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@skinnyminnies2
✨ new era, final era plan ✨
sw: 42,5 kg (31/5)
june - 1000-1500 cals, exc 3-5x/week 10 min+ or exams, gw1 40/39, healthy and in moderation
july - 1000-1400 cals, gw2 38/37
august - 1000 cals, ugw 36/35 (14s bmi), being hospitalized but sighing myself out?
september - all in recovery, work on my relationship w food, food freedom, taking care of my physical and mental health, enjoying life to the fullest, overcoming my fears, working on being open esp w my family, quitting smoking
hi yall just randomly logged on and i wanna say i’m in recovery, i’ve gained of course but life is much better now.. tho i still have a lot of work to do and things get hard some times but hard in a way when you know you’re fighting for and getting a brighter future not digging yourself deeper and deeper in the bs.. so maybe this is your sign to go for it and just try it, try recovery for a while, few days, no pressure.. just to see what life can be
Why does my brain gotta be so dramatic like shut up and sit down we’re all sick of your shit already
“If you can’t do anything about it then let it go. Don’t be a prisoner to things you can’t change.”
— Tony Gaskins
“Today I forgive myself. Not just once. Again, and again, and again. As many times as it takes to find peace.”
— Unknown
ok so i made a plaaaan on how to recover for life, be happy and have a good body in the end omg i can do this i’m finally having some hope lately
there’s literally nothing more fun than being kind????? like? making someone feel loved and appreciated and seeing them smile and hearing them giggle?? sign me the fuck up
how to feel better when your mental health is bad and make someone else feel good at the same time <3
abusing positive self development methods to get toxic results >>>
waiting at the doctors office for my weight in while scrolling through edblr
yo finished my exams, tried recovery, gained shit ton of weight but here i am again getting back to weight loss to lose more than ever cuz i’m a batshit crazy anorexic and losing weight is all i can ever do
hi guys i went all in recovery last Friday and it’s been a week and i feel SO much better but i just can’t do this rn like i don’t fully wanna recover yet.. i’ve realized some stuff and made some progress but i’m not ready to let go of this body and i’ve worked so hard to get here i’m not gonna lose it just like that a days before summer so starting right now i’m going to counting calories and restricting again.. i still have like 10 days of exams left so i won’t restrict too much or anything i’ll probs just eat normally, i just want and need to stop gaining now.. ik i’ll feel like shit again and everything will be sm harder ik ik it sucks but i’m willing to put up w that for now.. since i’ve let myself eat whatever and gained a bit i think i’ll be able to stick to restricting and all that a bit easier than before when i was malnourished and constantly extremely hungry lol like my body has done some healing now even tho ik it’s not all back to normal at all and it will take some real effort to stick to this but yeah, at least trying to is still better and let me either lose more or at the very least gain less than if i were to eat totally freely.. i’ll try to keep this up for the next 10 days before my exams end and then i’ll focus on fixing my mindset mainly and also losing more weight.. i’ll start of slow again at just a bit below my maintenance so like 1400-1500 cals and then lower it a tiny bit to maybe like 1300 but this time i won’t go under 1k as that only makes me binge sm more often and is actually ineffective and just hinders my progress.. i’ll keep it at that for like the whole summer and hopefully i can get to under 40 but idk what my weight is rn so idk.. i’ll weight myself again tomorrow and start doing this.. this time my ugw is 36/37 which i think i’ll reach before the end of the year so like october ig and then i can actually put up w gaining weight, accept my body’s natural healthy weight no matter how it look at that point and chose living life to the fullest over being skinny.. i’ll work on my relationship w food, gain food freedom, eat healthy for my body and health but also enjoy whatever i want in moderation.. it won’t be easy and will be a long journey undoing these 10 years of disordered eating but if i set the intention and don’t change the direction and return to this every day again over and over one day i’ll find myself at peace w my body, food and enjoying my life✨ but first i want to do this for the very very last time i swear to god, i’ll get to those 36/7 this summer and show off my sickly skinny body and probs get hospitalized in november cuz my therapist said that would happen if i get below 15bmi but nvm at least i’ll have some time for myself finally.. ahahah yeah i’m fucked
i went running and started hysterically crying in the middle of my run lol i can’t do this anymore i feel like i’m stuck here and there’s no way out like i can’t recover just yet but i’m too exhausted to get worse which would allow me to recover i’m stuck here and there’s no way out i thought about killing my self but i don’t think i’d do that it was just a thought but if things continue the way they are then idk..
