Hello all! I'm Sky, or Quiverdawn/Quiv (my warriorsona). I used to be big into the books, and recently, the Better Bones AU by Bonefall, the game ClanGen (and all the comics!), and Moonkitti's channel have reignited my interest. The main books are... something. So most of my knowledge of post AVoS is from online sources. But welcome! I may reblog posts that inspire me, or make posts about my own AUs, or my own ideas, or OCs. I have a lot, and I have been inspired.
I'm planning to do a slight revamp of the TempestClan culture post, since I've had a few ideas to change it. I want to make it so that TempestClan and the Haven Keepers don't seen like one is clearly better than the other by a whole lot.
Warden - The group’s leader, the one meant to guide and protect the cats living under their care. While not gifted with nine lives like clan leaders, wardens are near constantly advised by their ancestors, some of whom have granted them gifts such as increased stamina, a stronger constitution, boosted speed in both running and swimming, faster healing times, and more. A warden’s duty is to protect, to be the guardian of others. Their gifts allow them to better withstand the storms and floods that frequent their territory, and they are meant to use them to keep the other keepers safe. Wardens have the strongest connection with the ancestors, but the ability to commune with them is not limited to just this role.
Council Members - A group made up of accomplished keepers who have proven time and again to be dedicated to others. The Council serves as the living advisors to the warden, ensuring they are not overwhelmed with responsibility while also keeping them in check. Alongside the warden, the council determines punishments for crimes, as well as granting final names to cats who complete their training, and determining which deeds are worthy of titles. All council members hold titles.
Herbalists - While every cat who was born in the haven has basic knowledge of herbs, herbalists are cats who have decided to dedicate their life to taking care of the living. Unlike with clans, herbalists are allowed to have families, mates, and kits, and there are no repercussions for doing so. To heal is to care, so why should a healer be limited in who they care for? Contrary to clerics, herbalists have no special connection with their ancestors, and most do not seek to foster one stronger than the rest of their fellow keepers. They serve the living, not the dead, so there is no point in reaching out to their ancestors for any reason except to have a conversation.
Sky Watchers - Sky Watchers are keepers who wish to take up the duty of watching for storms and floods, keeping others safe. Many youth who take pride in their perceptiveness or speed dream of being watchers when they finish their general training.
Guardians - Guardians are keepers who dedicate themselves to sustaining the haven in one way or another, be it by hunting for prey, reinforcing the camps, or being lookouts to prevent attacks. This role is often chosen by those who are restless, as guardians are almost never without something to do.
Caretakers - Caretakers are keepers who desire to watch over others without needing to learn advanced healing. These cats are almost always at the secondary camp, acting as parental figures for kits and companions for sages. Those who daydream about taking care of families and being surrounded by kits often choose to specialize as caretakers.
Keepers - A generic term for all fully trained members of the group, these cats are the lifeblood of the haven. All keepers have general knowledge in healing, hunting, fighting, and recognizing storms, and like every cat in the group, have a basic connection with the ancestors which they can foster.
Trainees - Young cats who have not yet fully experienced each season, not including their first six moons. For the first two seasons, they learn the basics from the entire group, mentored by any keepers willing to dedicate time to teach. After that, those who wish to specialize may spend more time shadowing in the role they wish to take up, while others continue to receive general training in all aspects of life.
Sages - Sages are cats who wish to retire from their position and spend their days resting. While they are usually elders, some may be cats that feel overwhelmed or exhausted by the full life of an active keeper. No matter their age, they are seen as knowledgeable, for they knew when to push past struggles and when they hit their limit. To become a sage is always a personal choice, with no cat being allowed to decide for another. Retiring to become a sage can be suggested, but in the end no one but the cat can choose when. Sages are still able to take part in same activities as keepers, but are not expected to spend as much time working as those without this role. A sage can choose to unretire and relinquish this role.
Beliefs
[PT: Beliefs]
The Haven Keepers believe that all who have passed on become a part of the natural world. The dead can choose their role, with many taking part in various facets of nature. Some are responsible for new life, cradling newborn animals and gently caring for plant sprouts. Others watch over the weather, running as wind and wave. Some take advantage of the safety granted by the afterlife, resting without fear of death. Many choose to guide their descendants, warning them of coming storms and floods and granting wardens their gifts. However, while the keepers respect the wisdom of their ancestors, they also acknowledge that they are flawed, and are no wiser by virtue of being dead.
Naming Conventions
[PT: Naming Conventions]
Each kitten is given the first part of their name, with many being granted names relating to the natural features around them. Those born in leafbare are commonly named things such as Snow and Ice, while those born in greenleaf are more likely to be named Rain and Thunder.
Once an apprentice becomes a keeper, they receive names that are likely to be based on their traits and goals, such as their talents, desires, or vibes. Titles are almost always based on what the cat did to earn one.
Riftgorse glanced at the sky and tasted the air. It smelled cold but humid, and he heard from Cloudthunder that darker clouds were looming over the mountain across the lake today. Snow would be inevitable by the end of the day, he figured. So, why not take his apprentice out hunting? Prey would undoubtedly be preparing for the coming snow, so it was a good opportunity to catch straggling mice - give Blackpaw a boost of well-needed confidence!
He told Redstar where he was going, and trotted up to his apprentice, who was watching the clouds.
"Hey there Blackpaw," he meowed. "Whatcha looking at?"
Blackpaw's tail bristled with surprise. She stammered, "U-Um, just the sky. It's getting cold. I don't like it."
Riftgorse purred sympathetically, his tail twitching. "Yeah, I remember being a kit and finding leafbare pretty cold. But you get used to it. Snow is fun to play in too," he chuckled, remembering the times in his kithood where he sprung out of snow banks to startle Brackenfreckle. "But it IS annoying to hunt in, so I figured we'd get some training in before the snow falls! Sounds good?"
Blackpaw seemed apprehensive, but she nodded. "Okay."
"Alright! Let's see," Riftgorse pondered for a moment - he remembered he couldn't leave camp without someone carrying some kind of fire source. He glanced over at the cooking fire, and saw Hopechase and Perchwatcher sitting around the cooking fire, drying out strips of jerky on the drying rack.
He raised his tail and said, "Come on, first, let's grab ourselves a torch."
Riftgorse and Blackpaw padded towards the fire. Perchwatcher heard them approach and turned around, offering a smile and a glint in her blue eyes. Riftgorse's heart briefly skipped a beat - he twitched his whiskers and returned the smile.
"Hi Riftgorse," the molly greeted.
"Hi Perchwatcher. Blackpaw and I were going to go hunting. We need a torch," he meowed.
Hopechase glanced from hanging a strip of jerky, her whiskers twitching. "What, just the two of you?"
"Well, I guess so," Riftgorse replied.
"How are you going to mentor her on hunting with a torch harness around you?" Hopechase pointed out, her tail flicking. Riftgorse paused, then blinked.
"Uh, well…"
"I could join you? If you'd like," Perchwatcher offered, hopeful. Hopechase let out a mrrow of amusement, and Perchwatcher bristled in realization, stammering out, "O-Oh no, wait, I'm sorry, I have to help Hopechase finish the jerky - "
"Oh, don't worry your head, Perchwatcher," Hopechase interjected, her tail flicking. "I'm almost done here - go on and join the patrol."
