is it a dream @smoking-miirrors - Tumblr Blog

been seeing that kiss meme going around and thought I'd join in in honor of it being only a week out from new my hero content !!!

last night, i made some very bad choices. very very bad. my throat is fucked for the time being, i’m hungover, and why the hell did i smoke a cigarette?

i’m so over her

smoking-miirrors

it doesn’t affect her. that was our song and she’s still listening to it as if it doesn’t just make her own heart wretch in her chest with every time she listens to it. i hate her. i fucking hate her

smoking-miirrors

okay slightly embarrassed to come back on here to report that it still shows that i listen to that song.

i don’t.

it feels as if my heart it being squeezed to dust every time i hear the intro to that song

or at the very least it makes me so very uncomfortable

maybe i don’t hate her but i shouldn’t be holding on hope that she’ll try to reach out, she won’t. the ball is/was fully on her side and i waited long enough for nothing. i can’t keep holding on to ghosts. to whispers. to empty promises. to smoke and mirrors.

but i loved her. gods i loved her so much.

#ghost girl #the angel on my lips #angels who are almost human

it doesn’t affect her. that was our song and she’s still listening to it as if it doesn’t just make her own heart wretch in her chest with every time she listens to it. i hate her. i fucking hate her

#angels who are almost human #the angel on my lips #ghost girl

i just want bruises in my hips. i want to be bent over a counter and just have the table leave indents and later bruises. or i just want someone to bite me. i just want to be marked up

*THIS POST IS ABOUT LESBIAN SEX*

#wlw yearning #lesbian

so i’ve been listening to The Giver by Chappel Roan a lot lately.

and that’s not a problem. it’s a good song.

it’s a country song by an artist that calls herself the midwest princess. it’s a country song made by and for the lesbians

and when little me was in high school, this song would have scared the shit out of me

i was terrified of the word “lesbian” it felt dirty, like a slur

the utterance of country music would have me sneering

the idea of adult me screaming this song at the top of my lungs would have had me running deeper into the closet

anyway, thanks to the pretty blonde with braces who whispered “this means nothing” and then proceeded to give me the softest, sweetest kiss i’ve ever experienced, i still think about that sometimes

#baby gay #lesbian #chappel roan #the giver #sapphic #wlw post

i want love.

of course i want love.

of course i want to share a beating heart.

but ive turned into her.

or better yet, ive come back to myself.

the walls are raised,

the cynicism is looming,

the bitterness is leaking into every word,

and even though i never told her

i always knew,

im nothing without her.

#angels who are almost human #the angel on my lips #not a guardian angel #ghost girl

how can i read full on smut with a blank face but the second there’s even just a little fluff, i literally cannot control my face

nothing makes me sound like a deflating balloon, except for fan fiction.

my time at beauty school was a fucking trip! i just kinda wanna list out the weirdest shit that i remember

the time my classmates invited me out only to do hardcore drugs. it was awkward, i did not partake

the time my classmate asked me to hold her keys, only to do hardcore drugs off of it

the time my classmate took over a first date

the time where the word dutch oven was misunderstood (the story is short and embarrassing)

two classmates were hooking up in the back of a van before class, one was engaged

engaged classmate then tried to hookup with most girls in school

there was a time when a professional told us that this career was not sustainable and you’ll end up with a broken body and a substance abuse problem

#my time in beauty school

the workplace banter at my place of employment tends to be a little sexually, yet innocently charged. as the only woman, and lesbian, of the group, the guys don’t direct their advances towards me, they only direct them towards each other. i tend to act as more of an instigator/mentor

for one reason or another, there has always been this punishment/discipline paddle that pops up from time to time. the other day, not only was it found but the conversation definitely had us pulling it out and showing it around

the guys started playing at spanking each other with it. they were doing it wrong, and i let them know. they asked how to do it correctly, i just shrugged and told them i was the one that it was used on

#lore drop