Journal of a 24/7 slave @slavegirl-journal - Tumblr Blog

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Today I confessed to lying yesterday about taking my medication late.

I had to be reminded to do the dishes

I had an anxiety attack this morning

I was a good sex slave

I don’t feel very much like a slave most of the time. I’m rarely punished for not following rules, and I break the rules all the time. I don’t know if it’s worth doing this anymore. This may be my last post.

Today

Today I was argumentative. I can’t help saying things in a tone that can be condescending or rude. I guess I’m a bit of a curmudgeon , and I seem to forget that Sir is my master. I can’t help assuming that the person I’m arguing with is wrong if I don’t understand their point of view. I need to work on being less disagreeable in general. I also need a constant reminder that Sir is my master. Maybe I should get a choker or some sort of physical attire that constantly reminds me of this fact.

Blow jobs

I like looking or thinking of his cock and salivating. I like that there is a direct mental connection leading to a physical response. The thought or sight of his cock leads to salivation, which means that I know it belongs in my mouth. I dream a lot of giving blow jobs, as it’s become a twice or three times daily routine. I enjoy being able to get it inside my throat. I like the taste of his cum, I like the smell of his balls. I enjoy that I gag, that I have trouble breathing, that my eyes water, and that I sometimes see stars when he is fucking my throat. It takes me quickly to what some people call “sub space,” a feeling that I’m floating and happy because I’m pleasuring my master. I wish I were better at using my hand.

Activities and things to work on

Here’s a list of a few things that I thought might be interesting to try at some point.

Have anal sex more often

Make use of a butt plug

Use nipple clamps or chopsticks

Use a reward system where obedience leads to a treat

Improve my ability to endure spankings

Have maintenance spankings- spankings not because I’ve been bad, but just because it pleases Sir

Learn how to use rope

Wear a maid outfit

Perform chores nude

Wear slave attire, like a collar or slave bells

Get tied up and left alone for extended periods of time

Learn to speak up during sex

Have Sir control the way I dress, in specific detail

Have Sir control what I eat, in specific detail

Have Sir make me crawl

New rules

Avoid sulking, at all costs

If I’m feeling bad, I must share how I’m feeling with Sir, in explicit detail

When Sir asks for an entry in my blog, I must write one the same day

Quitting

I shouldn’t threaten to quit just because I’m feeling bad or things are not going my way. A 24/7 relationship is a serious commitment, but I tend to lash out when I feel bad. I threatened to quit the other day when I was having an argument with Sir. I should only mention this as a last resort, if multiple things we have been working on for a very long time are simply not working anymore. I should stop thinking in black and white. If something is making me feel bad, I should find ways to communicate with Sir so we can work on the specific problem at hand. A 24/7 commitment should be taken as seriously as a marriage.

Safe word

I’m a wimp, but I hate to admit it. The day before yesterday, Sir spanked me for the first time in a long time. I wasn’t used to the pain anymore, and couldn’t stop crying, even after we had stopped for a while before resuming. I enjoy crying, but I have a difficult time assessing my limits. When I’m being punished, I feel as though the more I can take, the better the reward. It’s true that I’ve used the safe word in the past and wish that I hadn’t, but it seems as though I’m not using it enough now. Sir thinks that I should used safe words more often than not, at least for now. Yesterday, when I was being slapped, I felt a slight headache on the right side of my head. I should have said the safe word right away. When I argued with Sir last night because he wouldn’t let me sleep, I could have used the safe word to emphasize how sick I really felt. Safe words can be used anytime, given that we are in a 24/7 relationship.

Sex rules

Below are a few rules that I've been following and a few others that I thought might be incorporated from other blogs:

My body is available to Sir for sexual use at all times. I may request to be relieved from this slave duty, and this request can be denied.

If I feel that my physical or emotional health is being compromised, I must use the words “yellow” or “red” to alert Sir as soon as possible. These words are reserved for situations where I feel there is an emergency.

Sir’s cum should never go to waste, and I must swallow all of it. I must lick Sir’s cock clean every time we have sex.

I should offer to lick Sir’s ass and to lick his feet once a day.

I should offer oral sex once a day.

When Sir wants me to suck his cock, I should do it vigorously and with enthusiasm

I should keep my pussy shaved and waxed for Sir

I must not masturbate or cum without the consent of Sir

I should offer my body to Sir and initiate sex every now and then

Things placed to my lips must be licked, kissed, and sucked

When Sir reaches out to touch my body, I must facilitate the process (i.e. spreading my legs, removing my clothing)

I should act sensually and in a visually pleasing way to Sir even if we are not engaged in sexual activity

I must cum for Sir if he asks me to, even if it takes time and concentration

I will never restrict Sir’s view of my naked body

My natural position is to be kneeled before Sir

Bad girl

I did something that made Sir upset yesterday. I gave $50.00 to my ex-boyfriend because he wants a storage fee for having my piano at his place. He threatened to set my piano on fire if I didn't pay up. I didn't want to get into a dispute with him, so I gave him the money. This is particularly upsetting for Sir because I went ahead knowing that if I had spoken about it first, he would have refused. I knowingly disobeyed him and I feel pretty upset. I'm also upset that I let someone other than Sir influence my actions. I should remind myself that Sir is the only person I should ever obey.