Perchwatcher paused, then flicked her tail. "Are you sure? I don't just want to abandon you to a task, here."
"Of course. Go be their torchbearer for the patrol, getting the harness on takes a bit," the older molly insisted. Perchwatcher didn't need to be told twice, marching to the other side of the kitchen area to grab the equipment to carry fire, and Riftgorse padded after her.
"Where were you planning to hunt?" she asked.
"Oh, probably down by the Twoleg Trails - you know, that one oak with the red triangle marker? There's mice rummaging under the rocks near there, I find," Riftgorse mused.
Blackpaw gave her mentor a strange look, and when Riftgorse noticed it, he returned it and exaggerated the expression - eyebrows raised and exaggerated shock. Blackpaw echoed this reaction, but genuinely surprised now. Riftgorse chuckled and reverted to normal.
"What's up?"
Blackpaw hesitated. "Um, uh, I dunno, sorry, just…just nervous about learning alone…"
There was a tinge of guilt in Perchwatcher's eyes as she secured the harness around herself. "If Shadepaw was feeling better, he'd join too, but…" She sighed. "The poor tom."
"Yeah, we know how it feels to be cooped up in that den, huh?" Riftgorse said sympathetically.
Blackpaw glanced over at the entrance of the medicine den, and her shoulders drooped as she saw him facing the wall, curled up in the den. Her blue eyes flickered with concern. "I hope he feels better soon," she mewed.
"I'm sure he will." Riftgorse smiled as he watched Perchwatcher grab a jar with cinders smoking from within it, and hulling a short torch in one of the harness' holders. She flashed him a smile, and he knew that's when he could get rolling out.
*****
Blackpaw felt nervous. Shadepaw's words bounced in her head at this - oh, you're always nervous, quit whining. And he was right, she was always nervous at everything because she was never really good at anything, or knew what she wanted to do in the Clan, really. How could she? Maybe her Clanmates didn't mean it, but she and her littermates were often nicknamed the "outsider kits", since their mother wasn't born in the Clan. Nectarpaw pointed out that they likely didn't consider it a bad thing - Olive was a former outsider. So was Tree, and Brackenfreckle, and Riftgorse. And they weren't treated any differently from anyone else in the Clan, so surely they were just using it as a shorthand for their origins - born outside of the Clan and adopted into it.
And she tried to remind herself of this, really, she did. But it was hard to feel like she could be a good warrior and a part of the Clan sometimes. She really felt like she was different and prone to bee-brained mistakes. She didn't like training without Shadepaw. All eyes would be on her alone otherwise. She didn't want to be a mousebrain. She just wanted her Clanmates to see her like she saw them - important, and strong. She...she hoped she wouldn't be seen as an "outsider kit" one day.
Blackpaw was quiet as the two warriors guided the patrol. She kept her head down, mostly listening to Perchwatcher and her mentor banter. The gently lit flame that adorned Perchwatcher's torch had diminished in the wind, leaving a thin trail of smoke that grew colder. Blackpaw wasn't sure if Perchwatcher or Riftgorse had noticed...oh, of course they must've, what would she know? They were warriors - they knew what they were doing. Besides, the torch was still hot, Perchwatcher could just relight it...
Riftgorse's whiskers twitched as he continued his story. Perchwatcher was engrossed. They seemed to be good friends.
"...And then, he - okay, wait, no, I can't, I promised I wouldn't tell," Riftgorse cut himself off mid-conversation, stifling his laughter.
"Oh, come on, it's my brother! I know how he is. Did he get stuck in a tree?"
Riftgorse made a noise, then looked away with his head and tail held comically high. "Nope! Not telling!"
"Oh, you are horrible at lying," Perchwatcher retorted, swiping at his shoulder teasingly. Riftgorse then limply fell over in comedic fashion, rolling on his back and making a mock-wail.
"Oof! Ow! I have been stricken! I can never get up again!"
Perchwatcher let out a mrrow of amusement, her whiskers twitching. She prodded him again. "Riftgorse, come on, be serious. You're supposed to be mentoring."
Riftgorse rolled back over and shook himself out. "I know what I'm doing! We're here, see?" Riftgorse replied, pointing his nose towards a nearby tree. Blackpaw followed his gaze, and saw the red triangle placed high on the trunk of a nearby oak. Blackpaw looked around and found that the path they were on was mostly shielded in evergreens, dead plants and stones, with layers of dead pine needles scattered around them. It smelled strongly of spruce and cold air - and Blackpaw grew nervous. She couldn't smell any prey. What if she didn't catch anything? She didn't want to disappoint her Clanmates...
Riftgorse picked up on her nervousness. "Hey, don't worry! It looks like a lot at first, but that's why we practice, right? Come on, let me see your stalk!"
Blackpaw hesitated before dropping down in a crouch. For the first few minutes, she did her best to absorb the lesson and register the corrections Riftgorse was offering her. She puffed herself out a bit when gusts of wind blew from in front of them, causing the trees to rattle noisily - pinecones occasionally clashing and falling down from their branches. Her pelt bristled at the noise.
"Yeah, it's noisy sometimes. The pinecones are good, though. See?" Riftgorse pointed with his tail at a pinecone that had fallen off-trail, up ahead of them. "This makes them easy scavenging for mice and squirrels."
For a few moments, Blackpaw's focus wavered. She became aware of Perchwatcher's silence. Was she staring at her? Anxious, she turned around.
She wasn't sure how to feel when Perchwatcher was instead staring out into the trees, an apprehensive look on her face. The warrior blinked, looked at the torch on her back, then gaped in surprise. She withdrew the torch.
Blackpaw bristled. Had - had she seen something? Riftgorse noticed Blackpaw's actions, and turned to look at Perchwatcher. He paused, his ear twitching.
"Perch?"
"It's alright," Perchwatcher spoke - and with confidence. "The torch went out on the way here - I'm just going to relight it."
"Oh, okay," Riftgorse replied, sitting down and wrapping his tail around his paws. "Need help?"
"I'm alright! Thank you for asking, though," Perchwatcher answered, blinking slowly with compassion. "I'll let you know if I need it!"
Blackpaw couldn't help it. Perchwatcher said everything was fine but her body kept telling her everything was wrong, she was wrong, and she just, just…
Shadepaw's voice stabbed her again. Quit whining, you're always nervous.
Guilt. Shame.
Shadepaw was right but she didn't know how to stop it. She didn't know how to turn it off. She wanted to turn it off, but she just always felt like hundreds of eyes were staring at her at all times. She wanted to just be a normal Clan cat.
"Hey, Blackpaw, everything okay?"
Blackpaw whipped her head towards her mentor, bristling. "Y-Yeah, I'm okay! I'm fine," she sputtered. Maybe a bit too forcefully. She licked her chest fur nervously, desperate to avoid Riftgorse's hazel eyes glued to her forehead. She was fine. She was fine, she had to be fine -
"Hey, Blackpaw. Look up?"
Blackpaw slowly tilted her head; her ears folded back. Riftgorse blinked, then pressed a paw on her shoulder.
