Sluttish American

Bein' slutty, speakin' out against fundamentalism and the patriarchy

[sluttishamerican]

Hey You!  Yeah, YOU!  You Live in America?

If you do . . . VOTE!

VOTE BLUE.

For the first time in my life, I voted straight party -- all blue.  Any vote for a Republican is a vote for Donald Trump and his ego.  And you know what, America?  We deserve better than that.  BLUE WAVE coming through!

I'm in Tennessee so I'm personally hoping to see us flip a Senate seat and also praying - though not as hopeful - that we end up with a Democrat for governor.  Also got my eye on you, Texas, where I lived for college.  BETO!  Flip that seat!

Let's do this, 'Merica!

[sluttishamerican]

Our Lady of Perpetual Eye Liner Hath Posted.

When you have THIRTEEN - did you hear me, I said THIRTEEN - children and neither parent works, you are ALWAYS trying to find things that make you look busy for the LORD.  Here you will find a regurgitation of our Facebook and Instagram POSTS from the past few weeks.  In Christian Love (to everyone except you godless sluts and sodomites), Rodrigues FAMILY of FIFTEEN including THIRTEEN children

Some family from SOMEWHERE visited so we let them stop them stop by for a bit since they also HOMESCHOOL and only wear skirts unlike the GODLESS pants-wearing heathen sluts.  They ALSO brought FOOD so the CHILDREN weren't once AGAIN fighting over that one EXTRA chicken LEG we have now that Timothy is GONE. 

We are SO excited for our daughter Nurie and that other one.  Nurie is ALREADY of marrying age and the other one is almost THERE.  So they have joined a BIBLE program to learn more about God's word snag a preacher.  We are SO excited that they will hopefully BE out of the house soon and we will have LESS mouths to feed.  EVEN more extra chicken LEGS coming soon, KIDS.  UNLESS Mama CAN manage to GET knocked up again!  (HINT, HINT, GOD!)

Did you FORGET that I (Mama, Jill) have a SON all the across the country in Washington STATE?  He is going to BIBLE college there to be a MISSIONARY pilot.  I send him texts telling him I love him DEARLY.  He doesn't RESPOND so I text myself reminding ME that he LOVES me and I am a SUPER hero.  After all, I have THIRTEEN children.  THIRTEEN.

DID I TELL YOU ALL THAT NURIE IS NINETEEN AND STILL SINGLE?  Nurie, our OLDEST and PUREST and MOST WONDERFUL daughter is nineteen.  And she is single. We can't wait UNTIL she's swooped up by some balding 40-YEAR-old preacher but in the meantime we are so blessed that she's decided to stay in our HOME and continue her life of INDENTURED servitude. 

Some CHURCH in Ohio celebrated their 17th anniversary and THE 24 or so old people that ATTEND invited our family to BLESS them with our singing.  I will NOW bless you with ROUGHLY 283094823 pictures of what could be any Baptist CHURCH anywhere in middle AMERICA. 

GOD has blessed me (Jill/ Mama) with NINE beautiful daughters.  NINE!  Here are the three oldest in MATCHING dresses.  One is already NINETEEN and READY to be married.  The OTHER are close.  They ALL know how to pray and do CRAFTY stuff.  Did I MENTION one is marrying AGE? 

I LOVE our CHURCH because they teach my NINE DAUGHTERS to DO girl things like decorate CUPCAKES and make WREATHS and other THINGS that will make them useful as WIVES one day.  P.S. Nurie is 19  XOXO, Jill (Me/ Mama) and the Rodrigues Girls (including Nurie who is 19 and ready TO be married)

Did YOU know I SELL Plexus?  I sell Plexus!  The PINK drink!  BUY from me!  The weight is FALLING off like crazy.  And also I LOVE working out with my GIRLS.  The OLDEST is Nurie and she is 19 and did you hear that she WORKS out and is TRIM? 

Nurie's VERY BEST friend, whom I HAVE never shown a PICTURE of before, is getting MARRIED!  I'm pissed that she BEAT Nurie to the alter but maybe my GIRL will have a chance to snag a GROOMSMAN when she's a bridesmaid at this poorly named chick's WEDDING?!?  Better YET, maybe we can MARRY Nurie off before next JUNE.  She is 19 and PURE and BEAUTIFUL.

