The Tales of a Single Gal @singletales - Tumblr Blog

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Downwards

Im hitting rock bottom and the feeling is unfamiliar.

Not the place, I’m been broke before, I’ve been alone before…

But this, this has been a steady process of losing.

The process, the sudden changes, the disease, I wonder.

It’s not longer a steady decline.

But in the speed there is hope.

The acceleration makes me wonder, make me sure even.

I’ll ricochet.

For who truly loses their love, job and home in such a short space of time.

Too fast too early,

Now back at point one to undo.

Sometimes I wonder if I missed my turn somewhere.

I know for sure I sped through the red light.

I saw the truck coming, the lights were blinding.

I didn’t want to break up to be honest.

I just wanted the relief of not pressing gas anymore.

So I welcomed it, I let my right foot rest.

I placed it firmly on the mat.

Will the lights be my danger or my saviour.

Will my motion stop it or will it stop me?

All in all, it’s interesting to fall, horizontally.

Will there be a ricochet?

Could I finally steer this thing in the right direction?

Or maybe it’s time to let someone else drive.

He needs me here, somehow.

He wants me to do something, what.

He is presenting a pause, why.

He will turn it around, when…

Your Body lies

U kissed me like u wanted me.

Touched me like u needed me.

But none of it was true.

You chased me like you hated me.

Bedded me and mated me.

But never did you rest.

Sun up to sun down,

You had no intention of keeping me around.

So you lied and smiled.

Sweated and plotted.

You remembered to forget.

Now here lies your death

And even that if unreal.

For you do not know:

How to feel

And He says, the war is still happening

How do I tell you how I feel?

Must I also explain the bottom of the ocean to you?

Somehow we’ve made a big circle.

So large I cannot see you pass 100 degrees.

Time moves rather slowly lately, does it not.

I have much to put in it yet the day is night.

Then the wind comes as it must.

Hastily and out of breath, excited to whisper words I cannot comprehend.

The hills are green, the sky is blue, the clouds are white.

Maybe I’ll get some sleep tonight, if time would have me.

By her side, wrap her arms around me, hold me tight…

If she doesn’t put up a fight.

If she’s in a good mood we could have an intimacy.

Fall into her over her within her; I can almost taste her weight atop me.

I cannot tell you how I feel, I don’t feel anymore.

I have let but all of me at time’s narrow door.

I am ready,

No I do not think u dead.

I will think of you from time to time.

But I now see love in a new way, the same way as the olden days.

Longing for affection and open minded to such.

Loving on myself and on my ways.

Valuing my perception of value itself.

Finding some kind of peace,

At last.

Finding some kind of peace.

Through true acceptance

I’m just thinking,

Men are a waste of time.

Waste of space,

I respect all they do I really do,

But yet again, they are so few.

Since dating men I’m wondering if I’m male centred or maybe I’m just gay.

They’re a lot to deal with,

Their actions get in their way.

Maybe it’s me and maybe I can’t pick right.

For now at least, I respectfully bow out of the fight.

It’s too much crazy and too much lazy.

So if you are gonna send one, send him to my door.

I really don’t think I can date anymore

I only love you when I’m winning.

It’s getting tedious, this thing we do.

I never thought we would get this far,

1118 level to you.

Time poured in, hours, nights, days.

Car rides with you, adventures in the bed we laid.

At first you were easy so quick to understand.

Now it seems I can never win you over without a clever plan.

So I grow in frustration,

I’ve found torment in my solace.

“They’re making this harder!!!”

The powers that be…

Whatever it is trying to separate you from me.

Sometimes I give in, sometimes easier to flee.

“Try again tomorrow”, I tell myself.

The memory will reset and you’ll be more like yourself.

“I’m just a little tired now, I’ll be more alert tomorrow”

I turn in my sheet feeling small pinches of sorrow.

Maybe if I buy this/that it would be easier.

But do I deserve to win, using a reliever.

“Do I deserve to win”, I ask out loud.

I’ve come this far so I must be allowed.

Free to pass this stage and on to the next.

Am I really as smart as I think; is it all a test.

We racked up this time; what was all of it for?

If I can’t move pass you and play some more.

When I lose I feel as though you hate me,

You’re really not on my side.

“Dem thef e see!”

Then you give me another try.

I love township, I really wouldn’t have it any other way.

In worlds you learn and in worlds you pay.

