Now the harpy eagle was more slick than any of the wild aminals the Lord Sloth had made. He said to the she-sloth, “Did Sloth really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the Jungle’?"
The she-sloth said to the harpy eagle, “We may eat the leaves from the trees of the jungle, but Sloth did say, ‘You must not eat leaves from the Cecropia tree that is in the middle of the Jungle, and you must not touch it, or we will bite the dust.’"
"You will not die," the harpy eagle said to the she-sloth. “For Sloth knows that when you eat from it you will be rocked like a hurricane at all the knowledge of good and evil you will know."
When the she-sloth saw that the leaf of the tree looked like the most righteous noms in all of Pangaea, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her man, who was with her, and he ate it. Then both went on the longest trip ever. Their eyes got wide and they began to see the world for what it really was. They also realized they were naked. It was nice. They thought about covering themselves with fig leaves. But then they thought about eating those fig leaves. So they ate the fig leaves.
Then the sloths heard the sound of the Lord Sloth as he was rolling through the jungle and they hid from the Lord Sloth among the trees of the jungle. But the Lord Sloth called to the sloth, “Where you at, dawg?"
He answered, “I’m naked, don’t come in!"
And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Did you eat my cheetos, brah?"
The sloth said, “The she-sloth you put here with me - she gave me a leaf from the Cecropia tree and I ate it."
Then the Lord Sloth said to the she-sloth, “Swrong witchu?"
The she-sloth said, “The harpy eagle made me act a fool."
So the Lord Sloth said to the harpy eagle, “You done goofed now." And he called the harpy eagle a racial slur. The word was “sky slut".
To the she-sloth he said, “You gonna act like a bitch, you gonna die like a bitch." And he made childbearing very, very painful.
To the he-sloth he said, “You had one job. One day you will die, and you will become one with the motherland from which you came." The answer was one.
And the she-sloth became the mother of all other sloths to come. And shit hurt. Like really hurt.
The Lord Sloth made clothes for the sloths but they were like, “Nah being naked is fine." And the Lord Sloth said, “The sloth knows too much, he cannot eat from the Cecropia tree of life so that he may live forever." So The Lord Sloth banished him from that jungle of Costa Rica and made him become a farmer. Then he placed an angel sloth at the east end of the jungle to guard it. Also he gave him a flaming sword. It was the first weapon and also the most badass.
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