketika kabar kakak perempuannya kecelakaan hingga koma datang melalui telepon. Kata adikku, abi menangis sambil menyebut nyebut nama kakaknya. Hari itu abi memintaku menjenguk kakaknya, membacakan surat Ali Imron. Keesokan harinya aku ke Jogja, ke rumah sakit tempat beliau yang tak sadarkan diri dirawat, untuk membacakan surat Ali Imron.

Sepanjang masa kecilku, aku selalu dikira anaknya kakak perempuan abiku. Abi selalu bilang aku memang mirip budhe. Pintar, ‘diplomatis’ alias suka melawan, yang terakhir abi menolak bilang, cantik. Kadang abi yang menyamakan aku dengan budhe membuatku kesal, sampai menangis, bahwa aku bukan budhe, dan aku memang bukan budhe.

Tapi sekarang aku cuman berpikir bahwa semua itu didasari satu hal, abi sangat menghormati perempuan. Dibesarkan seorang single mother yang ditinggal wafat suaminya sedari anak anaknya kecil, membentuk suatu perasaan hormat dan melindungi di diri abi kepada perempuan. Tergambar pada betapa protektifnya abi padaku dan bagaimana abi meratukan ummi.

Ah abi, mau bilang kangen tapi takut jadi tidak ridho atas kepulangan abi. Sampai sekarang kakak belum berani lihat foto foto abi. Dulu teman teman SMA kakak bilang kalau top three bapak ganteng di angkatan kakak, nomor duanya abi. Kakak ingat rasanya geli banget sampe ngakak ngakak. Kakak juga inget itu jadi bahan bercanda kita semua waktu itu.

Tapi kakak paling inget kalo dulu semua orang suka bacain SMS kakak sama abi di HP asrama. Kata semua temen temen, abinya wafa seru banget bales SMS nya. Tidak heran ya bi, anaknya juga sekarang jokesnya bapak bapak banget.

Bi, terima kasih sudah jadi standar laki laki paling tinggi di hidup kakak. Terima kasih sudah menikahkan kakak dengan kak Ghil. Terima kasih sudah mendidik kami sepenuh hati dan usaha abi.

Not every superheroes wear capes. Sometimes they even wear t shirt with many holes in it, so many even sometimes mbak mistaken it for gembel 🙏🏻

Semoga Allah menerangi alam kubur abi dan memenuhinya dengan rasa hangat dan bahagia.

Semoga kita ketemu lagi di Surga ya bi! Kakak mau jadi anak abi lagi di Surga, nanti kita cerita cerita bi! Kayak biasanya!

Sikaktus, 19 Juli 2025

sikaktus

Pikiranku waktu vakum jahit sebulan:

“Para tukang kain itu masih inget aku nggak ya? Aku masih bisa dapetin diskon ‘harga kenal’ itu nggak ya? 😭”

Ril bertahap loh buat sampe dapet harga bagus menurutku, itu. Dari yang pesen belasan meter via WhatsApp buat tiap warna, jadi dapet harga spesial. Pas besokannya beli yang kurang, ga pesen lewat WhatsApp dulu, harganya beda 😭 tp karna masih cemas, jadi ga berani ngomong apa apa. Cuman meringis pas bayar. Akhirnya setelahnya aku pesen via WhatsApp tp bayarnya pas pick up.

“Ooohh ini mbak Wafa, kemarin nggak bilang, harganya jadi beda ya kemarin, maaf mbak,”

Terharu guweh.

Semoga pak kios rayon masih ingat aku 🙏🏻

Soalnya aku udah butuh gamis baru 🙏🏻

Maunya yang hargagamasalah 🙏🏻

sikaktus

Masih ges!!!!

Mbak kasirnya sampe nanya, “Mbak kemana ajaa, lama nggak kelihatan,”

Makasih ya mbak :” terharu aku, mesinku habis rusak ini mbak.

Pas balik ke parkiran langsung komat kamit berdoa semoga dimampukan buat beli disana rol rol-an.

Aamiin!

Sebetulnya bukan PS nya yang bikin bersatu. Tapi gamenya. Waktu itu kita mainnya nintendo, karena aku dan Nayla bisanya mainnya mario kart WKWKWKWK. Maap cemen.

Tapi begitu mereka beli fifa, langsunglah stik stik itu dipesan, dan berkumpulah mereka setiap malam dengan kode sandi:

“Siapin Ya,”

Bahkan terjadi rekor, adekku bahkan menjemput suamiku pulang ketika tanah abang sedang eror, supaya tidak ada personel yang tertinggal main 🙏🏻

Ummi kepada PS :

“I don’t really agree to your existence in this house. But you make my child gather, they even come home early instead of staying out until late, so I accept you”.

Ketawa

Malam ini kali kedua temen temen suami ngaji di rumah. Kali kedua aku nyiapin suguhan untuk mereka juga.

Feels familiar. Something I’ve been doing since I’m in elementary school. Bahkan kalo punya resep baru, diuji cobakannya di malam malam pas temen temen abi ngaji di rumah.

Barusan pas naik keatas, pas lagi nontonin adek adekku yang lain main PS (dunia dan akhirat berdampingan), terdengar suara bapak bapak pada ketawa di bawah. Aku dan adik adikku pandang pandangan.

“Kangen ga sih ges denger suara ketawa bapak bapak gitu di bawah?”

“Iya, kangen,”

“Iya asli, kangen,”

“Yang makin malem makin gede ketawanya,”

“Iya, ini masih jam segini jadi masih agak pelan ya,”

Lalu aku sebagai kakak yang baik, sholihah, cantik, berwibawa dan tentu saja nyebelin langsung menyambar, “NAH MAKANYA…NGAJI LAGI GAK SIH,”

Semuanya balik main PS.

