The History of Small Talk
If considering small talk of little or no value, people might miss on opportunities that only small talk can give. Even pre-historic people did small talk! You can see it for yourself in the history of small talk video below.
http://bit.ly/armmillshow
This humorous sketch may simplify things a little, but only to emphasise the advantages small talk offers:
relaxing effect. It’s essential in new or unknown situations. Small talk easies the stress and raises self-confidence because we speak of things everybody is well aware of. At the beginning cavemen feel awkward but the more turns they take to speak the more confident they tend to be.
source of new information. While we can just address and ask directly we not always know what to ask specifically. Starting a small talk you widen the range of potential information you may obtain. Cavemen find out that both of them are hunters, waiting on the mammoth and one of them actually learns that “mammoth come at dark”. Pretty useful, taking the circumstances.
signal of cooperative behaviour. This is how people actually appeal to others, displaying their sincere friendliness and care for other people. And this sign welcomes cooperation from others. Cavemen happen to love one and the same thing – mammoth – and a friendly small talk shared is a potential collaboration.
It works to an amazingly similar effect in present times! Take a look at this video.
http://bit.ly/smtlk-restaurant
This is a change of setting, now it’s restaurant and the people talk about an e-reader. But the message is still the same. Eating in hostile silence can spoil anyones appetite, so the man and the woman share a light conversation which turns to be very informative for the man, while the woman is happy to share her
What do I personally gain from small talk?
First of all, small talk fuels our positive emotional experience. Nowadays, we just tend to send our thoughts in the way of statuses, posts, comments out in the open space, not really sure about whether anybody is listening. We grow distanced. In small talk, we know we’re being listened to and that makes us feel valued.
Then, by starting, or taking up small talk, we’re paving the way for future cooperation with the person we are talking with. We might be talking of naturally interesting things, as if we as if we are claiming: “I’m a nice person to deal with”.
Finally, we never know what kind of useful information we might get from small talking with just a random person. The potential and enriching capacities of small talk are immeasurable.
In the following short video an man is visiting his old friend. You can sense the common traits of care, appreciation and excitement to see each other after a longtime.
http://bit.ly/smtlk-meeting-again
If they didn’t engage in small talk about common and usual things they wouldn’t feel so much at ease in each other’s company. This helps for future positive contact between them.
What do others gain from the small talk?
The other person experiences just the same three advantages as you do: relaxing, being cooperative and obtaining new information. But there is more. How familiar is, for instance, the next situation for you?
http://bit.ly/smtlk-flights
We can clearly see the woman’s nervousness in the video. Small talk helps her not only to be more relaxed, but significantly reduces level of stress she was experiencing, which could have ruined her journey. People we happen to be around on the bus, in the office or at a party may be experiencing difficulties or troubles of which we might be unaware, and our sharing small talk with them can greatly help in coping with the problem, or at least lift their spirits up. We are born social beings and being actively social is what makes us happy in the end.
If you are looking for more on how to improve your credibility during a conversation have a look at Small Talk: How to Connect Effortlessly or the recently released audiobook on Audible.