"Hey. You're okay." He blinked at her, his tail swaying. Perchwatcher's ear flicked with concern. She placed the jar of cinders down, and gave Blackpaw a sympathetic look.
"Is there anything that's bothering you, Blackpaw? You know that your Clanmates are here to listen. And Riftgorse is your mentor. You can trust him," she coaxed.
A very 'Perchwatcher response', as Nectarpaw coined it. Perchwatcher was always kind to Blackpaw and her littermates. One of her earliest memories was of playing tag with her. She knew that Perchwatcher was just trying to help. But she didn't know how to tell her that her split look of apprehension was what made her anxious, without sounding completely unreasonable. Blackpaw's light blue eyes wavered, then shut tight. Her tail thrashed once.
"It's nothing. I'm just being mousebrained. I wish Shadepaw was here." Blackpaw held back the bite in her tone. Perchwatcher's sympathetic purr was normally reassuring, but now it bothered her. Because she was being mousebrained, she was nervous about everything and nothing, to the point where she couldn't even rationalize what she was afraid of. How could she be a good warrior if she was afraid all the time?
Blackpaw's eyes flew open as Riftgorse's paw suddenly bopped her nose. She blinked rapidly, then stared at Riftgorse in bewilderment. Riftgorse looked away innocently, his tail twitching. He slowly raised his paw…then bopped her nose again.
Blackpaw sneezed and shook her head, scrambling to her feet. "What?" she pressed.
Riftgorse's whiskers twitched. Perchwatcher suppressed a mrrow as she lit the torch.
Riftgorse raised his paw again, and this time, Blackpaw leaned her head back to avoid him, her tail thrashing. Riftgorse glanced at her, his hazel eyes flickering with amusement.
"Ah-ha, prepared, are we?"
"Maybe?" Blackpaw meowed cautiously.
"Well, that's the sign of a warrior that learns quickly."
"I dunno about that…"
"You're more capable than you give yourself credit for, Blackpaw. You just gotta believe in yourself a little." Riftgorse looked out on the main path, then spotted something. His ears perked up and he beckoned Blackpaw to look. A mouse had crept to one of the fallen pinecones, and began nibbling at edges of the shell.
"Do you think the mouse would smell us, with this wind?"
"U-Um…" Blackpaw lifted her tail to feel the breeze - something Riftgorse taught her last week - and felt the wind blowing towards her face, bringing a heavy scent of pine tree, and a tinge of mouse. "I don't think so…"
"Me neither. Why do we think that?"
"The wind isn't blowing towards the mouse. It's towards us."
Riftgorse beamed. "See? You got this, you learn quickly. How about you try stalking it?"
Blackpaw felt her heart sink in her chest, but she knew Riftgorse wasn't going to let her get out of it. She just really, really, did not want to disappoint him. With a trembling paw, she crouched and stalked towards it slowly.
Her heart thundered in her chest. She wanted to take deep breaths like Olive once taught her. She couldn't. If she did, she could startle the mouse. Every step she took felt like a thunderous vibration, no matter how slowly and carefully she stepped and how little the mouse reacted. She could hear Riftgorse rumbling words of encouragement. Her ears were pumping with blood. The wind blew. The trees rattled against it. She thinks she heard Perchwatcher growl something.
She took one more step.
The mouse gnawed something off the pinecone. A tree nut. She could smell it. She could see the mouse's brown fur like combed grass.
The world around her grew out of focus. It was her and the mouse. The pine trees were like blurred thorns and the cold soil like stone. The only real things were her, the mouse and the pinecone.
It was just a mouse. It was just a mouse. Why was she feeling like…like…
The mouse mused around, gnawing at the scavenged nut, until its head finally drifted towards Blackpaw. It froze.
Blackpaw stared at the mouse for a time that felt like a thousand seasons. Its beady, black eyes reflected a mirror back at her, showing her own terror. She tried to force herself to pounce.
She thinks she heard Riftgorse yell something.
Finally, the mouse's whiskers twitched.
Blackpaw's fur stood on end. From somewhere far in the trees, she heard a long, harrowing sob.
Perchwatcher caterwauled.
The mouse ran. Sound and vision returned. Blackpaw spun around. Unknown cats burst from out of the shadows of the pine trees and tackled Perchwatcher and Riftgorse, their shapes brown like bark and adorned in claws and Blackpaw was terrified and Riftgorse bit one's shoulder but was tackled by another and Blackpaw was terrified and Perchwatcher lost grip of the torch and the jar of cinders rolled into the grasses by the path and they pinned them down with their teeth by their necks and Blackpaw was terrified and Riftgorse cried out her name and she couldn't move -
"HEY! Quit struggling!" hissed a fawn tabby tom with a long scar across his face. He pinned down Riftgorse by his flank and tail while a brown and cream tom had him pinned by the neck - Stone. "Or I'll rip off your tail and leave it as carrion!"
"Riftgorse!" Perchwatcher yowled as she struggled underneath the grasp of a chocolate molly and a brown tabby gib with a white underbelly.
"Rex, do your job," the scar-faced tom hissed.
The brown tabby gib, Rex, wordlessly pinned down Perchwatcher's flank and tail, preventing her from standing. As Perchwatcher tried to writhe out, the chocolate molly above her - Plume - hissed and pinned her more firmly, causing Perchwatcher to snarl. The warrior's blue eyes were pools of fire.
"Perch -" Riftgorse rasped, only to grunt as he felt Stone's teeth sink further into his scruff.
"Shut it," Stone snarled.
Rex's gaze fell on the dropped torch, its edges smoking, but its flame lost in the skirmish. "The hell is that about?" he spat.
Any answer faltered as a dark shadow padded forward from the rows of spruces - her long tabby pelt wild and unkept, half of her face scabbed and disfigured. Her green eyes were uncomfortably wide and her pupils narrowed like a viper's.
Endless.
Silence fell among the cats, her very presence brought leafbare with her. She glanced between Perchwatcher and Riftgorse, as though examining them for deficiencies.
The tension was broken as a young white molly with grey and black spotting trotted out from the undergrowth, half-panting, a bundle of oak leaves in her mouth. Her presence was a sore thumb sticking out from the cold.
---
Perchwatcher and Riftgorse are ambushed by Endless' clowder.
"S-Sorry, I-I'm sorry, I have the poppy seeds," she stammered.
"Good job, Birch," Stone meowed, his eyes flicking kindly. Birch turned away, flustered, until her eyes fell on Blackpaw. She gasped and started back, dropping the bundle of herbs and pointing at her with her mouth agape.
Blackpaw's heart dropped as several pairs of eyes whipped towards her and she was terrified and she couldn't move.
Hail hissed in response. "Birch, keep the tom down, I'll do it."
Birch squealed in response. "W-Wait! No, wait! We shouldn't - can't! Look, she's small, Endless s-said no kits!"
Endless' narrowed pupils suddenly dilated, and her cold presence crashed so quickly that Blackpaw thought she evaporated into a different cat. "No," Endless gasped, padding rapidly towards Blackpaw.
"Run!" Riftgorse managed to yowl before Stone pressed his paw on his head, forcing his jaw shut.
Blackpaw trembled. Why were they hurting her Clanmates? Why were they here? What did they do? What did she do? Where was her mouse? She caught a mouse, right? Why did she care about the mouse?
