a really long, but categorized, ask meme
ACTIONS - ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING
*Accidentally spills [[SPECIFY HERE]] on you*
*Slaps you*
*Kisses you on the lips*
*Bites your lip*
*Rubs your shoulders*
*Dumps ice water over your head*
*Winks at you*
*Flips hair at you*
*Throws a ball of paper towards you*
*Hands you a note, inside it says [[SPECIFY HERE]]*
*Slams the door shut behind you*
*Storms out of the room*
*Wraps my arms around you from behind*
*Kisses your neck*
*Nibbles on your earlobe*
*Tucks a strand of hair behind your ear*
*Strokes your hair*
*Caresses your cheek*
*Holds you in my arms*
QUOTES - PICK UP LINES EDITION
âYouâre cute and Iâm horny. You thinking what Iâm thinking?â
âI see you like cardio⌠wanna go back to my place and do it together?â
âIâm sorry, but I just received a call for you. From heaven? I think theyâre missing an angel.â
âHold my hand? Iâm afraid Iâm getting lost in your eyes.â
âIs that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.â
âAre you a pokemon? Because Iâd like to peek-at-chu.â
âIf I had a dollar for every beautiful girl/guy I saw tonight, Iâd have one dollar. Because the only beautiful girl/guy in here is you.â
âMaybe I could show you my [[SPECIFY ITEM]] collection. Itâs back at my house, so weâd have to go there butâŚâ
*Spills a drink on your shirt* âIâm so sorry! But if itâs any reassurance, I think that top would look better on my bedroom floor anyways.â
QUOTES - STRANGERS EDITION
âIâm sorry, have we met before?â
âI donât know you, but thanks.â
âYouâre a very nice guy/girl, you know that?â
âWe only just met⌠but Iâd really like to see you again.â
âDo you think you could move your ass out of my friendâs seat?â
âItâs none of your business. We just met.â
âHey Iâm [[NAME HERE]] and my crazy ex-girlfriend/boyfriend is here and I was wondering if youâd pretend to date me so I can get them off my back?â
âIâm so sorry about that! Let me buy you a new sandwich.â
âOh shit. I didnât mean to trip you I swear, Iâm sorry.â
QUOTES - WORKPLACE EDITION
âDid you get that email I sent you last night?â
âNo, Iâm serious. She/he brought a flask to work.â
âI overheard the boss and I think youâre about to be put up for a promotion!â
âI know what youâve got in that top drawer.â
âI canât believe youâre drunk at work.â
âYou know, most people watch porn at home.â
âYour Netflix binge is using up all the broadband.â
âStop torrenting, asshole! I have a report to send off to Japan in an hour and I canât even open Gmail!â
âIf you spent half as much time on doing your job as you do on World on Warcraft, maybe youâd have a chance at a promotion too.â
âYouâve been working here for 6 years and you donât know where the break room is?â
QUOTES - SCHOOL EDITION
âDidnât you hear? [[NAME HERE]] and [[NAME HERE]] hooked up last night!â
âWe lost the playoffs.â
âThe girls team beat the boys!â
âI heard he/she got called into the principalâs office.â
âApparently the swim team had an orgy after hours.â
âI heard they were fucking in the bathroom.â
âShe/heâs been paying people to do their homework!â
âShe/he fell running in the hallway and knocked out a few teeth.â
âI canât believe weâre graduating this year.â
âBeing a freshman sucks.â
âI slept with a sophomore last weekend.â
âShe/he told me they were a junior!â
âWhy are those freshmen staring at you?â
âIs there a reason everyone suddenly knows your name overnight?â
âHow come everyone suddenly knows who I am?â
âDid you tell them about my [[INSERT SECRET HERE]]?!â
âI canât believe you hooked up with my boyfriend/girlfriend.â
âI definitely failed that test.â
âI got an A on my essay!â
QUOTES - SASS EDITION
âWow, thereâs a stick wedged so far up your ass I donât think I can even pull it out.â
