i am so boooorrreeedddd
dirt enthusiast
noise dept.
YOU ARE THE REASON

Andulka

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Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

if i look back, i am lost
AnasAbdin
TVSTRANGERTHINGS

oozey mess
almost home

★

ellievsbear
Sweet Seals For You, Always
RMH
One Nice Bug Per Day

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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Monterey Bay Aquarium
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@simplymiles
i am so boooorrreeedddd
Tumblr used to be sooooo awesome ... but these ads man ...
why do i need to buy pay for premium when we didn't have ads before ... 😒
more photos from our Christmas photos
Thank You, Lord for my beautiful family! What a blessing! I have a wonderful husband, amazing children. Truly, my heart’s treasure. I have prayed for this. Thank You, Jesus!
we miss you, Mama 🌹
My husband went to Marikina for his mom's birthday. His mom didn't know he was coming home, he said he wanted to surprise her. I saw the video. He surprised his mom, and his mom is super happy that he came home. She kissed and hugged him, and she was soo giddy because they are all complete for her birthday. I was kinda jealous and happy for a moment. Happy because he gets to spend time with his family, especially his mom. Jealous because I can never have that feeling again with my own mother. Jealous because I won't be able to hug her for her birthday, or any other day. I am jealous because I won't be able to see her smile and hear her laughter again.
Parang minsan, ang unfair lang ng mundo, but then, thinking about it, I'm happy and relieved that mom is with the Lord. At least where she is, there's no more pain, no more suffering .. she's free. I just miss her. Parang ang sarap lang. Nakita ko yung asawa ko niyayakap at nilalambing ng nanay nya ... and here I am thinking, I can never have that experience anymore. I'm glad that they got to spend time together. And I'm glad that he still has time to spoil his mom. I am glad that she's healthy and happy. I am glad that her grandkids have time to spend with her. I am glad that her and tatay are still going strong together ... and I hope they continue to spoil her, and hug her, and love her. It just makes me sad sometimes. Grieving is tricky. One day you're okay, and the next day, you're a total wreck. I miss you, Mama.
God Speaks Through Music
I remember the time when I was at the lowest point of my life, seeking answers and fighting hard not to end myself. I remember how difficult it was just to live. But that was also the season when God truly revealed how amazing He is, and how true His Word is.
The darkest day of my life, was after I gave birth to Gab. I had already been struggling with depression, and after delivery, I battled postpartum depression. I remember sitting in the corner of the room while my two kids were asleep, literally hearing a voice telling me to end my life. I was fighting for survival. It was around 2 a.m., and I kept praying, “Lord, please just keep me alive. I don’t want my kids to wake up to a lifeless mother.” I kept rebuking the voices in my head. By God’s grace, I made it through the night.
Around 6 a.m., as the sun began to shine, I kept thanking God for keeping me alive. At that time, we were living in a tiny apartment without cable (tv). That day was a Sunday. I turned on the TV while fixing breakfast, even though I knew only one channel worked. It happened to be a Christian network. My kids were still asleep, and I left the TV on for background noise. They were televising a youth conference, and the pastor was preaching about God’s purpose for young people. He shared Jeremiah 29:11.
Now, I knew that verse well. I had heard it countless times in church, read it in devotionals, and seen it in posts. It’s a popular scripture. But that day, it became a revelation. It was as if the pastor was speaking directly to me. He urged the young people never to give up. He said, “God has a specific purpose for your life. Yes, today it may feel like nothing makes sense, like nothing is going your way. But always remember: God is working through your life. He knows you, and He has a specific plan for you. You are made for greater things.”
That moment, in front of the television, I encountered God in a deeply personal way. I re-dedicated my life to Christ.
Later, when my parents took my kids out, I played gospel music while cleaning the apartment. Then a song came on, I knew it was God speaking to me through those lyrics: “It’s not over. It’s not finished. It’s not ending; it’s only the beginning. It’s not over until God says so. So count it all joy—He makes all things new.”
I listened to this song over and over again until it became my life song. I didn’t just hear it, I believed it. Every time I was about to give up, I would listen to this song, and it gave me strength. It reminded me that it’s not over for me. I turned my life around by holding on to that truth. And here I am now, living in the promises of God. It took time, but the journey was worth it.
Everything in my life is going great! Then the other day, my family and I went out to buy groceries. My husband was sleepy, so I took the wheel. The playlist was on shuffle when suddenly, this song played again, and I couldn’t hold back my tears. In that moment, I remembered how God pulled me out of the pit. I remembered how He saved me again and again, how He never gave up on me.
This time, the song gave me a new revelation. Even though my life has turned around, even though everything seems to be going well, God is not done with me yet. I know and believe that He has even greater plans for my life, plans I can’t even beging to imagine. I am claimed it. This is another beautiful journey with God.
I am deeply grateful for the continued revelations He gives me. I am in awe that the same God who brought the Israelites out of Egypt, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, the God who died on the cross to save us all, has a specific purpose for my life. And I cannot wait to see it unfold.
I am eternally grateful!
Randoms Thoughts at 5:30AM
I just realized (and I just realized this right now, while I was drafting my calendar, totally random, I don't even know why I thought of this)
that I am not someone's "favorite" friend.
I am the person that you call 24/7, if I am your friend, I am available anytime you need me to listen, or to talk to.
If I am your friend, I am all in 100%
If I am your friend, I would always make the simplest and sweetest gestures that would always make you special.
If I am your friend, I would be always thinking of your well-being.
If I am your friend, I am your friend for life .. ride or die (as long as you don't betray me or my family)