HAVE I mentioned my BEAUTIFUL and PURE daughter Nurie yet?  She is 19 and is NOT married.  BUT she BOUGHT her own sewing machine and taught herself how to SEW.  She MADE this dress for her SISTER, one of my NINE daughters.  The dress is kind of dreadful but did YOU hear?  She can SEW!  PLEASE MARRY HER.  THE OTHER KIDS WANT TO FIGHT OVER THAT EXTRA CHICKEN LEG.

Twenty-One years AGO I was a child BRIDE myself and said "I do."  Over those years, WE have had THIRTEEN children.  We have a ministry too. And THIRTEEN children.  NINE of those are daughters, ONE is old enough to be married.  Thirteen children, thirteen children, printing ministry, thirteen children, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SOMEONE PLEASE MARRY NURIE.

Now I will present to you a PARAGRAPH that we'll ALL pretend 19-year-old READY for marriage Nurie wrote:

Blah, blah, heroes.  Blah, blah, true love.  Blah, Blah Mama you're so pretty.  Blah, blah. 

I demanded Big Dave TAKE me on an ANNIVERSARY trip.  We had to DRAG along Hannah but since she's still a BIT too YOUNG to sister-mom the NURSING BABY, I had to bring the other one as well.  We CALLED it her SENIOR trip since she will GRADUATE from homeschool in several months.  Once she GRADUATES she, like her BEAUTIFUL and RADIANT 19-year-old sister Nurie, will be READY to marry.  She wants a FARMER. 

Most KIDS on a SENIOR trip might want to HEAD to the beach and drink and be godless and WEAR pants.  But OUR children are superior, even the other one.  So we JUST took her to Amish country and a DRIVE through Safari.  One NIGHT we even gave her the PLEASURE of babysitting the NURSING BABY so we COULD go see a PLAY.  YOU are such a BLESSING to us, the other one.  HUGS!  Mama and Daddy (Jill and David)

Did you know MY son TIMOTHY is across the country in Washington STATE?  But he's still SERVING Jesus!  Here he is with some of the HIGH QUALITY, BEST QUALITY ever smiley-face TRACTS that his dad printed on the Dot-Matrix in the storage SHED.

Finally, LET me remind you that wearing PANTS makes a woman a SLUT, you should KICK your children OUT of the house if they tell YOU they are gay, and I have a HATEFUL heart but attempt to GLITTER it up with some Jesus sayings and blue eyeliner.  You're probably GOING to Hell but we'll pretend to PRAY for you anyway. 

BLESSINGS,

The Rodrigues Family (Jill/ Mama)

[sluttishamerican]

Bates/ Balka Wedding Write-Up: Free Jinger Style

Ahhhh.  FreeJinger.  That lovely site wherein you log on and see the J-Rod thread is "hot" only to find out it's because there are five pages of people commenting about their bunions or sharing pictures of their cats or telling you how whatever it was that one fundie did?  They did it better.  FJ was my gateway to the existence of fundie snark so while I find it ridiculous, I do still have a soft spot for it.

Until it comes to weddings.  According to FJ, no fundie ever can EVER do a wedding right.  Which brings me to this . . . a write-up of the Bates/Balka Wedding: FJ Style. 

If it's not completely obvious, this is satire.  I thought Josie Bates and Kelton Balka had a lovely wedding despite any and all references to her being his helpmeet.

Josie Bates and Kelton Balka were married Friday, October 5, 2018, at way too hot o'clock in the afternoon.  The ceremony took place at Can You Believe They Made Their Guests Sit in the Direct Sunlight Even Though it was October and No One Thought it Would be That Warm?

The bride is the daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Gil Bates, the Mrs. being an over enthusiastic matchmaker for her daughters and always eager to push a teen girl out of the nest.  The groom is the son of Mr. Balka and the late Mrs. Balka.  The bride is employed at a REAL job while the groom is an entitled little jerk who had actually had the balls to express disappointment several years ago when the his crush ended their friendship.

