swan

𝒊 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒊𝒇 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒎𝒔 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒊𝒕 𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒃𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒙𝒆𝒅, 𝒊𝒕 𝒅𝒐𝒆𝒔𝒏’𝒕 𝒎𝒆𝒂𝒏 𝒊𝒕’𝒔 𝒃𝒓𝒐𝒌𝒆𝒏.

[skaisurgeon]

@skaidoks​ said: ❝ they’re treating me fair. it’s more than i deserve. ❞  /  amelia.

when it came to earth, being a doctor was a privilege.  humanity may have survived for years after radiation had supposedly destroyed all of it, but it was not the same as it had been.  doctors and surgeons didn’t exist in the same capacity and having already lost so much, endured so much violence in the time since the kids had first landed on the ground, they were needed more than they had been.  abby often had her own things to attend to beyond the need of doctor.  they were doing the best that they could, but it was hard to ignore that a certain privilege came with it: people needed the alive, mostly in tact. 

❝ no, it’s not more than you deserve. ❞  there were exceptionally few things that april had shown any certainty about lately but this was one of them: for some reason, it’s much easier to find it about others than it had been in herself.  ❝ you deserve to be treated with respect, amelia, it shouldn’t be some foreign concept just because everything around us is utter crap. ❞

[skaisurgeon]

@skaidoks​ asked: ❝ we’re not just fighting to survive anymore. we’re making a new beginning. ❞ / arizona

the fight with the mountain is over.  what now?  supply runs to and from it had been limited, though they’re lucky that medical supplies had been a top priority –– it makes sense, all things considered, given the state that the kids and abby had both been in after they’d gotten all of their people out.  but what did it mean to have a life on the ground?  none of them really know yet and she could only begin to imagine what things would look like.  a smile warmed the curve of the redhead’s lips and it just managed to reach the hazel of her eyes, reaching over to take arizona’s hand and giving it a gentle squeeze.  she’s grateful for the companionship, that they had both survived the drop down to earth and made it this far.

❝ you’re telling me, ❞  the tone is light, teasing, not wanting to make the conversation too serious.  ❝ i’m about to lose count of how many birth control implants i’ve taken out in the last few days. you’re going to be very busy a few months from now, you know? ❞

[skaisurgeon]

headsaves​   //   clarke griffin.

“   i  have  to  admit,   ”     clarke  starts  as  soon  as  she’s  taken  a  seat  at  the  table  in  the  mess  hall,  a  tray  with  a  bowl  of  porridge  and  a  glass  of  water  placed  in  front  of  her.     “   i  wasn’t  all  that  sure  this—   ”   she  gestures  vaguely  to  their  surroundings.     “   would  work.   ”     reaching  for  the  spoon,  she  begins  stirring  the  porridge  in  frivolous  hope  that  it’ll  taste  better.     after  swallowing  the  first  spoonful,  she  quickly  concludes  it  doesn’t.     “   i  guess  a  part  of  me  didn’t  think  the  ark  was  gonna  survive  the  impact  of  the  wave  and  we’d  all—   ”     die  ;     she  thinks  but  doesn’t  say  out  loud.     clarke  shakes  her  head  minimally,  sucking  in  a  breath  to  clear  her  thoughts.     they’re  all  safe.     there’s  no  need  in  dwelling  on  it  and  worrying  herself  senseless  anymore.     for  the  next  five  years,  she  gets  to  just…  live.     “   anyway,  what’re  your  plans  for  today?   ”

there had been no thought to what it would look like when they actually came out on the other side of all of this.  praimfaya had wiped out nearly all of humanity: for good, this time, according to all evidence and calculations.  learning to make do with what they had was the only way to survive on the ark, but it meant something much more extreme down here.  april smiled at clarke’s company, although the expression no longer managed to meet her eyes.  she should be grateful.  the thought is one that she can’t ignore, what a gift it is to be alive when there were so many who weren’t, but one had to wonder:  what would life look like when they came out on the other side of this?  ❝ i’m not sure any of us did. ❞  but hope had still kept everyone working day and night.  giving up had never really been an option.  ❝ i don’t know, ❞ she admitted.  ❝ i usually don’t let myself get that far ahead. ❞