Endless stopped two fox-lengths away, as though recognizing the terror on the apprentice's face. Her eyes felt like that of a wolf - considering, thinking, calculating. "How old are you?" she meowed carefully.
Perchwatcher yowled. "Blackpaw, GO!" The end of her phrase was smothered by Plume mimicking Stone's actions, her tail thrashing.
"God, shut up, you're so annoying," she retorted.
Blackpaw trembled, her fur bristling. She felt like the mouse. Was she the mouse?
"It's alright," Endless spoke slowly. She took another step forward. "We're not here to hurt you. I know it seems like we are. I know my friends are frightening. But I do not harm the young. We do not harm the young. Are you six moons?"
Blackpaw's mouth hung open and she wanted to scream and she wanted to jump at her face and hurt it and do what Shadepaw would do and be brave like he would but her clanmates told her to run. Would she? No. No, she couldn't leave. She'd be abandoning Perchwatcher, and Riftgorse. She couldn't abandon them. Shadepaw and Nectarpaw wouldn't do that. Endless had trapped them. Trapped her. If she attacked, they'd hurt them. If she ran, they'd hurt them. She couldn't move.
Blackpaw nodded meekly at Endless' question, swallowing the bile down her throat.
A spark of hate rose into the corner of Endless' eyes before they were rained with pity. She sighed as she stepped closer. Blackpaw's ears folded further back. Endless stopped. "I am so sorry. You must've suffered in such terror for your entire life. I know this must be just another terrifying moment. And for this, I am so sorry. I promise that we mean you no harm, unlike them."
Blackpaw didn't understand.
Yes. Most of her life was lived in terror. The Gardener. The stories of the monsters. Her emotions were volatile, unable to keep her happy for just a single moment.
She didn't feel like this cat was talking about that.
"W-Why?" Blackpaw finally mustered.
"You don't have to go back there anymore." There was a roiling intensity in her eyes. "You don't have to be targeted by the woods anymore. I can give you safety, where the monsters don't tread."
"Endie, we're wasting time here," Hail hissed. "Is the kid coming or getting kidnapped?"
"Hey, Hail, chill out," Rex rumbled. "No targeting ForestClan's kits or fresh trainees, that's messed up. We've established this."
"Well, I guess this'll be the exception," Hail snarled and rolled his eyes.
"Hey, back off, Hail! We don't kill kits!" Plume hissed, her tail thrashing. "The fuck is wrong with you?!"
"Well we can't exactly let the kit leave now, can we? If we do, they'll just report back to the cult," Hail retorted. "So they have to come with us. No choice there."
Plume's long tail bristled, her yellow eyes wide, as though realizing the point he was making. Her whiskers twitched uneasily. "Um, Endie? What do we do?" Plume craned her neck to get a look at what her leader was doing.
Endless ignored her. Her eyes were burning intensely, hungering for an answer. Blackpaw felt so very, very small. Plume's words that they don't kill kits terrified her. Kill. They would kill, were willing to kill, they would kill Riftgorse and Perchwatcher.
"P-Please," she stammered. "Please don't hurt them."
Endless' eyes were unreadable. "They stood by," she started slowly, "and watched as your leader sent you on a death march. Does that not bother you?"
"W-What do you mean?"
"When you were first apprenticed. You had to earn your place. See if the woods approved of you before you could even train. Who showed you mercy then?"
"Wait!" Riftgorse rasped, straining to make his voice heard. "Apprentice Trials…we don't…they're not real!"
Endless' patrol let out growls and mrrows of confusion, then anger. Hail swatted at Riftgorse's face, causing him to hiss.
"Take your liar's muzzle and shove it into a wasp's nest," Hail snarled. "Do you think we're stupid? Oh, right, you grimy hairballs think we're mousebrained instead, our bad. As if we would suddenly forget the seasons of your leader screeching at you to feed the woods. Cats could hear it from across the Twoleg road, you know that?"
Rex sighed, his ears flattening. "Cut them some slack, Hail. They're brainwashed. They don't know any better."
"What in StarClan are you talking about?!" Perchwatcher snarled between gritted teeth.
"I'm not lying! ForestClan's banned the practice now, for seasons!" Riftgorse protested.
"Cut the noise, Endless met the two kits you threw out last summer," Hail retorted. His tail twitched in irritation. "Endie, just scruff the kit. You were the one who said you were out of time."
Endless' ear twitched, her expression unchanging.
Blackpaw didn't understand. She just wanted them to leave. Why can't they just leave?
Remorse passed over the molly's eyes like a shooting star - gone as soon as it appeared. She closed the gap between them, but then sat down before her - looking down at her with the same authority a mentor regards an apprentice. "I'm sorry. I can't let you go back to your camp. If you come with us willingly, I promise we will not hurt your clanmates."
Birch's bright green eyes widened. "But Endless, you - " Her words were interrupted by Hail hissing loudly, then growling at her. Birch shrunk, her ears folded back. Perchwatcher's eyes flitted her surroundings, analyzing anything within her reach. Riftgorse stared helplessly at Blackpaw, desperation etched over his expression. This isn't what he wanted. He never meant for this.
Blackpaw stared wordlessly at Endless' face while she sought for an answer. But instead, her mind kept focusing on the long, red scar that reached from Endless' torn ear to her shoulder. She'd never seen such horrible injuries before, but even then, it felt wrong. The corner of Endless' left eye subtly twitched every so often. The red scabs reminded her of the Gardener's severed foot. She remembered staring at it for a long, long time, sitting with the horrible dread that invaded her entire body. She never knew what the Gardener looked like - not even its shadow. Her eyes were shut tight the entire time it scoured their camp.
Endless' scowl deepened. "Come, and you will be safe."
Blackpaw opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came. Endless' patience was wearing thin, her lips threatening to curl into a snarl.
"I cannot keep you safe here. If you do not come willingly, you will be made to. I cannot protect you here."
Blackpaw wanted to answer. She really did.
But she couldn't tear her attention away from the injury at the side of her face.
The veins under her scars seemed to…branch out. Like a weed's roots forcing themselves through cracked soil.
Were they….moving…?
The corners of Endless' eye twitched. Suddenly, the anger and frustration left her face. Endless' neck and tail shuddered. She thrashed her whole body once, a swathe of panic befalling her face.
"No. No no no. No. Shut up. SHUT UP!" she screeched at nothing as she suddenly paced in a circle. "You mindless thing. Return, return, you will be fed. I am returning. You - " She stopped in her tracks, eyes gazing into the pine trees, and then her fur bristled. Genuine terror plastered over her face.
"Endless, what the fuck are you doing?" Stone hissed in frustration.
"One of her episodes - Birch, forcefeed the poppy seeds to the cultists, I'll get the kit," Hail hissed as he stepped forward.
Endless immediately caterwauled, baring her teeth, but she did not turn her head towards him. Hail slowly stopped, noticing the look on her face. He turned to look at what she was staring at, and after a few seconds, he bristled, his eyes wide with terror.
Then, a familiar sound returned. One Blackpaw forgot in the chaos of the ambush. One that, now that she heard again, made her pelt ripple and cause every edge of her skin to unnerve.