Sick

Today Sir was sick. Sir gave me permission to go for yoga on condition that I call to request a taxi back at a specified time. I was three minutes late because I lost my cell phone and had trouble locating a public phone. I made some tea for Sir, gave him a massage, ran him a bath, and read for him. I guess some of the things I do for him I find a little dull, but it makes me happy to think that I am pleasing him. I was happy to get a yoga high, and hope that Sir will give me more allowances this week.

The past

It seems as though the past has been creeping up on me again as an issue. Sir and I knew each other when I was a drug addict, and then we stopped socializing for three years. When Sir and I began dating, I was reticent about beginning a relationship because of unresolved issues from the past. We’ve discussed these issues since then, and I’ve come to accept the conclusions made, but every now and then I get upset and think about the past.

I should not feel ashamed that I was once a drug addict. I’ve learned from my experiences, and am taking steps towards rehabilitation. It’s scary to think that there are periods in my life that I don’t remember, but I should learn to accept this as a consequence of my behaviour. While I can think about that past to learn from wrong decisions, I should avoid obsessing over things that can’t be changed

I feel that Sir rejected me because I was unbalanced back then. I feel he could have been friends with me, even though I had issues and was not available for a romantic relationship. As he tells it, he never rejected me but was not going to go out of his way to reach out to me because of my behaviour at the time. I still feel rejected, and wish he had reached out to me to be friends. But I choose to be with Sir despite what happened, and have to learn to accept the past for what it is

I lied to my previous partner about my relationship with Sir. I made Sir look bad because I was avoiding taking responsibility for my actions. Subconsciously, I accepted for a long time that Sir was a bad person. I need to be aware of this when I think about the past and how I viewed Sir at the time.

Arguments

I’m having an argument with Sir, I tend to get hostile because I’m under the impression that Sir is brainwashing me or thinking I’m being irrational. Sir is never trying to brainwash me.

I’m entitled to my opinions, but I don’t need to be argumentative. When Sir has a point to make, I should listen to him and reflect on the issue. Passively listening and taking time for further reflection does not mean that I’m accepting everything that’s being said to me at face value. It just means that I’m allowing myself more time to reflect on an issue before making conclusions.

I’ve been irrational lately and this has led to Sir not always trusting my state of mind. I should not be hostile if Sir thinks I’m having a mental episode. Sir will regain confidence in me when I prove to him that I’m in a better mental state.

Hostility and aggressive behaviour is never acceptable. If I feel the need to lash out, I need to breathe for a few minutes, meditate, or write a CBT exercise

Trust issues

I have issues with trust and this has been a distinct problem in our master slave relationship. I’ve betrayed partners before and I’m a recovering drug addict, so transparency is a particularly important issue. Below are a few points regarding trust and transparency:

When Sir says he wants transparency, this does not mean becoming rude or harsh. If I think of something for a few minutes that is negative towards Sir, it’s probably not worth mentioning unless it’s a recurring thought that needs further inspection. I’m also a little socially inept, and I need to find ways to convey a message in a polite manner.

When I am casual about the extent of my addiction problems, this is my addiction talking. My drug addiction has led to serious consequences emotionally and financially and is an overall waste of time.

If I’m feeling overwhelmed, angry, or very upset, I’m probably not thinking rationally. I should trust Sir, and tell him exactly what I am thinking.

I should take all the necessary steps to improve my mental health. Writing in my diary, doing CBT exercises, talking to my drug counsellor, talking with a psychologist, exercising, taking my medication, taking supplements, and meditating are things I should be doing on a regular basis

Transparency is important. A slave is an open book. If Sir asks me what I am thinking, I should tell him what I am thinking in a concise and detailed manner.

A slave is not entitled to privacy. Sir will give me alone time if I request for it at a time of his convenience, but he will know exactly where I’m at and what I’m doing at those specified times

I’m entitled to ask Sir what the plans are. Asking and debating are two different things however. Asking means telling me what’s going on and explaining why this is happening. Debating means challenging the answers given

Passive-aggressive behavior is due in large part to my distrust in Sir’s plans and actions. I should remind myself that I’ve chosen to be a slave and to have faith in Sir

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Journal of a 24/7 slave