[skaisurgeon]

revivate​   //   dottie turner.

       green  surrounds  them,  and  truly  it’s  so  much  more  vibrant.  the  depth,  and  surprising  warmth  are  the  best  parts  of  their  home  so  far.  glad  that  they  landed  in  a  forest  and  not  the  ocean,  or  the  desert.  she  stands  outside  her  tent,  part  medical  –  part  sleeping  bag  shoved  in  the  corner.  wind  blows  westward,  catching  stray  strands  of  her  curly  hair  and  whips  it  across  her  forehead.  a  figure  approaches,  pain  slightly  etched  on  their  face  as  dottie  goes  to  meet  them.  knitting  her  brow,  she  notices  their  shoulder  slack  on  the  left  side.  ‘  woah,  you  need  some  help  ? ’

there was a hint of embarrassment across april’s features as dottie realized that her gait isn’t quite what it should have been.  beneath the cover of her blouse, pale skin was covered with deep bruises from the drop ship crashing into the earth.  various others were scattered across her body, none quite as bad as that.  it had dislocated in the crash, jackson had held her relocate it when she hadn’t been able to do it to herself alone ( still terrible with pain, despite seeing it so often in others ).  ❝ i’m fine, dottie, ❞ she reassured with a wince of a smile.  ❝ the landing was a little rough. ❞

[skaisurgeon]

damnstory​   //   bellamy blake.

bellamy   shakes   his   head.      he   has   a   few   aching   injuries   from   his   fight   on   the   eligius   ship,   but   it’s   nothing   compared   to   the   horrors   before   him.            “      no      –––      i’m   here   to   help ,      ”            he   clarifies.         he   may   not   have   a   lot   of   medical   training ,    but   he   has   his   first   aid   knowledge   from   the   guard ,    some   spare   skills   picked   up   in   space ,    and   two   capable   hands .         from   the   looks   of   it,   april   isn’t   in   a   place   to   turn   down   his   help.            “      what   can   i   do   ?      ”

her shoulders sink down at the realization that she wasn’t immediately needed, the tiniest hint of selfish relief.  april was tired, furious, and channeling it into healing was extremely limited in their current capacity.  perform a miracle, she wanted to say.  had he and his younger companions not been capable of such a thing in the past?  her head tilted toward a wonkru member, bloodied and bruised abdomen already visible.  ❝ he has metal in him that i need to remove.  i need you to help hold him down. ❞  until he passes out.  ❝ shouldn’t take long. ❞

[sarahdrewsource]

[casanovawrites]

THE WALKING DEAD SENTENCE PROMPTS  /  EPISODES 9.02 - 9.03

we’re not just fighting to survive anymore. we’re making a new beginning.

it’s about the small moments and getting to have as many of those as possible.

i think we can beat it.

if we wait, we’ll wind up drawing that other herd.

you’re lucky it’s not infected.

i just felt stupid.

ready to take on anything.

it’s fine, i’ve got this.

they could be lying.

we could do it. we have the surpluses.

you’re welcome to stay the night here if you’d like.

you’d be a great dad.

i don’t need you people telling me what to do.

i get what you’re trying to do here, and it’s the right thing.

if not today, when? i deserve a damn answer.

i don’t have much, but i still got rights.

i got no one else. i got no place else to be.

i think it’s not my call.

no one is right all the time.

we need to build something that’s bigger than any one of us.

i like doing it. it feels intimate.

i think some decisions are too big for one person to make.

i think you’re a good person, and good people can disagree.

you made a mistake. you lost yourself, but you came back.

they’re treating me fair. it’s more than i deserve.

and i forgive you. you hear me? god forgives you.

i’ve been trying to see you every day.

i was drunk, and i was weak.

you think i made a mistake?

i’ll make sure they’re protected.

so they work for you and you protect them, huh?

some people can be redeemed, but others can’t.

i’m so sorry this happened to you.

when the dead started to rise, i thought i was seeing the end of everything.

it’s not the end of the world anymore. it’s the start of a whole new one.

we don’t talk about your past, but mine’s fair game?

