Reflections of a Burning Mind

.a thinker .a dreamer .a lover of life .music-aholic .sucker for a laugh .my glass is half-full .tea addict .self-confessed nerd .live for the summer .lyrics occupy my mind .romantic at heart .take too many photos of food .head in the clouds; gravity centered. ENFP

[silverapplesgoldenpears]

Just another crisis

It’s like I’m looking back, searching amongst memories for glimpses of the girl I used to be. Looking a specks to re-ignite that passion that used to run through my veins. I want to be there again. I want that sparkle and shine, that love of everything around me, that brightness that lit up my life and all those around me.

It feels so familiar and like it’s just nearby, but not quite in my reach just yet. I want this ridiculous love and drive back. My inspiration has been clouded, and to wipe it clear means a challenge and a change which is ridiculously exciting and terrifying all at once.

The big wide world is waiting for all I have to bring, to be explored, to be lived. This is my time to be brave, and to chase what I really want and to grow like I’ve never grown before. But most of all, to enjoy myself through all my adventures ❤️

[silverapplesgoldenpears]

052018

What a month. Seriously. May, I was not in my wildest dreams expecting that rollercoaster you took me on. There were some definite lows in there I haven’t experienced in a long time, if not ever. There was sadness and heartbreak that broke me apart, despite knowing it would happen for years. I’m grateful you showed me some dark and sad places, as you also showed me a lot of strength I forgot I had, and experiences that can only give me more insight and empathy into this crazy world.

I can’t believe May is nearly over, it felt like my life was on pause for a month in slow motion, and then someone pressed the skip button all of a sudden. Where did that time even go.

All in all, this month has given me such strength and courage that I feel as if I have peeled off an outer, heavier layer of myself. This is all ultimately part of my journey. Loss, heartbreak, compassion, confusion, laughter, tears, so many tears, joy, anxiety, doubt, loneliness, hollowness, hurt, love, support.

Although at times it felt tougher than ever, I’m grateful for all the lessons that will carry me forward, and all the love I hold that I will never forget ❤️ growth is messy, but growth is beautiful.

[silverapplesgoldenpears]

You only love me in the fade out, you only call me when no one’s around, you only want me when the lights are down, you only love me in the fade out. 🖤🎶

Fade Out - James Bay

[silverapplesgoldenpears]

Why does it hurt so much? With every single touch we thought this was love. // Why do I want to stay numb? I want to be alone I just don’t know how.

Numb - Hayden James & GRAACE

[cesaray]

[silverapplesgoldenpears]

Feels rn

[silverapplesgoldenpears]

So could you weaken our embrace, give me a little less a little bit too late babe. Cos you're too good to give away, you can't do me like that and tell me you can't stay. Make it easier to leave without a trace...

Kitler & Yates

[silverapplesgoldenpears]

I already loved this song, it was my favourite on the album from the outset. With a bit of time away from obsessing over it, it recently came back on play... and I heard it in a completely different way, and the lyrics had a whole new meaning for something new that is happening in my life. Low and behold I found the meaning Ali intended for the song tonight, which was all just too convenient... so glad it made the damn album <3

The Captain

“The Captain is about someone that I used to be really close to who I felt was losing his way. This person I had loved was becoming someone I didn’t understand and it hurt like hell. This song almost didn’t make it on to the album. We had demoed it up and I felt like it didn’t quite fit, but during The Jezabels tour last year we started paying it and it came together perfectly.”

[silverapplesgoldenpears]

If I could just slow down, scribble on missing pages, who would I write it for, and who would write it for me?

Busy Bees, Silversun Pickups

[silverapplesgoldenpears]

Fi

Ideas, thoughts, feelings, emotions... all flooding me at the moment. So many parts of my life are changing all at once, and i’m trying to remind myself to stop and take time to reflect and soak it all in to avoid getting lost. 

The end of one era, a long-term relationship, and watching a family member get sicker are emotionally overwhelming. I’m loving my life and the direction I’m headed, I’m just cautious to stop and internally process - to grow my Fi (secondary) function in this regard and tune in with myself, rather than just plodding along. Time for some overdue emotional processing and healing, and of course many lyric posts <3

[silverapplesgoldenpears]

I'm waiting and fading and floating away ☁️👌🏼

Panic Switch - Silversun Pickups

[silverapplesgoldenpears]

Scorpio moon starts now 🙌🏼

[silverapplesgoldenpears]

Dark love light me up, take me to the places you're dreaming of. Dark love light me up, take me anywhere that you choose...

Dark Love, Miami Horror

[silverapplesgoldenpears]

The swimmer

A captain-less ship sinking in calm waters. 

Head above water in shallow depths.

A reflection so familiar that floats away.

Sink or swim my dear, sink or swim. 

You are but a tiny ripple in an ocean, but you choose your own wave.

[silverapplesgoldenpears]

The awakening

Something awakens in me every time spring comes around. There is something ingrained in the warm sunshine and the smell of spring air... It awakens my soul, and I feel at home. And this is why I could never live in a cold climate...I feel like I would lose myself. It's funny to think how a rise in temperature can bring you so much happiness, but it's a transcending feeling of opportunity and being alive. I truly live for this feeling.

[silverapplesgoldenpears]

I don't wanna live by simple floor plan, I just wanna get high, as high as I can. Oh the best shit in life has got to be free, they can't put a price on you and me.

E^ST

[silverapplesgoldenpears]

Oh believe my love, I’ve got you underneath my skin. In the early hours of the morning I can’t help but let you in. 

[silverapplesgoldenpears]

Favorite thought/quote of the day. 👌🏼 every day is a day to do something you love. Be effective in your life, make it yours, make it beautiful 😏❤️