i try not to talk about her anymore because she was responsible for a long and painful period of my life but i sort of. woke up today needing to talk about this outside my small bubble and twitter by design makes it difficult to elaborate, even using a thread. (which, i did discuss this there anyway) its kind of a lot to get off my chest
so apart from the fact that she was 19 going for a freshly 17 yo (being outright sexual and creepy towards me in dms right after we had barely met) things didnt get really bad until late 2016-2017
soph developed patterns where shed just. treat me like shit and bait me into arguments where shed shift blame for Anything towards me, either to feel like she was right or to make me upset. she would ignore me, gaslight me, make my problems about her (i had a severe mental breakdown in 2017 and was hospitalized, where soph would make this situation about Her and her feelings and she ghosted me/treated me like shit after i was released)
soph would repeatedly bait me into fights (especially if i go to confide to her), she made my gender identity (i identified as a trans man at the time) a fetish thru her art and sexual interactions with me. she would make sure i felt as low as humanly possible bc she knew i didnt have the strength to just fucking leave/shed manipulate me into staying (ex: the last major fight before the breakup, one that started because she publicly vagued me for having a hard time trusting her at this point, she cried and said she wouldnt love ever again if we broke up, which made me feel like i Had to stay with her even tho deep down i wanted it to be over already
even the trip to disney was fucking terrible. i feel the need to admit i wasnt doing great either and i acted out during the trip (i was in a lot worse of a place at home/with this person then than i am now) she ditched me at the airport when she said shed pick me, basically abandoning me in a state ive never been to , making me to be the bad guy when i freaked out over the phone. and to add insult to injury, she asked me to buy her More shit during the trip, even tho i arrived there with probably, more than $100 worth of gifts for her i had saved alone. (and even later throwing a tantrum over dms when the rickmobile was in abq and i didnt buy her anythinng)
early this year, we had joined a hamnoir discord. soph suddenly started spending a lot of time in this server (temporarily left because she defended a transphobe in said server, which she manipulated me into being "ok" with) she started to ignore me even More after this point to talk to her future child bride that i didnt yet know about. we broke up, soph put even More of the blame on me, conveying how thrilled she was to be away from me. (friends pointed this bit out, i had to mute her for my own mental health) yet i tried to be friends with her bc i felt i Had to. not even a week later she //tells// me shes dating someone else, because shes that fucking stupid that she thinks someone needs to know ( i finally cut ties at this point, im just so tired of her stupidity/her trying to hurt me) about another week later i found out thru hal she cheated on me with a 17 yr old (shes 23 at this point) she gets #cancelled, leaves a bullshit apology saying shes leaving foroever before coming back to blackmail me with shit thats Common Knowledge (my weed use, past rships, mental health), gets outed again because shes too dumb to conceal her identity and sends a bullshit apology over paypal before ceasing contact.
basically she was an emotionally abusive transphobic pedophile piece of shit and she made my existing ptsd worse. at the same time confiding in friends has taught me that none of what i experienced was ok or acceptable. since this bullshit im like. slowly finding pleasures in things again (especially art!!) im back in college (my state May be introducing free tuition in which case, ill hopefully be taking more classes) things arent perfect but theyre infinitely better than they were when i dated her. i feel like im living for myself and my dreams finally and that im finally closer to where i need to be without her holding me back.