The bride wore a gown that was equally ugly, hideous, and overpowered her small frame.  She wore a Pinterest-worthy leaf crown in her overly processed blonde hair - that, frankly, should've been in an up do -  that made her look like an extra from the Animal House toga party scene.  The bridesmaid bouquets were small landscaping arrangements while the bride carried an actual jungle. It doesn't matter what the groom wore: no one cares.  The bridesmaids all looked hideous, maybe even as bad as the bride.  Maid-of-honor Alyssa Bates Webster had the audacity to have a small bit of tummy visible only to the prying eye of fundamentalist baby bump watchers, even though Mrs. Webster is just a few months post-partum and has carried three children.  It should also be noted that the bride's sister, Tori Bates Smith, played violin the wedding and wore a dress that accentuated her own baby bump which is totally amoral and immodest.

The wedding was followed by a reception wherein no root beer floats appeared to be served and it seemed as though there was plenty of cake, though the cake probably tasted like sawdust and bad decisions.  Guests were encouraged to do entertaining things such as play volleyball which is awful because, as you know, they're supposed to sit around and discuss the Bible, King James version only please.  No word available on whether a meal was served but these are all backwoods people from Appalachia so we can only surmise that, if there was a meal, it consisted of fried squirrel and non-alcoholic moonshine.

The couple will honeymoon in a destination not paid for by themselves.  They will make their home in the Knoxville area where Mr. Balka will work as a plumber and Mrs. Balka will retire from hair cuttin' in approximately ten months to pop out the first of many babies.

[sluttishamerican]

"God Will Defend You" and Other JRod Drivel

Jill: "Hold your head high, Honorable Kavanaugh! God will defend you. 💙 Your story reminds me of the Old Testament Joseph in the Bible...evil woman/men falsely accusing against a man with integrity to propel their evil agenda. 😫

We are ALL for ladies coming out with sexual accusations - but do it RIGHT away - not 36 years later and right before the BIGGEST, most honorable position of this man's life. Speak out RIGHT away when these things happen - so that your story doesn't smell down right "fishy" almost 40 years later! 🤥

What a SAD day and age we live in! 🤔 We have forgotten one of the Ten Commandments - "Thou Shalt Not Bear False Witness Against Thy Neighbor". You are in our prayers. 💛💛 The Rodrigues Family"

Me:

My initial reaction to Jill's IG post was to tell her to go join Grassley and Lindsey Graham in sucking a dick.  But, nah, I'm (a little) classier than that (sometimes.) So, instead, I wanna pick a part what she said.

God will defend you.

Really?  We're sure about that?  God will defend him because . . . why?  Because YOU THINK it's a false accusation?  Because he's anti-choice?  Because Donald Trump nominated him for the Supreme Court?  God has a lot on his plate.  I'm not sure helping out rich white dude-bros is top on his list.  But, don't worry Jill, Kavanaugh has Lindsey Graham and Ted Cuz defending him anyway.  He'll sit on the Supreme Court.

Falsely accusing against a man with integrity to propel their evil agenda.

First, "falsely accusing against" is redundant and doesn't make much sense.

Now, YOU HAVE NO PROOF HE'S BEEN FALSEY ACCUSED!  None!  But, going beyond that, it sets a very, very dangerous precedent to discount an account of sexual assault.  Please be careful with that.  And evil agenda?  WHAT evil agenda?  I know you're referring to Democrats but last I heard it wasn't Feinstein and company separating families at the border.  I mean . . . if ya wanna talk evil . . .

 Speak out RIGHT away when these things happen - so that your story doesn't smell down right "fishy" almost 40 years later!

HEY ASSHOLE!  Guess when a sexual assault victim gets to tell their story?  On their time and when they are ready.  Allow me to get personal here for a minute:

More than 20 years ago, when I was in high school, some friends and I went to a party.  There was drinking and older boys.  Over the course of the nigh, one of my friends was sexually assaulted by a boy at that party -- he put his fingers inside her body without her consent.  She woke up during the assault and was scared.  The next day, she told me.  I don't know if she told anyone else.  I KNOW she didn't tell her parents.  Why?  Because it wasn't the kind of party she was supposed to be at anyway.  And because she thought she was somehow to blame.  She shouldn't have been drinking or maybe she shouldn't have worn what she was wearing or she shouldn't have fallen asleep.  You know what though?  If that boy who assaulted her was to be nominated for the Supreme Court, oh, I would hope she would have the courage to speak up.  What you don't get, Jill and your ilk, is that Christine Blasey Ford was BRAVE.  15-year-old Christine didn't "speak out RIGHT away" for a litany of reasons.  Maybe she was scared of her parents.  Maybe she thought no one would believe her.  But, when it came to I and she realized that this man was going to be voted into a position of power, she chose to speak up because she felt it was her civic duty!  It has nothing to do with ripping the most "honorable" position from this man's life away from him.  It has everything to do with protecting the integrity of our nation and the Court.