that’s a real pretty picture you paint there.

don’t you ever get tired of acting like you’re still in charge?

we’re thriving without you.

we’re building a future.

when the day was done, they came together.

it’s not the future. it’s a monument to the dead.

you’re not saving the world. you’re just getting it ready for me.

why don’t you take a break?

i can think of another way to build for the future.

stop this shit.

we’re gonna find out who did this and we’re gonna make sure it never happens to us again, alright?

us means all of us.

i’ll try to find a way to make everyone feel safe, alright?

couple of guns and the right people might calm things down.

you trust me, don’t you? how about trusting a few other people who made a change?

killing each other when the world already belongs to the dead? it’s not the way, not anymore.

when the time comes, they’ll get what they deserve.

i need to build life, not take it.

it’s us or the dead, and every life counts now.

you followed me?

the first thing that goes wrong, and they suspect me.

leave with me.

every life counts.

[skaisurgeon]

@surviveds​   //   alex dalton.

it’s a rare moment of quiet inside of the infirmary. things had been peaceful in the last few weeks and april held onto hope that it would remain that way.  most of the action in here had been the removal of birth control devices with the hopes that they could all begin to repopulate and live free of some of the restrictions on the ark.  there was food, water, sunlight, all of it felt so infinite compared to the limitations that everyone had grown used to living with. of course, there was still more left for them to do. ❝ do you feel comfortable taking lead on the next one?  just me and you.  abby’s got business with kane. ❞

[skaisurgeon]

@damnstory​   //   bellamy blake.

there were dozens hurt.  after six years in the bunker, there should have been nothing capable of defeating the euphoria from feeling the sun on her skin again.  april was pale as death, yet she’d relished at the idea of a good old-fashioned sunburn.  it didn’t matter now.  new threats already loomed over the horizon and she was back to trying to make do with what little medical supplies they had – a task suddenly more difficult without abby there.  it’s an aching knife in the back.  it meant there was now only one person for her to assume was there when she heard steps behind her.

❝ jackson, do you–– ❞  a glance over her shoulder stops her words, realizing that it wasn’t him. ❝ oh, ❞ april breathed out suddenly, turning completely and straightening.  there was an odd need to be more formal:  this was blodreina’s brother.  it meant something.  her gaze sweeps, expecting blood, shrapnel, something. ❝ are you hurt? there’s not much left but i’m sure i can find something to make do. ❞

[skaisurgeon]

@skaifather​ asked: ❝ i know you want to make up for all the things you’ve done, i do too. but we need to think of the bigger picture. ❞

april needed space.  the infirmary was busy with the people that luna had brought on, all suffering from radiation poisoning that she – nor anyone else – could do a thing about.  raven had been clear that no medicine could be spared...  but it was a sobering reminder that even if it could have been, there was no guarantee that it would have made a difference to begin with. feeling useless made her nauseous.  despite her ache for quiet, her pacing wasn’t.  it’s no wonder that she gets caught, her arms tightly wound across her ribcage, fingers digging into her arms.  subtle had never been used to describe kepner.

of course, he has the right thing to say.  it’s almost annoying how he can do that.

❝ that’s easy for you to say. ❞  the words aren’t fair and she knows it.  karl’s life was no easier than her own.  no one’s was, on the ground.  but he hadn’t taken the chip –– it’s an easy jump for her to say he had less to repent for.  when her brow scrunches, she can feel the reminder, still pink scar pulling over her brow. ❝ i’m sorry – i just...  it’s different. ❞

[casanovawrites]

THE 100 SENTENCE STARTERS, SEASONS 4-5. * survival, regret, guilt, battle, murder, etc.

i know you want to make up for all the things you’ve done, i do too. but we need to think of the bigger picture.

i made the call, and i’ll live with that.

how many people do you have to save before you forgive yourself?

you still have hope? 

you’re the one going too far, using the same justification, ‘ it’s all for my people. ‘

if you just tell them the truth, maybe they’ll surprise you.

i think peace is overrated. it’s the fighters who survive.

you can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved.

here’s the take away: you have to be willing to die to really live.

for all its faults, earth is really beautiful.