Bener aja, terpantau jam 11 diantara bunyi denting sendok dan piring beradu, sesekali terdengar suara tawa terbahak bahak yang kadang melengking sedikit. Seru.

Abi, kita kangen.

Makasih bi, kenangannya baik sekali.

Ya Allah, sayangilah kedua orangtua kami sebagaimana mereka menyayangi kami di waktu kami kecil. Aamiin.

Pikiranku waktu vakum jahit sebulan:

“Para tukang kain itu masih inget aku nggak ya? Aku masih bisa dapetin diskon ‘harga kenal’ itu nggak ya? 😭”

“Ooohh ini mbak Wafa, kemarin nggak bilang, harganya jadi beda ya kemarin, maaf mbak,”

Terharu guweh.

Semoga pak kios rayon masih ingat aku 🙏🏻

Soalnya aku udah butuh gamis baru 🙏🏻

Maunya yang hargagamasalah 🙏🏻

Strength Training

Sebulanan ini Kantor DPC partai oren mengadakan kegiatan kelas Strength Training khusus untuk perempuan. Seorang temanku yang sering jadi teman diskusi perihal fase tumbuh kembang anak dan kebugaran ibu postpartum mengajakku ikut kelas itu. Sekali, aku tidak bisa ikut karena ada deadline jahitan. Dua kali, aku sudah daftar tapi mengalami kepanikan ketemu orang jadi aku batal berangkat.

Kali ketiga, aku akhirnya bisa ikut.

Aku sudah lama ingin ikut klub olahraga lagi. Kalau dulu di Solo biaya untuk berolahraga yang kuminati masih sangat terjangkau, di Tangsel sini harganya bisa 2-3x lipatnya, itupun belum kelas yang khusus perempuan. Kalau kelas khusus perempuan bisa jadi lokasinya tetap di ruangan kaca atau terbuka, yang aku belum nyaman melakukannya. Kalau khusus muslimah, dengan studio tertutup, harganya bisa lebih mahal lagi, 5-10x harga yang kubayarkan dulu di Solo.

Jadi ketika DPC partai oren mengadakan kelas ini, dengan certified coach, khusus muslimah, sungguh menyenangkan.

Strength training sangat seru! Sama seperti yoga, gerakannya membuat tulang dan otot jadi lebih lentur dan terlatih. Sayangnya kelas ini baru diadakan sepekan sekali. Semoga kedepannya bisa sepekan tiga kali, ya, aku suka 😭

Rasanya malu dan lega ya ketika dibimbing coach melakukan gerakan dengan form yang benar, kemudian terdengar suara kemretek dari punggung dan pinggang, disertai kelegaan karena tulang belulang berada di posisi yang semestinya.

Meskipun masih super pemula dengan dumbell 2kg dan 3kg, aku bangga karena aku sudah berusaha.

Dan emang ril ya, pakai beban itu kalorinya lebih banyak habisnya. Bahkan kalori yang digunakannya 150cal lebih banyak dari pada kalori yang kupakai untuk jalan 4km.

Semangat, meskipun belum jago, at least we keep showing up kalo kata doksya.

Otw jadi mamijen 🫶🏻

19 Juni 2025

Krupuk

I used to hate frying chips. Chips as in kerupuk yah. My father’s usual craving is tempeh. That’s his sudden-late-night-craving. Like, im ready to sleep while he still reading, then he would call me and asked me to fry some tempeh for him. No seasoning, just tempeh and their nutty-yeasty-tasty smell.

But I don’t hate frying tempeh. Frying tempeh could be done in high heat. The hotter the oil, faster and crispier tempeh you would get, you just have to remember that you are frying something and pick them up at the right time.

But i hate frying chips.

Kerupuk requires low heat but hot oil, and constant attention. If there are smokes, then your fire is too big. You have to lower it. That’s mean you have to wait the oil to slowly heating. Then coming the stirring, you have to always stirring it or they will burn. And rengginang? You even have to hold it while splashing it with hot oil, not directly submerged them in hot oil.

What a work to do.

Fortunately not many of us like kerupuk that much. No kerupuk no worries. Kerupuk is a snack, having them occasionally is just ok, not something we would searching for. Except ummi cooks soto or bakso that would be great with kerupuk. But if not, no one cries. And ummi love to fry kerupuk herself to acquire the perfect crispiness to her liking. So, im safe.

But then i met the love of my life.

And he love kerupuk so much. With every meal.

But he knows that i don’t like to fry kerupukssss, so if there is no kerupuk, he will accept it, just with the sad eyes.

But who could endure that handsome lovely face having the sad eyes. If any, that’s sure aren’t me.

So, do you know who pick few bags of raw kerupuk everytime she does grocery shopping? And who making sure that there’s kerupuk to accompany her beloved spouse’s meal?

Yeah, me.

Now frying kerupuk will make me happy because i know my lovely husband is happy to have them in his plate.

And im sure to make sure he know that im doing this because i love him.

“You know i love you right?”

“You know im doing this because you like it right?”

Im making sure he know that he is loved 🫶🏻

19 June 2025

Punya adek beda 12 tahun tuh, posisiku basically his other mother.

Aku akan nasehatin dia tentang suatu topik, dengan gaya yang kupikir cukup gaul untuk didengar anak seumurannya.

Meanwhile, he will listen to me with blank face.

Did velocity dance for awhile. While me still singing some advice.

And then, "Ok kak".

Tidak heran yah kalo my mom dulu nasehatin i am sambil jiwit dikit.

DENGEREEEN GAK WOY. CETOT NIH.

COBA ULANGIN TADI DIBILANGIN APA.

Peace (kinda), love and gaul.

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

gumam gumam