I'm not On Here anymore, but every once in a while something happens with 1D that compels me to make an appearance, if only because this site has chronicled so much of my 1D journey that it feels wrong for the long tail of that experience not to be documented as well.
Liam changed my life. Not in any specific "X led to Y" way that I can point to. I don't know what would be different about me now if I'd made some different choices in October 2012 and never gone down this particular road - but I loved One Direction, and I loved Liam best of all, and that defined my life for years in a way that I will never forget and will always be grateful for. For years, when I was miserable, he made me happy. He brought so much joy into my life, often through his own seemingly boundless capacity for joy and gratitude.
Earlier this year I came back to Tumblr to mark the end of my Liam journey - partly, like I said, because it feels weird NOT to come back to mark the big stuff, but also because it felt necessary, given how little traction it seemed like Maya's interview was getting, to boost it with whatever decayed remnants of my platform here still existed.
I thought it was the end, and it was certainly the end of something, but if I thought there would be anything after it...I thought it'd be complicated feelings a few years from now about a half-assed reunion at an awards show or charity event. I thought it'd be an unfortunate numbness at Liam and Louis popping up every so often to be Liam and Louis. I knew it was the end of something for me, but I just assumed that meant there were years and decades ahead of us sprinkled with happenings, things I wouldn't enjoy the way I once would have and the ongoing experience of reckoning with that. I was done with him but he was still someone I'd once loved with everything I had, and I wanted him to figure himself out and emerge better on the other side, preferably out of the public eye but somewhere.
There was just supposed to be more.
pixelskylines
germansingergirl
yousharknotpass
jacobvanloon
izzy806
gummygunk
2087
dailybridgerton