If I am your friend, I would always tell your the truth.
If I am your friend, I would always honor you.
I am always this 100% kinda person ... but sometimes it gets tiring, because the effort doesn't get reciprocated.
I mean, I know for a fact, people do love me and care for me, but I am not sure if they are willing to go the extra mile for me; cause I always do for them. I would always be the one to adjust, the one to do everything first, the one to apologize, the one to reach out, the one to do the grand gestures, the one who always remembers, the one who never forgets ... I am the girl-next-door; the shock-absorber; but I don't feel like everyone else will do that for me.
Example 1: People always come to me when they are at their weakest, their loneliest, at their darkest moments; but once they get better and they find their happiness (most) of them don't even bother to say hi anymore or check in on me, or at least ask me how I am.
Example 2: People could go for months or years without talking to me, without even a hi, hello, or how are you; but once they need me, they come to me like a lightning, and I don't even put them on hold. I promised them that I would always be available, and I am, always am. They tell me a summary of how their lives have been in the past months or years, tell me how they are, vent, rant, ask for advice, say thank you ... then never message me again.
Example 3: I always surprise people with small gestures. Gestures that would always remind them that they are appreciated, or that I always remember them or I'm thinking about them, or sometimes I'd give them stuff that is totally random, to let them know that I remember what they told me months or years ago when we talked, just to make them feel better, or loved. They say thank you, but I never really felt like they appreciate what I did. Some people get a thank you in a form of a facebook post, or story, to let everyone know how proud they are that they are friends with this kind of person; but I never really got that ... from all the people that I helped over the years, I never really felt appreciated.
To tell you the truth, I am not one for social media posting or making gushy comments about me .. I am not complaining, it's just ... sometimes, it's nice to feel appreciated.
Example 4: I would always be the one to reach out. I would always be the one to keep my mouth shut. I would always be the one who humbles down. I will let you take all the credit, even if it was my idea to begin with .. I wouldn't care .. you're the hero. Sometimes I would wait for some humility to return the credit to me .. but no .. some people just like taking it all ... but it's okay .. I really don't mind .. it's just .. it's nice to be appreciated and credited sometimes.
I have more examples, but it feels like I'm complaining .. truth is, I'm not .. it's just that ... I feel like an empty water bottle. Your thirsty, I want to give you more drink, but I'm empty.
I feel like people around me take me for granted, just because I don't complain. I feel like they think that I don't mind, because even if I get appreciation or not, I would still give my 100% ... nothing will change. I keep my word, cause I don't want to let anyone down, I want to be the reliable person; always available, always ready to help.
My tank is empty ... but I can't stop giving.
I do this because I don't want anybody to feel that they are alone. I don't want them to feel that nobody is around to listen. I don't want them to feel sadness, I don't want them to feel emptiness ...
Sometimes, I hate being an empath. Cause even if you're mad at someone, or sometimes you feel like you're being treated unfairly, you choose to understand that person rather than judge them or get angry at them.
Sometimes I envy those people who have strong personalities. Why can't I storm out? Why can't I get mad? Why do I always have to be the bigger person? Why do I always need to understand? Why can't they? Why can't they? Why?
These feelings are a blessing and a curse at the same time.
I read somewhere that "caring is different from carrying."
But how can I not care without me also carrying the burden with them?
I am not even sure why I am sharing this ..
sheeeshhh .. ngayon na nga lang nagblog ganito p!
Hahahaha ..
'til my next blog
You replay the words, turn them over like stones, searching for meaning where there is none.
You retrace the steps, walk the same road twice, as if the ending will somehow change>
But love, not everything is a puzzle waiting to be solved. Some things are meant to be left as they are - no answers, no what-ifs, just peace.
Fallen tree stll blooms, roots deep in earth below, storm could not break it.
♥ miles ♥
I remember those days when I feel like I had no one to turn to. Only Jesus. He saved me, over and over again. Thank You, Lord for not giving up on me.
Happy 2025 everyone!
Hi Tumblr,
It's been a while.
Will probably write soon.
For the last two weeks, my brain went to overdrive. I couldn't sleep, and my brain would not stop working. Even if I close my eyes, I would still be thinking about stuff. Nothing really specific, but just random stuff. I literally feel like my brain was going to have a short circuit. Any time, I am going to explode. Thankfully, I didn't! I'm glad my husband went to Marikina for a week to be with his mom for her birthday. I wasn't really in the mood for anything; I don't want conversations, I don't want company .. I just want to be lazy and do nothing.
I'm also blessed to have kids who are very independent. I'm glad that I thought them how to cook their food, entertain themselves, take care of the house, and take care of themselves. I always tell them, you have to learn these things because I'm not gonna be always around to do them for you, so you ned to learn how to take care of yourselves. I'm glad they took that by heart. During those "load brain moments" of mine, I was asleep half to the time. They didn't wake me up, unless needed. They let me sleep. There are times when I'd wake up in the evening, cause I needed to eat; and I see that everything's been taken care of. They cooked their food, they took care of the dogs, they washed the dishes, they cleaned the house. I always commend them, and tell them how proud I am of them and that I always appreciate their efforts.
I am thankful that God blessed me with a wonderful life, and I am surrounded with wonderful people. Growing up, I was pretty open to everyone being my friend. Turns out, not all people have the best intentions ... I'm glad I chose to be with the people who loves me, and protects my peace.
This is just a life update ... I felt like I haven't written in forever. Things have been moving pretty fast lately ... I've been telling myself to slow down ..