Xuebing Du
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@sh5
hiiii Iām lee and this is my intro post
lee/wesley š he/him š 23 š white and TME
my art tag š doodling tag š art-only sideblog š writing tag (mostly poetry)
a BA in english is forever
šcurrently reading: Medium Raw, Anthony Bourdain; Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen
you might notice that Iāve never made a poll thatās like āam I a victim?ā and while itād be funny to joke that I wouldnāt like the answer, the real reason I donāt ask for community feedback on that olā brain teaser is becauseā¦I think I have to figure that one out for myself, and other peopleās input muddies the water. for the record, I donāt think Iām a victim of grooming or predation, but I do think he was inconsiderate of me. thatās hard though. what resources or relatable art exist for me? besides dbt techniques in my own head and art Iāve made?
reverence at souzai dangaku
Iāve just never felt that sort of magnetism to another person before. thatās the part that keeps me up at night, that all of that was just some side effect of a first love or even being a victim, and Iāll never feel it againāor at least not under safe or sustainable circumstances
I do often beat myself up that I couldnāt just accept a friendship/mentorship/whatever. I caused myself a lot of pain throughout this process. but I wouldāve just continued to make literal diary entries tailored to what I thought would bait him (into what? texting me?) forever. I was performing at every level of my life. it was exhausting. Iām not entirely out of that mindset; I often worry heās still reading and seeing me fall out of love with him. whatever stupid part of my brain is still convinced it was forbidden love doesnāt want to give up, doesnāt want him to see me giving up. but Iāve waited for 3 years. Iāve been in constant performance for him for nearly a year now. I couldnāt do it anymore. I tried everything. I made a game about him, for godās sake. there really was nothing I couldāve done to make him fall in love with me, because he never wouldāve even entertained the possibility
everyone grieves in their own ways
Kiki or Bouba
ohhh good questionā¦kiki probably. boubaās nice and all but I feel like Iām more kiki
send anonssss I ate an edible bc my body hurts from today š
how talking about fanfic on tumblr makes me feel
send anonssss I ate an edible bc my body hurts from today š
damn sometimes you really can tell this website has the same backend as wordpress
if you donāt speak uma musume: Iām doing something really petty and poor sportsmanship-ly here. Iām running a debuffer on a track that nobodyās running her onā¦because she sucks at it
doctor, heās horse gambling againā¦
my nasty nature procāed like 75% of her skills im so proud of her. yes she was near the gates when everyone else finished, but she made everyone miserable. I know those two other players want to kill me
if you donāt speak uma musume: Iām doing something really petty and poor sportsmanship-ly here. Iām running a debuffer on a track that nobodyās running her onā¦because she sucks at it
doctor, heās horse gambling againā¦
if you donāt speak uma musume: Iām doing something really petty and poor sportsmanship-ly here. Iām running a debuffer on a track that nobodyās running her onā¦because she sucks at it
I have a jar at home that has my grandpa's smithereens
it must have been so sad when he got blown to those...
I wrote everyone I know at work a little card, and my boss hugged me šš«¶ her note was probably the most heartfelt tbh. bc sheās a pretty laid back (and motherly) boss, but I obviously didnāt say any of that. I said that she makes a culture of people who want to help each other. :) and I think that was really meaningful to her :)
send me your support yall.
SUPPORT BEAM
I hateread your blog so this makes me happy
today was the first time in my life where I was like āoh this binder does also restrict your lungs. who knewā because I worked so hard in the heat (unloading the truck) that I couldnāt get a deep breath šš Iāve worked out in my binder before and never gotten to that point šššš. and back at it tomorrow. I have wednesday off and then Iām back in the shit with the NEXT TRUCK.
