I wanted to take a moment and talk about a lot of the questions I’ve gotten lately.
A lot of you are going through some really difficult stuff and I can feel your struggles in my heart.
So I wanted to give you all some context for me, just a bit, to give you all a bit of peace of mind about dealing with LIFE and all the struggles you’ll face throughout.
I’ll TLDR a lot of this, and won’t go TOO FAR into details, because some of it gets into some… awful stuff … and I’m not going to put that out there for anyone to suffer through in any detail.
My parents, and families, were both incredibly abusing in very different ways. But it, unfortunately, hit every type of abuse in various shapes and forms and I still have my traumas from all of that.
My parents wanted one kid, got two, and had a very unhealthy relationship leading to my mom up and abandoned us when I was 8 months old, until I was about 4 and she suddenly came back.
The next 7 years were unfathomably violent, and I spent the better moments of it all alone, studying and focusing on school because according to my dad “I Was To Be The Best, No Exceptions.”
At 11, my world shattered and everything I knew fell apart because of the choices my parents and families had made, I lost the only family member who truly cared about me, and I was more alone than ever before. School became my only constant, and though I hated it, it was the only comfort I got.
The next two years I worked harder than ever before, and tested into a program that allowed me to finish my Junior and Senior years of High School in 8 months while also beginning my college education at the same time.
By 14, I was getting my High School diploma, and by 15 I had my college degree. Finally getting them was an entirely hallow experience and pushed me further into realizing that everything I was working for didn’t mean anything.
During that time I was scouted by the FBI, after being referred to them by my college’s Dean of Counselors, who was a previous FBI agent himself. They offered me two years of training, a career, and everything that goes along with a government job.
I said no. I was done with listening to those types of people. From my parents, to my family, to all the authority figures who seemed to have me figured out without ever considering who I was, how I felt, or what I wanted.
I spent my time from then on in a self isolation, never even bothering to talk to anyone, and doing what I could to find purpose in life and just escape.
I moved out on my own at 17, tried opening myself up, only to end up in a situation that so closely mirrored my childhood abuse that by the time I was 22, I just couldn’t deal with it anymore.
…and then, things changed.
Someone who had no reason to care about me, suddenly did, they said the things I needed to hear, pushed me to chase even the faintest idea of a dream, and before I turned 23 I was finally free.
Now that I was in a healthy environment, supported by someone who actually loved me, I still didn’t know what to do with myself.
Years of self discovery, with their support, lead me here.
I learned about myself in ways I never knew.
Now I’m 31, and I’m STILL finding out how to live my best life, be a better person, chase my dreams, and FIGHT.
So yeah, that’s a VERY VERY cut down version of “my life up until now”, and you can easily see that life isn’t so simple, but it’s worth sticking around for, because if my weird ass can do it, YOU absolutely can.
areudirty
germansingergirl
snowghoul
gummygunk
yousharknotpass
