Monterey Bay Aquarium
Cosmic Funnies
Cosimo Galluzzi
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
Love Begins
untitled
Xuebing Du
$LAYYYTER
cherry valley forever
RMH
KIROKAZE
PR's Tumblrdome
The Stonewall Inn
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trying on a metaphor
pixel skylines
tumblr dot com
ojovivo
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
One Nice Bug Per Day
seen from France
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seen from United States
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@sh5
hiiii I’m lee and this is my intro post
lee/wesley 🍀 he/him 🍀 23 🍀 white and TME
my art tag 🍀 doodling tag 🍀 art-only sideblog 🍀 writing tag (mostly poetry)
a BA in english is forever
📚currently reading: Medium Raw, Anthony Bourdain; Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen
obsessed with this interaction where someone has apparently been living with the sincere belief that misha collins threw the shoe at bush
as someone who loves trinity santos with his whole bpd* heart, I do think there are people who defend the actions she makes in trauma in their entirety—when I actually think trinity “herself” (she’s a fictional character but) is becoming more critical of the poor choices she makes as a result of her trauma. when she lashes out, when she’s indelicate with other people’s trauma, when she’s similarly indelicate with other people’s feelings, she further isolates herself—something the narrative says explicitly at multiple points. BUT when she decides to talk honestly to whitaker after she takes a scalpel, when she decides to go out to karaoke with mel instead of self-harming, she is taking steps away from trauma defining her.
but, then, you log onto social media, and you see both her haters and her diehard fans defining her by her trauma. you know the type of post. it’s either every misogynistic word in the book to describe a well-written, realistic female character who would be adored by the same person if she was a man, OR “langdon was a man in power, and santos had been abused, so how else was she supposed to react/feel?” or smth to the effect.
the former’s issue is obvious, so of course, it’s the latter’s reasoning that I bounce around in my head whenever I think abt dr bpd. it’s such a surface-level reading of her, akin to saying that she has brown hair. like, duhhhh. but her continuous movement away from this victimized state is what actually makes her interesting. she is an extremely smart person, even among a profession of extremely smart people, specifically because of her emotional intelligence. her “hunches.” but emotional intelligence comes from our pattern seeking brains, a part that is especially set into overdrive when you have c-ptsd/bpd/trauma. and that pattern seeking isn’t perfect; to see an angry man and be reminded of a male abuser is ultimately a false positive. and, since both the show and the fandom are so invested in realism, those false positives can get you in troooouble… especially in a professional setting…
both for her relationships and for her professional development, it is in santos’s best interest to put up an honest fight against her fears of abandonment, her fear of men in positions of power, her defense mechanisms of being snarky and rude, etc. and, in the text, she IS. and then you log on to here and people are like “she should’ve killed that rapist dad” when her actions (taken in trauma) inadvertently led to the incident not being reported. she overstepped and was indelicate with the young girl instead of going through proper channels, leading to a threat that ultimately put the girl into more danger. (telling the abuser they’re in biiiig trouble and then sending them back into the house with the person they abuse usually doesn’t end very well.) like…she fumbled because her trauma made her act in a way that was ultimately dangerous for the victim.
*daily reminder that bpd isn’t real but people who are diagnosed with bpd are real. I think what is called “bpd” should be subsumed into ptsd or redefined as an anxiety disorder rather than a personality disorder. okay bye
I knew this would get me vagueposts, but I expected those vagues to at least be about santos. I might’ve struck a cord with the forever-mentally-ill crowd. hope you’re enjoying scrolling thru my account on a private browser
whats the fuckwhat makes this guy so fucking special
you might notice that I’ve never made a poll that’s like “am I a victim?” and while it’d be funny to joke that I wouldn’t like the answer, the real reason I don’t ask for community feedback on that ol’ brain teaser is because…I think I have to figure that one out for myself, and other people’s input muddies the water. for the record, I don’t think I’m a victim of grooming or predation, but I do think he was inconsiderate of me. that’s hard though. what resources or relatable art exist for me? besides dbt techniques in my own head and art I’ve made?
reverence at souzai dangaku
I’ve just never felt that sort of magnetism to another person before. that’s the part that keeps me up at night, that all of that was just some side effect of a first love or even being a victim, and I’ll never feel it again—or at least not under safe or sustainable circumstances
I do often beat myself up that I couldn’t just accept a friendship/mentorship/whatever. I caused myself a lot of pain throughout this process. but I would’ve just continued to make literal diary entries tailored to what I thought would bait him (into what? texting me?) forever. I was performing at every level of my life. it was exhausting. I’m not entirely out of that mindset; I often worry he’s still reading and seeing me fall out of love with him. whatever stupid part of my brain is still convinced it was forbidden love doesn’t want to give up, doesn’t want him to see me giving up. but I’ve waited for 3 years. I’ve been in constant performance for him for nearly a year now. I couldn’t do it anymore. I tried everything. I made a game about him, for god’s sake. there really was nothing I could’ve done to make him fall in love with me, because he never would’ve even entertained the possibility
everyone grieves in their own ways
Kiki or Bouba
ohhh good question…kiki probably. bouba’s nice and all but I feel like I’m more kiki
send anonssss I ate an edible bc my body hurts from today 😭
how talking about fanfic on tumblr makes me feel
send anonssss I ate an edible bc my body hurts from today 😭
damn sometimes you really can tell this website has the same backend as wordpress
if you don’t speak uma musume: I’m doing something really petty and poor sportsmanship-ly here. I’m running a debuffer on a track that nobody’s running her on…because she sucks at it
doctor, he’s horse gambling again…
my nasty nature proc’ed like 75% of her skills im so proud of her. yes she was near the gates when everyone else finished, but she made everyone miserable. I know those two other players want to kill me
if you don’t speak uma musume: I’m doing something really petty and poor sportsmanship-ly here. I’m running a debuffer on a track that nobody’s running her on…because she sucks at it
doctor, he’s horse gambling again…
if you don’t speak uma musume: I’m doing something really petty and poor sportsmanship-ly here. I’m running a debuffer on a track that nobody’s running her on…because she sucks at it