âIâm sorry, but my number of fucks to give has officially reached a negative number.â
âUranus called and said Iâm huge and in the way.â
"Iâm searching⌠searching⌠oh. Well would you look at that. I couldnât find any fucks to give.â
âWhatâs the difference between a dolphin and you? Dolphins have brains.â
âJust because thatâs mistletoe hanging above us doesnât mean Iâm going to kiss you.â
âTake a picture, itâll last longer.â
âAt this point you might as well ask for my autograph.â
QUOTES - ARGUMENTS/ROWS/QUARRELS EDITION
âYou know Iâm right! Iâm always right!â
"Shut up. Just shut up!â
âI donât need to listen to this.â
âYouâre lying.â
âI canât believe youâd say that. Even in an argument, that was low of you.â
âI canât look at you.â
âDonât fucking touch me.â
âIf you say one more word, I swearâŚâ
âPipe down, youâre making a scene.â
âWhatâs wrong with you?â
âNow I know why people think youâre neurotic.â
âYou must be crazy.â
âIâm not backing down.â
"You canât hide the truth forever, you know.â
âWhatâs your issue?â
"You make me so angry.â
"This has nothing to do with you.â
QUOTES - LOVERS EDITION
"And⌠and I love you! Itâs what Iâve been trying to tell you all along.â
âI donât know how to say it. But you know what Iâm trying to say, right?â
âIâve never been good at this. I donât do relationships. But I⌠I want to try with you.â
"Youâre the one that I want.â
âI donât care. I donât give a shit, donât you get it? I donât give a flying fuck unless it has to do with you. I love you.â
"Please donât say that. You know youâre the only one for me. Fuck everyone else.â
âI canât stop thinking about you. Every minute of every day. I could be standing in the shower or cooking breakfast, but youâre still the only thought on my mind.â
âI want to wake up next to you, everyday for the rest of my life.â
âIâve always been afraid of commitment, okay? Thatâs why I sleep around.â
"Iâve never wanted to give love a try until now.â
âPlease, donât leave me.â
âI need you more than you will ever know.â
âI love you more than I could ever express in words.â
QUOTES - DRUNK AND KNOCKING AT YOUR DOOR EDITION
*Starts singing [[SPECIFY SONG NAME]] outside your door/window*
âI didnât fuck him/her, I swear!â
âI brought vodka and ice cream.â
âYou left your anal beads at my house. Wait⌠no, theyâre just normal mardi gras beads.â
âI canât believe you went without me!â
âI love you, I love you so much and you just donât see it. What am I supposed to do?â
âI know youâre sad and upset. Let me be your distraction! I want to be your distraction!â
âI canât find my apartment and I couldnât stop thinking about you.â
âLet me in! I think Iâm gonna throw up.â
TEXTS - DRUNK EDITION
[TEXT] You dumped me for HIM/HER?
[TEXT] I canât stop listening to our song.
[TEXT] My pillow still smells like you.
[TEXT] You left your cologne when you moved out. I used it up.
[TEXT] Do you even love me?
[TEXT] What happened to us?
[TEXT] I just want to eat bacon and see you naked. And then eat bacon off of you naked.
[TEXT] IM26C4U.
[TEXT] You never gave a shit about me.
[TEXT] I couldnât care less.
[TEXT] Now you know how it feels.
[TEXT] I still love you.
[TEXT] I canât stop thinking about all the times you told me you loved me⌠and wondering if they were lies.
TEXTS - EMERGENCY EDITION
[TEXT] I fell down the stairs and⌠well, Iâm in the ER.
[TEXT] ______ got injured during their game and Iâm waiting with them at the hospital but I canât do this alone.
[TEXT] Did you know your mother/father is at the hospital right now??
[TEXT] I was cleaning out the garage and Iâm stuck under some boxes!! Please help before the spiders get me.
[TEXT] I donât know what happened I was just cooking and then all of a sudden the pasta was on fire!
















