Hello and Welcome

mental health/self care advice blog!

[smiles-advice]

Hello and Welcome 🫶

💛My name is Meg! I am 24 years old, and I use she/her pronouns!

💛Please don't private message me! Keep to just using the ask box, anonymous is always an option! Thanks!

💛I am not a mental health professional, nor am I a professional in anything. I just have a lot of various mental health issues/disorders. My advice is all personal and relatively objective.

💛Whilst I try and keep this a safe space for everyone, and so don't discuss politics, I'd like to make some things clear:

I am anti-trump, anti-reform/restore, pro-BLM, pro-choice, a feminist, and transphobia/racism/homophobia/xenophobia will not be tolerated here!

🌼🏵🌼🏵🌼🏵🌼🏵🌼🏵🌼🏵🌼

I've sort of been really bad at posting on here, and that's due to my declining mental health. but I am actively trying to be better this year, and that includes posting more on this page.

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[smiles-advice]

if I’m the reason people feel upset, why do I feel bad?

that's empathy, or guilt. which is a natural human response. you know you've caused some upset, and it's weighing on you.

Apologies can go very far, so try saying sorry if possible. Even if they don't accept your apology, you can start forgiving yourself, which may make things easier on your conscience.

[smiles-advice]

hello! I’m a minor who lives in a hoarder household and very little control over my life. But I also have very bad ocd. Do you have any tips on how to keep my area clean? thank you so much, I feel so embaressed for asking

hiya lovely,

firstly, no need to feel embarrassed! my grandad was a hoarder, though not an extreme one, I have OCD, so I understand!

just prioritise your room. your area. start with the basics, like clearing a path from your bed to your door, to your window, etc. If contamination is an issue, or germs, I'd definitely recommend buying gloves or antibacterial hand gel. use a damp cloth to get rid of dust, tidy your belongings away. you can buy plastic boxes in most any general store for super cheap. they don't have to be great quality, they're just to organise your things a bit.

I don't know if this is the kind of thing you're looking for, I can be more specific if you'd like 💗

[smiles-advice]

I just need to know if its worth it

I think as long as there are stars and sunsets and sunrises and thunderstorms and cats purring and dogs with wagging tails and laughter and music, then it's always worth it.

there is always something good. something in life that makes it worth living. and if you can't find it, you just need to look harder. look somewhere new.

genuinely, I urge you to seek help if you're feeling hopeless. please contact a professional or tell a guardian/parent/trusted friend.

🫶

[smiles-advice]

Hey, my boyfriend is a necrophile and I find that kind of uncomfortable personally (mostly cuz he keeps talking about f****** my corpse and stuff) and now he feels bad about it. Talking about how he thinks that I'm going to like stop loving him or something cuz of me not being into it And I'm trying to make him feel better while also illustrating that I'm not trying to like shame him or anything. And honestly this is probably closer to a vent cuz I don't think there's any real easy fix for this But

Uh advice?

hiya,

okay. I'd like to stress again that I'm not a professional, so despite my best efforts at staying impartial here, I do have to say that this is uncomfortable territory.

personally, I would break up with him. if it were my boyfriend, this would be a hard boundary for me. I think you should really stress how uncomfortable this is for you, set some clear boundaries about what is and isn't appropriate to say, and go from there. hopefully he respects that, and stops talking about *being intimate with your corpse*. if not, I really would end things.

maybe suggest he gets therapy? sees a psychiatrist? this isn't normal or healthy and he should seek help.

I'm sorry if this isn't helpful, best of luck, stay safe lovely 💗

(I've put a mature content label on this ask, just in case)

[smiles-advice]

Hey, I know that what I'm about to talk about is heavy, so you're more than allowed to not respond, do not worry, but I really need a hand out here. So I suspect I might have npd or a superiority complex, and whenever I have nothing and no one to boost my ego and my self-worth for especially long periods of time, I end up hurting those around me sometimes deeply just so that I can feel better about myself. I've been dealing with this vicious cycle for around 4ish years now and I really don't know what to do about it, I know that I'm a bad person and I want to change for the better, but I really can't manage to, all I end up doing is pretending that I don't have the need to feel the best out of everyone else and just hold myself back from insulting other people, judging them and making fun of them to feel superior, because in reality I just feel like I'm worthless and inferior to everyone else, so by bringing others down I bring myself up and it makes me feel better. I've realised my wrongdoings for about a year and a half or so, and I've ended up hurting my best friends just to feel like I'm worth something. I know that I should seek therapy, but I'm in no position to be able to do that, I really need some advice, because I really want to stop hurting my friends and the people who care about me. By the way, it's completely fine if you don't want to answer, I'll understand. Hope you have a good day!

hiya lovely,

so I'll admit I'm not too educated on this topic, so I did some research! as always, I'm not a professional so take what I say with a grain of salt, use what helps.

