Sky

“It’s okay to dream, kid.”

[skyszankin]

Flowers in the sky.

If I had a garden, I would throw every flower up to the sky. Hoping the clouds would catch them and you will see that I’m thinking about you and I’m missing you so much.

I’ll start from dandelions, all the way to the last flower of my garden. I’ll make sure the sky doesn’t just look beautiful to me, but that it is beautiful up there for you too.

Flowers in the sky, just so you can see how much I wish you were here.

Flowers in the sky just so you can get a reminder of me too.

I wonder how is it up there.

Are you okay now? Do you finally feel at peace. Your demons are no longer chasing you . No more scars, no more tears.

Just blissful happiness surrounding you

Will the flowers in the sky make you miss me too? Will it make you wish that I was right by your side.

I hope the flowers in the sky brings a smile to your face and I hope it makes you think of me too.

Roses, Lilys, Tulips, dandelions. Which ever you want up in the sky, just let me know. Give me a sign. I’ll do anything to just know that you’re okay. Even if I just paint the sky a million of colors. As long as I know that you’re okay up there. I’ll be at peace down here.

Flowers in the sky, just so you can see how much I wish you were here.

Flowers in the sky just so you can get a reminder of me too.

I wonder how is it up there.

Are you okay now? Do you finally feel at peace. Your demons are no longer Chasing you. No more scars, no more tears.

Just blissful happiness surrounding you.

Will the flowers in the sky make you miss me too? Will it make you wish that I was right by your side.

I hope the flowers in the sky brings a smile to your face and I hope it makes you think of me too.

I miss you so much. It’s unexplainable. The only thing keeping me going is the thought of seeing you again. So, when you see that I’ll filled up the sky with flowers. I just hope you know that I’ll always love you. I will always miss you and I will always be thinking about you.

[skyszankin]

I sit silence as I think about all of our moments together and I start realize that everything changed between us. There’s no going back, and for once what I begged for not to come true. It came true. The nightmare came true.

[skyszankin]

You may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but you will be somebody’s cup of tea.

[skyszankin]

Maybe the reason I can’t forgive you is because I don’t know how to.

[skyszankin]

It’s okay to be yourself in a world full of critics.

[skyszankin]

Never forget that, when I start to look back on my youth. You were my favorite part of it.

[skyszankin]

To the person I love, thank you for letting me know that there’s so much to love about me.

[skyszankin]

“You say you’re not a hero, and you’re also not a villain, but in my eyes. I view you different than you view yourself. I agree that you are not a villain, I also disagree with you saying you’re not a hero. Maybe to others you aren’t , maybe you’re just another person to them. But to me, you are more than just another person, you’re a hero to me, you saved me from depths of darkness and brought me into the light. You changed my life around and I couldn’t thank you enough for it.”

[skyszankin]

“When you decide to make peace with your demons and let go all of your trauma because it’s not doing you or anyone justice and it’s just never ending cycle of heartbreak, is when you discover true happiness.”

[skyszankin]

My last chapter with you.

It’s time to close the book between you and I, it’s time for me to stop looking back through it and possibly trying to add more to it, I can’t keep repeating a heartbreak I thought I was over and I can’t get reattached to you again. You’ve already moved on and so have I or at least I thought I did, instead those feelings are still buried, they just needed something that helped them come back from the dead. Sadly it left me damaged all over again and all my days been shitty ever since and I don’t how to sleep or really get back on my feet. I’m doing it slowly though,day by day once again, and you’re not all to blame for this, I am too as well. Every time I regain a connection with you. I learn something about myself every time and I learn lessons and make a lot more mistakes and I also stoop so low that I never thought I could get that far. It’s honestly not only heart wrenching but exhausting to keep trying with you and keep you in my life. You are creating a person that I don’t want to be anymore or that I want to become. We need to continue being away from each other and live our own lives without each other. Yes we can cross each others mind but not too much and continue to accept what it is between us and that all it’s ever going to be between us, nothing else. No changes, no repeating cycles, patterns. It’s time to let this be the last chapter with you. You’ll always be one of my favorites to read but it’s time to end it once and for all. Goodbye. I’ll always love you.

[skyszankin]

I love you, but you are not for me, you’ll never be for me. So I have to let you go.

[skyszankin]

Goodbye

It’s been two to three months since I last saw you. I missed you so much. You were in my head on daily basis. I cried over you so much, but towards the end of it all, I realize something. There’s nothing I can do about our situation, I honestly had lots of fun with you and I can finally bury our memories away.

I won’t forget you, I’ll keep you in my heart, but I’m not going to let you take over my life anymore. You don’t deserve to, I wish the absolute best for you though. I wish you live a life you deserve, just like I will. I hope you will learn from this as much as I have and I hope you won’t repeat it and I hope won’t repeat it either. I don’t hate you though, I still have love for you. I still think highly of you but it’s best you don’t come back into my life, it’s best you stay out.

