My Motivation @skinnyzoe-blog - Tumblr Blog

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So I tried CrossFit last week! It was the most daunting thing I've done, even with my amazing supportive boyfriend, walking in there was terrifying 😅 but it was fab! It was tough, but it totally allows you to work within your own abilities and everybody there was so supportive! I absolutely loved it, so of course this week I've got a stinking cold and can't go 😭

#CrossFit #firstimer #ill #coughingmylungsup

So I tried a Les Mills Body Pump class they started at my gym, it was fucking awesome! Every muscle I have hurts, it was such a fab workout and I actually enjoyed every second! I've always wanted to get some weights in but I don't know what I'm doing, I can't wait to go again 🏋️‍♀️🏋️‍♀️

I am so wonderfully crazy fucking happy right now, and this guy's got so much to do with it ♥️ things aren't 100% perfect as far as exercising and eating are concerned, but I am exercising and I'm enjoying it, and things are getting better and better ☺️ that's it really, I just wanted to say how wonderful my life seems right now, i am so amazingly happy I could burst ♥️♥️

What a wonderful few days ❤️ feeling very happy and content with my life right now, I’ve met someone wonderful and it’s made me realise how shit things were before! We did Pen y Fan over the weekend, and it devastated me how hard I found it, I felt every pound I’d put on and if it hadn’t been for my bf I’d have tapped out... But on a positive note it was the kick up the ass that I needed to realise how much I missed training and feeling strong 💪🏻 Even aching after the weekend, I got on my bike this morning for the first proper ride since last summer, 10 Miles and as hard as it was I loved every second ❤️

Quick half hour spin class today was so good! Legs like lead haha but I reaaaally enjoyed! Feel so much better now I’m training regularly again and actually keeping it up. I weighed yesterday and I’m back up to 16 stone which is devestating, but I’m determined I’ll get not only to where I was but past it too! 😜

So I’ve been quiet on tumblr for ages, but I’m getting back into the swing of things! I seem to have finally found a balance, I’m able to fit in some training- only 3 days a week but I’m feeling so much better for it!! My runs have been fab, and actually looking forward to training and not getting so stressed out with uni work! Right in the thick of exams and not a single meltdown yet! (🤞) feeling incredibly happy at the moment, and very content with my life, I didn’t realise how awful I’d felt until I started feeling better ❤️ P.S. how fucking cute is my dog?! he was copying my stretches post run!!! 😍😍😍😍

Cheat Day Yesterday

First cheat day after a week of fab eating and lots of walking (my chest has been playing up so haven’t been able to do anything too intense)...feel like crap this morning, bloated and stomachs killing me after yesterday’s food! Thank god im off to spin this morning, it’s well needed!

Im having an unbelievably shit few weeks, and need to vent somewhere I doubt many see lol.

University is killing me. I feel like I am fighting tooth and nail just to keep my head above water, i am so unbelievably stressed all the time. I can't sleep. I am crying like a toddler at the drop of a hat. I feel so utterly useless and incapable. My mothers unwell and keeps asking for help, and I'm literally so swamped I can't do the tiniest thing for her, and it makes me feel so shitty. Whats worse is that she seems to think i just can't be bothered, the level of work is so much that she doesn't seem to believe the lack of time. I am physically and mentally exhausted and totally at my wits end. I just don't know what to do. I can't drop out, id never forgive myself and would be letting everyone down. But i feel like I'm letting everyone down anyway. There just doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day and theres no answer, no solution to it. I just have to go on feeling like this, with no way out for the next year and a half. I just don't know if I can handle this much longer. Im 21, and Im dissolved to tears over the slightest, tiniest thing which makes me feel 10x worse.

I had exam feedback which was so good, I am really proud of myself, I had the most amazing feedback from one of my hardest module run by a dick of a lecturer. And it made me stop crying, but I still can't shake this horrendous feeling, I am just so overwhelmed all the time, and I am fed up of feeling like I’m not capable, and letting my mother down when i know she needs me. Everyone arounds me seems go love uni, and that makes me feel so much worse, Like theres something wrong with me because I haven't met anyone in the year and a half ive been there and it just makes me miserable. I guess thats it, I feel like such a dick spilling on tumblr ffs.

tinycomfyquest

Day 6:

Today I feel like absolute crap, had a bit of a cold starting and thought I could push through so went to spin class...turns out that was a bad idea, woke up feeling awful 🤒 I was planning on having a cheat day this week if I needed it, and boy do I need it today

Day 3:

So far so good! I’ve only trained once this week, but my food has been good and I’ve got plenty of activity planned for the next few days! Feeling positive again, finally 😌

So the best part of the last year has been a disaster as far as my fitness/weight-loss journey has gone. It became an emotionally exhausting feat, stressing 24/7 about my eating and trying to squeeze in training amongst the million other things I’m trying to do in life. I don’t want to make excuses, but it takes such a toll and stopped making me happy. Now as a result I’ve piled on the weight, I’m barely training, which means I feel like crap 💩 all the time, I can’t sleep, I have no way to deal with stress and pressure of university on top of my two jobs and crazy home. I feel at such a loss, and just writing this I’m holding back tears because I’m so fed up of it being so god damned hard. Why couldnt I have been born with less of an appetite, why did I let my training go and why does it seem so impossible that I’ll lose this weight when just last year it was so close. I’m so cross with myself for letting it get to this stage, I haven’t weighed and I’m not going to because I think it would crush me rather than motivate. Today was the first day back braving a hard class and trying to eat right and from the minute I came home all I could think about is food. I hate that it has to be such a big part of life for me, but in starting from scratch all over again I need to approach this with a healthier attitude. So I’m trying. I’m trying not to put too much pressure on myself and try to train 7 days a week because with my hectic schedule that’s just an impossibility that’s going to very quickly equal burnout both physically and mentally. I’m trying to remember the benefits of exercising, the triumph at fitting into something, or of feeling nice in something that I would have felt so uncomfortable in before. I’m trying to love me, to be okay with how I look even though it’s not how i want to stay. Because if I can’t I don’t think I’ll ever really be successful in this, nothing will ever be enough otherwise. I don’t know what message I’m trying to convey here, the point of this long winded post. But I had to vent, I had to acknowledge the effect this is having on me, confront it and deal with it so I can start again. It kills me saying it. Start again. Everything I fought tooth and nail to achieve, how far I could run, how heavy I could lift, how much weight I’d lost and strength and confidence that I’d gained...all lost. I need to mope over this, and then get up tomorrow, metaphorically dust myself off and keep going, for me. For my health, physical and emotional. For my confidence, and happiness. I’ve done it once, which means this time I know I can do it again.

Wonderful day today, finally got out for a run (outside too!), quick fast run with lots of peak! Balanced it out by having a beer with lunch since I’m on hols 😉

Going on holiday and rearranging the furniture so you can do some morning yoga 🧘‍♀️

I forgot about tumblr again 😂 this week has been pretty good, my eating hasn’t been perfect and I haven’t trained a lot, but I’m still proud of myself for getting this far without a binge ✊🏻

Totally overindulging in a huge bowl of veggie chilli and Wholegrain rice, but damn it’s so worth it 😍😍

Soooo kinda sorta reeeeaallly fell off the rails this time 😭 today I did a Functional Fitness class and it’s the first time I’ve trained in months, but I loved it and it feels so good to start my day off having burnt lots! Onwards & Upwards ✊🏻❤️

#howmanytimeamigonnadothispostlol #gottogetmyassingear

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