i fucking hate this i ate too much when i was stressed bc of exams and now they’re over and i’m left w the calories in me and a absolutely disgusting feeling i feel so fat and like i’ve gained a ton plus i want to go running but it’s so hot i already feel all sticky and gross and i can’t wear a crop top bc my stomach is too bloated so ig i’ll be sweating in a oversized top w sleeves fuck this i’m also tired and would rather sleep but i can’t gain i have to burn of the extra calories i ate ahhh.. ok now i have to calm down i got the feelings out of me and that’s fine but they’re not helping me at all.. whenever i do good it’s because i’m in a relatively good place mentally and i’m able to control my thoughts and emotions and therefore my actions too.. i forgot who i was.. i’m the one who always does well and has a way to stay in control thanks to regulating my mind.. so imma get back to that again.. it might not be over night and i’ll have to keep on reminding myself but i will and thanks to that i will lose weight again.. ik it’s especially hard now bc of the exams that always make me eat bc of the stress so that’s nothing new actually and i don’t have sto worry about it too much i survived it before i will again.. i’ll try my best to control my eating despite the stress but i’m counting on and accepting that it might not be as perfect and easy as usually but it’s only like 3 more weeks and then it’s holidays so i can get to restricting fully and hopefully more successfully again.. i’ll try and keep myself busy w activities that don’t include eating lol so i make it easier for myself.. ik it sucks now and things aren’t easy.. i still keep on switching between recovery and losing even more but i’m more on the staying in my ed side rn even though i’m physically and mentally exhausted at this point.. but i’m better that i was a few weeks ago actually and tbh feeling healthier makes me feel so disgusting and wanting to feel like shit bc of not eating again.. why am i like this? also this is the last time i’m doing this, the last time in my life before i recover so i better not let this chance slip and get as low as possible bc there’s no way i’m gaining and then losing all of this again to get lower, just no, i have to do it now.. it’s about the mind.. i’ve been in situations like this before at different weights so i know it’s about the mind not the body.. i just need a clear goal and direction and not change it every other day.. how do i convince myself to stop trying to recover before i reach my new ugw? i guess i’ll just keep on trying and after a while my brain will get it that i am not gonna start eating before i reach that new ugw, before i become extremely underweight because that’s what i have to do before i can recover and have food freedom.. because nobody sees it as a failure when an anorexic gain weight and starts to eat no that a success but when a normal or just a bit thin person does it is a failure and loss of willpower and discipline and i don’t wanna be seen as that.. ik it’s kinda stupid but also isn’t it a smart hack? now let’s go take a shower, let’s go find a comfortable and practical fit for the running and go burn this of bc that’s who i an i always burn stuff off when i go over my limit, i always do the best i can and even if i don’t get things perfect it doesn’t affect me and i just consistently try and that’s what brings me the results and i lose weight slowly but surely
me and who
no joke my first thought was oh what a good thing gap and then i realized what i’m thinking lmao i’m way too disordered at this point i’m a lost cause
okayyy i still ate a lot today which means like at maintenance but i’m getting back on track and i can sense a new era beginning!! i want to lose weight again i don’t want to recover anymore and i will lose more.. i got tricked by others into believing it’s actually bad when it isn’t really that bad yet at all.. i means yes by bmi is underweight but 16 isn’t that extreme at all and the only health issues i have are no period and slightly lower leukocytes but nothing dramatic at all.. also i just realized i constantly felt like dying or something was hurting or so before i started eating again lol but that’s just temporary discomfort that goes away when i eat so it’s nothing to worry about.. given all that my body is still handling this pretty well and i can lose more weight.. i ate sm these past days like 2k+ so i believe i kinda restored myself from my extreme hunger and am ready to restrict again and get even lower than ever.. sure i will feel hungry again after a while of restricting but now i have a clear goal again, no changing direction, no recovery for now.. i will start slow again eating at around my maintenance or slightly lower and getting into good habits of eating healthy filling foods and i’ll have sweets and junk foods in moderation, spacing stuff out instead of eating it all at once.. also if i’ve got time and don’t have that much exams i’ll exercise daily for at least 10 minutes but probs longer as usually.. i’ve gained a bit recently but idk how much of it is food weight tho but i’d say i cound be at around 41 so by the end of the month i’m hoping to be 40 or maybe even 39 now that i’m thinking about it cuz the exams won’t be as hard as i initially thought.. plus i have a bit of time afterwards.. then i’ll go on a long vacation to middle america which i’m a bit scared of like what if my physical health gets worse or what if my immunity is too weak so when i catch some infection i’ll die lol? i mean it’s not that likely i’d say but i think there is a possibility and i’m only making the risk higher but oh well my disordered head just decided being skinny is more important and i’ll survive somehow that is not that bad so yee let’s hope it’s at least a bit true lol.. on the vacation idk it’ll be scary because i won’t be able to weight myself for 20 days like one i’ve been weighing myself consistently almost every day for the past like 2 years help.. so scary so scary.. but ig i’ll just count calories and try to stick to around 1k- maintenance and it’s gonna be more of like and active adventurous trip rather that feasting by the hotel pool lol so i’m not too worried about the food there.. hopefully my friend doesn’t pressure me to eat and i manage to restrict even in such unexpected situations ah.. but yeah hopefully it’ll all turn out well and by the end of the month and holiday i’ll be at around 37/38 which would mean that when i come back and go to my doctor and therapy i should theoretically get hospitalized and end therapy cuz my bmi will be under 15 but i guess i’ll eat and drink before the weigh in and fake it and continue my 1k-maintenance for another month consistently being at like 35/36 by the end of august which idk i’ll probs not be able to fake anymore so i might get hospitalized but i’ll only stay in for like 2 weeks and then sign myself out as i don’t have time for spending 4-8 weeks in a hospital lol.. and after that it will be september which is actually the 10 years since the start of my ed exactly so i will go all in recovery and gain food freedom no matter what because if i don’t feel valid enough after being in the hospital and having a bmi 14 then i most likely actually never will as everyone says and i refuse to die trying to make myself feel valid so yeah i pinky promise myself now that i will go all in recovery during september 2022 no matter how much i don’t want to or my head is telling me i still am not sick enough and i just need to lose a tiny bit more because that’s just bullshit.. ok let’s go do this!
yeah so yeah
im sorry to give up on recovery and continue losing weight bc of my friends i feel like im so ungrateful for all the help theyre giving me💔