Obviously, getting actual help is the best option, but you said you can't. that's fine and valid and you can still treat your symptoms yourself.

I think recognising the problem, anf acknowledging that it's a personal fault, is a great first step! you're already recognising that you need help!

what i could find online recommended a few things! affirmations could help, such as reminding yourself that flaws are allowed, perfection is idealistic, you're allowed to fail at something, not everyone will live up to your high standards, things like that. another recommendation was to join a class where you are a beginner, surrounded by people who might be better than you, to sort of confront your complex head on, because you won't be the best.

I really do suggest seeking therapy. if it's a money issue, then look into what free resources are available. talk to your GP if possible.

don't be afraid to confide in a trusted/loved one! a good support system never hurts!

I'm sorry if this is all useless, feel free to let me know if this sucked and I'll do some more research! 🫶

[smiles-advice]

hiii so I'm the one that sent in the ask about liking a friend and not knowing if I should do something about it and I just wanted to thank you for the advice and give you a little update because turns out she was actually into me too and we're going out to see a movie next week and i think I'm gonna ask her to be my girlfriend which is all very exciting

so yeah I just wanted to thank you so much for the advice, i honestly wouldn't have had the courage to confess if it wasn't for you 🫶🫶

hiya!!

omg that's brilliant!! I'm so pleased for you!! and thank you sm for the update, I love hearing positive news! I hope things keep going well for you 🫶

[smiles-advice]

I've been sent an ask, it's quite long and potentially triggering, so I'm going to answer it here, like this! if you read this, you'll know who you are, I just don't feel completely comfortable posting the ask itself, sorry!

I think going to the police is a good idea, or even just someone with authority over you/your 'friend'. you mentioned exams and your age, so I'm assuming you're still in school/college, and maybe your 'friend' is too, so go to the principal/whatever you call the head teacher.

I'm also purposefully using '' to talk about this person, because I don't think it's healthy for you to stay friends with them. they seem to need help, in several ways, and I don't think it's in your best interest to maintain this friendship.

talk to someone you can trust. a parent, a teacher, an adult in your life that is safe to talk to. and definitely cut this 'friend' off. whatever happens isn't your fault.

also, you mentioned failing your exams because of this situation. genuinely, explain things to your teacher and ask to resit if it's bothering you.

look after yourself, lovely, I'm sending you all my love and best wishes.

[smiles-advice]

i feel really silly even asking this but I genuinely just don't know where else to go

I'm a teenaged girl, and I like people of all genders. technically I guess I'm bisexual but I don't like the idea of putting a label on my sexuality. but anyway, I've liked girls before but it was always something fleeting and it was almost always a straight girl, and I've only ever dated guys.

recently I got a lot closer with this friend of mine, we share a lot of the same interests and hobbies and I can honestly just talk to her about anything. i started liking her a little and then she told me she liked girls too and since then it's just been a downward tailspin. i like her so much but the friendship means so much to me and I can't risk losing it, especially because her and her friend group is a safe place for me to go when I'm feeling isolated from or overstimulated by my normal friends in my class.

to make matters worse I'm fairly certain she isn't interested in dating at all, especially not another girl since her last wlw experience left her incredibly scarred. like literally we were sharing relationship trauma and the quintessential silly teenage heartbreak stories the other night and she joked that we should just run away and becomes nuns together. I'm not just in the friendzone I'm literally in the nunzone and I'm honestly just laughing at myself at this point because if I don't I will probably cry

anyway I'm sorry for rambling but I don't know what to do and I could really use some advice

hiya,

honestly, I think a lot of teens who question their sexuality often end up crushing on their friends. it's probably a product of feeling comfortable around them and safe to be yourself.

if you don't want to risk the friendship, I wouldn't say anything. you're young, so it is possible this is just a crush, and it might pass. however, I'm a firm believer of the whole YOLO principle. maybe bringing it up might lead to something really good. it couldn't hurt to just talk about what you're feeling with her. if she's your friend, and there's no reciprocal feelings, then things should stay the same.

honestly, I don't know what to tell you. personally, I'm not a risk taker, so I'd stay quiet and keep the friendship. but I do want to believe in 'nothing ventured, nothing gained'.

sorry this is so unhelpful, lots of love and best of luck 🫶

[smiles-advice]

your value is not based on your productivity

[smiles-advice]

✨️ Some Little Self Care Tips ✨️

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💛 Exercise! literally anything at all. go for a run, walk up+down the stairs, do some yoga, dance. just do something that gets you moving and your blood pumping.

💛 Freshen up! have a shower/bath. use your favourite smelling products, light some candles, relax in some warm water. just take your time with it.

