This is a personal blog

A journal

[smallerandsmallersquares]

Here I am again

Who would’ve thought I’ll come back here and write something again. 

I quite missed Tumblr. It’s one-of-a-kind thing. Even Twitter can’t fathom! But it requires heavier data than the rest. 

Anyway, 

I am starting to explore things right now that I never dared before like... dating. Online dating. I never expected this but all guys I chat likes me! You might think they are trying to pick me up but they really do. They really like me. They say I am a wife material, sweet, caring, and even beautiful and smart! I never did something to them. They just say it after threads of conversation. 

But, I don’t end well with them. Let me tell you more...

Acel Feck was the first guy I quite been serious with. He’s a nice 23-year old guy from UK, a Swansea University alumni, worked in a finance department in Mondelez (yes, the mother company of Cadburry). He’s a serious guy with weird humor, like he watches cyanide and happiness every morning to boost his day. He’s a sweet guy with parent issues (ironic since he’s the only child). He came from a well off family and has a mattress business. He’s a cute guy with lisp. I ended our friendship because, honestly, I became jealous. Yes, jealous, since I found out that he’s chatting few girls online. And he even said, “what’s wrong? you are just new” so... you are collecting or some kinda... THAT WAS A BIG OFF and then decide, yeah, I am done. I can’t do this further. Abrupt and mindless as it is. I feel sorry to him actually. 

Second! Eric Robert Thompson. Standing 6′2 with huge cock as he said. This guy is just too good to be true that I even suspect he is a catfish! He’s handsome and he knows it. He’s too self proclaiming and proud (which is an off), he said he’s smart, and whatnots. He is in medical school aiming to become a surgeon one day. He’s a catch except the attributes I mentioned earlier. In a short time I chatted him, he’s good, romantic, and harmless as a butterfly. By this time, I am looking for an online date. He even wanted to see me by August or December so my suspicions are decreasing. He even wanted me to become his wife and have a family with me, so fast right. And he said that less than 24 hours of chatting. Wow. Funny because I ended it by saying that, “I am not your baby”  and he replied “really” cold very cold reply. He got pissed super pissed. Well, I am just being honest, I don’t want to commit to an online romantico. And he seem didn’t liked it. So there it ended. Before I forgot, he has a weird fetish. He like to see his girlfriend having sex with other guy. That makes him aroused. Weird but it’s really happening in the West.

Abe is Eric’s best friend. Eric introduced me to him which I believe is connected to his fetish that I am not ever in his life interested. I like Abe though since he’s a nice talker and a sweet guy. He go to med school same with Eric. Standing 5′11 and has a huge cock (gosh I am not even interested but it’s their pride to say, you know) He was trying to win me though and our last conversation was so good. Even better than Eric’s. And same as I said with Eric, I don’t want a commitment online. All I wanted is a good friendship and we’ll start committed to each other when we actually meet in person. To my disappointment, he is same with Eric but not quite ads hysterical. I am hoping Abe will consider it since I find him nice. 

Just last night! I met Nik from London. He’s 25 years old and has an actual girlfriend. Like what the hell is he doing in an online dating platform. Anyway, he said “to have more friends” yeah, really. Well, he’s a nice conversationalist. Good talker but not someone I could get attracted to. This guy showed me his huge dick! (gosh this is a dick week for me!) I know, from the first time he asked for a video call that’s his motive.He even vc while he’s masturbating! Gosh that guy. I liked it somehow tho. 

Anyway, that’s all so far. And my experience is fun. Really fun like I never seen so many dicks in my entire life! 

[wnq-writers]

#73 But then one day you’ll catch a glimpse of that forgotten person, who’s alluded you for years. And you realize that everything they liked and felt actually did make sense. And then it’ll occur to you that maybe, the world does have a place for you, will embrace you. That your brand of self is worth knowing, existing and experiencing.

Fresh Milk Magazine (via wnq-writers)

[smilezone8-blog]

[smallerandsmallersquares]

Hope to have more of this for the rest of the year

[smallerandsmallersquares]

Wonder of you

I always wonder if you are telling the truth. Like, in your every tweet showing self-deteriotation, do you always mean it? Because everytime I see it, I start to worry. Ever since you’ve been a whacko, a funny guy, who could’ve thought that your inquiries on your appearance are true? You were asking us, we don’t tell the truth. You were a whacko, so we are to you. So am I. I had a lot of reservations, sky... I cannot easily invest a care specifically when I see it as just a joke. But I do always appreciate you ever since (even had a crush on you, right?). If ever you’ll ask me seriously, you’ll know. I won’t be hesitant to tell you that you are the most pleasing person I see everyday, that I also love to see everyday, that  I am glad I could be with you almost all of my days. 

But i guess, these will become one of the few things to be left unsaid. I thought you are a deep person, sky. Why you become so shallow? Or maybe you really are. But even so, my admiration(and secret love)  to you will stay perpetual. 

