No one should be allowed to break your heart and then ask you for favors.
No one should get to decide when it’s time for you to move on.
No one should ask for things back they once gifted to you.
No one should revamp their whole lives as if you never meant a thing to them.
Yet, like a total stranger, you rearrange the pieces of your life and personality as if you were holding so tightly a mask to your face. As if you had attempted to be better around me and realized it was not within you to accomplish. I despise the idea that I was a set of training wheels for you. And now that you’ve drained me of all the free emotional labor you can handle, you’ve decided to retreat back to your old patterns because somehow it’s easier.
And I get it now. It is easier to be alone and decide which flavors to dash in to your life’s recipe than to commit your heart and soul to someone who cares when you don’t enough them. I rest assured every night now that I don’t have to pour my love into a leaky cup. I don’t have to question my sanity like I am cracked or jaded. Without your vice grip on my tender heart I feel how much you managed to squeeze out of me. And for every time I wished you sound sleep, I hope that counts for a night with very little sleep. For every time I attempted to hear you out, I hope you go unheard. For every time I cared, I hope you see that it will be long before anyone else will.
You are hardened and blocked. You pretend to have a tender place within you to lure emotionally available people in so that they can do the work you lazily dismiss. You want people to believe you’re good by using fluffy language toward them and then break them down at every turn. You say you want a woman who is strong, has opinions and is passionate, yet here I am on the other side of this relationship as you walk away. Every time I demonstrated strength, you questioned my abilities. Every time I expressed my opinion, you found a way to tell me I’m wrong. And anything I was passionate about wasn’t interesting enough to hold your attention. How could you possibly handle a truly grown woman when you have so many miles to go before you yourself have grown? How about you actually learn from this experience and take this time to figure out how to actually be a better human. Or else, I fear you will get what you want in truly being alone.
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