What really happened in TLD:
(Thanks for giving us this gif @cumberbatchlives!)
I think right there, RIGHT THERE… was when Sherlock made the decision.
Sherlock was already on drugs trying to cope with a severe depression, and blaming himself for John’s loss. Add to that his almost unexistent self-esteem (we got more proof now with him saying “In saving my life [Mary] conferred a value on it, it is a currency I do not know how to spend” - how SAD is that.) Remember the book on suicide prevention in 221B. Remember suicide was a theme in this episode, and Sherlock was willing to help a woman he thought suicidal (mostly thanks to the fact that she reminded him of John)…
…but that was before he thought he’d lost his mind -what he’s always seen as his only ‘useful’ trait- forever, and before John beat him to a pulp blaming him for Mary’s death. The only person he loves, whom he sees as the only reason for his sheer existence, hates him. He lost John’s respect and approval forever. What is there to live for? Ah, but there’s more. He feels he damaged John, and that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Being the cause of John’s pain? Now there’s something not to live for.
I feel that gif you see above is when the penny drops for Sherlock. A slight change of plans. He decided right then; he was gonna go in Emelia Ricoletti’s way. Taking a bad guy down with him, at least making his death count. You can see it in his exchange with Culverton. Sherlock was resolved, he wanted the man to kill him… but when facing death, he was afraid. He broke down saying he didn’t really want to.
I think he put the recorder in John’s cane trusting his clever John would realize and find it some time after they found him dead in that bed, and would send the recorded confession to Lestrade, to take down that disgusting Culverton. So, even when suicidal, Sherlock trusted John to make his death count. And of course John would burn in an eternal hell on Earth, knowing he couldn’t save Sherlock. The perfect ending. “Kill you? I’m gonna kill you someday, but I don’t wanna rush it. I’ll burn the heart out of you.” It’d be a promess fulfilled. Kill Sherlock, and burn the heart out of him.
Because, though Sherlock might have harbored any last ray of hope that John would find him before it’s too late -like Mary’s message said, there is absolutely no way John would come save him if it wasn’t because Mrs. Hudson was casually there in john’s presence in 221B, to show him the DVD. John even said he’d left the cane “as a goodbye gift”, which further proves he did not suspect some harm might come to Sherlock while in hospital. John was not gonna come back, at least not anytime soon.
Mary knew this. She anticipated exactly how things were gonna go. Mary didn’t intend for that recorded message to be seen by John -if anything, the clever way in which she planned this leaves her as an innocent johnlock shipper, the memory of her forever clean. She just pre-recorded it to lead Sherlock to certain death. She knew in the state Sherlock was, and how in love with John he was, he was foolishly gonna follow her instructions believing her. She knew John very well too. She knew about how his anger works and how stubborn he is and caused their estrangement so there was no way John would be around to save Sherlock. She literally sent Sherlock to die alone, in hell. But what she didn’t anitcipate tho… was our hero of the episode, Mrs. Badass Hudson. She saved Sherlock. She “made it all possible”. She was the overlooked one who “counted” this time around. Just like Molly was in TRF.
Now, of course, seeing what was supposed to be his fantastic final act failed, someone will come out of his hiding-place, 100% done with his minions’ ineptitude, to dirty his hands and just do it himself, because man, you just can’t delegate nothing to people, can you. People, people, people…
[Just tags below the cut.]
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