A deep, harrowing sob.
Trembling, she followed their gazes, and...
You are the mouse. Unyielding abyss. Simple like a hunter's teeth. Death.
"Hail, what's going on?" Rex meowed.
Hail didn't reply. But something else did. Groaning. Abyssal.
"I…WILL…" The sound of pine needles bending and breaking. "BE FED."
"Oh god. We - we got to go. Forget the cultists - we HAVE to go now!" Hail yowled as he dashed back from where he came with no hesitation.
A set of branch-like legs stepped on the path, then froze. Endless' patrol bristled and gaped in horror. Their grips on Riftgorse and Perchwatcher were abandoned, and even the warriors were frozen in horror at the sight of the branch-like limbs.
"Kit. Kit, come with me, NOW!" Endless hissed. She grabbed Blackpaw's scruff and pulled her out of the way. She dragged her about two badger-lengths before Blackpaw finally writhed and pulled away from her.
"N-No! Leave us alone!" she cried.
"PLEASE! THE - "
The thing dashed with spider-like speed onto the path and stopped. The red mass it carried whipped forward and slammed to the floor like a slab of rotten meat. Two elongated branches burst from within the mass and wrapped around Endless' body, lifting her in the air, causing her to grunt and quiver with terror. She howled and thrashed and lifted her back legs to the tendrils, raking her back claws against them desperately.
"GO!" she yowled.
"Oh fuck! Go, GO!" Plume yowled. As suddenly as they arrived, Endless' group panicked and scattered into the dense forest, leaving Riftgorse and Perchwatcher to scramble to their feet. Perchwatcher frantically grasped the torch that was thrown aside.
Rootgrove's flesh squirmed and shifted, stick-like protrusions poking around the surface like a rat shuffling underneath a pile of rotten debris. Then, the mass stopped moving, and the skull slowly turned towards the lifted Endless, slack-jawed and tearing bits of its own flesh with it.
The skull twitched rapidly, and Endless gasped for air. She flicked her gaze down to the apprentice and rasped, "Go. Run!"
But Blackpaw couldn't move, staring up at her in terror.
The desperation in Endless' eyes faltered as something else overcame her. Her back legs froze, going limp. Her teeth gritted against one another, and her scarring began to bleed. Her left pupil dilated. Saliva frothed at the corners of her mouth. Rootgrove's skull rattled more violently with each passing second, causing root-like appendages around his jaw to snap and crackle against the movement.
But then, a cockroach's hiss echoed from within the hollow cavity of Rootgrove's shape. Suddenly, the branch-like legs flailed, then threw Endless into the trees where her followers came from. She crashed through layers of pines and spruce, before falling with a distant thud and a thousand cracks of falling branches. There was a distant yowl - from Birch, perhaps terror or relief. Blackpaw didn't know. She barely grasped the reality that the monster spared Endless. But she couldn't think about why. Not when the skull stopped twitching, and then redirected its empty gaze towards her. The mound pulled itself upright with a disgusting slurp, before sinking down on its Woodcrawler host. Rootgrove still locked eyes on her. Invisible gaze. A thousand eyes. A hundred legs emerging from its shell.
"Blackpaw?" Riftgorse's voice trembled. His youth was now laid bare to the cold universe; inexperienced and terrified. "Listen to me. You have to listen. Okay? R-Remember w-what we know. S-Slowly back away from it. Just keep staring, and back away. Okay?"
Blackpaw's jaw clenched. Her heart thundered. Perchwatcher was sidling closer to the jar of cinders that had rolled away, every outstretched claw a possible trigger of movement on Rootgrove's web.
"Blackpaw, please, please, you have to, you - you can do this, I promise - "
She tried. She really tried to move. To step back. To do something. She tried to be like Shadepaw. But she wasn't. She never was. Never will be. She was a mouse, gazing into the beast's black sockets, its open jaw a yawning abyss. Heart thundering. Skin prickling. Body frozen and on fire and screaming all at once.
She could hear Riftgorse calling over and over. She heard the quiet clinking of the jar - Perchwatcher lighting the torch. From the corner of her vision, one of the Woodcrawler's legs swayed gently, like a branch in the wind.
"Please, please Blackpaw, it's going to be okay, but you…you have to back towards us. Please. We...we have to go," Riftgorse was strained. Terrified.
...They...they had to go. Riftgorse and Perchwatcher would die. She didn't want them to die. They were her clanmates. She couldn't let them die.
Adrenaline finally beckoned Blackpaw's body. Her blue eyes wavered. She felt her back leg automatically move back.
Silence.
The corners of Rootgrove's jaw curled into a derisive grin.
...Blackpaw...thought she saw little lights dancing around the abomination's head…fireflies…?
Her heart stopped as she heard the sobbing cry again - reduced to a single sniffle.
"I have no grief left to give you. Get it over with."
Blackpaw candidly accepted this voice, in the hurricane of horror. Yes. Of course it came from the red beast.
Of course.
Blackpaw was surprised when her fear vanished as Rootgrove charged at her. Riftgorse screeched.
Brown legs like sharpened blades. Through her leg. Her body. Her hea -
---
Perchwatcher couldn't explain what happened. One moment, as the Woodcrawler dragged Blackpaw's body into its cavity and approached them, she was certain they were dead.
The other, the beast suddenly contorted as though it had been violently struck. The pause that followed was eternal, until she saw a flurry of viscera and a pained wail.
Rootgrove's flesh collapsed into a viscous, living liquid and pulled away from them rapidly. The Woodcrawler's legs flailed, and it let out a long, toad-like croak. It dug its claws into the dirt in protest, raking the earth in its wake. The flesh tugged once. Twice. Before the Woodcrawler hissed, and followed the flesh's lead, scrambling into the shadowed woods.
The world grew cold.
Snowflakes began to fall.
---
Blackpaw is suddenly pulled up with a violent force, and she suddenly finds herself surrounded by stars, and dozens of cats surrounding spikes of energy.
(Blackpaw, apprentice, female. StarClan cat.)
(Icypaw, apprentice, male. ForestClan's StarClan guide.)
(Talontooth, warrior, male. StarClan cat.)
(Misc. StarClan cats, from top to bottom, left to right: Juniperstripe, Minkwhistle, Silverpaw, Asterhill, Cliffstep, Patchrift, Whiteflower, Curantfur, Birchstar.)
---
Blackpaw felt her body violently pulled upward, the world distorted and flew past her like a howling storm. It was all a blur of color and screams and she couldn't breathe, the air was being stolen, swallowed, she felt like her body was being condensed, flattened, torn asunder as a force above pulled with all of its -
It abruptly stopped. Blackpaw gasped and blinked, reeling.
"Did you kill him?"
Blackpaw blinked again, her body trembling as her vision stabilized. Before her was the visage of a grey, spotted tom with green eyes, a look of wild intensity on his face.
"Icypaw, back down, we just pulled her," a masculine voice retorted from beside her.
Blackpaw froze, too afraid to turn, adrenaline overwhelming all of her senses - where was she? What was happening? Who was this cat? Where…
Figures of other cats faded into her field of vision. Their shapes were lucid and flickering with starlight, and their attention was focused intensely on strands of…something that rose into the sky from the blue grasses that stretched before her.
