How to Make the Most from World Travelling, Learning Languages, Making Small Talk and Making New Friends
As the world becomes more globalised, so do we. Being in a new environment provides us with endless opportunities and forces us to engage with different parts of our minds. When we take part in world travel, we try different things, learn languages and, of course, meet lots of people! Understanding how to engage others in conversation is a skill on its own, but doing this in an unfamiliar place or in a foreign language is an even bigger skill. Knowing how to make small talk abroad can help when it comes to making new friends, finding a job, or simply adapting to a new way of life.
“I don’t know anyone, where do I start?”
When otherwise will you have such an open-ended opportunity to meet people and learning languages than when you are travelling the world? Naturally, everyone you meet will be a stranger at first, so the task at hand seems daunting. We have to start somewhere, and if you see all of your conversations as practice, you won’t regret seizing the opportunities when they arise.
There will likely be lots of people in the same boat as you. If you’re nervous about striking up conversations because you’re learning how to speak English or another language, chances are there are others feeling the exact same way. Travellers have many common goals: making new friends, finding a job, seeing the interesting things a city has to offer; you can connect over this! Try to be yourself and use your strengths. It can even help to share your small talk experiences with other travellers.
You can strike up a conversation about anything another person can relate to: general observation of the weather, the place you are in, your feelings or impressions of something that is not too personal. In the following dialogue two strangers, Tom and Sam, start a light small talk conversation that grows into a useful source of information.
Tom: “I’ve been walking all day.” {Offering information}
Sam: “Me too. I’ve been applying for jobs all over the city.” {Replying + offering information}
Tom: “Same goes for me!” {Offering information}
Sam: “Oh yeah? Any specific type?” {Showing interest with a question}
Tom: “I studied tourism, so something in that area.” {Replying + offering information}
Sam: “Interesting! One of the tourism offices I walked by had a “help wanted” sign.” {Showing interest + offering information}
Tom: “That’s great! Do you remember which street?” {Replying enthusiastically + asking a question}
Sam: “Not exactly, but it’s right beside the swimming pool downtown.”
{Replying + offering information}
Tom: “I’ll check it out first thing tomorrow.” {Confirming}
Sam: “Glad I could help.” {Confirming}
Tom: “I’m Tom by the way.” {Introducing}
Sam: “Nice to meet you, I’m Sam.” {Replying + introducing}
You might be surprised at how many people are in a similar situation as you, once you start reaching out and making small talk!
Being helpful in a new country
How can you help others if you’re not 100% confident in your surroundings? Helping can be as easy as offering directions or asking someone if they’re alright. This can be a good way to start a conversation and make new friends.
In the next dialogue Maria helps Sarah find what she was looking for and at the same time makes small talk with unstressful language practice.
Here is an example of what a conversation might look like:
Maria: “You look lost, can I help?” {Making an observation + offering assistance}
Sarah: “I am a little actually. Would you know where the parliament building is?” {Confirming + asking a question}
Maria: “More or less. Can I show you on your map?” {Confirming + asking a question}
Sarah: “Sure. Thanks a lot.” {Answering + showing appreciation}
Maria: “No problem. Here it is. Are you going for one of the tours?” {Replying + showing interest}
Sarah: “Yes, have you done it?” {Confirming + showing interest}
Maria: “I sure have, when I first arrived. It’s very interesting!”
{Confirming + giving information with enthusiasm}
Sarah: “Great, well I better get going or I’ll miss it!”
{Replying enthusiastically + giving a reason to exit the conversation}
Maria: “Enjoy!” {Replying positively}
We all need to help each other out from time to time, and try to be receptive to well-meaning strangers. If you’re hoping to get English speaking practice or practice speaking another language, offering assistance can be a great way to use your skills!
Active listening
Active listening is an important aspect of learning how to make small talk; people feel valued when they are listened to and are more likely to continue a conversation with you. Active listening is especially beneficial when you’re in a new country, as you can learn more about where you are! Show that you are paying close attention by asking follow-up questions or nodding during a conversation.
Thinking about what to say next during a conversation can be nerve-racking in your native language, and more so if you are learning how to speak English, or are using any tongue that is not familiar. You might find yourself continuously translating sentences in your head to be ready when the other person finishes. This is natural, but often leads to a disconnect in the conversation, it may also offend the other person if they get the impression you’re not listening. With small talk there usually isn’t much time to stop and reflect, as the turn-taking is so rapid. If you’re finding a conversation difficult, don’t be afraid to tell the other person to slow down, or to repeat something. This can even be a way to show you care and are intent on understanding what they have to say.
Here is a sample of good active listening and turn-taking in a new language:
In the following dialogue, Mike engages Carol in small talk and is eager to share his experience (going to a parade). While Carol knows nothing of the parade, she expresses active interest by taking turns in speaking and is not in the least embarrassed when she doesn't understand Mike clearly - she just politely clarifies the information.
Mike: “Hi, how are you?” {Greeting + asking a question}
Carol: “Fine, thanks. How are you?” {Responding + asking a question in return}
Mike: “Good. Do you mind if I sit down?” {Responding + asking permission politely}
Carol: “No, not at all. Please.” {Responding + giving light encouragement}
Mike: “I’m just sitting down for a while before going to the parade.” {Offering additional information}
Carol: “Oh? There’s a parade today?” {Showing interest + asking for information}
Mike: “Yep! You didn’t know? It happens every year on this day.” {Confirming + offering information}
Carol: “Oh, that must be why the park is so quiet.” {Making an observation}
Mike: “You got it, everyone is at the parade. It’s for our nation’s birthday.”
