so like, i rambled on and on about this in the tags of this post but it was not enoughâ iâve been dragged deep into the steven/ryan rarepair hell, and i just canât take it anymore.
so, here, have some headcanons.
now, before you call for my head, hear me outâ
i donât ship them strictly romantically?
like you know when you have two people and they have this chemistry and they act this certain way around each other and you KNOW they had something in the past????
so like you ship them not as end game but strictly as exes or ex-almosts or whatever you just want them to have history????
so like⌠steven is a pansexual hot mess
no seriously, even zach agrees
it doesnât matter that he looks at steven as this lost puppy he just wants to coddle because heâs excited, shy, sunshine all the timeâ when zach says steven lim is an even bigger, gay hot mess than his goddamn chaotic neutral boyfriend, damnit he means it.
steven has so MANY crushes
like one every other week
he just really likes beautiful peopleâ and literally everyone at buzzfeed is beautiful.
and itâs like??????? there was one time he was hopelessly enamored by safiya and another time he had a HUGE thing for all four of the try guys (aside: he definitely started the âcalling ned fulmer dad/daddy every time you compliment himâ trend, you can fite me on this) and another time he had a crush on tyler, safiyaâs boyfriend, and another time he just really loved looking at evan, and another time he was waxing poetic about both kelseys, and another time he just really, really liked both ben and his girl friend.
listen. steven is a mess. he is a mess surrounded by gorgeous people. someone save him.
anyway. so he had a crush on ryan.
and literally all you have to do is watch his goddamn live streams on facebook to come to this conclusion
steven limâs actual reaction to ryan bergara shedding his shirt: HAVE YOU SEEN ANYTHING MORE GORGEOUS THAN THAT?????
goddamnit, steven, calm the fuck down you are on cAMERA
anyway, steven, when heâs comfortable enough around his crush, is super vocal about it. and he flirts. badly.
the entire office is stuck between perpetual second hand embarrassment and just absolute endearment
itâs like watching their little brother ask out his crush to prom
itâs⌠itâs a mess. steven is a mess.
but the thing is, ryan kinda liked the flirting.
he really liked the flirting.
so after the sneaker episode of worth it, he took steven out on a date.
they went out for a total of four months.
and in those four months, exactly four things happened:Â
1) everyone avoided Shane, because jealous Shane is fucking terrifying,Â
2) everyone avoided Andrew, because the oh my god youâre jealous teasing always led to the inevitable iâve been pining after steven for fucking years so yes, iâm fucking jealousâ iâm so jealous i canât see straight hissing and itâs awkward for everyone involved,
3) everyone avoided Adam, because the man is just so stressed because his best friend is so stressed but Steven is also his best friend (he wonât admit it out loud) and Steven is kinda happy so heâs stuck in this push and pull between these two energies and it is exhausting,
and 4) steven and ryan fell in love and out of it really quickly
like, srsly, they got whiplash with how fast they went through the phases
at some point they were really into it, with ryan holding stevenâs hand and steven getting flustered and ryan kinda grinning and standing on his tip toes to kiss his red face
and there were moments of really heated 1-on-1 basketball matchesâ but letâs not get into that.
and, yeah, being around each other felt super nice and getting to wake up to each other on some days was super nice too
but like⌠their interests never did meld together much
soon, they started wanting to hang out more with other people than each other
and steven lost interest super fast because god ryan is such a fucking dork
by the time they reached the three month mark, they kinda felt like they were performing.
just⌠the giddy rush of feelings were no longer there. being together felt like an actual chore instead of a privilege. so. yeah.
lucky for them it kinda happened at the same time? and it happened in such a way that they recognized it in each otherâ so by the fourth month mark they looked at each other and came to the conclusion that they were just better off as friends.
and it was super lowkey. no fighting. no tears. maybe like one last make out session, but like, after that? nothing. no drama.
it was so quiet the people at the office thought they were still together.
and⌠well. they were kinda salty at each other for a month or so? like they didnât really ignore each other or vague about each other or rant about the other.
they recognized that it was a mistake and embraced it as an experience.
but⌠you know. they did miss each other and what they had.
they got over it though. steven sent ryan a meme (some really obscure one that, honestly, he doesnât even remember anymore) after about a month of their break up
and ryan started this super weird chat about the progression of memes from rage comics to the weird gen z humor that them millennial canât understand. they had this whole back and forth until 3 am.
and with that they were ok
they fucked with people a lot tho
like the amount of times they referred to each other as âmy exâ gave both shane and andrew a heart attack
âhi, iâm steven lim and this is my exââ
âhi, iâm ryan bergara, did you want to see my ex?â
âoh yeah, iâm just waiting for my ex to get here.â
they sometimes slip and still kiss each other on the cheek a lot just to fuck with kelsey d. and ned, because honestly those two were the most scandalized at the notion that you can still be good friends with your ex
(ryan made sure to kick steven out of his netflix account thoughâ literally the first thing ryan did the second they were done with each other)
the first time someone referred to them as boyfriends after the break up was at an office party and they casually, simultaneously replied:Â âoh we broke up a month agoâ
and, swear to god, andrew spit out his drink
shane left for a moment to get another drinkâ his poor heart just couldnât take anymore of it
a good thing about this little piece of history: they like to drag each other about it a lot.
âi hate you.âÂ
âYEAH BUT YOU DATED ME, SOââÂ
âshut up ryan!â
âhey, have you finished those numbers yet?âÂ
âyeah. literally an hour ago.âÂ
âwow, that was fast.âÂ
âlike you in bed?âÂ
âoh for theâ FUCK YOU, STEVEN.âÂ
âyou already did.â
âguess who i am: oohhh, iâm going to hog the bathroom for an entire hour just so that my hair is perfect oh look at me and my silvery locks, oooohhh!âÂ
âguess who I am: oooohhh, look at me, i like to be shirtless almost all the time, and i have all these gym selfies i never post because i like looking at myself too muchâ watch me flex in front of the mirror every morning!â
another good thing: steven was the one who let shane know that ryan was versa af.
that was an interesting drunk, 3 am conversation. a week later ryan and shane finally got together.
steven and shane high-fived. ryan was visibly distraught.
another another good thing: when steven finally got his head outta his ass and realized that andrew is a pretty great guyâ but was too afraid to go for it because, hey, remember how that turned out (also he was kinda freaked because his crushes usually only last for about three weeks or so but with andrew it fucking persisted and itâs⌠it might be the real deal and he doesnât know how to handle it)???
anyway, ryan was the one who gave him the goddamnit steven, go for it! pep-talk.
it took a bit longer with andrew and steven because andrew has been crushing for so long and heâs seen steven sorta fall and then lose interest so many timesâ he doesnât want them to be anything like that.
but steven does prove to him little by little that he wants this so much more than the others and they do get together eventually.
steven and ryan stop kissing each other on the cheek thenâ but they do still refer to each other as exes.
theyâre labelled as âmy exâ on each otherâs phones.
tbh, theyâre beating a dead horse by this point.
but, whatever. they like to laugh about it.
(shout out to @honeybeurreblanc and another friend of mine (who i think doesnât want to be tagged but is an absolute angel nevertheless) for screaming about this the both of you are the best.)
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