"Hey, hey! Can you hear me?" the cat before her placed his paws on her shoulders, and she startled and retreated. She bumped into someone behind her, and she leapt and hissed instinctively, her eyes wide with terror.
"Oh stars - I'm so sorry," the tom she bumped into sputtered. He had bright blue eyes and a black spotted pelt. His eyes were filled with a myriad of emotions. He turned and hissed at the smaller cat. "Icypaw, back off! Can't you see - "
"No, Talontooth, we need to know!" Icypaw hissed, his green eyes were ablaze. "Blackpaw, did you kill him?"
"Icypaw," a cat with a white, tabby coat hissed from behind him, focused intensely on one of the energy strands emerging from the ground. Icypaw veered around, hissing reflexively.
"Icypaw, stay calm," Talontooth started.
"No, this is it! This is it, we've been waiting for a miracle, for anything to actually touch him! We HAVE to, this is our only chance!"
Blackpaw watched the starry cats intensely. There were so many - about twice the size of ForestClan - gathered around several spots scattered out of the starry plains, each spot with rising strands reaching above into an ever-darker sky wreathed in clouds of galaxies. The cats' eyes were all glowing with vibrant light, like reflections of dozens of pairs of full moons.
Voices filled her ears quickly, coming from the small group nearby one of the spiralling strands. A white tom with black spotting had his arm dug down into the strand like it was an open whirlpool.
"Birchstar, can you grab him?"
"I'm trying, Whiteflower."
"Then succeed," Whiteflower hissed. Birchstar hissed in return, his yellow eyes radiating like flashes of sunlight.
"I don't feel his stars," a dark ginger and white tom snapped.
"Shut up Currantfur!" Icypaw retorted, only held back from pouncing at him by Talontooth.
"Stop!"
"Out of my way!" he yowled.
"You are angry and not helping right now!"
Further away, at a different spot, a cat called out to Birchstar. "Birch, it's fading!"
"I know, Patchrift!" the leader hissed.
"No. Please, no," Whiteflower's voice tightened with despair.
Icypaw whipped his gaze towards Blackpaw once more, and repeated, vehemently, "Blackpaw, did you kill him?"
Stammering, she mewed, "K-Killed what? Who?"
"When you were pulled up by StarClan - did your claws drag anything else with you?"
"I don't - I-I don't know what's going on, I'm scared," she whimpered. She watched in frightened confusion as, one by one, the brilliance of each cats' eyes began to fade - color returned more clearly to their gazes.
Talontooth's ears swiveled, his pelt bristled. "It's healing too fast."
Patchrift called from afar again. "Birchstar, make the call!"
Birchstar hesitated. He held his breath.
"The Iris could see us like this. Hear him like this," Currantfur hissed.
An indomitable weight sank deeper. The strands of energy, floating up like smoke, suddenly spasmed, then spiked jaggedly. A gravely noise escaped into the atmosphere, carrying incomprehensible words. The StarClan cats bristled.
"Birchstar!" Patchrift hissed.
Birchstar's lips curled into a snarl. He hesitated, then looked at Whiteflower - as though asking her permission. Whiteflower stared down into the whirling energies, the noise of static growing louder and louder.
"She didn't kill him. He's still alive," Birchstar meowed quietly.
Blackpaw's heart thundered as, through the static, coherent sounds started to come through. Dread coursed through her whole being as she made out what she was hearing.
Repeated, horrible screeches of pain, broken only by reeling gasps of air.
Finally, Whiteflower sobbed, claws digging into the starry grass. "Close it."
"NO!" Icypaw yowled in protest.
But StarClan ignored the apprentice's protest. Birchstar yowled to close the waves. The lights from cats' eyes slowly faded, and Blackpaw watched as, one by one, the strands of energy dissipated like smoke into the sky.
There was a final, static screech.
"IT HURTS! IT HURTS! STARS, PLEASE, I - "
CRACK!
Silence.
The air around StarClan grew thick. Guilt and pain flooded the starry field like a sinkhole opening; bright pelts dimmed under dark pressure. Cats stared at the ground, their ears folded back. Some raked their claws. Others wordlessly walked away with their tails hung low and closed eyes.
Blackpaw felt so incredibly small.
Cats were hurt and it was her fault. It was all her fault. She couldn't move and it was all her fault. She was found by Endless' patrol and she wasn't supposed to be there, Endless didn't want her there, it was all her fault. Riftgorse tried to tell her to go but she froze and she couldn't move and it was all her fault. She was so scared. She was so scared and she just wanted everything to go away, and then the Red Beast appeared, and -
She wasn't alive anymore, was she?
Blackpaw sobbed and trembled. She shrunk and her tail tucked beneath her. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she whimpered.
Silence.
Icypaw trembled with rage. He glared at Whiteflower and Birchstar. "You're foxhearts," he seethed.
"He wasn't dead, Icypaw," Talontooth protested. Despite that, his voice was hollow.
"It's my fault. It's all my fault. I'm sorry," Blackpaw repeated. Icypaw's ears folded back and his eyes narrowed.
"No. It isn't. You gave us a chance and you - " Icypaw hissed, directing his venom towards Birchstar. "Wasted it."
Birchstar closed his eyes. The tip of his tail flicked only once. "...Rootgrove was my friend too, Icypaw."
"You sent six moon olds to die for eight of your nine lives, so sorry if your idea of friendship means foxdung," Icypaw spat.
Whiteflower's lips curled into a snarl. "Icypaw, that's enough."
"That's my uncle! Your brother!"
"I KNOW!"
"You gave up - "
As Icypaw and the older cats spat vicious words at one another, Talontooth placed himself in front of Blackpaw's field of vision. His blue eyes flickered with sympathy and worry.
"Hey. I'm sorry for this. All of it. Come on. Let me take you somewhere quieter. Okay? Everything is going to be okay."
Blackpaw sobbed. The tom reminded her of Riftgorse, a little. Maybe that's why she just nodded and clung to his side as he guided her away from the starry fields, and into a forest-like area - the leaves blended together into colorful nebulas.
For a brief moment, her heart cried out in relief. Peace. In her pain and fear, there was, at least, one beautiful thing. The trees were beautiful. That was nice, right? She sobbed under her torrent of emotions. Talontooth wordlessly guided her, resting his tail on her back.
Eventually, Talontooth stopped, and sat down in a clearing. The grasses were a soft turquoise, glimmering like dewdrops illuminated by sunlight. The pair sat in silence for a long, long time.
"They were killed too...they must've been...I tried to stop it, but..."
Talontooth's ear twitched. Then, he straightened. "No, Blackpaw. They're alive. You saved them."
Blackpaw looked up at the starry warrior, wide-eyed and tears brimming in the corners of her eyes. "R-Really?"
"Yeah. You really did. I mean it," his blue eyes glimmered and his tail twitched. "You did an amazing job. What you did was super brave. Not even I had the courage to try and fight it. I just...ran."
"I...I don't understand."
"It's...a long story. One that I'd like to tell you as I show you the territory. Okay?" Talontooth said with a smile. "Hey...you're okay. Welcome to StarClan."