I'm not even going to comment on her last paragraph because it really just made me roll my eyes EVEN FURTHER BACK IN MY HEAD THAN I THOUGHT POSSIBLE.

It makes me sad that Jill, a woman, will discount what another woman says just because she doesn't like the timeline.  Or, perhaps it's more in line with Kavanaugh following her political leanings.  Jill, I do hope you realize that are plenty of conservative judges out there who've kept their noses clean.  It doesn't HAVE to be this guy.  You get that, right?  Do you understand at all why it's important - vital even - to investigate all the allegations being made against him?  This is a life-time appointment.  He'll be on the bench long after Donald Trump is gone and burning in Hell.

Finally, I understand that Jill is a member of a cult and sexual assault is always blamed on the woman.  This makes me so sad.  Jill: you're a woman, odds are you've been sexually harassed at some point in your life.  If a man catcalled you in the streets, it's not because of what you were wearing.  if a man "accidentally" brushed up against you in a way that made you uncomfortable, it wasn't an accident and it had nothing to do with anything you said or did.  Jill, it's never the fault of the victim.  You have girls.  Teach them that.  Teach them better.  Teach them!  And, for the love of God, don't talk about Kavanaugh in the way of you Instagram post around your boys -- talk to your boys about respecting all women.  Talk to your boys about valuing women for more than their boys.  Talk to your boys about "no means no."  TALK TO YOUR GIRLS.  TALK TO YOUR BOYS.  You brought 13 of 'em into this world.  Don't make the rest of us pay for you backward way of thinking.

[sluttishamerican]

T-Rod and College

I'm always a day (or week or month) late and a dollar short so by now everyone knows that Timothy Rodrigues literally went across the country to get away from his crazy mother, dozen siblings, and the stink bus.  I know he's going to a very small Christian college.  I know they're probably seeped in a little bit of crazy over at the school.  I know all of this but, man, I have so much hope for Tim.

I have such a soft spot for the Rod kids (FREE KAYLEE!) and I obviously don't even know them.  But they're so sheltered, so held back, and just . . . I don't know what it is.  Something about them pulls at my heart strings more than a lot of the other fundie kids.

So Timothy is at a small school and he's probably around kids that are at least a little bit like him.  And he's living in his pastor's basement and, well, he's had years of indoctrination.  But you know what else he has?  The first taste of freedom, possibly ever.  He's thousands of miles from his family doing something HE wants to do.  And that really gives me a lot of hope.

I don't want the kid to necessarily turn into a raging liberal atheist (whyyyyy do so many people on FJ seem to think this is the only way a second - or third, in Tim's case - generation fundie kid is breaking away) but I hope he can just do normal kid things.  Go out for pizza with friends, sleep through Sunday morning church because he's tired from working so hard, flirt with a girl he likes, skip his last Friday class to head to the coast with friends for the weekend, listen to music that's not gospel hymns . . . just do NORMAL things.  It doesn't have to be all keg stands and hook-ups.  You can still be conservative and have FUN in college.  And, besides, those years are all about discovering who you are as a person and breaking away from how you were raised (some people in small ways, some in huge ways.)

I truly hope T-Rod has the time of his life in college and I hope he does it on his own terms, not Mama's.  And I hope he can discover a life that's much, much more beyond the way he was raised.

P.S. Jill Rodrigues -- even though I'm glad he's away from you, dropping off your kid fully across the country with only his first school payment, a moth of rent, and a few groceries?  Who DOES that?  I sincerely hope there are grants we know nothing about and this boy's education is being paid for.

[sluttishamerican]

Unpopular Opinion #1: Get Your Filthy Paws Off My Sil- Off My Potato Casserole!

K, for your yunguhn's, the post title goes back to the great musical Grease and the line is ACTUALLY "get your filthy paws off my silky draws!"  But it works for my potato casserole . . . cause, y'all?  LEAVE IT ALONE.