I know there are times i had moment of weaknesses and thought about the what ifs and all the things you could think of when you’re moving forward without somebody you didn’t wanna lose. It happened though and I guess that it was meant to happen, I guess I was right all along you were temporary, you were once everything to me.

Now you’re just a memory I won’t forget but won’t dwell on either. I’m letting you go and I’m getting on my life, But before I end this and I know I said this before, but I always will care about you. Don’t ever forget that.

[skyszankin]

Memories

Images popping up, scenes being played, hearing the words and the laughter that came along with it. The time seeing like it’s taking forever when really, hours have passed, because getting lost in conversation is what was taking over our moments together. All the feelings, emotions being in the air. Romantic or not. Visits, losing sleep, waiting and hoping to see them again, not wanting it to end. Replaying it until you fell asleep or when you saw them again, never thinking of a goodbye, not really thinking of anything that would make it just memories. As it comes down to it though, that’s what they really appear to be, memories. The little movie inside your head that never goes away until you finally want to stop rewinding it and hoping for a different ending. It keeps coming and coming until it becomes vivid in your mind or when you learn to just set down the damn control and never turn on the film again and move on. Memories, the haunting thoughts that were once a reality but not anymore. Soon they’ll be gone and replaced but never forgotten, but that’s why they’re call memories, because they were once little moments that made us feel something and were a reality once, and now they’re distant thoughts and moments in our head that soon get buried and never get dugout again. Memories, hurtful, but life changing...

[skyszankin]

Trauma

It’s not pretty, it’s not great, it’s a lifetime thing . You never really forget about it, you learn how to deal with it better as you get through life. Sometimes you heal from it. Sometimes you don’t. It becomes an attachment sadly that it either easily surfaces or easily gets pushed back in the mind, if you’re not careful. You also think that whatever caused it, was your fault when it wasn’t really and you try many escapism just to get further away from it, thinking that it will help. When it’s not really going to. It also develops your character and the way your life will go on. It’s that annoying thing you can’t really get away from at times, it causes relapses, it causes a lot of mental illnesses, it causes your fears and alertness and paranoia to pop up at times or at all times. It literally ruins you whenever it can get a chance to. It really makes you go crazy, because the amount of emotions it can cause and the amount harm it can do to you. But the longer you let it drag on with you, the longer it’s going to be hard to actually get over it,and it’s just going to get worst when you keep using an escapism to not really deal with it. The best you can do really is actually stop running from it and go through it, and hopefully come out of it as an survivor and as tough that path will be, you’ll be thanking yourself in the long run, because what’s better than picking up the pieces and starting all over again just to make yourself genuinely happy? nothing, it’s going to be a long journey but it’s worth it. I promise, and if you don’t know where to start just go to the first piece that started it all and go from there. Good luck...

[skyszankin]

I Miss You

I miss you a whole lot.. I miss talking to you. I miss your presence, your vibe, your laugh, your smile, I miss it all. I want to have it all back, but I can’t, because life has other decisions and choices for me and I guess you’re just not one of them. You’re temporary and I wish you weren’t, being comforted by you and having someone to just talk to about anything, having somewhat of a good connection was really nice. Now it’s all just a memory, that I keeping hoping to become a reality again and I know people come and go, but I don’t like it when it’s all so sudden. I don’t mind it, when I drift away from that person and it is what it is and I’m not really heartbroken by it. It’s actually hard pill to swallow, when the connection goes away so soon, because it was unexpected and not planned. It just happened. It could’ve been something I said, it could’ve been something I did, it could’ve been your choice to cut it off. It could’ve been faith. It really could’ve been anything, but it still ended and it may stay like that for now or for eternity, but there’s nothing I can do or that you and I can really do to change it and I wish there was. There isn’t, though and it is what it is, but I’m still effected by it and that’s okay for me to be. I don’t know if you are, all I know is that this is something I got to deal with and I have to get through it the best I can, and soon I’ll be okay. I’ll keep you in my heart and I’ll still be living my best life and I hope you will be living your best life too. Even if I can’t be in it. I want you to be happy and never stop being that way and I also want you to keep your good heart and never forget that I really appreciated you for being in my life for a short period of time. I really did have a lot of fun with you, but now it’s time we have a lot of fun without each other, but I won’t forget about you, I promise. Please don’t forget about me.

[skyszankin]

Some people can still like you and think you’re an amazing person and still wouldn’t mind socializing with you and being around you. But can still choose to not hangout with you and care to be in your life most of time, just because you’re not the people they would usually hangout with, you’re different to them, you’re out of their comfort zone. It doesn’t mean that they dislike you or anything, it just means that you’re just someone they don’t mind socializing with, and that’s it and as hurtful as that sounds. It just the way things go and it’s just what we gotta deal with, even if we think it’s good on our part and they could be our friend, it’s probably not the same way on their part, but once you learn to accept that. You’ll be okay.

[skyszankin]

At first I’m going to show you parts of me that you can handle. Then when I trust you more I will show you parts of me that you can’t handle and if you still choose to stay, no matter how difficult I can get. Then sweet, but if not, that’s okay I’m not for everyone.