---
Shadepaw and Nectarpaw are devastated by their sibling's death. The Clan is very shaken by Endless' reported attack and the alleged red beast. Shadepaw lashes out at Redstar in response. Redstar freezes and says nothing. She just looks at the young cat miserably.
Nightmare. This was a nightmare. She was going to wake up now. Wake up.
An exercise in futility.
Redstar tried to play the role of stalwart leader. She really did. Her role faltered as Blackpaw was nowhere in sight, and Perchwatcher and Riftgorse seemed shattered and hollowed out.
The Clan gathered in dreaded horror as Perchwatcher recounted the events like a witness under a criminal trial.
Endless and a patrol of cats had attacked them with ill intent. She didn't know what they wanted, but it sounded like they wanted to kill them. They did not intend for Blackpaw to be there. Perhaps they didn't see or smell her. Either way, none of it mattered when the Red Beast appeared.
And the procedure didn't work. Backing away from it slowly while staring it down didn't work. It was the only thing that worked for Shiverstep and Brackenfreckle - and yet, just like that hot greenleaf day, a cat died regardless, without mercy or hesitation.
Blackpaw was gone. The woods were fed.
Cats were frozen in dismay. Nectarpaw kept waiting for them to tell her it was a cruel joke. She collapsed into a sobbing heap when she realized that it wasn't. Daffodilpaw sat next to her, not knowing what to do.
Shadepaw had dragged himself out of the medicine den upon hearing the commotion. Now he stood frozen, tail drooping, his eyes burning with an unreadable emotion.
Branchsnarl and Brackenfreckle came to comfort their siblings. For the first time since the Clan knew Riftgorse, the tom gave Brackenfreckle a look veiled with hatred, causing her to flinch.
"Is Endless still justified now?" His hate collapsed like a house of leaves under his sister's hurt and horrified expression. His ears folded back. He sobbed deeply. Snow kept falling from the sky, dotting along his black pelt.
Redstar thinks she heard cats murmuring. A few were turning to her, waiting for her orders. She hesitated.
In that moment of hesitation, a window of repression finally opened in Shadepaw's eyes. A storm of hate revealed themselves behind them, and the tom turned on Redstar, bristling violently.
"YOU LIED TO ME!"
Cats jumped suddenly at his outburst - Shadepaw placed himself in front of Redstar and continued angrily, "You promised! You told me that we wouldn't have to worry about the woods, that you would feed them! You said they would eat your lives - "
"Shadepaw - " Perchwatcher tried to interject, but the tom was louder.
" - and that we would not feed the woods! You lied to me! They ATE BLACKPAW! So what have you actually been doing at night, huh?!"
Redstar stared at Shadepaw, fur bristling and muscles tense. Her instincts bore down the mouth of a screeching cat and told her to defend herself. To explain. To really insist that she was trying, she really was, what was she supposed to tell a kit who was afraid of death -
She remembered hearing about Owlpaw's attempt to run into the fields a few days after Redstar had lectured her. She remembered trying to apologize, and Owlpaw retorting without looking at her, "I don't care. I mean it this time."
Every scream from authority is a permanent memory.
"YOU DON'T DO FOXDUNG!" Shadepaw hissed. "You don't protect us at all, do you?!"
Her mouth stayed shut. Numb. Heart thundering. Instincts demanded her silence. She felt the many pairs of eyes falling upon her, waiting for her to speak. To discipline. To correct. She wouldn't. Nothing good would come of it. Her voice was a weapon. She tried to dull it after Lakestar died. But it was still a weapon anyway.
It's fine. She could listen to namecalling and accusations of treason. This wasn't new to her. And...and this was a child. Yes. A poor child who lost a littermate. Her Clan lost a clanmate. She lost an apprentice. A young apprentice was dead because she couldn't make the woods take her. She wasted so much time being ill and looking after her Clan after the Gardener attack. She wasted time. She grew complacent and this really was her fault. It's alright.
Shadepaw screamed more accusations with raspy, haggard breath.
"You're - you're a fraud! A worthless piece of foxdung that never cared about us in the first place - "
"Shadepaw, that's enough!" Iciclepool hissed as she approached him, but Shadepaw veered around and lashed out at her too.
"SHUT UP! Redstar hasn't died for us! She hasn't done anything -" he was interrupted with a violent cough, but continued bullishly. "How many of you have actually seen her die, huh?! NO ONE! I bet you don't even have nine lives!"
Cats bristled and ForestClan's new founders recoiled, some hissed. But a sparse few stared at the ground, an uncomfortable truth radiating in their hearts. No one had seen Redstar die and return with their own eyes before.
"Blackpaw is dead because of YOU!" Shadepaw snarled.
"Shadepaw, please, stop," Nectarpaw whined from behind closed eyes and shaking breath.
"I HATE YOU! You'll never - " Shadepaw burst into a fit of coughs, his rage shaking his entire body and driving him further ill. Windfur stepped forward and pushed Shadepaw away from the clearing, which resulted in him hissing and bristling on all ends.
"DON'T TOUCH ME!" he screeched before bursting into a fit of hacking coughs again.
"Shadepaw, PLEASE STOP!" Nectarpaw finally burst, yelling at her brother across camp. Shadepaw heaved and glared at his sister, but Nectarpaw just sobbed and shook her head. "Stop. Please stop. I can't do this right now. Please just stop."
"Our sister is dead - "
"And yelling won't bring her back!" Nectarpaw spat. Her pelt bristled at all ends. After a few seconds of tense silence, Shadepaw resumed coughing, suddenly overexerted. He dragged himself back to the medicine den, phlegm and mucus gargling his own coughs for air. ForestClan fell silent as leafbare snow started to gently cover every cat's coat.
"...He's grieving. It's alright." Redstar meowed. Her voice was eerily calm. "Blackpaw will be honored. She…she was a bright soul. StarClan will honor her. Those who are capable - come help me start a cooking fire. Nectarpaw, I am so sorry, but…do you know what Blackpaw's favorite meal was?"
Nectarpaw swallowed and her eyes narrowed open. "R-Robin. She liked roasted robin, and raspberries," she whimpered.
Redstar nodded. She started calmly directing certain cats to do certain tasks. She sat and listened to cats interject, and asked what she would do about Endless and her group. She told them she'd make a plan to find and speak with them. Bring a patrol. More aggressively mark scent borders. Reach out to StarClan at the half-moon, see if they saw what miracle saved Perchwatcher and Riftgorse from the Red Beast; they've opted to call it, finally. For the next moon or so, patrols would need to be made of four cats minimum. She went through the motions. Ate the funeral meal. Nectarpaw recited a eulogy for her sister, emotional and heartfelt. Riftgorse apologized to Blackpaw for his failures as a mentor. Shadepaw glared at Redstar the entire time. Snow eventually covered the entire campground in a thin layer.
Redstar knew the question of whether she was actually trying to feed the woods hung in the air. But none of them asked. Maybe too upset, too empty to ask.
Or too afraid.
Burial of mementos would be done once the snow had stopped.
By the time night had fallen, Redstar sat in her den, staring at the rotting bark walls. Her blue eyes held an empty gaze.