I get it.  Jill Dugs posted about a potato casserole and we're supposed to hate everything Jilly Dilly says and does and *record screech* wait, what?  Oh, hey, here's another unpopular opinion!  It's okay to like something the Duggars/ random fundies like.  Really.  It is.  It's okay.  It's also okay to, you know, share a birthday or anniversary with one of them.  Peeps, there are only 365 days in a year, we gon' have some overlap!  I share a birthday with Ben Seewald and, I can assure, when I wake up on the morning of my birthday I don't think "oh shit, it's that fake rapper's birthday!  MY DAY IS RUINED!"  I just think, you know, that it's my birthday and I'm gonna get my drink on and OHMYGAWD PRINCE HARRY IS GETTING MARRIED TODAY (yeah, okay, so only in 2018 but, whatevs, Har Bear and I are, like, CONNECTED.)

Woah, hey there tangent!  Let me get back to my point.  Potato Casserole!  This was Jilly's recipe and, I gotta tell you, it's not mine but it's also not bad.  I'm going to share my recipe and I just have to tell you . . . 

I know. 

I KNOW.

I get it.  Cream of crap soup!  Sour cream!  But, believe me, this is so good.  It's what we call - to paraphrase my favorite movie ever, Steel Magnolias - good Christian women food.  It's funeral potatoes.  It's Thanksgiving every year EVER.  It's what I requested at my first baby shower because I had such a craving.  It's good stuff.  And it's okay to like potato casserole EVEN IF the Duggars like it.  Really.  I promise.  It's okay.

My "recipe"-that's-not-really-a-recipe-but-more-of-a-method:

1 bag frozen shredded hashbrown (let thaw at room temperature for at least half an hour) 16 oz sour cream 1 can cream of chicken soup 2 cups shredded cheddar cheese

Mix everything together and press into baking dish.  Bake uncovered for 45 minutes at 400 degrees.

In the meantime, crush two sleeves of Ritz crackers.  Mix with 2-3 tbsp. butter.  Pull casserole from oven and spread Ritz topping over the top.  Bake an additional 15 minutes.

THEN COME BACK AND TELL ME YOUR FAMILY DIDN'T LOVE IT!  ;)

Seriously, though, it's crap food.  But it's damn good crap food.

[sluttishamerican]

Let's Discuss What a Horrible Person our "Favorite" Non-Sluttish American Is.

As you probably already know, JillRod went to a funeral in Kentucky over the weekend. 

The funeral was for three children.  JillRod did not know said children.  Apparently, she hadn't met their parents until the funeral service.  Like many of us, she saw their story being shared on Facebook and apparently decided to go to the funeral of their children.  Okay.  Kind of weird on her part but still, I guess, a little understandable.

But then.

Then.

She went to the funeral and FACEBOOK LIVED the service.  Yeah, I don't care that the family was doing as such also,  That was NOT Jill's place.  Not at all.  Damn, what are her lady balls even MADE of? 

She also - apparently (I haven't seen it and don't wanna) - took selfies with the casket in the background.  Y'all.  There are not enough "no's" to even BEGIN TO GO THERE.  AND YES, JILL, I'M USING YOUR CAPS LOCK BECAUSE THAT'S HOW ANGRY YOU MAKE ME.

Look, I have kids.  Losing one of them is the worst thing that could ever happen to me.  The thought of someone doing a "hey, look at me!" based on their loss?  That doesn't even register because people just don't do that! 

One of my biggest issues with "Christians" and social media is using "prayer requests" as a form of gossip.  I mean, let's call it what it is, okay?  I remember when my grandpa was in his last days and a neighbor went to Facebook to ask for prayers for "peace for the family as his end is near."  Maybe she was being nice, who knows, but no one in the family asked her to do such and it just felt - to me - that she was trying to be the first to let people know that my PawPaw's life was almost over.  It was gossip.  And that's so, so, so hurtful to the family.  It was hurtful to my family and my grandpa was in his 80's!  I can only imagine what it felt like for a family mourning their babies. 

Jill is disgusting.  Always has been, always will be.  I sincerely hope this was her low point because I'm not sure how much lower she can go.

[sluttishamerican]

I really, really, like REALLY need to keep up with this more because I have oh-so-many fundie thoughts!  I'm going to save a few for the a series I hope to roll out in the next few days (which, let's be real, given my track record will be more like years) called "unpopular opinions."  I know, I know.  SO creative.  But I do have some unpop opines concerning our favorites of the fundie flavor. 

