if i look back, i am lost
almost home
ellievsbear
NASA
#extradirty
I'd rather be in outer space šø
Janaina Medeiros
DEAR READER
Keni
pixel skylines
trying on a metaphor
i don't do bad sauce passes
we're not kids anymore.
dirt enthusiast
Discoholic šŖ©
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Claire Keane
Origami Around
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@sh5
hiiii Iām lee and this is my intro post
lee/wesley š he/him š 23 š white and TME
my art tag š doodling tag š art-only sideblog š writing tag (mostly poetry)
studied english in undergrad, set to teach ESL in 2026
šcurrently reading: Medium Raw, Anthony Bourdain; Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen
the dreadful and mischievous 7pm nap is calling to me
I really better get to that nap because Iāve started thinking about how ugly I am lately šš I need a haircut
the dreadful and mischievous 7pm nap is calling to me
girl with the baby at work used the phone I gave her to make a new email and said āthis is the first step of me getting outā and I was so moved that I couldnāt say anything but āyeah :)ā and Iām tearing up thinking abt it now. I also met her baby. he did the baby thing I love where, if youāre gender nonconforming, they stare at you like youāre a new type of animal, but not scared justā¦woahhhā¦
like this
commenting "insane refresh pull" on my mutuals seven second old vent post
it gets to a point that is just weirder if they didn't fuck
you did all this and it was not even because you wanted to bang him? weirdo
so many times in my life, Iāve brought up my dad, and someoneās gone āyou have a dad??ā bc he is completely absent from my speech, my stories, etc. and though I would say that, primarily, the reason is justā¦not wanting to bring the mood down, I also just thinkā¦people very rarely react appropriately/well/to my liking I guess šš¤£. in thinking abt and comparing two examples of people who I feel responded well (my bff and the prof), I suppose what I appreciated was that they didnāt try to relate. Iām sure itās helpful to many people, but my self-centered ass would much rather hear āIām sorry that happenedā rather than āno I totally get it, bc my mom was likeā¦ā
and I used to be the āno I totally get itā guy myself, but Iāve actually gotten much better abt that
anywayz
was thinking abt this at work (HEADPHONES DIED šš). I know itās likeā¦Adulthood 101 to realize that your parents were just as traumatized by their parents as you were traumatized by them, but I think smth especially important to remember is likeā¦they do not see themselves as evil abusers who purposefully raised you poorly. and since you probably have some of their bad traits, you canāt just reason yourself out of these traits by going āwell Iām a good person and theyāre a bad person, so Iāll never do those thingsā.
for me personally, my dad is a ātextbook narcissistāāwhich is to say heās a misogynistic man with a massive chip on his shoulder. (while I think npd is as ārealā as any other psychiatric disorder, ānarcissismā as itās used in the modern day usually refers to people who are just misogynistic (or in another way bigoted) tbh.) and one of the ways he is extremely insecure and self-centered is that he thinks heās this perpetual underdog that everyoneās out to get. when relationships dissolve, he is never in the wrong. but the problem for me is, while I will take appropriate blame for a relationship failure eventuallyāthe time frame of which IS getting smallerāI stillā¦end up burning many bridges in this victimhood. like, I havenāt entirely broken the cycle, because I do end up feeling very victimized by the world at large, though I can recognize that individuals are not out to get me.
I have worried recently that Iāve suffered some sort of psychotic break/episode, but I think the internet, constantly seeing peopleās opinions on, at the very least, people LIKE me or who would be lumped in with me, really flares up that āthe world is out to get meā insecurity. it is very easy to make myself feel persecuted, which I think is an offshoot of my dad constantly thinking heās the underdog. and guys, itās over silly things. which is why IāM so vague about it, because to admit that Iām upset at a post about āthat hucklerobby artistā (there are dozens if not hundreds) or āthe crayon art styleā or the like, I know it comes off sillyāor even reflects poorly on me to identify with it, in some cases.
I guess all of this to say ummmm. my dad had reasons to be insecure, real actual problems with his family and his addictions that he refused to address until they spiraled out of control. he knew the foundations of his relationships outside of his family, and even his status within his industry, were threatened by his poor family life and addictions. but so many of MY insecurities are just made up. I have the ability to actually shed my insecurities, rather than have them build up for the rest of my life like him. idk. kinda losing the thread here. itās just very different than āwell, Iām a good person so Iām not like my bad person parentā; itās more āwell, weāre both similar people, but I have the ability to create new neural pathways rather than adopt his mindset, but these have to be conscious stepsā
ok I gotta stop posting on tumblr dot com and go to work. at 7am. they want me dead
without any context to my job, do you believe that our crew can finish early and go home early?
yessss šŖšŖ
I donāt believeā¦
the truck was small today and weāre probably more than halfway thruā¦but we took a late lunch
non-believers won today. got about 90% of it done. probably going to go in tomorrow for less than an hour ššš
ok I gotta stop posting on tumblr dot com and go to work. at 7am. they want me dead
without any context to my job, do you believe that our crew can finish early and go home early?
yessss šŖšŖ
I donāt believeā¦
the truck was small today and weāre probably more than halfway thruā¦but we took a late lunch
ok I gotta stop posting on tumblr dot com and go to work. at 7am. they want me dead
settle a debate between me and a friend. which image is funnier?
woman grunting and saying take that big pussy bitch
man convulsing and saying oh my god youāre wrecking my dick
I amā¦
a man
an incel
a chauvinist
a pick-me broad
a small-minded fool
none of these š
settle a debate between me and a friend. which image is funnier?
woman grunting and saying take that big pussy bitch
man convulsing and saying oh my god youāre wrecking my dick
had a dream that he gave me a card that ended in āI love youā but he snatched it back from my hands right as I was reading that part ššš¤£š¤£
does anyone remember when he gave me a card that called me a āhandsome bastardā ššš¤£š¤£
Iām sure that anon is real happy with themselves š¤£š¤£š¤£
sometimes you get self conscious on this website seeing someone make fun of something you do, but then you have to remember that theyāre on the loser website too
had a dream that he gave me a card that ended in āI love youā but he snatched it back from my hands right as I was reading that part ššš¤£š¤£
does anyone remember when he gave me a card that called me a āhandsome bastardā ššš¤£š¤£
had a dream that he gave me a card that ended in āI love youā but he snatched it back from my hands right as I was reading that part ššš¤£š¤£