💛 Get dressed! even if you have nothing to do today, and you're not going anywhere, don't stay in your pyjamas. get dressed up, even, if you wanna feel good.

💛 Unplug! take an hour away from any screens. no tv, no phone, no laptop, etc. take a technology break.

💛 Get some fresh air! take a walk, sit in your garden, you don't even have to go outside if you can't, just open a window and sit by it. breathe and relax for a moment.

[smiles-advice]

Hi, I’m sorry I don’t really have anyone else to ask for advice. A couple days ago my girlfriend asked for a one week break because she wasn’t sure if she still loves me and stuff but I thought that if she had to debate it she didn’t so I broke up with her. We’re long distance so it’s really hard knowing someone I knew so well is now a stranger 2600 miles away. I keep having dreams about us working it out and getting back together but maybe I’m just crazy? While we were together she didn’t always treat me right, she was inattentive and stuff but we’re young and stupid. I love her so much and I don’t think I could ever stop, should I text her and if so what should I say, or do you have any advice on how to move on?

hiya,

if she's occupying your thoughts so much, texting her for closure or to end things in a better way can't hurt. I think, as a general rule, exes are exes for a reason. obviously there are some exceptions, but if you broke up, I would never really recommend going back to them.

I also think long distance relationships are super hard for most people. especially if its only an online relationship. I don't know if you've ever met, but if you haven't, I think it's probably foe the best that this relationship is over. dating someone online isn't impossible but it isn't easy, nor is it the best way to maintain a healthy relationship.

and you said you're both young, I don't know how young, but I'll assume in your teens? in which case, this is not the end of the world. I promise you will have other relationships, better relationships, healthier relationships.

personally, I'd see this as just a learning experience. a fond memory to look back on. but I wouldn't take it further.

hope this helps!

((this is all just my personal opinion, the advice is not coming from a professional, so take it or leave it. I've had a few rude asks recently so I just wanted to get this disclaimer out there!))

[smiles-advice]

I need some advice.

I had a heated argument with my brother recently. He gets very angry and preaches about how games shouldn't be political, and he's been openly anti LGBTQ, saying they shouldn't be represented in games because it's not "real life." This is all because of the controversies surrounding Assassin's Creed Shadows.

And when I pointed out that it's stereotypical, for example, when games always portray Black people as gang members, etc., he dismissed it, and said the n word. I was very upset and told him not to say that word anymore. But then he asked why I was getting offended. I told him that it has a very oppressive history and is very offensive to Black people. Fyi, I am not Black. I am South Asian. He said he's not hurting anyone by saying it, or to his friends. And like there was this one football match where the match was stopped because someone called a black player monjey. My brother started going off on how the black player called the other player's mother names and stuff then why didn't they stopped the match? And I was like... he missed the entire point! I didn’t even have the energy to explain why!!! He's also been quite misogynistic, even if he doesn't know what that means. He also said that "being woke" is not good and that I have gone too soft.

By "soft," you mean me and millions of others not putting up with how society has always been berserk and its bullshit?!!!

Genuinely, why do we have to live in a world like this? I know he is definitely secretly watching those red pill reels on instagram. I genuinely can't bear to be with someone like him anymore, even if he's my brother. I'm so so upset.

hiya,

okay, I so get it. I'm in a similar position with my younger brother and my dad.

genuinely, without sounding defeatist, sometimes it isn't worth the energy. now, if your brother is at an impressionable age (under 18), I'd try educating him, or getting your parents to do it. but if not, he's probably already made his mind up. and honestly, if it's affecting you this much, it isn't worth the fight.

your wellbeing, mental and emotional, should come first. and it isn't your job to teach an adult how to be a decent person.

if 'giving up' makes you feel bad, or like you're not doing enough, then I'd recommend donating to a charity or signing a petition for a good cause.

I'm so sorry, honestly, I know how disheartening it can be to have your own family act so stupid. it isn't your fault, it isn't a reflection of you, and you are not responsible for changing their minds.

lots of love ❤️

[smiles-advice]

hello,

i know this is probably nothing compared to everything else you get here, but i dont really know who to talk to.

im currently blocked by one of my (ex) mutuals. they softblocked me and i dont know why. i tried sending in an ask to ask why but they didnt answer and just hardblocked me. i dont know what i did wrong. i didnt mean to do anything wrong or make them upset. we're still mutuals on their old account that they no longer use but i dont think i should try going there since they clearly dont want to talk to me. but i also just want to know what i did wrong. what do i do?

hiya,

I don't think there's anything you can do. as harsh as it sounds, they don't have to give you a reason. people can just, out of the blue, make a decision, and it sucks, but that's just how it is. as much as you may want, and perhaps even deserve, answers, I doubt you'll get them. if they've blocked you, attempting to use a different account or going to one of their different accounts isn't going to make them unblock you.

genuinely, if you can't think of anything you've actually done wrong, then just try and come to peace with it. it's a them issue, not a you issue, and that's all you can really do.