Anyhow, some current thoughts:

1) Felicity Nicole! I don't love the name Felicity and I'm a fellow member of the Nicole-as-a-middle-name club but, ya know, I was born in 1980.  All that said . . . I don't hate the name for THEIR kid.  Ya know?  I wouldn't have used it but it works for them.  Though, to be honest, after seeing all the suggestions that they would "for sure" name their daughter some super Italian name like Italy Italiana Italia Vuolo, I was almost hoping they would name the poor dear something like Makynna Mayliegh.  But I'm glad they didn't.

2) Josiah and Lauren belongs in an "unpopular opinion" post but I watched the wedding preview (or whatever) and y'all?  I just don't like her.  She seems cold.  And not cold-in-comparison-to-Kendra cold but cold as in ignoring her mom while she was getting ready on her wedding day cold.  Though, you know what?  I just spent a long weekend with my own mom so maybe I need to be a little more understanding.

3) I don't know what to think about John David and Abbie.  They're adorable and, ahhhh, I'm really just hoping they settle into a more moderate lifestyle. 

4) Joe and Kendra!  I see ya over there with your normal name and I'm here for it and I love it.  I worked in education in the early aughts and had several Garretts.  I think it's a timeless name and it's always been one of my personal favorites.  Love it.

5) JillRod.  I can't.  Homegirl/ non-sluttish American managed to grift a car.  And then they go and beg for another car?  Excuse me, a "good deal" on another car.  Y'all.  Y'ALL.  All I can say right now is: Deah God, make Time a bird so he can fly fah fah away from West Virginia.  And take Kayley and Renee with him.

Peace, Love, and Slutty Americans!  xx

Hopefully I'll be back soon-ish!

[sluttishamerican]

Hey, Girl, Hey!

Whew, my busy time of year is over at work and I really want to dive back into this whole fundie tumblr thing.  My girl JillRod has given me too perfect a name not to get my fundie snark on!  Let's hope it's not another nearly three months before I post again after this one!

So, some thoughts on things that have gone on in the fundie-verse since I've been absent.

- My favorite trainwreck, JillRod, had her baby and I do sincerely hope the best for that sweet baby.  Jill's yammering about C-sections got an eye roll from me but she's The JillRod so what do we really expect? (Full disclosure: I've had three sections the last one was planned cause no way in hell was I ONCE AGAIN going to labor for 12 hours only to have major surgery anyway.)

- JillRod's Easter pictures . . . bless the hearts of those poor girls.  I think Nurie Rod is my pet fundie because I feel so damn sorry for that girl.  But, holy shit, at least that child wasn't dressed in a 90's prom monstrosity or an 80's reject bridesmaid dress from the Goodwill for Easter.  Move over, Nurie, the soft spot is about to be shifted to Kaylee and Renee.

- Don't feel one way or another about Jinger Vuolo having a baby girl.  Shrugs.  I'm sure she'll be amongst the more stylish babies in Laredo but I'm really hoping we see more changes as she gets older.  Is ya girl going to play soccer, pastor Jeremy?

- Josiah and Lauren wedding date: the weekend of May 19th.  Fits their timeline, before Kendra and Jinger have their babies, it's the same weekend as the royal wedding, and it's my birthday weekend as well.  I'm not one of those weirdos that freaks out about sharing a date with a Duggar. 

- HOLY huge baby for Joy Forsyth.  I don't feel one way or another about the name Gideon but I do hope by now they've stopped referring to him as "it."

- Erin Paine and Alyssa Webster both had their babies and HOLY SHIT with Alyssa wearing a WHITE DRESS just days after giving birth.  That's more bad ass than Kate Middleton in heels seven hours after popping out a prince.  Go 'head, Alyssa.

That about sums it up!  I recently downgraded my cable and no longer have the Up channel.  I'm seriously considering, though, buying the Tori's wedding episode of Bringing Up Bates.  I loved her dress and I'm sure the weddin' will make for prime snark material!

[sluttishamerican]

Growing Up Fundie Lite

I wanted to write a little bit (or probably, knowing me, a lot a bit!) about what it was like for me growing up in a fundie lite/ conservative Christian household.  I'm now old, have children of my own, and the way I'm raising my kids is a lot different than how my brother and I were raised.