whatever choice i make, somebody always dies.

have you ever loved someone so much that no matter what they do to you, or themselves, you take it?

it’s gonna be wonderful. you’re gonna rebuild the world.

if we leave, we can’t come back.

is that really a risk you’re willing to take?

we’ll survive. we’ll just wish we didn’t.

we made death the enemy. that’s how we survived.

you’re a healer, not a fighter.

it’s not the truth. it’s what we say to justify the horror we inflict on other people.

why do you always have to be the one to sacrifice?

you didn’t need me anymore. 

i don’t ever want to see this place again. 

you did things to survive, that’s in the past.

what’s one more, right? we’re already murderers.

we’re talking about taking one life to save hundreds. 

if you say we’re doing the right thing enough, maybe i’ll believe you.

i’ve been fighting the abusive power all my life.

i want to see an end to the violence just as bad as you.

i’m not preparing for war, i’m planning for peace. 

we’re all just people. all this will ever be is a battlefield.

seeing you fighting to survive, that’s who i fell in love with.

as soon as this fight is over, you will fall apart again.

i was part of something bigger than myself. i didn’t know i needed that, but i did.

it felt good to be safe. i never felt that before - like i had a home. 

don’t tell me you’ve never killed for revenge.

i don’t need you to protect me. i protect myself. i always have.

you know nothing of my pain.

we were happy once, weren’t we?

i don’t want to be a killer anymore.

i don’t want to take lives to save them.

everyone dies. let’s show them how to live.

we survive together. all of us, like always.

only a fool fights a war they can’t win.

living with what we’ve done to survive is worse than death.

what happened to us being the good guys?

how do you explain the sun to someone who’s never seen it?

i know it sucks, but sometimes there are no good choices.

how many innocent lives have you sacrificed?

you were just trying to save your people, so am i.

you think better days are ahead, but that’s not true.

there is no light at the end of the tunnel. there is only the tunnel.

we are the problem - human beings, all of us. 

it doesn’t matter what we do. all we’ve done is make things worse.

trust can be earned.

i won’t apologize for protecting you from yourself.

our friends come first.

i’d walk through fire for you. i’d die for you.

you’re better at blowing things up than fixing them.

be strong, direct, unrelenting.

peace without war is still possible.

i came here to tell you that i love you very much, no matter what happens. 

careful. you took a thorn out of a lion’s foot, but they’re still a lion.

we’re still on the same team, right?

you want to weaken than enemy? what’s weaker than an enemy at war with itself?

real warriors hate war. 

this is a place we can start over and rebuild.

the ghosts can have this place.

if you do this, there’s no coming back.

you can’t save someone who’s already dead.

go to war if you want to, but at least tell them they have a choice.

it means we lost the battle, not the war.

hey, you still want a gun?

how do you choose between the monster and the devil?

what we do here now is how we survive.

living with ourselves is another story.

i’m not mad at you for saving my life. i’m mad at you for making me care about yours.

i never said i was a hero because i’m not one.

a week ago, you were a traitor. next week, you might be again.

i’m just tired of always having to choose the least bad option.

it’s broken. i broke it.

we’ve all got blood on our hands, don’t we?

i should have killed you when i had the chance.

i don’t need ghosts telling me what i lost.

i know you’re scared, i am too. but i have to do this, and you have to let me.

life should be about more than just surviving. 

it was you who saved me. 

i may never be able to fix what i broke, but i can save you. 

look around you. do you see signs of hope here?

it’s hard to keep track of whose side you’re on.

first we save their lives, then we let them prove that they deserve it.

so it’s okay for me to be the monster, but not you, right?

your mistake was power - liking it. it’s the kiss of death. 

one garden. two serpents. eden never stood a chance. 

[skaisurgeon]

like this for a starter. feel free to specify a season / timeline.

[skaisurgeon]

what hurts us is cumulative.   it happens over time. we  absorb  blow  after  blow,    shock  after  shock, painful hit after hit.  but even then,  even if we know exactly how we got here, it doesn't mean we can fix it.

dash only april kepner. adapted for the 100. sideblog to speispy.

[skaisurgeon]

tag drop.

[mcmachine]