SENTENCE MEME ⟶ SINGLE PARENTS / 1.06 – 1.08
always feel free to tweak the sentence to fit your muse.
“It’s 8:30 in the morning and you already found a way to irritate me.”
“Flu shots are for the weak.”
“We don’t get sick, it’s family policy. I don’t allow it.”
“I usually ignore the nonsense that comes out of your mouth, but this I have to hear.”
“When I was in my early 20s, I was short. Then I decided not to be.”
“I won’t even tell you about the time he bit the receptionist.”
“I have to schedule five minutes after every appointment so I can cry in my car.”
“Please never show me your bucket list, because it sounds like a real bummer.”
“If they see me sick, then the delicate parent-to-child power balance will be disrupted, and that can’t happen.”
“Talking about pediatric dietary guidelines brings out the wild man in me.”
“Next thing you know I’m watching a grown man try to eat a coloring book.”
“Make sure he doesn’t eat anything that isn’t food. I don’t like the way he was eyeing up that remote.”
“Dating’s changed so much with all these apps like Tinder and Bumble and Candy Crush and Calculator.”
“These are what people refer to as ‘sexual text messages’ or ‘sexages’.”
“I’m not gonna be threatened by a first grader.”
“They saw me weak. Now it’s only a matter of time before they feast on my body.”
“Tomorrow night there is a woman coming over to my house and I’m pretty sure we’re going to make sex.”
“You gotta mailman them, man.”
“You just made a huge assumption about who I am as a person.”
“How did I not know about casual sex before? It’s amazing!”
“Your son tried to blackmail me because he knows that I think he has a pretty mom.”
“I’ve never met a man who needs to have sex more.”
“How can you be ahead of schedule at a day at the aquarium?”
“I’m only good with them when the power dynamic is clear.”
“Please forgive me if this seems insensitive..”
“Can’t wait to watch 7-year-olds tackle this.”
“I’m afraid of my children.”
“How was it having sex for the first time in half a decade?”
“I have never lied to her and I never will.”
“You should always be worried with them.”
“All that matters is you do your best and have fun.”
“I just caught hum vomiting mid-hand jive.”
“You beat up spelling bee judges.”
“All I ever wanted was to make you proud.”
“She’s bought the lie for now, but she’ll figure it out.”
“You’re trapped in a lie, so keep on lying.”
“Even smart children get bored.”
“He struggles all the time. Struggling is his brand.”
“You’ve got one hell of a woman on your hands here.”
“I’m certain your ability to lie to children will come back eventually.”
“Give me a break. 90% of my meals are consumed at a red light.”
“Mom always wanted to be in a metal band.”
“I was born, and as she put it, the fun died.”
“I love metal! It makes me feel like a demon’s inside me and I like that!”
“None of your guys understand. You’re too happy.”
“Go play with some trash.”
“Love is about making an emotional connection.”
“I’m co-owner of a 40-foot houseboat.”
“I’m [name] and I do not know what a travel agency is.”
“If you ever want a man to buy you dinner, you know where to find me.”
“He’s six feet of useless stuffed in a ball cap and gym shorts.”
“You texted me you had a surprise.”
“I have no idea what I’m looking at.”
“So I guess we like different stuff, huh.”
“You signed me up for guitar lessons?”
“Satan is a close personal friend.”
“The closest thing I get to personal time is the walk from my house to the car in the morning.”
“You were even happier than the time you ordered a regular-sized fry and they accidentally brought you a large instead.”
“I do love free stuff. Who doesn’t?”
“I feel so weird, like someone’s dad or something.”
“Why would you say yes to that?”
“Some days I feel like we’re friends, but other days we’re hooking up.”
“If she sees you with someone else, she’ll get jealous.”
“I went to your dumb guitar lesson and got mom-shamed.”
“It sounds like they were being supportive.”
“Moms are allowed to do two things: work and raise kids. If another mom catches you doing something for yourself she’s going to think you’re a bad mom.”
“Just because you have a kid doesn’t mean you have to give up everything you want to do in your life.”
“Would you come with me for moral support?”
“You push me, I’m pushing you.”
“I highly doubt that you could be reckless.”
“We found him on a roof, like, a mile away.”
“I only have so much cocktail banter.”
“Maybe I should just go home.”
“Ever since I became a man at age 9, I never had a problem with women.”
“The only thing they seem to like about me is you.”
“She’s fine with me dating and I don’t want to live!”
“He got his face burned off by a steam engine?”
“We gotta help her connect with the man of her dreams.”
“Mother Nature, I am inside of you!”
“What the hell, you’re blowing it!”
“Yes, I want your advice. And the fact that I’m allowing it is a personal low point.”
“You’re obsessed with this woman but don’t know anything about her.”
“I’m gonna tell her how I feel.”
“I can’t believe we actually have this on video.”
“You were kind of badass.”
“I think our kids want to see us happy.”
“You want some of those brownies I made earlier?”
“Good god, are you crying?”
“Being single ain’t so bad.”