I love you when I’m winning and maybe in the losing too,

In ways you are like me and I like you.

Mr. Man.

Tall

Dark

Handsome

We don’t always see eye to eye.

My lover and I.

Trying to take baby steps to figure out the way.

But we aren’t babies and we don’t like delays.

The passion burning within us,

We fight it until.

It burst into confusion and I can’t contain the spill.

…

4 weeks later

…

Fuck that nigga.

He ain’t shit

The Subdued

“You not coming out the car?”

And just like that my body moved.

Tall, handsome, grey t shirt, my knees weakened

But that didn’t matter for he lifted me in a hug.

His smell was his, not loud perfume not sweat, just him somehow.

I wanted to kiss him but I knew, too soon, all too soon.

But did nature care for principle?

I learnt.

He was extroverted, commanding an entire room with just presence.

He did things I didn’t like things I questioned, things that would come up later.

We spoke we drove

I kept sneaking peeks at him trying not to be creeping yet knowing this could be life.

His lips looked soft, I wondered what they would feel like on me, where would he allow me to put them.

Too much thought too soon…

We eventually came to a stop, and just like that, he kissed me.

His lips indeed soft, his warm tongue, massaging my spaces with intensity.

Generating electricity.

Fireworks, then the apology. “It’s okay, I kissed you too…”

We continued into our night…

It took a few days,

Totally unplanned.

But I think I might be in love with this man

Run Away

I wanna run away from poverty.

As far as I can, as fast as I can.

I wanna run away.

Away from worrying, away from budgeting.

Away from needing without a way.

Away from sore backs, from checking accounts with anxiety.

Away from payment plans, away from seeking a way, begging, praying for a way.

Away from my hopes and wants being in the power of another person or institutions choice.

Away from the “at this time we are not able to…”

Just away.

But not too far.

Not so far I forget what it feels like to stand on a packed bus.

Or how nice it feels to shower outside in the rain.

How we gather around a candle when there’s no light or the smell of a home sweet home lamp.

Not so far I forget how to shoo goats or how to take a clean bath with just a pale of water.

Never so far I forget a string heals hiccups and the power of an open bible.

Nor that tea is the cure or ironing uniforms on Sunday.

Far! But not too far.

Not too far so if I see it on my journey I can stop and say

“Hi, I’m Sherice, how can I help?”

So if I see it, I know it, I can feel it, I can remember…

Run away, and if it catches up, if somehow it touches me.

I’ll remember and I can know…

This game was never ‘Stuck and Freeze’

Artificial Simulation

Is it safe yet?

Is it wise to be falling for you.

For someone I’ve never met.

To lust for a body you never seen face to face.

But oh that face.

Is it safe or am I just plain old stupid…

Wanting the unfamiliar and the unknown

Is it okay will we be okay?

To be goofy n carefree

The tightness…

In my chest, why am I scared of you?

And how did you know I would be.

How did it come so soon?

“I won’t hurt you”

And why didn’t it give the reassurance you meant it to.

We are strange, our whole situation seems like it’s a maze.

Are you just telling me what you think I wanna hear.

Are you trying to make yourself clear.

Or maybe you’re the one with the fear…

Is it okay to do a job that makes you feel like you’re stupid, everyday?

And I, my eyes get wet.

They dampen when I think of how much you love me.

And I fear I don’t love you enough.

I fear one day you may hate me.

My disobedience, my choosing the wrong thing still, my vanity.

But most of all I fear I may never see your face.

I love You more than anything in this world.

Love though, is an action word. What are my actions? And why should you love me still?

So weak, so feeble?

A sharp object can easily end this walk for me. A blunt object cause my capillaries to burst. I could think myself to death on small insignificant things.

Yet You compute this whole universe, multiple dimensions and planes, eons in advance.

Who am I?

Whose am I?

That you love me still…

Prayers and Lessons not in vain: Leah Stewart, Ivy Foster, Laris Foster, Avis Wilson, Sanya Foster.

More than life, you gave me this Man, this spirit.

Who heals me when I’m broken, loves me without fail.

You gave me a father above all fathers.

I just wanna see His face.

My words are a whisper in the wind.

The trees understand my dreams.

As a stream, so does my emotions flow.

My thoughts dance, it will not be still. They seem eternal, mesmerizing, fascinating.

Blazing on and on…

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