{Confirming observation + offering information}
Carol: “Sorry, did you say it’s your birthday?” {Asking a clarifying question}
Mike: “Haha, no, I said it’s our country’s birthday.” {Correcting + offering information again}
Carol: “My mistake! Sorry, I’m not from here.” {Apologising + offering information}
Mike: “No problem. Well, now you know something else about your new home!” {Responding in a caring way}
Carol: “Yes! Thanks for telling me. I’m glad I know!” {Confirming + showing appreciation}
Situations such as this can provide valuable English listening practice or practice in whichever language you are learning. Active listening can help with comprehension, and will ensure more successful future conversations.
Extraversion and fluency
Fluency changes when we learn languages, and this may affect how we interact with others. You may be extraverted in your own language but unable to express yourself as clearly in another. This can be frustrating, as it might feel like people aren’t getting to know “the real you”. Of course, to become fluent, you need to practice regularly; if you are learning English, you need to get regular English speaking practice and English listening practice, the same goes for any language. But you can also learn about some of the common small talk topics specific to the country you are travelling in. For example, do people love soccer? If you visit a country in South America, soccer will likely be a very popular conversation topic. It’s something that can be debated passionately, but also serves lighter purposes. Perhaps there’s a popular television show produced in the country? Or a special type of food? The list could go on!
Getting to know some of the local vocabulary, main ideas, or “lingo” associated to these topics can help immensely when you’re at the next social gathering and of course, to make new friends. Take an active interest in the culture, this will not only help you become more fluent and varied in your conversations, but will let others know you care about what they’re proud of.
Working in a new country
If you need to find a job in a new country, it’s important to know how people address one another. The levels of formalities used in a work environment can vary between countries; these intricacies are part of what makes world travel so interesting. In the United States for example, it is more or less acceptable to use first names with people regardless of age or authority, but may be completely unacceptable somewhere else. There may even be specific words for expressing politeness, for example, using “usted” instead of “tu” in Spanish for the word “you”. Learning how to make small talk can help when it comes to practicing formalities in a new country; it will give you an idea if you are using the correct expressions and addressing people properly. Watch for social cues when making small talk, and if it feels comfortable, ask someone for tips or suggestions.
When you go in for a job interview, you want to project a credible and competent image of yourself. The best way to look credible is to prepare beforehand, and practice your new language as much as you can. Striking up conversations with people can help you be more successful when it comes time to speak in an interview. Chatting to strangers in a new country might even lead to job opportunities. Networking is important everywhere, and especially so if you find yourself with a small or non-existent contact base.
Body language can be helpful and confusing!
When we decide to engage in conversations, it’s usually because we more or less trust the other person and believe they have a certain degree of credibility. It can be much harder to assess someone’s credibility and make a judgement if you can’t understand exactly what they’re saying. A person’s body language might even contradict what you think they mean, or perhaps the body language used in that country is slightly different from what you’re used to. Perspective-taking will help you think about someone’s motives for having a conversation, and can be an interesting and revealing exercise. It should, however, only be used to a certain extent; as we can’t rely on it to tell us everything about a person.
You will likely need to rely more on your own body language when experiencing world travel in order to be fully understood. If you’re learning how to speak English or another language, body language can help immensely. Much of what others interpret about us comes down to how we project ourselves physically, and more so when there is a language or cultural barrier. If you’re looking to make new friends, want to practice your new language, or need help, try to use open body-language: smiling, eye-contact, uncrossing your arms and so on.
Inclusive topics and turn-taking
The Oxford dictionary defines small talk as “Polite conversation about unimportant or uncontroversial matters.” For the sake of small talk, it is better to stay on topics that everyone can relate to and talk about with little effort. Of course, it’s impossible to know how every person you talk to will react, perhaps especially when you’re in a new country with different expectations, but paying close attention to visual cues can help.
This is another reason turn-taking is essential when making small talk - it allows both people to direct the conversation. If you feel like the conversation is becoming one-sided or the other person is not comfortable with the topic, take a moment to refresh. Turn-taking can also help you learn new languages more efficiently. For example, if you are visiting an English-speaking country and practicing turn-taking, you will get an equal amount of English listening practice and English speaking practice; both are very important for becoming fluent in a new language.
Travelling is an opportune time to practice new skills and keep old skills sharp. Getting out of your comfort zone can be, well, uncomfortable, but it can be highly rewarding at the same time. Make the most of your travels by reaching out to people and learning about new cultures. Get listening and speaking practice by seizing small talk opportunities when they arise. Whether you’re learning how to speak English, practicing another language, or travelling to a country that speaks your native language, small talk can be the bridge between you can the rest of the world!
“Travel does what good novelists also do to the life of everyday, placing it like a picture in a frame or a gem in its setting, so that the intrinsic qualities are made more clear. Travel does this with the very stuff that everyday life is made of, giving to it the sharp contour and meaning of art.” – Freya Stark
This was originally posted in Small Talk Skills. Learn more there or get the book by clicking here.
Photo Credit: Manhhai on Flickr, Life Magazine