She didn't mean to. She never meant for this to happen. She promised she wouldn't let it happen again. But it did. She prioritized rebuilding and healing from sickness over feeding the woods. She lost track of the moons that passed. She should've known. She would have known, if -
She shut her eyes tightly, suppressing a hiss. No. No, she wouldn't. She couldn't. The memory of a gold and brown cat staring with apathetic, hollow eyes at the wall and carving lines, then filing down the entire wall the second funerals were finished. Carving a line. Starting over. Giant, yellow patches of fresh wood used to stain the brown walls of the entire den. Gold like the gilded leader who counted down their doom. Cats would sneak. Peer inside. See how long they had. Tension. Fear. Palpable. She remembered asking, once.
"Why do you do it?"
Lakestar had one claw unsheathed, and froze amidst carving a line. Her green eyes pooled with anger. Her tail twitched.
"I'm not objecting," she added, hoping it was not too hastily. "Just understanding the 'why'."
Lakestar's anger faded slowly, her pelt flattening. She pulled her claw away from the wall, then glared at the mark. She scoffed. "You know why. You want confirmation, Redpath, not an answer. Do not be mousebrained."
"I'm sorry, Lakestar. It's not my intention. I'm not a socially apt molly."
"Then learn," Lakestar bit crossly. "Tell me why you think I do this."
Redpath swallowed. She looked at the wall, and chose her words carefully - those Lakestar wanted to hear. "To track the wood's hunger by moons."
"Correct. You have your answer," Lakestar retorted as she resumed carving the line.
"I think," Redpath started carefully, "I may have phrased what I was asking incorrectly. Can I try again?"
"Once."
"Why do you do this in your den, specifically? I know Chicoryglint also keeps a tally somewhere, but she keeps it hidden. I'm not sure why hers is private, but yours is easily seen."
Lakestar paused. Then, a tired, humourless laugh emerged from her throat. She pulled away from the wall and gave Redstar a sharp look, and an almost sympathetic purr. But Redpath knew better. She knew that she had pushed the wrong button. She wasn't tact enough.
"Redpath. Do you really think this is unkind? Is that what this is about?" Lakestar pressed.
Redpath kept her expression straight. Unfaltering. Unafraid. She had to. She had committed too far and weakness would be found and hunted. She blinked, but said nothing.
"Chicoryglint doesn't keep her tallies in sight because she's afraid. She would rather keep herself and everyone else in denial than ensure everyone knows the truth. I'm no fool. I know the apprentices and Weaselfang sneak to glance at the wall. Find how long we've got. And if you are about to lecture me on morale, Redpath," Lakestar hissed, "spare it. I don't keep this for them. I do it for me. Because I need to know. I need to wake up and remind myself of how much time we have, and if cats would like to stay in ignorance about how hungry the woods are, then they can stay out of my den!"
Redpath flinched as Lakestar hovered near her. She tore her gaze and stared at the floor. "I'm sorry," she mewed. "I wasn't going to chide you. You're my leader. You always have good reasons for doing what you do - that's why StarClan chose you. I just…seek to understand. So I can tell others. Quell dissent."
"Let me be absolutely clear, Redpath," Lakestar hissed. "Ignoring how long you have is a privilege that ForestClan does not have. Do you understand? I carry that truth because it is immutable. You cannot and will not ignore the woods. It is greater than any cat. It must be fed and you are nothing but mulch and bonemeal to it. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"
Redstar remembered the fear. She trembled and pressed her head against one of the walls, feeling her pelt bristle. No. No, the woods were not invincible. They were not. Lakestar was a liar. She prioritized fear over lives. She wanted them to live in fear, just like her. That's all the tally was. It was just fear. It had to be.
And yet as the snow fell outside, as the minutes ticked on and she remembered Shadepaw's words, she struggled.
She didn't know and she refused to know and she grew complacent and Blackpaw was dead.
"I'm sorry," Redstar whispered, voice trembling. "I'm so sorry."
You promised! Shadepaw's hurt and hateful yowl echoed again in her head.
"I know, I know I did. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," she repeated, voice strained.
She felt like Lakestar's ghost was hovering behind her. Green eyes piercing. Filled with disgust and disappointment.
Do it.
"No."
It's a privilege you do not have.
"I won't do it."
You killed me. You killed me to bear the weight of my crown. You killed me because you wanted to be a gentle camp ringed in spears. But you are no gentle leader. You are a weapon. I MADE you into a weapon. You lied to yourself, and now apprentices are still dead because of YOU.
Redstar's teeth gritted. She suppressed a hiss. Tears welled in the corner of her eyes.
Heavy is the crown.
"I won't," she mouthed.
You are not gentle. You will never be 'gentle'. Redstar hallucinated Lakestar laughing at her. Face twisted with malice. You are a weapon of magnicide and that is all you will ever be. Make yourself useful and at least bring your weapon into war. Track your enemy, you mousebrained fool.
"No."
Complacent thing. Maggot-infested heart. Coward. You don't have the right to be ignorant.
"I can't," Redstar sobbed.
You would prefer to live in ignorance?! COWARD! You don't protect them! You hoard the bones of a dead prophecy and call it reverence! You save nothing and no one, and cats will continue to die because you refuse to make the difficult choice! WORTHLESS CROWFOOD!
Redstar's face grimaced into a snarl as her voice trembled. "No. Stop. I love them. I love my Clan. I don't want this. I never wanted this. You've seen it. You've seen me offer myself for so many moons. I - "
FAILURE! Broken blade, worthless offering! It is not enough! What are your lives even for?! If they won't take them, you must trick them! KNOW when they are most desperate, you worthless molly!
"They'll see it. They'll see it and they'll know what it's for. I can't. I can't. Please," she whimpered.
You do not have the privilege of choice! DO IT!
A silent cry.
DO IT!
Redstar spent hours and hours sobbing and mouthing silently into the night, begging and pleading and cursing with StarClan, with Blackpaw's spirit, with herself, with the woods, with Lakestar's memory. She wept and wept and wept until she had nothing left.
By the morning, there was a line on the wall.
---
SPECIAL THANK YOU TO OUR GUEST ARTISTS! IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE:
@counterclan
@relgnira/ @direclan
@leopardusk
@greyclan-clangen
@darkxwolfdoesart
@aphidclan-clangen
You guys have brought Blackpaw's death to life in a visceral way and I appreciate you <3
Digging more into the account I will no longer vaguepost about this account. Please block this person. @gendercriticalwolfess (her alt is @photonstarflight ) I’m not one to make massive callout posts BUT I do have a lot of followers and when someone does have a lot of followers they should use that power “for good”.
This is the artist who made the Jumalanpelko fanart of Viima (a trans man) as a Proud Cis Woman™️. Turns out the account is all about transphobia and advocating for people who are trans to accept who they “really are” and l don’t think I need to explain how problematic that is.
They tag their posts as Transgender just so they can get traction into trans spaces even when they’re transphobic. Fucking disgusting.
They have a post explaining how they once found comfort in the trans community but eventually decided it was “a trap” and some form of closed minded bubble. So they left and accepted who they really were. (Which is fine for them to do)
But they have no space here in the Clangen Tumblr Community as far as I’m concerned! And I don’t want them hurting anyone else!
