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@skr3ex
No food log today
I guess I'm gonna eat normally today idk if itll count as a binge. Today has and is gonna be so stressful and im pms-ing and idk my body and brain are fighting this relapse sk bad. Hopefully tomorrow ill feel better about restricting, im mostly taking this day off so I dont feel urged to purge/take laxatives bc fuck that. I am not relapsing into bulimia over this. Hopefully I'll fogive myself in the morning :)
Ultimate thinspo because I want a pet rat in the future
Monday, 3-29-21
Weight: 200 lbs
Goal: <500 cal
1 cup fiber cereal: 168 cal
1/2 cup us AM: 15 cal
Coffee with 1/2 cup us AM: 15 cal
Some pickles: 15 cal
1/2 cup tomato soup: 90 cal
~32 wheat thins: 280 cal
Total (so far): 583 cal
Went over my cal limit but its okay, i did it to curb a binge :)
I wanted to change in a hurry
ideal dream
The desire fades away little... by.... little.....
As if following the shadow I thought was coming after me
In a fate that cannot be changed
Hope is fading away
Sunday, 3-28-21
Weight: 202.5 lbs
Goal: <400 cal
Coffee with 1/2 cup us almond milk: 15 cal
Latte with almond milk: 150 cal
4 small pickles: 20 cal
1/2 cup fiber cereal: 84 cal
1/2 cup us almond milk: 15 cal
1/2 cup greek yogurt: 67 cal
1/2 cup us almond milk: 15 cal
More pickles lol: 22 cal
Total 388 cal
Ugh this is how I want my legs to look in chunky boots
straight up. I’m so fucking tired of being fat. I’ve been wanting to be skinny for so fucking long, and yet I’m still just as pathetic as I was 5yrs ago.
I have some jeans that look just like this,,, but bigger because I'm a fat ass 😖
Saturday, 3-27-21
Weight: 205.8 lbs
Goal: <400 cal
Cup of coffee with milk: 25 cal
2 cups lettuce: 40 cal
2 tablespoons italian dressing: 70 cal
Small potato: 110 cal
1 tablespoon sour cream: 30 cal
1/2 a head of broccoli: 104 cal
1 tablespoon lite italian: 17 cal
Total: 396 cal
Juuuust made it under my calorie limit, thankfully. I know I can keep restricting, I know I can do it. I dont need to fast, binge or purge. Just eat a little amount of calories everyday and my body will adjust. I can do this! I just need to be in control of my calories!
So ummmm.... I'm back...
Going back and reading through my old posts reminds me of how much motivation i had before... And how much I've let myself go. The quarantine lockdown stuff just kept me home and unactive, not in the public eye so I became more comfortable being ugly and fat. But quarantine is ending, I'm going to have to go to school in person next semester. Summer is coming up. I have a crush on a boy. All while having maybe the heaviest body I have ever had. Im embarrassed, I need to lose weight.
So I'm back. I plan on starting tomorrow. I need to weigh myself, find a calorie and workout regime that could work for me, and begin my journey. The only thing that will stop me is if I start feeling close to relapsing into bulimia. That is the last thing I want, I'd much rather be fat, than be fat AND have an insane addiction to throwing up. But other than that, I'm ready. I barely use all of my brain power anyways in school, I don't think I'll have trouble focusing/learning. I can do this!!! I got this!!!
So I broke a fast to binge 🤡
i just wanna achieve the skinny leg chunky boot aesthetic
Waking up the same weight as the day before actually hurts... I can't tell if it's my scale or if I ACTUALLY didnt lose any weight even though I restricted to 320 calories for the whole day... Now I'm fasting for 39 hours (already planned it) so we'll see how much I weigh the next day :/
Day 8
Workout routine? Basically non-existent lol. This time around I only work out once a day and it's just in the morning to wake myself up and wake my body up a little. I do 60 jumping jacks, 30 crunches, 20 squats, and 10 push-ups. But other than that, no other exercise. When I first starting losing weight, I was really obsessed with exercising despite eating so little. I did my same morning routine, 30 minutes of high impact cardio, and then about 30 minutes to an hour of muscle building/stretching at night. That was my exercise routine when I was at my worst, and I was only eating 400 calories a day... yeah it was pretty bad, and unsustainable. I really couldn't keep that up for many days before I would break down and binge. Sometimes I felt like fainting or fell asleep mid-exercise. It was terrible tbh and made my burn out really quickly before I lost motivation to workout at all. That's why I am going easier on myself this time, I dont want to burn out. But I should probably workout more, at least walking or low impact cardio. But we'll see 🤷🏼♀️