I was a kid in the 80's and a teen in the 90's so some of my experiences were more a "sign of the times" than anything else.  For example, I can remember leafing through my dad's Hell's Bell' book and being terrified of some of the pictures in it . . . of people like Ozzie Osborn and bands like AC/DC.  Satanic panic was huge in the 80's and early 90's and I truly remember being afraid  I would be kidnapped by Satanists so that they could sacrifice me!  What can I say, maybe I had a bit of a vivid imagination . . .

I was allowed to wear pants and shorts but my pants couldn't be too tight and shorts had to be no more than three inches above the knee . . . which meant I did a lot of shopping in the boys' department. 

My brother and I went to public school and we participated in extra-curricular activities. 4H and FFA were actively encouraged by my church but I stuck with writing for the school paper, Drama Club, Art Club, that sort of thing. 

My friendships weren't necessarily heavily policed.  Meaning, my best friends in high school were a Mormon and two girls who didn't attend church unless they went with me . . . however being friends with someone who had a, shall we say sluttish? ;) reputation would've been a no.  My parents loved taking my friends to church with us and this was something highly, highly encouraged

Dating and boyfriends, oooh boy.  I couldn't date at all until I was 16.  When I was 14-ish, I made plan to meet up with a boy during a school basketball game.  My mom found out about it and I was grounded and going to any school sport event without a parent present was off the table or a long time.  Any guy I dated not only had to profess to be a Christian but had to be Baptist.  You know the verse about being unequally yoked?  Yeah, my parents took that to mean something like Baptist and Methodist shouldn't date or marry.  Fun stuff.  As a result, I really didn't date much in high school. 

Higher education was not only encouraged but it was mandatory in the house I grew up in.  My grades in high school had to be stellar so that I could get a scholarship to a good school.  Of course, by "good" school, my parents meant a Baptist college.  Looking back, I realize this - the Baptist school thing - was because in addition to an actual degree, my parents also wanted me to obtain my MRS.  We toured one school that had something like an 8 to 1 male to female ratio and you best believe that school was my parents' favorite!  I ended up at a Baptist school but it was large and, while hardly what anyone would describe as liberal, it was WAY different and much, much less strict than the small Baptist colleges my friends went to -- those differences will probably be my next post!

We were not allowed to listen to any music other than gospel or contemporary Christian.  We had a TV in our house but weren't allowed to watch shows like Friends or The Simpsons.  A lot of PBS and the news.  Weirdly enough, my parents weren't very strict when it came to movies. I remember a church friend being practically scandalized when I told her Forrest Gump was my new favorite movie.  My parents were meh-to-okay with Disney. We didn't drink Pepsi, though, after the Madonna commercials.  My parents were HUGE on boycotting products when they felt their advertising went against our beliefs.

My parents were extremely political, my dad more so than my mom.  They only voted Republican, preferred a candidate who claimed to be a Christian, hated the Clintons, you get the picture.  We were taught abortion was evil, there was never any kind of gray area, and there was never an acceptable reason.  We were taught it was a sin to be gay (I can still remember a revival where the evangelist railed on and on and on about "Sodomites") and also that gay couples shouldn't have the same rights as hetero couples.  "Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve!" Long story short, my parents raised us to believe what every other Conservative Christian is raised to believe. 

This has gotten pretty long so I'll end with this -- my parents believed many of the things fundamentalist believe.  The Bible was the infallible, perfect word of God and should be followed as such.  Salvation by grace, works could not get you to Heaven. Witnessing!  Oh man, missions and "witnessing" were stressed more than anything else.  However, my parents did not believe in squashing our spirit.  We were spanked but not beat.  We were allowed to make choices for ourselves, to form our own opinions.  They shielded us from much of the world but we still got to experience some of it.  This helped a lot in becoming my own person and not merely a puppet of my parents.  It's also one thing that makes me really angry at family's like the Duggars -- I mean, have your gross and archaic beliefs but at least allow your children some agency and some means to become their own person!

[sluttishamerican]

Three Teen Brides!

I know these girls are taught to want nothing more than marriage and motherhood but three teen brides in a row?