[filmgifs]

You mustn’t give your heart to a wild thing. The more you do, the stronger they get, until they’re strong enough to run into the woods or fly into a tree. And then to a higher tree and then to the sky. Audrey Hepburn as Holly Golightly in Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961) dir. Blake Edwards

[smallerandsmallersquares]

Breakfast at Tiffany’s will always have a spot in my heart. It made me laugh and cry and wiser. It is such a clever masterpiece that a movie lover could not miss! I hope I’m gonna watch it again with my love beside me.

[smallerandsmallersquares]

I was absent yesterday because I was crying the night before it

I was crying. A lot. 

Don’t worry, that is just normal to me. When I feel like I am surrounded by the gray atmosphere I really want to cry and cry and cry. The reasons behind it are my anxiety, insecurities, age-old weaknesses, and et cetera. 

That would be the worst night but I feel whole after it. 

If saiyans have magic beans then I have crying beans! This is my solitary way of healing myself. 

I have to apologize too because I can’t tell you everything I cried about that night. I wish I could too. 

[smallerandsmallersquares]

It started with a joke

But no literally.

Our fate was metaphorically a joke when we crossed our paths as a shifter from the same course. Though he is a level higher to me, I recognized him at first sight. Who would forget someone who had an intuition with then? 

But he never knew. 

We became classmates and friends. We became close to each other. We exchange jokes, sarcasm, and views. I never thought of it. Those were my happiest days. He helped me relieve my frustration, I hope I did also to him.

That intuition, which I thought was forgotten, grew. I admit I became afraid, I became afraid to fall. I keep myself low-key as much as I could. Sometimes I’d think I am a fool. Foolish sophomore. 

We are steady, I am trying to live and savour what has been accustomed. I am contented and I am cool with it. 

Until such time, I feel a spark of jealousy when he’ll be linked to other girls. I knew it was just a joke but why this feeling of jealousy exist? Then there it began. Maybe I am already into him. 

I remain silent. Hampered by boulders of insecurities. I am ugly, I do not have any uniqueness in me. I don’t deserve him. I carry that feeling until we become seniors. 

And there it happened. I think he’s about to court our co-officer in our organization. I never become quite jealous as this since 4th-year high school. Every time I saw their tweets, every time I saw them together, I shrink to the dipshit of jealousy and insecurity. 

He gave her a gift for her birthday. I never knew what to react. I fake every facial expression I could make that day. It was one of the worst days. 

My feelings for him will die soon. Maybe I’d be happy because he found someone to be his inspiration. I know him. He has challenges too. And I would love to hear from him that he got better with it. I would love to see him happy genuinely.

 May he never forget our friendship.

xoxo

[shortvideosandstuff]

[screw-you-i-am-cat]

cats literally give no fucks

[ohmae]

[shortvideosandstuff]

[screw-you-i-am-cat]

cats literally give no fucks

[smallerandsmallersquares]

The daily affairs while I am doing my internship. I never thought I’m gonna miss it atleast for awhile. 

[wnq-writers]

And it’s stupid and I am stupid and I am here, keeping a wound open by waiting for an apology from someone who doesn’t regret hurting me.

amindmadeofwordsandsilence  (via wordsnquotes)

[psych-facts]

And those who were seen dancing were thought insane by those who couldn’t hear the song

Friedrich Nietzsche (via h0lding-onto-stars )

[smallerandsmallersquares]

Got myself some new kicks! Superga Athlethic 'Cot Stud' shoes. I haven't moved on yet to its dirt design! Hahaha it was made really on purpose, cool.

[thelovejournals]

If nothing saves us from death, at least love should save us from life.

Javier Velaza (via psych-facts)

[drunp-archive-deactivated201711]

[thestirge]

So I heard this story second-hand, many years ago, but the gist was that a friend of a friend lived in what was generally considered a bad neighborhood, because he was a super poor college student and it was what he could afford. He didn’t have any furniture, he just slept on a blanket on the floor and had a milk crate for a chair and like an old wire spool as a table. No TV, nothing in the fridge, no microwave, basically just bare walls and a roof to keep the weather off. So one day he comes home, and there’s a man in his apartment, just standing there, with this look of utter amazement and horror on his face, and he turns to the guy who’s just entered and says, “This your place? ‘cause I broke in to rob you, but shit, man, you ain’t got nothin’. Wait here, I’m’a be right back.” And the burglar left, leaving a puzzled college student alone in his empty apartment. But sure enough, the burglar came back a while later, and brought some friends, and they delivered a table, a couple of chairs, and a small TV. “I think I got you a bed, too, but that might take a couple days.”

So, the poor college student made some friends. And he didn’t ask where they got the stuff.

[benjaminbadpennywho]

Broglar.

[rocket-thee-stallion]

@mylifeisamusicalreference

[smallerandsmallersquares]

'Broglar'