I'm really sorry, lots of love ❤️

[smiles-advice]

Hi! I hope this is appropriate to ask. Feel free to ignore if it isn't. Thank you for taking the time to read :)

I am a university student who's been struggling with undiagnosed AuDHD and possible BPD and OCD. Right now, I'm retaking a course, and it's a lifeline for me. I have to pass, or else I will not be able to graduate, and my three years of work will go down the drain. I'm studying abroad, so the pressure is high on me. My parents are aware that I am neurodivergent, etc. but they always deflect whenever I persist with them. As such, I literally can't study properly or even study at all. I also have tons of issues where I am staying right now. I am also not working as a part time student because of my social anxiety. I used to have a friend, but she ditched me, so I'm quite lost too...

Do you have any advice?

hiya!

totally appropriate, and i will try my best!

studying tips first! as someone who is also neurodivergent, I was always super on top of my homework/revision because it was all planned out carefully.

so! try to break it up into short bursts. do fifteen minutes of studying, then take a five minute break, and go back to it. noise cancelling headphones might also help if distraction is an issue. you could also try using actual books and a pen and paper, because personally I find it too tempting to just go on my phone instead of working. try to have everything you'll need close by and set up before you start your work. so water, pens, paper, etc, all laid out on your workspace. stops you having to get up at all.

I don't know how to help with accommodations. if you're in a dorm, maybe switching might be an option? if you're renting a place, then I suppose you can talk to your landlord about your issues? sorry that that isn't wildly helpful.

social anxiety is something I have too, and I'm not actually very good at handling it. the only thing you can really do is actively try to talk to people. avoiding it only makes it worse in the long run. you're going to be uncomfortable and nauseas and exhausted, but interacting with people/going outside/being sociable gets easier every time you do it.

consistency is key with pretty much everything.

good luck! hope some of this helps!

lots of love ❤️

[smiles-advice]

hi, i need advice:)

my bf makes money online by looking up porn and sending it to people, sexting, impersonating a girl, whatever gets cashapps sent. it’s technically “work” but it doesn’t feel like normal work to me. it feels sexual. it feels intimate. it feels like something that should be private in a relationship. like these people are seeing a version of him that is supposed to be just for me.

i try to be okay with it at first because it is our only income. i tell myself it’s not personal, it’s just money. but the longer it goes on the more it eats at me. every time he’s “working” i imagine what his photo gallery looks like, instead of cute soft photos of me sleeping its a girls with her phone between her thighs.

idk if i’m jealous or if my boundaries just aren’t compatible with this situation. i love him that’s what makes it worse. because i don’t want to leave. but i also don’t want to feel like this forever. i genuinely don’t know what the right move is anymore

hiya,

okay, so personally, without sounding like I'm shaming sex work, this does feel a bit weird. it's feels both like a scam/fraud and too intimate for a person in a relationship.

you really should talk to him. explain how uncomfortable it makes you. maybe the both of you (I obviously don't know your circumstances) need to go job hunting together, so he doesn't feel like it's an attack.

and it's perfectly valid for you to feel the way you feel. I know I'd feel a bit uneasy if it were my partner, so I get it. besides it being dodgy work, it doesn't seem very fair on you.

lots of love ❤️

[smiles-advice]

I love my boyfriend but I feel like such a burden. We’ve been together almost 2 years (will be 2 years in 2 days) and my mental health has never been good, but it’s just been tanking even further recently. My meds aren’t working, I have to wait months for any kind of therapy, and I just want to die. I don’t know what to do. I know you’re not a crisis line and can’t fix the situation, I just don’t know what to do. I’ve not been okay for as long as I can remember and it just feels like I don’t have any options anymore, I’ve tried everything.

hiya love,

like you said, I'm not a crisis line, I'm not a professional, so take what I say with a pinch of salt.

first of all, utilise any support you do have. you have a boyfriend, so talk to him, be open and honest about how you feel. he's there to support you and listen and help if he can. if you have any family, talk to them too, confide in people if you can.

I know better than most how hard it is to find professional help. therapy isn't cheap, and the free stuff is impossible to receive. talk to your gp, if you can, and I'd suggest looking up online help. I don't think BetterHelp is reliable, though I'm not certain, but I know there are forums and groups online available.

and you have crisis lines, so utilise them. they are there to listen if you're in a crisis, which it sounds like you are, so call.

please don't give up hope, don't give up trying. I'd be sad if you were gone, and I'm a stranger, so I know you'd have so many people who'd miss you. you deserve a chance at living, at being happy, so don't rob yourself of that.

lots of love ❤️