I so wish they could date, travel, see the world, experience dorm/ apartment living, figure out how to adult, figure out who they WANT to be ...

[sluttishamerican]

Sluttish American: The Why

Okay, I consider myself a fairly tech savvy person.  However, Tumblr has me feeling like my grandmother on Facebook.  And, God bless her, that lady keeps sharing the "share if you're not ashamed of me!" picture of Obi-Wan Kenobi thinking it's Jesus.

One thing I do know how to do, though, is write.  So that's what I'm going to do -- explain why I decided to start this blog.

It comes down to two people, two incidences: Andy Savage and Jill Rodrigues, and basically just encompasses how the evangelical church victim blames.  It just got to the point that I could no longer not say anything.  I'm probably shouting into the darkness but at least I'm getting it off my chest!

Andy Savage first.  His situation was all over the local news and was picked up by the New York Times and Washington Post but I was honestly surprised it didn't pick up more traction.  Here is the blog post but if you want the shortened version: Twenty years ago, Savage was a youth minister at a church in Houston, Texas.  One night he took a girl from his youth group home.  He drove her to a deserted road, asked her to perform oral sex on him, and groped her breasts.  He begged her not to tell anyone.  The next day, she went to an assistant pastor about what happened and the whole thing was swept under the rug.  Savage was eventually asked to leave but the police were never called, the girl's parents were never told the truth of what happened, and the congregation was led to believe the two had "only kissed."  He went on to work in other churches and, when the story broke, was on staff at a mega-church in Memphis (he has since taken a leave of absence.)

Here's the real kicker to this story: when everything broke, Savage got up before his church to "explain what happened" (all the eye rolls) and ask for their forgiveness.  The church gave him a standing ovation.  Let's overlook for a moment that society has gotten to the point that we applaud men for actually having the balls to say they did something wrong and look at the fact that a church applauded him even though he admitted to a sexual act with someone he had authority over.  They applauded that!  Even worse, the Facebook comments on any news article about the case absolutely blasted the victim.  Everything from "she deserved it" to "she was almost 18" to the old "why is this just now coming out?!?" (Maybe because the church rug-swept it for twenty years?!?)

Then just last week, Jill-Rod rides in with yet another take on modesty and drops the bomb that she seems to think that anyone who wears shorts and tank tops is "sluttish."  I'll ignore the fact that I believe the correct adjective should be slutty (#themoreyouknow) and just zero in on HOW FREAKING JUDGEMENTAL with a side of WHY IS A CHRISTIAN USING SUCH A DEROGATORY TERM?  I don't know if Nurie actually used the word "sluttish" or Jill was projecting but it really doesn't matter: Jill should be ashamed.  If Nurie is going around calling people sluttish (and based on how they're dressed?!!?  Really?) then that falls squarely on Jill's and David's shoulders.  Shame on them.  I'd much rather raise a girl who feels comfortable in shorts and tank tops and doesn't go around shaming other females for what they wear.

Both J-Rod and Savage's church are examples of why evangelicalism is absolutely damaging this country.  THEY are why we have such a womanizing, degrading "shithole" of a president.  They are why so many women keep their #metoo stories to themselves, out of fear of judgement, victim-blaming, or slut-shaming.  It's an absolute tragedy and it's time for more people to stand up.

#silenceisnotspiritual

[sluttishamerican]

Sluttish for Jesus!

Hiiiii! My name is Jill. I'm a mama to 12 - nearly 13! - children, one of whom is the apple of my eye and all of whom are toeing the line on malnourishment. Who cares about getting enough chicken legs, amIright?!? My hobbies include the one true God - myself! - wait, I mean Jesus!, trying to sell you Plexus, attempting to marry off my oldest daughter, and wearing too much 80′s makeup. 

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Kidding! I'm actually a sluttish American though I was MUCH more sluttish (in dress anyway *wink wink nudge nudge*) in my 20′s and before kids. I was raised funded lite but now range between agnostic and meh. I am divorced and currently live - in sin! - with my partner. I have significantly less children than J-Rod ... and I still feel like I have a lot of kids! My career is legal-minded, I live in the southern US, and politically I consider myself a liberal-leaning moderate. My hobbies generally include drinking, sports, taxiing kids to sports, and drinking at kids’ sports (kidding. Maybe.) I've never in my life tried Plexus.