Itās about time, to release myself from the pain-- to set me free.
Itās quite sometime, I wanted to write this for the sometime now. I always thought i needed a closure. But I think Iām better off without it. I had it - in the most subtle way possible, in the most heartbreaking way possible. I thought I needed to write it to set myself free from the pain Iām feeling.
Yes, I was in pain. Trying to keep my composure while facing everyone I am being okay with the heart break. Truth is, I felt the pain, so bad. I felt the pain but tried to manage to look that it was just a normal day passing. But I felt the pain.Ā
For the past 2 months, Iāve been asking myself- why am I not enough? Why it wasnāt me? Why it was someone else? Iāve been overthinking more than ever. Iāve had anxiety attacks. Iāve had my days crying myself to sleep asking where did I go wrong.. but just like any other human being. I got tired. I got tired waiting, asking and looking for answers that only myself can answer.
The truth is, I know the answer within me. I tried my best to be the best girl out there. I know there was something wrong for quite sometime but I neglected it because of love. I was always that girl. I was the girl that is always available. I was the girl that they love out of their personal convenience. I was that girl that they consumed over and over again. I was that girl who is always ready for anything or for anyone -- but no one is taking me seriously they way I do.
I was ready to love. I was ready to give it a shot, to risk it all. But then, I found myself, 2 months ago, looking at him sleeping beside me, then it just hits me.. Itās time to let him go.. Itās about time to set him free. Not because IĀ ādeserve someone betterā.. but because he doesnāt love me enough me completely. It was devastating if you ask me. I found myself crying in the bathroom of our hotel room, fighting all my anxieties and insecurities. I found myself crying in our hotel bathroom at 2am while he was sleeping, asking God for strength to let him go. Not with me, but with whoever his heart desires.
The sad part is that I was so sure of him. Iām sure I want him in my future. Iām sure that he was one worth the risk, the fall, the wait. I was sure but then, after all, he wasnāt. I was just the girl always available, the girl of convenience.Ā
But whenever he is now, Iām pretty sure he is happy.. and Iām happy for him. She changed him. He looks better now. He looks really happy now in her arms. I will never hinder him from growing to the man he wants to become, to the kind of partner he wants to be. Who am I to hinder someone I love from being with someone he loves? No, not me. Never.
From the bottom of my heart, I wish you well. It was my favorite city and will always be. Bringing you there is one of my best trips. Thank you for being my shock absorber for years. But life goes on, as you always say. Resilience!Ā
And for what I didnāt say over the years, I loved you.
tangentwithtanner
prguitarman
discoholicmusic
gracieabrams
andulkaphoto
baratheonpilled
germansingergirl
